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Do opposites attract? Are you really attracted to funny people or do you find attractive people funnier? And which type of dating couple are you? Researchers suggest that there are four types of dating couples and your type can influence whether the relationship lasts. Jess and Brandon explore these research topics in their last episode of 2023. Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 344 4 Types of Couples -- Which One Are You? [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Alright, alright. Are we ready to talk about four types of couples? [00:00:17] Brandon Ware: I'm always ready to talk about four types of couples. Which four types of couples are we talking about? [00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: Four types of couples. Which one are you? It reminds me of like a quiz. What type of onion are you? [00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I'm a white onion. [00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: You are a white onion. [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: Because I can only name two types of onions. [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: What's the other one? [00:00:31] Brandon Ware: Red onions. [00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: What about Vidalia? [00:00:33] Brandon Ware: I don't know what that is. [00:00:34] Jess O'Reilly: Green. [00:00:35] Brandon Ware: Sure. Green. [00:00:35] Jess O'Reilly: Yes. Spanish. [00:00:36] Brandon Ware: Okay. Listen, listen. [00:00:38] Jess O'Reilly: Shallot. [00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Onion connoisseur. [00:00:41] Jess O'Reilly: I like an onion. So we'll be talking about four types of couples and some research. But before we do that, I wanted to very briefly dive into some other research and data that I've come across this week. [00:00:51] Jess O'Reilly: And we have a little announcement at the end, I guess before we dive into it, I need to shout out adamandeve. com because they've got a big, big, big sale going on. And. You can save 50 percent off almost any single item plus free shipping and rush handling with code. Dr. Jess 50, [00:01:08] Brandon Ware: Dr. Jess 50. [00:01:09] Jess O'Reilly: Go buy something that vibrates something. Okay. Question for you. [00:01:12] Brandon Ware: Yes. [00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Are funny people more attractive to you? [00:01:15] Brandon Ware: Funny people are more attractive. [00:01:16] Jess O'Reilly: Like, are you attracted to funny people? [00:01:18] Brandon Ware: Yes. [00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: Hang on. Am I funny? [00:01:19] Brandon Ware: Hold on. Yes. You're very funny, but what, but what else is like, what's the and [00:01:24] Jess O'Reilly: well, the question is, are you attracted to humor? Or do you find attractive people funnier? [00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. I'm going to just say this. So I noticed that every little joke, like every little snide remark,

Isle McElroy joins Jess and Brandon to talk about intimacy, vulnerability and sex -- on paper and in the flesh. An award-winning non-binary author based in New York, McElroy's latest novel People Collide is a gender-bending, body-switching story exploring marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership. Isle shares personal insights on what makes for a good sex scene, how inadequacy plays out in relationships and what they've learned from rethinking sex and pleasure. To learn more about Isle McElroy, check out their social media - Instagram and Twitter And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 343 Sex, Gender & Intimacy: People Collide with Isle McElroy [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Hey, hey, today we're talking about sex, gender, and intimacy with Isle McElroy, an award winning non binary author based in New York, whose latest novel, People Collide, is a gender bending, body switching story about marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership. [00:00:31] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, and this story isn't your traditional kind of body swap, you know, thinking Freaky Fridays. So the story is... Eli, when Eli, the main character, leaves the cramped Bulgarian apartment, he shares with his wife, Elizabeth, who's more organized, more successful than he is. He discovers that he now inhabits her body. [00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: So not only have he and his wife traded bodies, but Elizabeth living as Eli, has disappeared without a trace, and what follows is Eli's search across Europe, to America, to find his missing wife, and an exploration of gender and embodied experience. As Eli comes closer to finding Elizabeth while learning to exist in her body, he begins to wonder what effect this metamorphosis will have on their relationship, and how long he can maintain the illusion of of living as someone he isn't. [00:01:17] Jess O'Reilly: And the questions, you know, are will their new marriage wither completely in each other's bodies, or is this transformation the very thing Eli and Elizabeth need for their marriage? to thrive. So I'm really looking forward to this conversation. I've been reading the book. I'm almost done. I thought I'd be done by today, but I have a lot of questions about some of the messaging and themes, and I think it's going to be a great conversation. [00:01:37] Jess O'Reilly: Now, before we welcome our guest, I'll want to announce a partnership with fellow podcasters Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women. The podcast, season two, is out now and it's hosted by Nana Darkwa Sakiyama and Malaika Grant. The podcast explores African women's experiences of sex, sexuality, [00:02:00] and pleasure and they have a host of fabulous guests in their bedroom this season. [00:02:05] Jess O'Reilly: They have top sexpert Ohlone from the UK, fabulous comedienne Yvonne Orji. Feminist powerhouse, Mona Altahawe, and many, many more. And they're asking all their guests, what's your sexy secret? What's your secret, babe? [00:02:19] Brandon Ware: I can't tell you. It's a secret. That's why it's a secret.

