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Being absolutely sure you’re right should settle an argument, but somehow, it often does the opposite. Instead, things escalate, tensions rise, and before you know it, the conflict has taken on a life of its own.  For this episode, Yael welcomes New York Times bestselling author, trained mediator, and Good Conflict co-founder Amanda Ripley to unpack her book  High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped, and How We Get Out, and the difference between “good conflict” that strengthens us and “high conflict” that feeds on contempt, disgust, and rigid us-versus-them thinking.  You’ll hear why high conflict makes us more error-prone while feeling more righteous, how group belonging and media incentives can keep the cycle going, and practical ways to interrupt the pattern like Gary Freeman’s three-question pause before speaking.  Listen to learn how to stay in the fight without losing nuance, curiosity, or yourself. Listen and Learn: The distinction between healthy conflict that helps you grow and the kind that quietly turns destructive in ways you may not notice Why conflicts can quietly take over our thinking, shifting us into an us-versus-them mindset Why do we get pulled into conflicts that drain us even when we know the cost, and what keeps us hooked?How can even people deeply engaged with information find themselves pulling away from conflict, and what does that reveal about the hidden dynamics of high conflictHow you can recognize the early signs of high conflict and shift toward more productive, healthier conversations before things escalate Resources:  High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped, and How We Get Out: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781982128579 Amanda’s Website: https://www.amandaripley.com/Good Conflict Website: https://www.thegoodconflict.comConnect with Amanda on Social Media: https://www.facebook.com/amanda.ripley.35/https://www.instagram.com/ripleywriter/Amada’s Substack: https://amandaripley.substack.com/ Amanda’s article about high-conflict journalism, I stopped reading the news. Is the problem me–or the product?Yael’s Substack post about how journalists quickly build connectionBuilders Movement: an Instagram feed and website that offers “inspiration, tools, and ways to take action to rise above us vs. them and solve our toughest problems together.” About Amanda Ripley:  Amanda Ripley is a New York Times bestselling author, magazine journalist, and co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company helping people reimagine how we fight. She has written three award-winning nonfiction books — The Unthinkable, The Smartest Kids in the World, and High Conflict — each following people through transformations to uncover what the rest of us can learn. Her most recent book, High Conflict, chronicles how good conflict metastasizes into something that consumes everything in its path — and, crucially, how people find their way out. A trained mediator herself, Amanda's work reveals that escape from high conflict isn't about being nicer; it's about learning to genuinely comprehend what you still disagree with. Her writing has appeared in the Atlantic, the Washington Post, and Politico Magazine, among others. Related Episodes: 234. The Power of Us with Dominic Packer371. Uniting Toward a Better Future with Diana McLain Smith392. Outraged with Kurt Gray408. Connecting Like a Hostage Negotiator with Gary Noesner452. How to Disagree Better with Julia Minson See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If your teen is getting caught in cycles of comparison, burnout, or avoidance while trying to “do enough” for college, this conversation offers a different perspective. Emily talks with Ana Homayoun about her book Erasing the Finish Line and what really matters beyond grades, test scores, and prestige. They walk you through unhealthy patterns in college admissions culture, how technology amplifies anxiety, and why most institutions actually accept the majority of applicants. Their conversation also reveals how long-term success depends far more on relationships and meaningful engagement than on brand-name schools. Join Emily and Ana for practical strategies to help your teens build executive functioning systems, shift from time management to energy management, strengthen social capital through supporters and clarifiers, and rethink grind culture, including the role of youth sports. Listen and Learn:  Focusing less on comparison and more on building your own strengths and systems for shaping both college outcomes and the kind of work you end up loving laterHow parents’ own fears and need for control shape the college process can undermine a student’s fit and well-being, and what it takes to step back so they can truly thriveHow technology has reshaped college admissions in ways that make independent research, real-world exploration, and staying open-minded more important than ever for finding the right fitWhy the most “competitive” colleges may feel that way by design, and how choosing the right environment and relationships over prestige can shape your future more than you expectFocusing on executive functioning skills to shape your teen’s long-term success in ways grades alone never revealMaking small shifts in structure, mindset, and environment to unlock a child’s ability to plan, adapt, and thrive without pressure or perfectionHow having friendships across different age groups quietly builds confidence, perspective, and real connection in ways most students do not expectSharing and building social capital in small, everyday ways to quietly shape opportunities for teens and create unexpected outcomesGiving kids real choices, a safe space to fail, and multiple places to belong to builds the confidence, motivation, and life skills