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It’s that time — the annual Christmas episode! What began as a one-time thing is now in its ninth year! So what do we have this time? How ’bout these three stories: “Bigfoot’s Here!” – A surprise involving a Bigfoot costume does not go as planned! “Above and Below” – Three survivors of a nuclear war—a billionaire in his bunker, the head of his security detail, and a technical writer who was hiking in the mountains when the missiles came down—navigate their way through a very different world. “Gifts Through Time” – A woman finds three items in an antique shop and does everything she can to find out the stories behind them. * * * Before getting to the stories, I want to call attention to the two additional narrators who helped with this episode. Cynthia Griffith is no stranger to Not About Lumberjacks. Next to me, no other person has read more of my work for the show. While she’s pulled back from all social media, you can learn more about her on the Not About Lumberjacks Talent page. * * * AJ Fidalgo is normally a cast member in audiodramas — Madison On the Air, No Return, The Silt Voices, and Nine to Midnight to name a handful — but he proves he has narrating skills as well! He brings the second story, “Above and Below,” to life. You can learn more about AJ at his website, ajfidalgo.com. If you’re in need of an audio drama cast member or someone to narrate a story for you, I can say with confidence that he’s great to work with! * * * And now, the usual content advisory… Spread throughout the three stories making up this year’s Christmas episode are gun violence, minor gore, passing mention of implied suicidal ideation, conventional and nuclear wars, deaths, a vehicle accident (including the sounds…in case you’re listening to this while driving), and—of course—swearing! No matter what you celebrate this season (or not), I wish you and yours all the best as we face down the end of another year. * * * Credits: Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – All music licensed through Epidemic Sound. Story: Christopher Gronlund. Narration: Christopher Gronlund, AJ Fidalgo, and Cynthia Griffith (she’s smart, and echews the world of social media). Episode Transcript >>

Nine years ago, I released the first November anniversary “lumberjack” story. Titled “The Art of the Lumberjack,” I described it like this: When Erik Nilsson has a minor heart attack and is told to take some forced time off of work to recuperate, he finally reads a book left to him by his father much earlier in life. What he finds hidden among the pages changes him forever… Nine years later, we catch up with Erik and his father in a sequel to that story. Content Advisory: “The Art of the End” deals with the death of a parent, an argument with an estranged parent, and…that’s really about it. Oh, there is one bit of swearing. * * * Credits: Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Christopher Gronlund and an additional traditional track, licensed through Epidemic Sound. Story: Christopher Gronlund. Episode Transcript >>

The evening of August 8, I received a call from the police in the town where my mom lived that she was dead. FOOM! Just like that… Obviously, that has had an effect on story scheduling. This short update is about what to expect the rest of the calendar year…(Quick version: I’m skipping one scheduled story.)

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, “Instead of Dreaming,” I talk about the real-life influences on the story, memories, healing, and how soothing the night can be. As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest episode, so you might want to listen to that first. Transcript >> (Coming Soon) * * * Things mentioned in this episode: Ben Tanzer’s After Hours: Scorsese, Grief and the Grammar of Cinema. Ben Tanzer’s website. Ben Tanzer’s This Podcast Will Change Your Life. Wikipedia entry for Martin Scorsese’s After Hours. The Chicago beef stand I mention is Susie’s, at 4126 West Montrose Avenue. I believe it’s now a taco stand called Taco Pros Cocina. Photos of the tunnel mentioned in this episode: The entrance. My friend Lee and I were the first in. (My nickname is, and still is, Ogre.) Later, we shared our secret with a couple other friends. The “TR” stands for Tunnel Rats. I looked into the tunnel. Man, we were dumb! I was so happy to see everything still there. So many time, memories shift over the years. I think I know who “Rob” is in the first image. No idea which Jason it was…or if it was even one of my friends. I thought I was so damned funny writing STOP VANDALISM!!! in and act of…vandalism.