What are the signs of burnout, and how do they - show up in relationships? How might the Conservation of Resources theory apply to personal relationships? And how can we use the Conservation of Resource lens to manage burnout and improve relationships? Jess & Brandon discuss these topics and more while exploring specific strategies for dealing with burnout in - the context of personal relationships. Check out the transcript below, and be sure to click here to learn more about the upcoming Temptation Cruise departing from Miami in February 2024. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 342 Managing Burnout In Relationships: Conservation of Resource Theory [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Mr. Brandon Ware, how you feeling today? [00:00:17] Brandon Ware: I'm good. I'm good. I'm a little bit tired. I'm good. [00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: A little bit worn out. [00:00:20] Brandon Ware: Just, just a touch. [00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: This is what I'm hearing across the board. [00:00:23] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I hear it from a lot of people these days. [00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: I didn't even prep you for it. I'm like, if I ask how you're doing, I know you're going to say you're a little worn out because it seems like everybody's feeling that way. You know, I'm hearing from friends who describe their state as frozen. [00:00:36] Brandon Ware: I haven't heard frozen before. [00:00:37] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. Actually two different friends last week said that they feel frozen. Like they don't even feel like replying in our group texts. They don't even feel like talking about what's going on in the world because folks are feeling exhausted and sad. And I think there's a sense of. Hopelessness around some of the, the big issues and power and the way things are shifting and seeing how, you know, even economies are, are shifting so that it's making it harder for people to live. [00:01:05] Brandon Ware: I thought you were going to make reference to, so the feeling numbness, but also the inability to move, is that what you're saying? So it's kind of twofold. [00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Right. Cause we think about fight. Or flight, freeze is another response, fawn is another response, but we're not talking about that today. I want to talk about burnout. [00:01:21] Jess O'Reilly: So I think most folks have heard me talk about the bulk of my work is this marriage as a business program, where I take business models and adapt them to relationships for business leaders. And that's my favorite part of my job. It's super fun. And it's really interesting because it's not like every model can just be. [00:01:36] Jess O'Reilly: Shifted into another realm perfectly, but I think they can be adapted and no model is perfect. No theory is perfect, especially when you're looking at, you know, for example, organizational psychology. But I was thinking that it'd be interesting to apply this to burnout today because it seems to be the theme in all the private messages I'm reading and in my friend groups right now.

How do you keep things exciting amid a repetitive routine? How can adults be more playful (because playfulness is associated with happier relationships & hotter sex)? What simple changes can you implement to make your daily interactions more fun, passionate and erotic — even if you’re super busy? You’re not a light switch, so you likely can’t get turned on in the blink of an eye. This week, to celebrate our wedding anniversary, we share 20+ specific strategies and action items you can use to make your relationship more romantic, intimate and erotic. If you’re looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at Lovehoney, We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS15 at checkout to save! Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered. Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 341 - Eroticize Daily Interactions: 20 Actionable Tips For Busy Couples Intro: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight. Dr. Jess: Hey, we've got a replay of one of my favorite topics, one of my favorite episodes on eroticizing daily interactions from April 2021, so you might hear some references to a totally different time. It's a time warp. Brandon: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I am your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, hey. How are you? Dr. Jess: I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. I'm interested in this conversation for the two of us as well. We're going to be talking about how to make your daily interactions more erotic and What are you laughing at? Brandon: I'm immediately thinking about eating a banana. Dr. Jess: Oh my gosh, because in my presentations I always talk about how [00:01:00] to eroticize daily interactions because you're not a light switch. You can't go from talking about your taxes and your work and your kids and whether or not your dog had a bowel movement on its last walk to just flipping the switch and being, oh, hi. Hey. Tear my clothes off, right? And my joke is when I say To eroticize your daily interactions. I don't mean make everything annoyingly erotic, right? I don't want to be eating a banana and have Brandon look over and be like, Oh yeah, you eat that banana. That's what I'm talking about. It's really more about playfulness and flirtation and I don't know, all these different ways to be erotic. It doesn't have to be super sexual or graphic. So we're going to be getting into that. I mean, I guess before we do, I should ask you, Do you feel like our interactions are particularly erotic? Brandon: I don't think that I'm an erotic person. I feel very self conscious whenever I'm [00:02:00] trying to do something that I think is erotic, whether I've seen it on, you know, TV, movie, somewhere, I feel like a goof doing it. So when I see people who are genuinely erotic and they just exude the sex appeal, I'm, I'm like, good on you because when I try that,

Do you want to... Bicker less and catch yourself before you start? Stay calm and empathetic during conflict? Feel more at ease and connected so - that you're less inclined to fight? Tune in for a discussion - of why we bicker and 12 simple strategies to reduce conflict in relationships as Jess and Brandon weigh in on this listener question: "We love each other madly. He’s really the love of my life, and we don’t seem to have any big, deep issues because we’re really aligned - on values, family, spirituality, and the core issues. But we bicker a lot. I don’t like - the example we’re setting for our kids. How can we cut back on the daily bickering so our household is more at ease and we have more peace - because we both work from home." Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 340 How To Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Let's bicker. [00:00:16] Brandon Ware: Let's, what are we going to bicker over? [00:00:18] Jess O'Reilly: You splashing all over the place in the bathroom. Like you're some sort of a hippo in the tub. [00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Well, I can't help it because the sink is too small. [00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: Cause your head's big. [00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I got a big face. Well, you know what? You make a mess sometimes. [00:00:31] Jess O'Reilly: We absolutely suck. We suck at this. We're supposed to be talking about bickering today, but when you put us on the spot, listen, when we're in the middle of a bicker, we got it. [00:00:39] Brandon Ware: Things are real. [00:00:40] Jess O'Reilly: We've got it down, but to fake it seems really hard. [00:00:43] Jess O'Reilly: Uh, we're going to talk about how to stop bickering and having little daily arguments today. We have a question from, uh, from a listener, and this is a question I kind of get over and over. And over again, because life can be stressful and life can be busy. And I think that's one of the big reasons we bicker. [00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: So before we dive into it, want to shout out our sponsors, Adam and Eve. com. They are offering 50 percent off almost any item plus free shipping, plus free handling, which is Brandon's favorite part with code Dr. Jess 50. So check out Adam and Eve. com. Bildos, vibrators, butt plugs, other fun things that you can use in your body. [00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: Adam and Eve. com code. Dr. Jess 50. All right, let's dive right into it. [00:01:23] Brandon Ware: Let's, are we going to continue bickering or is, is this where it stops? [00:01:26] Jess O'Reilly: No, we're going to start bickering. [00:01:28] Brandon Ware: Let's do it. Yeah. Amazing. [00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. So we have this note, uh, there's a bit of a preamble, but the bulk of it is we love each other madly. [00:01:35] Jess O'Reilly: He's really the love of my life. And we don't seem to have any big deep issues because ...

In this Q&A, Jess and Brandon weigh in on listener queries related to "work spouses", dealing with a partner who refuses to go to therapy and "love tattoos": "My husband has a coworker who introduced herself to me as his work wife. I didn’t even know how to respond. When I talked to him about it, he said she was just kidding around. I think it’s inappropriate. He says it’s no big deal. Who is right?" "What do you do if your partner refuses; to go to therapy - but the relationship is on the rocks? Asking for a friend." "I just turned 18, and I’ve been dating a guy - who is a few years older than me. He comes from money, so he’s shown me a lot of things I’ve never seen before. It has only been a few months, and he wants me to get a matching tattoo. What should I do?" Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 339 Candid Conversations: Managing the 'Work Spouse' and Therapy Avoidance [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, how are you doing? [00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: I'm good. I can see that you're putting on a brave face. I am putting on a brave face. [00:00:26] Jess O'Reilly: You know how I know you're having a date. [00:00:29] Brandon Ware: How? What's my tell? What's my tell? Is it Terry's? [00:00:33] Jess O'Reilly: It's your, it's your left peck. It's my left peck. It's your left peck. It's that I saw the app from your ring on your phone and your stress was way up at the top. [00:00:42] Brandon Ware: So I have an Aura ring and it monitors all your vitals and they just released a stress feature. [00:00:48] Brandon Ware: I'm stressed out today. [00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, left peck going hard. [00:00:51] Brandon Ware: I feel like some people need to talk it out with somebody other than me. [00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: So I think so many of us run into this. I'm not going to obviously speak specifically about your situation. I know what's going on, but I think that sometimes you have people in your lives. [00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: Whether they be friends, or clients, or co workers, or just people in your family, who, they have their own anxiety, and they try and attenuate that anxiety through you. And I don't mean they're dumping their problems on you, but they may be actually, in your case, they are actually saying, here are my problems, fix them, even though you can't. [00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: But, They expect you to kind of jump and dance and twist and twirl around their anxiety as though their urgency is your emergency. [00:01:36] Brandon Ware: Ooh, that's a good one. I have heard that before, but their urgency is my emergency. Yes. [00:01:40] Jess O'Reilly: I think it's Luna who I first heard say that. [00:01:42] Brandon Ware: Was that Luna? Luna Matadas? [00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: It rhymes, you know.

How do you define cheating? And how do you recover once trust has been broken? How do you deal with sexual pressure from a partner? Womanizer Premium Eco Jess and Brandon weigh in on personal questions from listeners. They also share an offer from Womanizer in honour of Breast Cancer Awareness Month: if you're a survivor, request your Womanizer Premium Eco by emailing info at sexwithdrjess dot com. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Sex & Relationship Q&A: Cheating, Trust & Sexual Pressure Episode 338 [00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey, hey, we're back at it after a week off. Are you, are you feeling rested? [00:00:19] Brandon Ware: I feel refreshed. [00:00:20] Jess O'Reilly: You do? [00:00:21] Brandon Ware: Not at all. [00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: In 400 or so episodes, or maybe we're not quite at 400. I think we've only missed two weeks. [00:00:27] Brandon Ware: About three 50. And that's impressive that you've only missed. Two weeks. [00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Is it? For me it is. For another person who's not as, uh, commitment phobic. Not that impressive, but apologies for missing last week. Not gonna get into it, but happy to, happy to be back chatting with you today, babe. Yeah, always happy to be here. [00:00:43] Jess O'Reilly: We've got some questions from some listeners that, uh, I'm always kind of intrigued by and intrigued to hear what you have to say and what others think. So we do have a bit of an alternative sponsor for Breast Cancer Awareness Month as well. Uh, because cancer diagnosis and treatment have repeatedly been shown to adversely affect sexual function. [00:01:03] Jess O'Reilly: We know that, for example, 83% of breast cancer survivors meet the clinical criteria for sexual dysfunction. We know that a very small percentage actually receive supports in this area. So our sponsored womanizer has. partnered with charity, the leading research hospital in Berlin for a breast cancer clinical study on sexuality and libido for breast cancer survivors. [00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: And they already have some preliminary data in this study showing that masturbating helps with libido loss and sexual self worth in breast cancer survivors who have undergone treatment. So I am looking forward to seeing some of those. Some of those formal results once published, and Erica Hart, who is a fellow sex educator, they're an activist, a breast cancer survivor themself, they advocate for an active pleasure approach to breast cancer survivors treatment. [00:01:51] Jess O'Reilly: They are also on board as part of the project. And the reason we're bringing this up is that Womanizer, you know I'm a fan of this brand, a huge fan of their [00:02:00] technology, Womanizer is giving away. a whole lot of premium ecos. So those are their premium version of womanizers, but they're recyclable. So they're made from recyclable material. [00:02:12] Jess O'Reilly: The product itself is recyclable. It uses less packaging, all that jazz. And so if you are a survivor and you're interested in a free womanizer premium eco, just let me know.

In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome — for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners’ insights on threesomes and discuss couples’ privilege. Check out the questionnaires below, and be sure to check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any item with FREE shipping + VIP rush processing. Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire Why do you want to have a threesome? Where did the idea of a threesome come from? How do you feel about this source? What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome? What are the perceived risks/costs? With whom would you like to have a threesome? Do you know if they’re open to it? How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome? What excites you most about a threesome? What motivates you? What concerns you about a threesome? Do you have any hesitations? What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered? How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise? Do you feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries? What conditions increase your comfort level with open communication? What does your ideal threesome entail? Consider the setting, relationships, involved parties, sex acts, etc... Threesomes: Managing Jealousy, Insecurity & Distress Am I comfortable admitting to feelings of jealousy, insecurity and distress? I tend to feel jealous/insecure/distressed when… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, it shows up in my body as…(emotional presence) When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I want to… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I can self-soothe by… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I’d like you to… When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I don’t want you to… You’ll know when I feel jealous/insecure/distressed when I… Some other cues to look for include… Threesomes: Couples’ Questionnaire Whose idea was it? Do you feel any pressure? Have you (in)directly pressured your partner? Why do you/we want to have a threesome? What do you/we hope to get out of the experience? What are my/our concerns about the experience? Have we talked about jealousy, insecurity and other potentially challenging emotions we might encounter? What would it look like if it goes well? What might it look like if something goes awry? How will we communicate and respond? What do we value in a third party? What type of person do we want to connect with? Do we want to involve a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend and/or a sex worker? Have we considered our couples’ privilege and how we can ensure that all voices are heard and respected? And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 337 How To Plan A Successful Threesome [00:00:00] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. And I'm looking at Dr. Jess with a giant smile on her face. [00:00:05] Jess O'Reilly: You like that?

Most people fantasize about threesomes, but not many people - actually dive in. In part I of our Threesomes podcast, we dive into the data and get some practical advice from Justin Lehmiller - who answers your questions including: How common are threesomes? What counts as a threesome? How does a threesome affect relationships for couples? Who is having threesomes? How do people find threesomes (e.g. through apps like Feeld)? What’s the appeal of threesomes? Next week, we’ll dive into how to prep for a threesome with prompts, conversations and more! Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. All About Threesomes Episode 336 [00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are talking threesomes today and we are doing a throwback to a two part series with Dr. Justin Lehmiller on the doc today, because I received three questions about threesomes over the weekend and I think it's a sign. So here we go. Have a listen to this throwback with Dr. Justin Lehmiller. [00:00:27] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. [00:00:45] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are talking threesomes today and it fits that today's episode is brought to you by FIELD. And FIELD is the first dating app for couples and singles. They're a pioneer in allowing couples to kind of explore dating together as a pair, and they're open to all genders, all sexual identities, [00:01:13] Jess O'Reilly: all sexual orientations from basically for anyone who's interested in either ethical non monogamy or alternative relationship structures, or simply those who are curious and looking to kind of dip their toe into the pond. So do check them out. Field is spelt feel and a D so F E E L D and you can download the field app. [00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: It's free and you create a profile. And once you have liked someone and they've liked you back on the app. You become connections and you're able to chat. And if you want to, you can share photos and they also often offer an upgraded membership option with extra features. And yeah, so do check out FIELD. [00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: They're one of the largest online communities for fun stuff like this. And it's interesting. I actually came across FIELD in my research a few years ago. when I was prepping a training for therapists on threesomes and ethical non monogamy and they really are the [00:02:00] perfect partner for this podcast because we're talking about threesomes and of course there are people on field looking for threesomes and later we're going to be talking with their expert Dr. [00:02:08] Jess O'Reilly: Justin Leigh. But before he joins us, I wanted to kind of dig into some of the data on threesomes. And later on, I also want to talk if we have time about how to prepare for a threesome, like in terms of communication and reflection and just topics to address before you start exploring. I don't know how much time we'll have.

