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We want our kids to feel validated and heard. We also don't want to engage in five-hour negotiations every time they have to do something they don't want to do. Where's the happy middle? Child development specialist Dr. Siggie Cohen, author of YOU ARE THE PARENT, explains how parents can create a balanced approach. Dr. Cohen explains why well-intentioned parents can end up overexplaining, over-fixing, over-advising, and trying too hard to prevent their children from experiencing difficult emotions. Dr. Cohen and Margaret discuss: The difference between validating emotions and accommodating behavior Why children need to learn both emotional awareness and the ability to function even when they don't feel like doing something How parents can respond when kids are overwhelmed and why stopping inappropriate behavior doesn't mean stopping the emotion behind it Why happiness shouldn't be the ultimate goal for children How to make true, authentic repair after parenting mistakes Here's where you can find Dr. Cohen: https://drsiggie.com @dr.siggie on IG, FB, and YouTube @parenting.with.dr.siggie on TikTok Free resources on her website, including her newsletter signup Buy YOU ARE THE PARENT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063448643 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Which kid behaviors need to be addressed in the moment—and which are better ignored? We discuss when to fix behavior and when to let it go, from whining and backtalk to tantrums and other attention-seeking behavior. Topics include: How to reduce power struggles while still establishing clear rules and boundaries Why target behaviors should be specific and observable How to set expectations before challenging behavior happens Practical strategies for handling difficult behavior in public Knowing when a child's behavior is really a signal of an unmet need This episode includes advice from the Child Mind Institute's Complete Guide to Managing Behavior Problems. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills. In this episode, we discuss: the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal" the single most important factor for positive family well-being Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode ⁠"When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth"⁠ Nicole Schwarz for ⁠imperfectfamilies.com⁠: ⁠When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored⁠ Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: ⁠What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner⁠ Pamela Li for Parenting for Bain: ⁠Emotional Regulation in Children | A Complete Guide⁠ Jane Indergaard for ADHD Newsstand: ⁠It's Never About Me: The Hidden Needs of Siblings⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How much of your time is actually going toward what matters most to you? Career expert and author Fran Hauser joins us to talk about her new book, 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR, and how women can rethink their relationship with time. We discuss: The “four Ps” that can quietly consume our time: perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and padding Applying these ideas to family life How a “to-don't” list can help you get your priorities in order The difference between chronos (clock and calendar time) and kairos (the quality and experience of time) Here's where you can find Fran: https://franhauser.com @fran_hauser on IG and Threads Buy 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR from Bedford Books: https://www.bedfordbooks.shop/store/p/20minutes We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We want our kids to grow and stretch their wings, but that doesn't mean every milestone is easy for parents. We talk about the complicated emotions that come with parenting transitions, from starting school to getting a driver's license to moving into a first apartment. We discuss: Why a child's growing independence can bring sadness, anxiety, nostalgia, and even a loss of identity for parents The "second arrow of suffering," aka beating yourself up for having perfectly normal feelings about your kids' milestones How to talk about your emotions without making your child responsible for them Practical ways to navigate difficult transitions during parenting Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: CDC: Tips for Encouraging Independence Collischon, Matthias, et. al for the Advances in Life Course research Journal: Parental well-being when children move out: A panel study on short- and long-term effects American Psychological Association: Parents and caregivers are essential to children’s healthy development Hartanto, Andree, et. al for the Communications Psychology Journal: Cultural contexts differentially shape parents’ loneliness and wellbeing during the empty nest period We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group: My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help! In this episode, we explain why these sudden onsets of periods of dysregulation are completely normal almost every kid will go through this—and a lot of four-year-olds, although not they do not have exclusive ownership of this sort of behavior and why most kids alternate between periods of regulation and dysregulation repeatedly as they grow and mature. These difficult stretches don't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. They don't mean you need to lock everything down because your kid will be a tornado forever. But they also don't mean mean you need to become the 24/7 punching bag for your dysregulated kid. Here's what to do instead. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Rebecca Onion for Slate: ⁠Why These Child Psych Books From the 1980s Are All Over Parenting Facebook Groups Today⁠ Allana Robinson for Mom Halo: ⁠Here's why your 4 year old's behaviour is out of control⁠ Uncommon Sense Parenting with Allana Robinson: ⁠What Exactly Is Stress?⁠ Louise Bates Ames: ⁠Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do ordinary sounds like chewing, slurping, or pen-tapping trigger intense averse reactions in some people? And what does a parent do when it's her own kid screaming at her for having a case of the sniffles? Clinical psychologist Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of STOP THAT CHEWING! joins Amy to explain the neurophysiological underpinnings of misophonia, why it can be so difficult for sufferers and their families, and how to stop this involuntary response from completely disrupting your family life. Dr. Phelan and Amy discuss: Why anxiety, OCD, ARFID, and other neurological manifestations often accompany misophonia Why siblings and parents (especially fathers) are most likely to be triggers The impact of misophonia on relationships, school, work, and social life Practical ways to manage misophonia triggers and work towards sustainable solutions Here's where you can find Dr. Phelan: https://www.123magic.com https://stopthatchewing.com Buy STOP THAT CHEWING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798995697824 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why does it feel harder than ever to get together with our friends? Why does every "we should hang out soon!" in a group text feel destined to peter out before it actually happens? In this episode, we explore the modern “friendship recession" that started during the pandemic and hasn't changed back. We discuss: the surprising finding that the quantity of one's friendships matters at least as much as the quality how to set the bar for in-person gatherings a little lower why having three old friends is good, but bringing new people in migh be even better practical ways to build more connection into everyday life Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kathleen Walsh for The Cut: "I Should Be Allowed to Cold-Call My Friends” Erica Pandey for Axios: Americans of all ages are spending less time socializing Derek Thompson for The Atlantic: The Anti-Social Century Russell Contreras for Axios: 15,000 churches could close this year amid religious shift in U.S. Daniel A. Cox for Survey Center on American Life blog: Yes, Having More Friends is Better Daniel A. Cox for Survey Center on American Life newsletter: America’s “Friendship Recession” Is Weakening Civic Life H.K. Collins, et. al. for the Proceedings of the Natural Academy of Sciences: Relational diversity in social portfolios predicts well-being What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints. But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it is definitely better to yell less, not just because you’ll have a more peaceful home, but because the more yelling your household has in it, the more it is likely to have. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: Why yelling at your kids might not be as universally toxic as some headlines have claimed Why yelling is, in the end, ineffective Why finding workarounds for the sources of tension might be a more effective path to change than berating yourself for (once again) having raised your voice Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠Our Fresh Take with Carla Naumburg⁠ ⁠Our Fresh Take with Emily Edlynn⁠ Lisa Belkin for NYT: ⁠Can Yelling at Your Kids Be Good?⁠ Sue Shellenbarger for WSJ: ⁠Talking to Your Kids After You Yell⁠ Ming-Te Wang and Sarah Kenny in the Journal of the Society for Research in Child Development: ⁠Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms⁠ Dr. Emily Edlynn for Psychology Today: ⁠The Truth About Parents Who Yell at Kids⁠ Stephen Marche for NYT: ⁠Why You Should Stop Yelling at Your Kids⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if being a comedian is kind of great for most things, but not so much for parenthood? We talk with Sona Movsesian, co-host of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend and author of the new book THE WORLD'S WORST MOM, about mom guilt, the mental load, and what becoming a mother taught her about her relationship with her own mom. We discuss: why Sona calls herself the “World's Worst Mom” the special fresh hell of twin boys how you see your mom differently as soon as you become one Here's where you can find Sona: @sonamov on IG Buy THE WORLD'S WORST MOM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798217046706 Listen to the "Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend" podcast Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Youth sports used to mean riding your bike to your friend's house to play Wiffle ball in the backyard, with a tree for second base. Eventually you'd head to the rec center, maybe join the school team. But those days are long gone. Kids' sports have become so involved, specialized, and expensive that fewer and fewer kids are even able to participate— and those who do play have to opt in to grueling practice schedules and travel teams that prioritize achievement and winning above many of the lessons sports are supposed to teach kids in the first place. Inspired by Caitlin Moscatello’s New York Magazine article “The Pay-to-Play Childhood,” we discuss how youth sports have shifted toward an increasingly expensive, competitive, and business-driven model, including: Why travel teams and sports specialization have become the norm The pressure parents feel to make their kids competitive at an early age How the wealth gap informs youth sports and elite athletic teams What parents and communities can do to make youth sports more accessible Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Written