A high school English teacher comes to conclusions about life after recovering from a hit-and-run accident. Content Advisory: “Enemy Wanted” deals with difficulty sleeping, a blurred sense of reality, crime, cartoonish violence, illness, a death, and wishing for an early end to life. That makes it sound dismal, but I assure you…it’s a blast of a story. Also, it’s one with no swearing. Still, were it a movie, it would be rated PG (or maybe PG-13 for mature themes), so be aware. Also, because there are scenes with action, be prepared for the occasional surprising loud sound. * * * Credits: Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Jospeh Beg, licensed through Epidemic Sound. Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund. Episode Transcript >>

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, “Enemy Wanted,” I talk about the first writing I was ever paid to do, collaboration, and how I’m lucky to have support from creative friends I’ve known for decades. As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest episode, so you might want to listen to that first. Transcript >>

Ferdinand Pérez gets more than he bargained for when he answers a flyer ad taped to a telephone pole looking for an enemy. Content Advisory: “Enemy Wanted” deals with difficulty sleeping, a blurred sense of reality, crime, cartoonish violence, illness, a death, and wishing for an early end to life. That makes it sound dismal, but I assure you…it’s a blast of a story. Also, it’s one with no swearing. Still, were it a movie, it would be rated PG (or maybe PG-13 for mature themes), so be aware. Also, because there are scenes with action, be prepared for the occasional surprising loud sound. * * * Before we get to the story, I want to talk about the music in this one. Clarke Jaxton Motorbike makes electronic music and writes badass stories on his YouTube channel. (You should go listen and read some…most are only a couple minutes long.) We started chatting after I replied to some of his work. One day, he contacted me — saying he would love to do the score for a Not About Lumberjacks story. Originally, we thought his music would be perfect for “A Very Strange Day (On Our Neighboring Red Planet),” from this year’s Christmas episode, but Mr. Motorbike was in the middle of scoring a feature film. So, instead, he gets the first Not About Lumberjacks story of the new calendar year! * * * Oh! One more quick thing: there’s mention of a soup review podcast in this story. Paul Csomo’s The Soup Review Podcast is a real thing, and you should check it out! Onward! * * * Credits: Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Clarke Jaxton Motorbike. Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund. Episode Transcript >>

Four years ago, I did a Q&A for the Behind the Cut episode for “Geocached.” No idea why I’ve not done another, but with this being the long time between episodes (after back-to-back stories last November and December), it seemed like a good time to do another. I asked members of the Not About Lumberjacks Patreon for questions — as well as some questions from social media. These were the results: Are there any limitations that frustrate you about stories you would like to tell? Whether it’s your technical skills or the medium itself (obviously it’s audio, so you can’t use visual effects etc that sort of thing where you find yourself thinking “if only I could ___, I would be able to tell this story the way I want to”). Are there styles or types of stories you wish you were able to write? At what point did you realize you had found your voice/style, and how much of it stays solidly “you” as you go from serious to goofy stories. What’s the longest you sat on a story for Not About Lumberjacks? Any stories you refuse to abandon because there’s got to be some kind of conclusion to it somewhere, and the plot is too cool to walk away? Might be a bit personal, but is Not About Lumberjacks breaking even? Losing money, Because I never did a podcast, I don’t know the finances of having one. Did you know Dave Pettitt before reaching out to him about narrating? Did he know (or know of) you and Not About Lumberjacks? What is the favorite thing you’ve written that is the least liked by other people and why do you think that disconnect happened? Which story surprised you the most that became a fan favorite – why do you think it was so popular with your listeners? Between seminars, writing courses, writing groups, etc., what do you think has helped you improve the most as a writer? How do ideas for stories come to you? Do you randomly say something like, “I want to write about this kind of guy who lives in this kind of setting and has this unusual thing about him,” and then fill in? Or does some small thought catch you and you turn it into a story? Or what other ways? Links to people and things mentioned in the Q&A: Dave Pettitt William J. Meyer Rick Coste Clarke Jaxton Motorbike The Sula Society The Not About Lumberjacks Patreon

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks collection of stories, “Christmas Miscellany 8,” I talk about writing coincidences that make it seem like writers copy from other writers or current events… As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest episode, so you might want to listen to that first. Transcript >>