they carry into adulthoodHow shifting from managing time to managing your energy transforms focus, behavior, and motivation Resources:  Erasing the Finish Line: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades and College Admission https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780306830693 That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780399535598 Ana’s Website: https://anahomayoun.com/ Connect with Ana on Social Media: https://instagram.com/anahomayounhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/ana-homayoun-4783863/)  About Ana Homayoun:  ANA HOMAYOUN is the founder of Silicon Valley–based Green Ivy Educational Consulting and executive director of Luminaria Learning Solutions, which develops student programs focused on executive functioning and well-being. She is also the author of That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week, The Myth of the Perfect Girl, and Social Media Wellness. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Atlantic, Fast Company, and NPR and on Good Morning America and NBC News. Learn more about her work at www.anahomayoun.com. Her most recent book, Erasing the Finish Line, comes out in paperback on June 9th with the updated title, Getting in Is Not Enough: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades, Test Scores, and College Admission.  Related Episodes: 324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer Wallace414. The Disengaged Teen with Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson369. The Good News About Adolescence with Ellen Galinsky332. Middle School Superpowers with Phyllis Fagell272. Middle School Matters with Phyllis Fagell See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you’ve ever avoided saying yes to something meaningful because you were waiting to feel less anxious or more “ready,” this episode is for you. Cohosts Yael and Michael Herold sit down for a chat about his confidence-building online course and the misconceptions that keep people stuck, especially the idea that motivation and the “right mindset” must come first.  You’ll hear how acceptance and commitment therapy reframes anxiety as a passenger you can bring along while you drive toward your values, why rigid social scripts don’t work, and how low-stakes “comfort zone challenges” (like lying down in public) help you practice courage, defuse unhelpful thoughts, and tolerate discomfort without real-world consequences. Join Michael and Yael for lots of practical insight, humor, and a preview of tools that can help you step into the life you want. Listen and Learn:  Why confidence isn’t built by fixing your mindset first, but by taking action on what mattersWhy you can’t learn confidence from scripts or perfect phrases, and confidence only develops through practice, not preparationHow to step outside your comfort zone by practicing small, low-stakes challenges that reveal how thoughts and emotions create avoidance, and how to disarm them so you can act on what matters instead of defaulting to fear-based reactionsWhy worrying about annoying others can hold you back from confidence, and learning confidence means acting respectfully on what matters, even when that fear is presentComfort-zone challenges to expand confidence and even meaningfully change the direction of your lifeBuilding confidence through practical, real-world exercises with Michael’s course Resources:  Michael’s Course: herold.coach/course Lilly and the Wildflowers:www.instagram.com/lilyandthewildflowerswww.lilyandthewildflowers.com About Michael Herold Michael (he/him) is a confidence trainer and social skills coach, based in Vienna, Austria.  He’s helping his clients overcome their social anxiety through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and fun exposure exercises. (Though the jury is still out on whether they’re mostly fun for him). He is also a certified therapeutic game master, utilizing the Dungeons&Dragons tabletop roleplaying game to train communication, assertiveness, and teamwork with young adults. Or actually, anyone ready to roll some dice and battle goblins in a supportive group where players want to level up (pun!) their social skills. Michael is the head coach of the L.A. based company The Art of Charm, running their confidence-building program “Unstoppable” as well as workshops on small talk, storytelling, vulnerability, and more. He is the scientific advisor and co-producer of their large podcast with more than 250 million downloads. As a member of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS), Michael is the current President of the ACT Coaching Special Interest Group with nearly 1,000 coaches worldwide, and the co-founder of the ACT in Austria Affiliate of ACBS, a nationwide meetup for ACT practitioners in Austria. He’s a public speaker who has spoken at TEDx, in front of members of parliament, universities, and once in a cinema full of 500 kids high on sugary popcorn. In a previous life, he was a character animator working on award-winning movies and TV shows such as “The Penguins of Madagascar” and “Kung Fu Panda”. That was before he realized that helping people live a meaningful life is much more rewarding than working in the film business – even though the long nights in the studio allowed him to brew his own beer in the office closet, an activity he highly recommends. Michael grew up with five foster kids who were all taken out of abusive families. His foster sisters showed him how much positive change is possible in a person if they have the love and support they need. Related Episodes 173. Confidence, Self-Doubt, and Overcoming Limitations with Michael Herold313. ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety with Brian Pilecki and Brian Thompson195. ACT Daily with Diana Hill and Debbie Sorensen See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Guilt can feel uncomfortable and easy to push away, but it is one of those emotions that actually serves an important purpose in our lives. For this episode, Debbie sits down with developmental psychologist Chris Moore, author of The Power of Guilt, to unpack what guilt really is and why it plays such an important role in our lives and relationships. Informed by both research and personal experience, Chris offers a perspective that might completely change how you see this emotion. You’ll come away with an understanding of where guilt comes from, how it shows up in everyday life, from childhood to parenting to relationships, and why some people feel it more than others.  They also get into topics like apology, forgiveness, and how guilt can actually help us repair and strengthen connections.  Listen and Learn:  How a single life-altering mistake shaped how Chris understands guilt, responsibility, and forgivenessHow guilt quietly reveals the hidden ways our most important relationships shape what we feel and why we’re driven to repair something we might not fully understand yetDoes the guilt you feel over small things like unfinished chores reveal deeper, hidden influences from the relationships that shaped your internal rules and standards?Why feelings like guilt begin much earlier than we assume and later grow into something far more complex and central to relationshipsWhy some people feel guilt far more intensely than others, and how personality, relationships, and even gender differences quietly shape that experience in ways you might not expectWhy feeling like you are never doing enough as a parent might actually come from the very nature of caring for someone vulnerable, and what that reveals about guilt being more automatic than accurateHow guilt can quietly become a tool of control when forgiveness is withheldHow ideas like restorative justice and even collective guilt reshape the way we understand responsibility and emotional repair in societyWhy guilt, though uncomfortable, can actually serve as a powerful internal signal that helps us recognize when a valued relationship may need attention and guide us toward repairing and strengthening it Resources: The Power of Guilt: Why We Feel It and Its Surprising Ability to Healhttps://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781637747728 Chris’ Website: https://www.chrislmoore.comConnect with Chris on Social Media:https://www.facebook.com/mfwguilthttps://www.instagram.com/chrismooreauthorphd/ About Chris Moore Dr. Chris Moore is a professor of psychology and former dean of science at Dalhousie University in Canada, as well as a former Canada Research Chair at the University of Toronto. He holds a PhD in developmental psychology from the University of Cambridge and an MFA in creative nonfiction from the University of King’s College. He has spent his career studying human social understanding and relations, and has published well over 100 research papers, edited 5 books and special issues of academic journals, and authored The Development of Commonsense Psychology (Psychology Press, 2006). He has had numerous invitations to present at academic conferences and universities around the world and has enjoyed many research collaborations in Canada, the United States, Australia, Germany, China, and the UK. Moore’s work has been cited in mainstream print publications such as Psychology Today, Today’s Parent, and the New York Times. His research has also been featured in a variety of TV documentaries, including The Nature of Things and the Baby Human series on Discovery Health. His new book, The Power of Guilt: Why We Feel It and Its Surprising Ability to Heal, is his first for a general audience. He lives in Nova Scotia with his family. Related episodes:  430. Nonadaptive Guilt and Shame with Carolyn Allard 118. Moral Injury and Shame with Lauren Borges and Jacob Farnsworth 320. Anger and Forgiveness with Robyn Walser 358. How to Keep House While Drowning with KC Davis 341. Self-Forgiveness with Grant Dewar  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you’ve ever ended an argument with your partner, coworker, or family member feeling confused about how it escalated so quickly, this episode is for you.  Julia Minson, founder of the Constructive Disagreement Lab and author of How to Disagree Better, explains to us why trying to “win” arguments often starts fights and offers a different metric for success: a disagreement that increases both people’s willingness to talk again.  Drawing on her work on naive realism and research on receptiveness, she discusses why differences feel threatening, how listening is hard to perceive in conflict, and how language can signal receptivity using the HEAR framework. Listen in to learn evidence-based tools to make hard conversations in your life more constructive. Listen and Learn:  Julia’s upbringing in a family of psychologists, her immigrant experience, and her years as a ballroom dancer, and why people can share the same moment yet see it completely differently, making disagreement inevitableWhy a truly constructive disagreement isn’t about “winning” or changing minds, but about improving mutual willingness to continue the conversation and deepening understandingNaive realism and the tendency to assume our perceptions are objectively correct, which underlies everyday conflicts, because everyone thinks “I get it” and struggles to see others’ perspectivesHow true receptiveness works, not just thinking receptively, but expressing it clearly through language so others genuinely feel heard, especially in conflict or disagreementHow to use the HEAR framework to communicate receptively and build stronger relationshipsJulia’s Hawk story and how approaching disagreements with curiosity rather than judgment can turn tense or potentially divisive moments into understanding, connection, and even common ground Resources:  How to Disagree Better: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593855003Julia’s Websites: https://disagreeingbetter.com/ and https://www.juliaminson.com/ Connect with Julia on Social Media: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julia-minson-5b511b150/https://twitter.com/juliaminson Take The Measure of Receptivity:https://receptiveness.net/survey.html  About Julia Minson:  Julia Minson is a professor of public policy at Harvard Kennedy School and founder of the Constructive Disagreement Lab, where she studies what she calls the "psychology of disagreement" — how we actually engage with views that conflict with our own, especially on the hot-button stuff: politics, values, health decisions. Her new book, How to Disagree Better, starts from a counterintuitive premise: we're drowning in advice on how to win arguments, but Julia's research shows that trying to win is basically a guaranteed way to start a fight. Her work offers evidence-based strategies for being genuinely receptive to opposing views, which turns out to be far more effective than perfecting your persuasion game. Related Episodes: 276. Assertive Communication Skills with Randy Paterson281. Belonging Uncertainty and Bridging Divides with Geoffrey Cohen371. Uniting Toward a Better Future with Diana McLain Smith392. Outraged with Kurt Gray403. Conflict Resilience with Bob Bordone and Joel Salinas See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Overwhelm can push us to a point where the tools we normally rely on suddenly feel out of reach.  In this episode, clinical psychologist and burnout expert Kerry Makin-Byrd discusses her book Start Here: A Practical Guide for the Overwhelmed, created as a simple, step-by-step guide for moments when thinking clearly feels difficult. She explains overwhelm as being outside the “window of tolerance,” when the nervous system moves into overarousal or shutdown, and everyday functioning, like sleep, mood, and decision-making, can be disrupted. Kerry introduces a three-part approach called Soothe, Transcend, Move. The idea is to regulate the body first, then shift perspective with self-compassion, and finally focus on one small action that aligns with your values.  Listen and Learn:  Kerry’s simple illustrated guide for turning overwhelming stress into clear, actionable steps you can actually use in the momentHow overwhelm shows up in your body and mind can look completely different from others and might be quietly sabotaging your focus and energyPracticing small daily skills to train your mind to handle stress more quickly and effortlessly under pressureHow you can instantly calm your body and unlock clearer thinking using a surprising science-based “chill out” practice from the first step of a three-part emotional regulation systemHow Kerr’s three-step approach can help you calm your body, shift perspective, and navigate stress more effectivelyReflective support to overcome burnout and compassion fatigue in helping professions Resources: Start Here: A Practical Guide for the Overwhelmed: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781408783221Kerry’s Website: https://www.drkerrymakinbyrd.com/ Subscribe for twice-a-month field notes on overwhelm, burnout, and compassion to help you care for yourself and others: https://www.drkerrymakinbyrd.com/contact/#/portal/ Kerr’s Podcast, Start Here for Helpers — with Dr Kerry Makin-Byrd: https://starthereforhelpers.substack.com/?ref=drkerrymakinbyrd.com Connect with Kerry on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/drkerrymbhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/kerry-makin-byrd-phdhttps://www.facebook.com/DrKerryMakinByrd/https://www.youtube.com/@drkerrymb  About Kerry Makin-Byrd Dr. Kerry Makin-Byrd is a clinical psychologist and noted burnout and well-being expert who translates science into practical non-fiction. An alum of Penn State, UC San Francisco, and the Palo Alto VA Health Care System/Stanford School of Medicine (affiliated), she was honoured with the Veterans Health Administration’s Special Contribution Award for nationally impactful policy work and clinical teaching. A burnout survivor herself, Dr. Kerry is the author of the memoir The Ballad of Burnout. Based in Wellington, New Zealand, she divides her time between writing, providing trauma therapy, and mentoring doctors and therapists. Her favorite types of rest are cold swims with her family and cackling with friends. Related Episodes:  153. Healthcare Professional Wellbeing Abbie Beacham, Kerry Makin-Byrd, and Bernard Chang (Part 1) 154. Healthcare Professional Wellbeing with Abbie Beacham, Kerry Makin-Byrd, and Bernard Chang (Part 2) 338. ACT for Burnout with Debbie 177. Mind-Body Practices for Stress and Overwhelm with Rebekkah LaDyne 75. Mindful Self-Compassion with Christopher Germer  199. Belonging From the Inside Out with Meg McKelvie 211. Subtract with Leidy Klotz73. Essentialism with Greg McKeown  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Weight feels like one of those topics everyone has an opinion on, yet it’s deeply personal for each of us. So, for this episode, Emily and Jill take the opportunity to dig into what it’s like to navigate body changes in a world full of strong opinions, from the rise of GLP-1 medications to the stigma that can come with medical or surgical interventions. Jill opens up about her own journey with weight, body image, and ultimately deciding to have gastric bypass surgery, including what’s shifted for her since, physically, emotionally, and socially.  They also talk about the judgment people can face, how conversations about health often get reduced to discipline or willpower, and also zoom out to explore the bigger cultural messages about bodies and how therapists can support clients in talking about weight in ways that move beyond shame or “fixing.”  Listen and Learn:  Why shame, Yo-yo dieting, and a surprising therapy session insight led Jill to discover a life-changing path that transformed her health, mindset, and relationship with exerciseWhy the idea that weight loss tools are “cheating” reveals deeper cultural biases about bodies, health, and who gets judged for the choices they makeHow constant pressure on women’s bodies may actually distract from power, health, and autonomy in ways most people never questionFocusing on values instead of weight loss goals to help you stop postponing the life you want to liveHow changing your relationship with cravings and “food noise” through psychological flexibility can make long-term weight loss maintenance more possible Resources:  Jill’s Website: https://jillstoddard.comConnect with Jill on Social Media https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNDJ6pR5PVGZSSzRFc556QAhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/jillstoddardphd/  About Jill Stoddard  Jill Stoddard is passionate about sharing science-backed ideas from psychology to help people thrive. She is a psychologist, writer, TEDx speaker, award-winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, bariatric coach, and co-host of the popular Psychologists Off the Clock podcast. Dr. Stoddard is the founder and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management, an outpatient practice specializing in evidence-based therapies for anxiety and related issues. She is the author of three books: The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner’s Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy; Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance; and Imposter No More: Overcome Self-doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career. Her writing has also appeared in The Washington Post, Psychology Today, Scary Mommy, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, and Mindful Return. She regularly appears on podcasts and as an expert source for various media outlets. She lives in Newburyport, MA with her husband, two kids, and disobedient French Bulldog.   Related Episodes: 348. Sustainable Exercise with Michelle Segar326. Weight Stigma and Body Image with Sarah Pegrum264. Raising Intuitive Eaters with Sumner Brooks and Amee Severson231. Eating Skills and Emotional Eating with Josh Hillis151. Intuitive Eating with Evelyn Tribole93. Effective Weight Loss with Evan Forman77. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Jill Stoddard36. Weight Loss Strategies From Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Jason Lillis See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Feeling loved sounds simple, but it is not something that just happens because someone cares about you.  In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Yael talks with Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis about their book, How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most, and why it is possible to be loved but not actually feel loved. They explore what really helps people feel cared for and understood in any kind of relationship, why stress or attachment patterns can get in the way, and how small mindset shifts like listening to learn or being willing to go first can make a big difference in how connected you feel. It is less about following relationship rules and more about how you show up. Your curiosity, your openness, and your willingness to understand someone else and let yourself be understood too. If connection sometimes feels harder than it should, this episode is for you. Listen and Learn:  How the happiness habits you already know, like gratitude or kindness, may actually work by strengthening a hidden relationship dynamic that makes people feel deeply understood and loved in everyday interactionsWhat are the key ingredients that quietly combine to make us feel truly loved and understood by others?How feeling loved often depends less on what’s done for us and more on whether we truly feel seen, understood, and connected in the momentHow shifting your mindset in love can transform simple behaviors into deeper, more genuine connections that naturally grow intimacyHow showing up first in relationships can feel risky, but it often unlocks deeper connections in ways you might not expectWhy feeling loved isn’t just about what you receive, it’s about how you understand and respond to the love others are trying to giveEmbracing the messy, multifaceted parts of yourself to completely change how you experience love and connection Resources:  How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780063426665 Sonja’s Website: https://sonjalyubomirsky.com Card deck from Sojna’s recommendation: The Andhttps://howtofeelloved.com/ Connect with Sonja on Social Media: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sonja-lyubomirsky-21283bb/https://www.instagram.com/sonjalyubomirsky/https://www.facebook.com/sonja.lyubomirsky  About Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis:  Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside and the author of The How of Happiness and The Myths of Happiness. She's also a returning guest on Psychologists Off the Clock — you can catch her first appearance in episode 227. Harry Reis is a Dean's Professor of Psychology at the University of Rochester and one of the most influential relationship scientists working today, known for foundational research on intimacy, responsiveness, and what makes people feel truly connected. Together, they've written How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets that Get You More of What Matters Most — a book that reframes the question most of us have been asking wrong. Related Episodes: 172. Performing Under Pressure with Sian Beilock227. The Science of Happy with Sonja Lyubomirsky413. Validate with Caroline Fleck422. Mindwise with Nicholas Epley See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Oversharing has a bad reputation. But what if revealing more about yourself is actually the fastest way to build trust?  To give us insight into the psychology behind oversharing — when it builds connection and when it backfires — we’re joined by behavioral scientist and author of Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing, Leslie John. Leslie guides us through the surprising benefits of self-disclosure, exploring how revealing personal information can strengthen social bonds and increase trust.  She also shares research on how disclosure impacts relationships, workplace dynamics, and even physiological stress, and explains how to find the “Goldilocks zone” where sharing is just right, without overburdening others. Listen and Learn:  How sharing something a little uncomfortable can instantly build trust and make people like and choose you even more than someone who keeps everything privateWhy the instant regret after saying something vulnerable makes us play it safe, while the real price of not opening up shows up later in missed connection we never even realize we lostHow sharing just a little more than usual in conversations can create connection and prompt others to open up with youAsking deeper, slightly risky questions to turn awkward small talk into real connection and reveal surprising ways people bondRecognizing when sharing with a friend is helping or hurting your relationship and the surprising way your closest friendships reveal your emotional limitsHow sharing small vulnerabilities at work can actually boost trust and credibility without crossing professional boundariesHow encouraging young kids to show their feelings now could help them handle stress later and navigate tricky social pressures as they growSharing personal stories to light up your brain’s pleasure centers, and why that might be more rewarding than you think Resources:  Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593545386 Leslie’s Website: https://www.lesliekjohn.comConnect with Leslie on Social Media:https://www.linkedin.com/in/leslie-john-75928721 https://www.instagram.com/proflesliejohn/ https://x.com/lesliekjohn?lang=en  About Leslie John Leslie John is the James E. Burke Professor of Business Administration at the Harvard Business School. Her award-winning research appears in top academic journals and media, including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and The Economist. A Canadian-born, internationally trained ballet dancer, she now calls Boston home Related Episodes: 422. Mindwise with Nicholas Epley360. The Laws of Connection with David Robson374. Developing and Deepening Connections with Adam ... 393. Supercommunicators with Charles Duhigg 408. Connecting Like a Hostage Negotiator with Gary ...  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you struggle with people-pleasing and losing yourself in relationships, this episode with Ingrid Clayton, a licensed clinical psychologist and expert in relational trauma, about her book Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back, is a conversation that can help you understand and transform patterns holding you back.  Exploring fawning, which is a lesser-known trauma response shaped by caretaking, appeasement, and self-abandonment, you’ll learn how it often shows up as anxiety and hypervigilance.  And, through personal and client stories, you’ll gain insights on reclaiming authenticity, navigating backlash, and starting the process of “unfawning.” Listen and Learn: Why do some people cope with relational trauma by becoming overly accommodating or pleasing?How people-pleasing might actually be your nervous system choosing safety in ways that once protected you, but could now be quietly shaping your identity and relationships without you realizing it, and what it actually takes to reconnect with who you areHow chronic fawning can look like emotional strength on the outside while quietly disconnecting you from your own anxiety and bodyHow what looks like dishonesty can actually be a survival response that once kept you safe, and what it takes to notice when it starts keeping you stuckHow tuning into what you notice in your body can be the first uncomfortable but powerful step to breaking people-pleasing patterns and building more authentic relationshipsWhy red flags can feel like home after emotional abuse and how learning to trust your own resentment might be the first step toward building a truly safe relationship Resources: Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9798217045327 Ingrid’s Website: https://www.ingridclayton.com/ Connect with Ingrid on Social Media:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IngridClaytonPhD LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ingridclaytonphd/ Substack: https://substack.com/@ingridclaytonphd YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PvWTgJMirURfgHWj3h28g  About Ingrid Clayton Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology.  She’s had a thriving private practice for more than sixteen years and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, where her blog “Emotional Sobriety” has had more than a million views.  She lives in Los Angeles, California.  Book: Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves--and How to Find Our Way Back: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9798217045327 Related Episodes: 305. The Power of Saying No with Vanessa Patrick186. Set Boundaries Find Peace with Nedra Tawwab 276. Assertive Communication Skills with Randy Paterson  308. Identifying and Surviving Gaslighting with Robin Stern 263. Relationships with Emotionally Immature People with Lindsay Gibson 383. What My Bones Know: C-PTSD with Stephanie Foo417. Busting Trauma Treatment Myths with Emi Nietfeld416. Trauma and PTSD Treatment with Robyn Walser See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Behind the scenes of everyday family life is a mental workload many of us carry without even realizing it, and that’s exactly what Debbie Sorensen explores in her interview with sociologist Allison Daminger about her book, What's on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life.  Allison defines cognitive labor as the invisible work of managing family needs and obligations, and walks us through its importance for individual well-being and relationship satisfaction.  The discussion also touches on how these tasks are often unrecognized in statistics, the gender dynamics in cognitive labor, and the implications for families and workplaces.  You’ll also get a look at insights from her research involving both different-sex and same-sex couples, and she suggests ways to address gender imbalances through individual, cultural, and systemic changes. Listen and Learn:  How cognitive household labor silently shapes family lifeHow mental load secretly drains energy in daily life and why the invisible tasks of keeping a household running can be more exhausting than anyone realizesWhy the small, everyday decisions parents make reveal hidden patterns in family life that most people never noticeWhy women often carry the mental load at home even when they out-earn or out-work their partnersHow couples explain unequal household labor reveals that what seems like personality differences is actually shaped by deeply ingrained social and cultural expectations around genderThe surprising ways “superhuman” and “bumbler” roles shape relationships and what small changes can help partners share the load more freelyInsights from same-sex couples on sharing mental load and the lessons they offer for balancing household responsibilities Resources:  What's on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780691245386Allison’s Website: https://www.allisondaminger.com/Allison’s Substack: https://allisondaminger.substack.com/Connect with Allison on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/allisondaminger/  About Allison Daminger Allison Daminger is an assistant professor of sociology at UW-Madison and the author of the new book What's on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life. Daminger's research is focused on how and why gender shapes family dynamics, particularly the division of work and power in couples. Her award-winning scholarship has been published in top academic journals and featured in outlets including The Atlantic, The New York Times, and Psychology Today. Daminger holds a Ph.D. in Sociology and Social Policy from Harvard University and lives with her family in Madison, Wisconsin.  Related Episodes: 176. Fair Play with Eve Rodsky 206. Fair Play Part 2 with Eve Rodsky275. Work, Parent, Thrive with Yael Schonbrun386. Parents Are Stressed: What Do We Do About It? with Emily, Debbie, and our dear friend Yael Schonbrun306. Screaming on the Inside: The Challenges of American Motherhood with Jessica Grose146. Parental Burnout with Lisa Coyne441. Having It All with Corinne Low137. The Complexities of Motherhood with Daphne de Marneffe104. You’re Doing It Wrong with Bethany Johnson and Margaret Quinlan33. Couples with Young Children: Relationship Challenges and Strategies with Yael Schonbrun           See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Caregiving is often framed as a burden, but what if it’s also one of the most meaningful ways we come to know ourselves? Emily sits down with acclaimed journalist and cultural critic Elissa Strauss for this episode to discuss her extensive work on the politics and culture of parenting and caregiving, which has appeared in publications like The Atlantic and The New York Times.  Centering on her new book, When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others, they challenge feminist notions that have undervalued caregiving and explore how caregiving can enrich one's sense of self.  You’ll hear about the philosophical foundations of care ethics and how caregiving for various dependents, not just children, brings profound personal growth, scientific research on caregiver well-being, the importance of male caregivers, and also the need for systemic support for caregivers. Listen and Learn:  How redefining caregiving, not as a burden, but as a powerful source of meaning and self-expansion, might change what we think feminism, motherhood, and what a “full” life actually look likeHow caregiving across parenting, disability, and aging becomes an intense, surprising mirror that reshapes identity and meaning in ways most of us never expectThe research that shows why caregiving doesn’t have to wear you down, and under certain conditions, it can actually make you healthier and even help you live longerHow one husband turned the challenges of caregiving into moments of quiet activism, love, and connectionHow does caring for others bring meaning, even when day-to-day life feels messy?What if the real barrier for working caregivers isn’t just the glass ceiling but the glass door separating home and work, and how breaking it could change everything we value about care?Why men’s brains change when they care for others, how caregiving reshapes masculinity, and what it really means for dads todayWhy caring for those closest to us isn’t just personal—it’s a radical philosophical lens that could change how we think about society itself Resources:  When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781982169282Elisa’s Website: https://www.elissastrauss.com/Elisa’s Substack: https://elissa.substack.com/Connect with Elisa on Social Media: https://www.facebook.com/elissa.strauss.7/https://www.instagram.com/elissaavery/https://www.linkedin.com/in/elissa-strauss-742720112  