Curious about kink, spanking, ethical porn and how to have better sex? The inimitable King Noire shares his perspective of pleasure, pansexuality, performance and much more in this candid conversation with Jess & Brandon. King Noire is an accomplished and award-winning writer, porn performer, artist, Master Fetish Trainer, MC, and global activist using the proceeds of his album ‘Music Is My Weapon’ to build a school, freshwater well, and medical clinic in West Africa. He raises consciousness around kink safety for people of color, provides lectures on the decolonization of sexuality, and offers sex education to audiences ranging from college students to medical providers. Check out King Noire's website here, and follow him on his social media accounts - Instagram and Twitter. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Pleasure, Spanking & Masculinity with King Noire Episode 335 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are here in Atlanta at sex down south with the King Noir. I have to read your bio before you come on. It's the boys. King Noir is an accomplished award winning writer, porn performer. Artist, master fetish trainer, MC, we're going to be playing his music, global activist who uses the proceeds of his album, Music is My Weapon, to build a school, a freshwater well, a medical clinic in West Africa. [00:00:40] Jess O'Reilly: He raises consciousness around kink safety for people of color. He provides lectures on the decolonization of sexuality and offers sex education to audiences ranging from college students to medical providers to those of us in the field. You have a big following. Thank you so much for being here. [00:00:56] King Noire: Thank you. [00:00:56] King Noire: Thank you for having me. It's good to be back. All right. [00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: So you just, you won a big award, a big award in the industry. So Urban X Awards, Pansexual Performer of the Year. [00:01:06] King Noire: Yep. [00:01:06] Jess O'Reilly: What's that mean, Pansexual Performer? [00:01:08] King Noire: Oh, shit. It's interesting because I think this might have been either one of the, either the first or one of the first years that they've actually had that as an award. [00:01:16] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. [00:01:17] King Noire: So I'm honored to win it either way. I think. Pansexual as I guess as a sexuality is kind of like you fuck who you're attracted to and you don't let Gender or orientation or anything like that get in the way of you fucking who you want to fuck. I like that That's that's how I define it and then I think for the award I think the reason that I was even nominated for that award is because I do a lot of work with trans performers as well as cisgender performers, so I was extremely honored to get it cuz We putting in work. [00:01:49] King Noire: So I want, I want to be honored for that work and it feels good to be honored by, you know, Urban X's is big in the industry. So it's like people are seeing it. People are acknowledging it. And a [00:02:00] lot of times they think that, you know,

  How do you cultivate deeper connections through communication? How can you summon compassion in the heat of conflict? How do you define non-violent communication? What is polyvagal theory? Sander T. Jones joins Jess and Brandon to explore these questions and share additional concepts from their book, Cultivating Connection: A Practical Guide for Personal and Relationship Growth in ethical non-monogamy.  Sander is a licensed clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist, and author in Atlanta, Georgia with over a decade of experience working with people in ethically non-monogamous relationships, people in the kink/BDSM/Leather communities, LGBTQ+ communities, and people doing voluntary sex work. As a relationship therapist they have taught hundreds of people the steps and principles for repairing relationship bonds and then deepening those bonds through collaborative communication, respecting the rights and autonomy of themselves and their partners, being aware of interpersonal power, and avoiding the abuse of that power when it arises in our relationships. You can contact Sander at SanderTJones.com and following on Facebook and Instagram.   Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. A Guide to Compassionate Communication Episode 334 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: here in Atlanta at sex down south. And the reason you know, we're at six down south is that I have no voice left. [00:00:21] Brandon Ware: I was going to say, you got your sexy voice going on. [00:00:23] Jess O'Reilly: Oh my dear God. And it's not from being in the dungeon. [00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: It's not from doing anything fun. I think it's just from dry air. [00:00:28] Brandon Ware: You should have said it was something fun. [00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: I know. I know. I wish it was something more fun, but we are having a great time. And if you've ever listened before and heard me talk about Sex Town South, I think it's the most brilliant sex conference. [00:00:39] Jess O'Reilly: It is my absolute favorite. Uh, I'm such a massive fan of Marla and Tia, the founders. Marla, of course, is the coauthor of our latest book. And, uh, among the brilliant minds who are presenting here in Atlanta, we have with us right now, Sander T. Jones, a licensed clinical social worker, certified hypnotherapist. [00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: Ooh, I want to ask you about that. author. Uh, you're located in Atlanta. You have over a decade of experience and you've recently released Cultivating Connection, a practical guide for personal and relationship growth in ethical non monogamy. Thank you for chatting with us. [00:01:08] Sander T. Jones: Thank you so much for having me. [00:01:10] Sander T. Jones: It's really an honor to be on your show. [00:01:11] Jess O'Reilly: Oh, well, we're, we're so appreciative. I'm excited to learn from you. I've looked over all of the wealth of info. in your latest book, Cultivating Connection. I think it's your first book, right?

Couples in The Lifestyle (AKA Swingers) practice a form of ethical non-monogamy that usually involves sex play with other singles and/or couples. In this quickie episode, Jess and Brandon discuss advice from three swinger couples who share their insights for happier relationships (and, by extension, hotter sex). If you're here for the Womanizer X Lovehoney Advent Calendar, CLICK HERE, and be sure - to use code DRJESS to save. If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. 3 Sex & Relationship Lessons From "Lifestyle" Couples Episode 333 [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Dr. Jess, how are you feeling today? [00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: I'm feeling all right. I'm feeling good. Talk to me. Why is that? We have just disembarked the Desire Cruise, and I don't know if this was maybe number six for us in terms of Desire Cruising, but we just came off a week in Greece with one stop in Turkey. [00:00:33] Jess O'Reilly: It was a lot of fun, but it was pretty intense. [00:00:34] Brandon Ware: Yeah, it was intense. [00:00:36] Jess O'Reilly: Lots of socializing. [00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Yeah, that's an understatement. I always like to party. Oh my gosh. I can't keep up. I don't know. I gotta, I gotta tell you, I don't know how they do it. They're up at like seven in the morning and they party hard until like three in the morning. [00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Is that, is that their schedule? I don't know. I'm asleep long before [00:00:52] Brandon Ware: that. I'm, I'm, I'm impressed. [00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: But it's super friendly crowd. Oh yeah. Like it's so much fun while you're on, but then, you know, when you come off of something that's so highly social, at least me. Oh, I feel like a total drop. I just need to be quiet for a bit. [00:01:07] Jess O'Reilly: Need some time to chill. Yes. Now we are also on route to Atlanta for Sex Town South via Toronto. Very excited for this. So this is definitely a quickie episode because we just don't have a lot of time. We're stopping in Toronto overnight. So that I can feed my dad and see my mom and my stepdad. Check on my plants. [00:01:26] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, drop off my cleats to my friend's house because I'm gonna, I need her to carry them to a tournament for me in Montreal. But what for? What are you playing? We're not talking about that right now. Okay, I play Ultimate and Brandon likes to make fun of it. [00:01:39] Brandon Ware: Hope Adam's listening right now. Adam Maurer. [00:01:41] Jess O'Reilly: Oh my gosh. [00:01:42] Brandon Ware: I feel like we've bonded over this. [00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: Brandon calls it Frisbee. If I call it Frisbee, people who play Ultimate are going to get mad at me, but it's the least Ultimate. It's Ultimate. Anyhow, we have a short amount of time, so we are going to get in to three lessons that I learned from lifestyle couples on the cruise.[00:02:00] [00:02:00] Jess O'Reilly: Three lessons from swingers, basically. These couples are swingers now.