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The Questions Underneath Our Relationships: Someone can tell you they love you, and you can still wonder whether you matter to them. Underneath many of our reactions in relationships are questions we may never say out loud: Are you there for me? Can I reach you? Will you respond when I need you? Do I matter to you? We begin learning the answers in childhood. But those questions keep getting answered in our adult relationships, in the moments when we struggle, reach for someone, or let ourselves be seen. In this episode of Thanks for Sharing, I share two very different experiences with my dad and my husband, Jeff, and explore why words can mean so much less without a pattern of showing up behind them. We also talk about what happens to these questions after betrayal, why reassurance may not feel reassuring, and how everyday moments of honesty, responsiveness, and repair can begin to rebuild security. Mattering goes deeper than being useful, competent, or the person who holds everything together. It includes being cared for when you don’t have it all together.   What’s an ordinary moment that helped you feel you mattered to someone?  Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links   #ThanksForSharingPodcast #Attachment #EmotionalIntimacy #BetrayalTrauma #CouplesRepair

For this episode, Rachel and I tried something different. We borrowed the format—and the questions—from NPR's Wild Card with Rachel Martin: choose a card without knowing the question, answer it, and see where the conversation goes. Full credit to Rachel Martin and the NPR team for creating a format I love. And it took us places neither of us would have planned. We talked about the first time Rachel remembers being struck by beauty. The ways we get in our own way. Self-doubt, shame, and my own realization that self-blame can keep showing up at deeper levels—even after years of knowing it's there. We talked about getting older, perimenopause, the strange realization that you can reach an age you once thought sounded old and still feel very much like yourself. And eventually, a card asked: How often do you think about death? That took us into grief, changing beliefs, legacy, and Rachel's reflection that she doesn't want the possibility of another life—or an afterlife—to become a reason not to fully live this one. We weren't trying to teach a lesson or make a point. We just let the questions take us somewhere. And maybe that's part of what makes a good question so powerful: sometimes the questions we wouldn't think to ask give us access to parts of ourselves—and each other—that don't come up in our usual conversations.  Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links

A client said that to me a few weeks ago — she was leaving a job she had chosen to leave, and she couldn't stop rehearsing every grievance, every frustration, every way the place had failed her. She wasn't actually angry. She was trying to make the grief feel like certainty, because certainty is more comfortable than grief. This episode is about what happens in transitions — even the ones we chose, even the ones we wanted. Why we fight at airports. Why couples who just returned from a vacation they saved for find themselves arguing about laundry and boarding passes. Why someone might make an ending messier than it needed to be. Why the flight home can be one of the most predictable vulnerability points in a recovery plan. The concept at the center of all of it: liminal space. The threshold. The in-between. The period where the old structure has loosened and the new one hasn't yet taken hold. It's not empty. It's one of the most psychologically active places we can be. And when we don't know how to tolerate it, we tend to do things in it that we later have to account for. New episode out now. Link in bio. Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links #therapy #psychologypodcast #transitions #lifechange #liminalspace #mentalhealth #selfawareness #relationships #emotionalhealth #solopodcast

A Conversation With Rupture Ever After:  here are things we can understand for years before they actually change us. We can know where a pattern came from. We can explain our childhood. We can recognize our attachment strategies. We can even know that something that happened to us wasn’t our fault. And still respond as though the old story is true. One of the things I love about therapy is watching the moment when something moves from “I understand this” to “I know this differently now.” That’s part of why I enjoyed this conversation with Monte and Mechelle of Rupture Ever After. We’ve spent years together in the therapy room, which means this wasn’t simply an interview about my ideas as a therapist. They could talk about what it was actually like to be on the receiving end of the work—and sometimes what they experienced wasn’t exactly what I remembered. I think there’s something important in that, too. Therapy happens in relationship. So does healing. This week I’m sharing our conversation here on Thanks for Sharing as Rupture Ever After begins its second season. Give it a listen—and then go subscribe to Rupture Ever After. I think many of you will appreciate the conversations they’re willing to have.    Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links

How well can we really know ourselves if we’re only willing to rely on our own perspective? We all have blind spots—not because we lack self-awareness, but because there are things we simply can’t see from where we’re standing. And sometimes the people who know us well can see patterns we’ve normalized, adapted to, or never recognized in ourselves. In this episode of Thanks for Sharing, I revisit the Johari Window and connect it to validation, accepting influence, family roles, the adaptive self, and why feedback can hurt without necessarily being wrong. Because accepting influence isn’t saying, “You’re right about me.” It’s saying, “You may have information I don’t have. I’m willing to look.” For a deeper introduction to the Johari Window itself, go back to Episode 135. Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links   #JohariWindow #SelfAwareness #Relationships #AcceptingInfluence #Validation #PersonalGrowth #Therapy #ThanksForSharingPodcast

Some losses don’t come with a funeral. Sometimes we’re grieving what didn’t happen—the nurturing we didn’t receive, the childhood there wasn’t room to have, or the adults who couldn’t be adults. We can build something different now. But healing doesn’t erase the impact of the wound, and making meaning from suffering doesn’t mean the suffering was necessary. Sometimes grief says, That mattered. And sometimes it asks, Can you play now? This week on Thanks for Sharing, we’re talking about living not after grief, but alongside it.    Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links #Grief #DisenfranchisedGrief #TraumaRecovery #Attachment #ThanksForSharingPodcast

In this episode, we explore three relational skills that often get confused: Validation says, “If I am you—with your history, family of origin, and the meaning this held for you—I understand how you got there.” Agreement says, “I reached essentially the same conclusion.” Accepting influence says, “Because you matter to me, what you shared is allowed to affect my understanding or what I do next.” We also talk about epistemic humility: trusting what we know without assuming we know everything. We may be wrong. We may have forgotten something. We may not have communicated as clearly as we thought. If we haven’t asked for another perspective, we can’t assume there isn’t one. Drawing from John Gottman’s work, we look at why men in heterosexual relationships may be less likely to recognize when they are resisting their partner’s influence—especially when their own perspective begins as “right” and she has to prove it wrong. And we name an important limit: good relational skills can become harmful in relationships without safety, accountability, and mutuality. You don’t have to abandon what you see to become capable of seeing more. Listen to the full episode of Thanks for Sharing.  Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links   #Validation #AcceptingInfluence #CouplesTherapy #Relationships #EpistemicHumility #GottmanMethod #RelationshipSkills #ThanksForSharingPodcast

For a lot of people, those are surprisingly difficult questions to answer. Sometimes we genuinely don't know. Sometimes we know, but we've learned to keep parts of ourselves private. Sometimes we've gotten very good at figuring out what's practical, reasonable, available, or best for everyone else before we consider what we actually want. And sometimes "be grateful" quietly became "don't want more." In this episode of Thanks for Sharing, I'm talking about how we can become wantless and needless—and the different ways that can show up. We talk about needs versus wants, gratitude, entitlement, vulnerability, the unshared self, and why knowing what you want doesn't mean you expect to get it. Because our wants aren't just about getting things. They're often clues to who we are.  When You Don’t Know What You Want: Becoming Wantless and Needless    Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links #ThanksForSharingPodcast #SelfAbandonment #SelfAwareness #EmotionalHealth #Relationships #Healing

There's a moment almost everyone knows: someone says something, and before you've even processed it, you're already deciding not to react. You smile. You let it go. And somewhere in that quiet moment, you might be abandoning yourself. In this episode, I talk about the difference between self-abandonment (the pattern) and self-betrayal (the moment-by-moment choice that builds it) — and why understanding that difference matters more than most people realize. We get into: → Why "it's best to just move on" is sometimes wisdom, and sometimes a trauma response wearing wisdom's clothes → The beliefs running underneath this pattern — not lovable, don't matter, too much, stay small, won't be accepted if truly known → What your body already knows before your mind catches up → A real client story that shows what this looks like even inside a good, functioning relationship → And a small story from my own dinner table about catching yourself mid-betrayal — and going back to fix it This isn't about always speaking up. It's about knowing the difference between a real choice and an old belief making the decision for you. New episode is live — link in bio. Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links   #selfabandonment #selfbetrayal #therapy #mentalhealth #relationships #differentiation #authenticity #innerchild #podcastepisode #healingjourney

Your "difficult" child might just be determined. Your "too much" might just be someone who hasn't finished growing into her enthusiasm yet. In this episode, I talk about the difference between adaptation and development,  why the traits that got labeled as problems in childhood (stubborn, dramatic, bossy, shy) were often never the problem at all. They just hadn't matured yet. We go deep: reparenting, the functional adult, why insight alone doesn't change us, and why healing was never about becoming someone new, but about continuing to grow into who you already were. New episode is live   link in bio https://healingpathsrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Helping-the-Authentic-Self-Mature.pdf   Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links   #therapy #reparenting #authenticself #innerchildwork #mentalhealthawareness #healingjourney #familytherapy #podcastepisode

The deepest injury of narcissistic neglect isn't what happened to you. It's what never consistently happened for you. Nobody wondering what you were thinking. Nobody asking what you felt. Nobody staying curious about who you were becoming. And when those thousands of small moments are largely absent, something else develops in their place. Not a self. An adaptation. An identity organized around keeping the peace, managing moods, and becoming whoever the room needed you to be. If you grew up wondering why you can't answer simple questions about yourself — what you want, what you like, what you feel,  this episode is for you. Today I'm talking about what narcissistic neglect actually does to a developing child, why it so often comes from mothers and goes unrecognized, what develops instead of a healthy sense of self, and why the conversation you want to have with your parent rarely gives you what you're hoping for. Development doesn't end in childhood. And healing isn't becoming someone different — it's finally uncovering the person who never had enough room to emerge.   Link in bio.   Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links #narcissisticneglect #adultchildrenofnarcissists #attachmenthealing #emotionalneglect #narcissisticmother #therapy #selfhealing #childhoodtrauma #mentalhealth #innerchild

In this episode, Rachel joins Jackie as they dive into the intricacies of early recovery in therapy. In this episode, they discuss the foundational stages of addiction recovery, focusing on the challenges faced by individuals new to therapy.  From addressing justification and rationalization to the role of accountability, Jackie and Rachel offer insights into the vital components that set the stage for long-term sobriety and deep recovery. Whether you're a therapist or someone at the beginning of a recovery journey, this conversation serves as a reminder of the importance of revisiting the basics.  Tune in to explore how early steps pave the way for meaningful change and lasting growth.   Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links

That question has been on my mind after two clients asked me to record this episode. For some of us, touch meant comfort and safety. For others, it meant obligation, manipulation, or even fear. Some of us grew up in families that hugged all the time. Others rarely experienced physical affection. And sometimes, it wasn't the presence or absence of touch that mattered most—it was what that touch came to mean. In this episode, I explore:  What our families teach us about touch  Why healthy relationships respect "not yet"  How our earliest experiences become our first map of relationships  Why our adaptations made sense—and why they don't have to define us  How healing happens one safe relationship at a time   One of the ideas I keep coming back to is this: Children don't just survive their families. They mistake their families for the whole world. The good news is that our first map doesn't have to be our final one. I'd love to hear from you: What did touch teach you about relationships growing up?  Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links   #Attachment #HealingJourney #TraumaRecovery #Relationships #EmotionalHealth #Therapy #MentalHealth #ChildhoodTrauma #Connection #Boundaries #PersonalGrowth #ThanksForSharingPodcast

Changing your patterns doesn't just change you. It changes the relationships around you.   One of the biggest surprises in healing is that being healthier doesn't always feel better, at least not at first. The people around you have learned the old dance just as much as you have. So when you stop over-explaining, caretaking, shutting down, or apologizing for everything, the relationship often wobbles before it finds a new rhythm. That doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means the choreography is changing. In this final episode of my four-part series, we explore: • Why healthy change can create tension • How family systems respond when you break old rules • Why other people's reactions don't have to determine your growth • How to stay grounded in your second response, even when others aren't sure what to do with the new you One of the biggest lessons I've had to learn is this: Being needed isn't the same as being loved. Changing that belief didn't just change me; it changed the expectations inside some of my relationships. Growth doesn't happen in isolation. It happens one relationship at a time.  Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch the full episode on YouTube.  Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?   #Healing #Relationships #Attachment #TraumaRecovery #NervousSystem #Differentiation #FamilySystems #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealth #Therapy #CouplesTherapy #Boundaries #EmotionalHealth #ThanksForSharingPodcast

You can understand your pattern completely. You can know exactly where it came from, what it's protecting you from, why it shows up the way it does. And still, in the moment, you do the thing anyway. That's because understanding a pattern and interrupting it are two different skills. And interrupting it and actually replacing it — building something to put in its place — that's a third skill entirely. That's what this episode is about. The second response isn't a version of you that shows up once you've healed enough. It's a direction. Something small and specific and chosen, built from a value you actually hold, practiced in moments that don't matter so that it's available when they do. This week: what do you keep losing when the pattern wins? That answer is usually pointing straight at what you're building toward.    Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode? You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.  https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links