Ho Ho Ho! It’s that time once again…time for the annual Not About Lumberjacks Christmas episode. If you’re new, here, eight years ago I gathered up all my shorter short stories (like stocking stuffers) and released them for the holidays. Since then, the effort has grown, but no matter how random the tales are, the last one is always a Christmas story of some sort. This year’s stories: “Crispas Echo” – We travel back to 1985 for a tale of summer school friendship and…Taco Bell! “A Very Strange Day (On Our Neighboring Red Planet)” – The first human mission to Mars runs into a very surprising discovery… “Dick is Dead” – Two accountants end up unlucky and are forced to attend the funeral of a weird coworker on behalf of their department. “Christmas Spirits” – Three famous Christmas ghosts have had enough, and set a pharmaceutical CEO straight. Disclaimer About “Christmas Spirits”: This story was written well before this week’s murder of UnitedHealthcare’s CEO. I am in no way capitalizing on timely news. Unfortunately, when one writes enough, they are bound to run into releasing a story that carries more weight because of a real-life event. (Example: When Stranger Things released an episode showing murdered children the week of [yet another] U.S. school shooting and began with a disclaimer.) Spoiler Alert: The CEO in this story lives. But…the last story of this year’s Christmas episode is bound to still evoke emotions in some, so I wanted to mention all this up front. And now, the usual content advisory… Content Advisory: Spread throughout the four stories making up this year’s Christmas episode are teen drug use, violence (humorous in places, but a couple rough moments in “Christmas Spirits”), teasing, a funeral, corporate greed, and–of course–swearing! No matter what you celebrate this season (or not), I wish you and yours all the best as we face down the end of another year. * * * Credits: Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Various, all licensed through Epidemic Sound. Stories and Narration: Christopher Gronlund. Episode Transcript >> (Coming Soon)

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, “The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart,” I talk about my love of tall tales and…dislike about asking for things… As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest story, so you might want to listen to that first. Transcript >>

Join Mighty Missy Stewart and her badger buddy, Tamarack, as they come of age in a time of expanding frontiers and rugged lumberjacks! Content Advisory: Were “The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart” a movie, it would be rated PG. There’s some good-natured teasing and a non-descriptive death. What might put it into the PG realm instead of General Audiences is the mention of some woodland monsters. But this one’s a really light-hearted and fun tale. * * * Audio stories are best with the perfect narrator, and “The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart” is brought to life in the best of ways by the equally mighty Dave Pettitt. Dave’s done a wide range of commercial work, including the National Hockey League and the National Football League. Cartoons and video games? Yep, Dave’s done both. But he’s best known for the unscripted reality series, Discovery’s Highway Thru Hell—and somewhere near the other end of the spectrum – GPS audio tours for an app called Guide Along. You can learn more about Dave and what he’s up to at the links below… Dave’s Website Dave’s YouTube Channel * * * Credits: Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Sandra Marteleur, Horna Spelmän, and uncredited traditional tracks, all licensed through Epidemic Sound. Story: Christopher Gronlund.Narration: Dave Pettitt. Episode Transcript >>

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, “Overwinter,” I talk about why I wrote a very quiet story for introverts. As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest story, so you might want to listen to that first. Links to things mentioned in this commentary: Alexandra de Steiguer video: “Winter’s Watch” FollowMyLeap Julia Lundman Erin McBride A Trail of Heart’s Blood Wherever We Go Craft in the Real World Transcript >>

In this celebration of solitude, Daniel’s life is changed forever after spending 5 months alone on an island 13 miles off the Maine coast. Content Advisory: “Overwinter” deals with a job change, longing, solitude vs. loneliness, and does contain a couple words you’ve probably heard on TV or at work this week. There are also a couple scenes with moderate consumption of alcohol. * * * Credits: Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Anders Schill Paulsen, licensed through Epidemic Sound. Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund. Episode Transcript >>

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, “Mudlarking,” I talk about a recent urge to keep telling more “serious” stories…and why I chose to write something a bit more adventurous [even ridiculous] instead. As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest story, so you might want to listen to that first. Transcript >>