Testimony of Katherine Van Dyck Before the U.S. House Committee on Education for a Hearing on “Benched: The Crisis in American Youth Sports and Its Cost to Our Future” i9 Sports: Chances of Getting an Athletic Scholarship Stephen Borelli for USA Today: Congress addresses 'crisis' in youth sports. Can we fix it? Neglect of probability, defined Ryan Huettel for These Football Times: US Soccer and the re-imagining of an elitist culture Gabe Fernandez for SFGate: As youth sports costs soar, one Oakland neighborhood tries a creative solution Reset as a sports parent: 5 ways to get (or keep) kids active Our Fresh Take with Stuart Slavin on The Pressures Causing Depression, Anxiety, and Burnout in Our Kids What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. We've all had times when our kids resist every. single. thing. you tell them to do. When is it part of a larger problem, and even if it's not, how do we manage the exhausting defiance? Amy and Margaret discuss: How to keep track of a kid's defiance in order to figure out where it's coming from Gut-check questions to ask yourself to ascertain where ODD might be what's happening the "two free requests" approach Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Katherine Lee for VeryWell Family: ⁠Effective Ways to Handle Defiant Children⁠ Royce Flippin for Additude: ⁠Why Is My Child So Angry and Defiant? An Overview of Oppositional Defiant Disorder⁠ Dr. Douglas Riley: ⁠The Defiant Child: A Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder⁠ Mount Sinai Parenting Center: ⁠Positive Opposites⁠ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Back-to-school season doesn’t have to be a chaotic scramble. In this "Best of" episode, Margaret and Amy share practical tips to help parents make the transition smoother—without getting caught up in the “back-to-school industrial complex.” From resetting sleep schedules to planning meals and snacks, here's what really matters for your child’s success and well-being this fall. You’ll hear strategies for easing morning stress, tackling "after-school restraint collapse,” and checking in on your family’s values to make sure those priorities are aligning with your new school-year schedule. Margaret and Amy discuss: How much sleep kids really need—and how to help them get it Meal and snack strategies to keep your kid energized Using visual schedules to stay organized Share this episode with a fellow parent who's overwhelmed with all things back-to-school! Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Drew DeSilver for Pew Research Center: ⁠‘Back to school’ means anytime from late July to after Labor Day, depending on where in the U.S. you live⁠ Rachel Murphy for PennState blog: ⁠The Medical Minute: Parents, add these health tips to back-to-school to-do lists⁠ Fousia Abdullahi for Fort Worth Star-Telegram: ⁠Expert advice for a stress-free back-to-school season for North Texas families⁠ ⁠Bear in the Big Blue House potty-training episode⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to ⁠https://heypolo.com/hell⁠ or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Overfunctioning is usually defined as taking on excess responsibility for other people’s feelings, issues, and tasks. And it's usually presumed to be tied to anxiety. IF someone's overfunctioning, it's either a symptom of or cause of the panic assumed to be lying just underneath. But are we "overfunctioning" when we're doing our absolutely regular amount of way-too-much as a parent? Does anxiety have to have anything to do with it? In this episode, we're talking about the stress that comes with being the backstop how to sense overfunctioning in ourselves as a potential barometer of anxiety the MoSCoW method (Must Have, Should Have, Could Have, Won't Have) as a business-world framework that can help all of us discern what absolutely has to happen in a given "timebox"... and what might be able to wait Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kate Manne on Substack: In Defense of Mom Anxiety Anne-Laure Le Cunff for Ness Labs: Overfunctioning: The Drive to Do it All, or When Helping Others Is Hurting You Yunus Emre Yalçıner for Medium: The Moscow Method: A Comprehensive Guide to Prioritization in Project Management And in response to this week's mailbag, here are a few of our past episodes specifically relevant to single / solo parenting: Our episode Solo Parenting Seasons and How To Get Through Them Our Fresh Take with Jamilah Lemieux Our Fresh Take with Norah Lally Our Fresh Take with Susan Sutton Chris Fleming: COMPANY IS COMING!!! What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to ⁠https://heypolo.com/hell⁠ or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. Two recent national studies underlined that there's a surprising group of children at risk for worse mental health outcomes: kids who go to high-achieving schools. How do we protect our kids from the pressures all around them to succeed at any cost? ⁠Jennifer Wallace⁠, author of the book ⁠Never Enough⁠, shows us how to teach our kids that they matter intrinsically. Jennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and a frequent contributor to the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. She lives in New York City with her husband and their three teenagers. Amy, Margaret, and Jennifer discuss: Why achievement pressure is at an all-time high How parents contribute to, but are not solely responsible for, this pressure How to teach our kids that they matter independently of their achievements Here's where you can find Jennifer: ⁠jenniferbwallace.com⁠ @jenniferbwallace on IG @jennifer.b.wallace on FB Buy Jennifer's book: ⁠https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593191866⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices