Advertise on podcast: Finding You: with Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy discusses perfectionism. He talks about how our overworking and over functioning tend to fail us. He talks about the reasons why we think the goal is to be perfect. First, he explains that it could arise from a chaotic, unstable, and painful childhood. If we did not develop a hyper vigilance and over functioning personality, then we would've suffered more in such a context. He also explains how these traits can arise from the narcissistic wound. If we think that our value is in what we give to others, how we perform, how we pick up the slack for others, then we will find ourselves in troubling dynamics where we are complicit. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy, talks about the meaning we make out of our suffering. He explains that our suffering serves several important psychological functions. First, it gives us a taste for joy, connection, love, and happiness. There is no joy without suffering. There is no love without loss. Through suffering, we are required to look for, find, and embrace meaning. As Nietzsche once observed, we can bear any “how” as long as we have a “why.” He also explains that suffering serves as a catalyst for the transformation of consciousness we speak of in therapy. He distinguishes learning something from a more fundamental shift, a shift in our base, a shift in a level of consciousness. He also explains how practicing mindfulness will lead us to gratitude. Instead of trying to feel gratitude when one is feeling sad, one is encouraged to feel all of their feelings and to be mindful of our entire experience. This will naturally and organically lead to gratitude. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy announces the release of his newest book. Co-authored with Michael and Jeff McLean. It is the story of a gay son and his high profile Mormon father and how they found each other. Dr. Reedy provides commentary on the work that each did to re-connect and celebrate each other. Jeff tells the story of his childhood, raised in a small town in Utah. He chronicles the shame and pain of growing up in a conservative, high cost religion and how all this lead to addiction. Michael tells his story, confessing the mistakes and missteps along the way. It is a compelling story and offer the unique vantage point of a therapist observing the growth that each person experienced. Reedy uses the hero's journey as a way of understanding the tasks that we all must answer if we are to connect and hold each other with compassion and non-judgment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discusses how our contexts predispose us for certain dynamics in relationships. He explains how inner-work will shape and change our outside world. And he explains the power that old contexts have on our psychology and how regression originates. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy talks about the definition of addiction. A chronic pattern to avoid being present in your own life. He talks about the many faces of addiction, beyond alcohol and other substances. He explains how codependency is an addiction to controlling people, places, and things outside of oneself in order to manage internal states of anxiety, fear and insecurity. He explains that addiction is a spiritual bypass. It is a vertical thirst for a connection to the transcendent, the divine, or God. But without the development of the self, this thirst can lead to a life of imbalance and excess. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discusses the relationship between boundaries and our capacity to love. He explains that we must grapple with fear, shame, and anxiety to honor and attend to our needs so that we can make ourselves more available to love and connection with others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discusses how therapy first starts with the base: the nervous system we "inherited" from our parents. He explains that until the base (think of soil) is established, skills, tools and insights will be fleeting. He also explains that the biggest barrier for many people is how slow therapy proceeds. It takes a long time with repeated exposure to an adequate therapist to build a stable foundation where new thoughts, new ideas, and new behaviors (think seeds) can more easily become embodied (think fruit of the new growth). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discusses roles, tasks, & responsibilities of those left behind when a loved-one seeks treatment. He discusses the systemic view of mental health and how the symptom bearer is a signal, which if listened to, will offer the family insight into the larger project, the deeper issue, and the legacy of trauma passed from one generation through another until someone gets help. He addresses when people go "no contact" and how to respond in ways that do no replicate the original wound. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discusses the psychology of communication skills and sharing our feelings. In this episode, he talks about when sharing our feelings is part of the problem. he explains that we can be discerning about who we share with to better ensure that our feelings will be heard and held by another person. he also explains that "I feel" statement may be best understood as a tool for greater awareness in ourselves and often people use them to try to change the behaviors of others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy explores what it truly means to love another person as they are — to "love Other as Other." He reflects on how genuine understanding of others begins with a willingness to look honestly at ourselves. Examining traits associated with the Autism Spectrum, he reveals how many of us share more of these qualities than we might expect. Dr. Reedy then invites listeners to "pan out" — drawing on personal and cultural history — to suspend judgment and encounter others, and themselves, with fresh eyes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This Ask Me Anything episode, usually reserved for the Inner-Circle subscribers, is open the public as a sneak peak of what you will get by subscribing to the Inner Circle audience. Dr. Reedy takes questions from the Inner Circle and from the live audience on questions about developing a daily practice to stay conscious and aware of our issues. He talks about how the grief of losing connections with people we are close to as we grow and progress is a necessary part of the heroic journey, of the process of individuation. He explains that the peace we seek is found when we learn to love and accept ourselves (our “horrible, rotten self”) just as we are. He explains that this acceptance of who we are is , paradoxically, the catalyst for growth and change. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy explains how not knowing is perhaps the end result of our education. He talks about how humility is confidence and how grandiosity is a cover for strong feelings of inferiority and insecurity. Brad shares that dealing with ambiguity is our chief task and that our mental health will largely hinge on our ability to sit with the uncertainty of life. He explains that our need to reduce the world to simple binaries – good and bad, right and wrong, us and them – is rooted in feelings of trauma and overwhelm.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy explores grief and the loss we experience beyond the death of someone we love. He talks about how much of therapy is grief work: losing old ideas, old friends, parts of ourselves. He explains that growth requires us to accept the temporal nature of things. He explains that most of our learning is really un-learning. He explains that how much of our loss is grieving versions of ourselves as we take steps closer to the authentic self. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy goes through the 12-steps and explains the psychological principles behind them. He focuses on surrender, guilt and chain, and the power of being accepted by the group. He explains that our defenses, which we put in place to protect us, hurt us, and the people that we love. He explains that much of what we are medicating with our addictions is related to guilt and chain. And he explains that we have accepted the wrong answers to lies most important questions, and that the key to our growth is a transformation of consciousness, reconsidering the things that we have been taught. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy talks about how the defenses we create to protect ourselves hurt the people closest to us. He explains that it is the defense, not the simple mistake, that causes the trauma. He talks about how intentions are neither good nor bad. He explains that as our consciousness increases, we will have more capacity to hold the emotions and pain of those we love, and this is how we bring greater healing to the lives of those we love. He explains why skills can only serve our level of consciousness and unless that changes, we will weaponize our skills in the services of self-protection. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.