About Elissa Strauss Elissa Strauss is a journalist, essayist, and cultural critic who has been writing about the politics and culture of parenting and caregiving for more than fifteen years. Her work appears in publications like the Atlantic, the New York Times, Glamour, ELLE, and elsewhere, and she was a former contributing writer at CNN.com and Slate. Her book, "When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others," is out now from Gallery Books, and she writes a Substack called "MADE WITH CARE." Related episodes:  444. Mattering with Jennifer Wallace441. Having It All with Corinne Low386. Parents Are Stressed: What Do We Do About It? With Emily, Debbie, and Yael356. Navigating the Challenges of Caregiving with Alison Applebaum354. A Family Guide to Dementia with Brent Forester275. Work, Parent, Thrive with Yael Schonbrun See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In a world that’s more connected than ever yet feels increasingly lonely, award-winning journalist Jennifer B. Wallace explores why the simple human need to matter may be the most powerful force shaping our well-being.  Joining Yael to discuss her new book, Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose, Jennifer underscores the crucial role of mattering in fostering resilience and well-being, emphasizing its importance in both personal and professional contexts. You’ll gain practical ways to cultivate a sense of mattering, learn about the importance of attunement in relationships, and understand the significance of social contexts in mental health.  She also reflects on the impact of technology on our social connections and the valuable lessons learned from her research on creating ecosystems that support mattering. Listen and Learn:  The discovery that shifted Jennifer’s entire research focus and why the real key to kids’ resilience may actually lie in how adults experience purpose, value, and “mattering” in their own livesWhy “mattering” goes beyond belonging or purpose and how feeling both valued and impactful may be the hidden factor that determines whether people truly engage or quietly burn outHow a simple moment of everyday rudeness can quietly undermine our sense of mattering, and why understanding that reaction can completely change how you interpret (and respond to) those interactionsHow a lesson learned from Jennifer’s father about making people feel like they matter shaped their entire lifeWhy feeling like you “matter” isn’t something you can fix alone, and how small, often uncomfortable moments of connection, dependence, and even friction are actually where real healing and meaning are builtWhy do some people never seem to feel that they matter, even when the evidence is right in front of them, and what actually helps (and doesn’t) when you’re trying to show someone they do?How attunement can transform everyday interactions and make people feel deeply seen, valued, and connected Resources: Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose by Jennifer B. Wallace: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593850596 Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It by Jennifer B. Wallace: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593191866 Jennifer’s Website: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/Connect with Jennifer on Social Media: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-b-wallace/https://www.instagram.com/jenniferbrehenywallace Yael’s newsletter on “phubbing” with Jaqueline Nesi: https://relationalriffs.substack.com/p/are-you-phubbing-your-partner Empathy Diaries by Sherry Turkle: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780525560111 Power of Discord by Ed Tronick and Claudia Goldstein: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-power-of-discord-why-the-ups-and-downs-of-relationships-are-the-secret-to-building-intimacy-resilience-and-trust-claudia-m-gold-md/f91287b2b45f7311?ean=9780316488877&next=t About Jennifer B Wallace Jennifer Breheny Wallace is an award-winning journalist and author of the New York Times bestselling book Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—And What We Can Do About It, which was named an Amazon Best Book of the Year, and for which she joined us on POTC episode 324. She's also the founder of The Mattering Institute, whose mission is to create cultures of mattering in workplaces and communities, and co-founder of The Mattering Movement, a nonprofit dedicated to creating cultures of mattering in schools. Jennifer started her journalism career at CBS's 60 Minutes. She's contributed to The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post, and she's here today to talk about her forthcoming book Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose. Related Episodes: 168. Everyday Conversations: How Conversational Style Impacts Relationships with Deborah Tannen179. How to be an Adult in Relationships with Dave Richo263. Relationships with Emotionally Immature People with Lindsay Gibson324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer Wallace See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We all feel emotions every day, but how often do we stop to understand what they really are and how they work?  Joining Michael for this episode is Ethan Kross, a renowned authority on emotion regulation and author of Shift: Managing Your Emotions—So They Don’t Manage You, for a conversation about the science behind how our internal dialogue affects health, performance, and relationships.  Ethan explains what emotions are, how they function, and the importance of teaching emotional regulation skills from a young age.  He also covers various tools and strategies that can help you manage your emotions more effectively, shares examples from his books, and highlights significant studies. Listen and Learn:  Why we have emotions and how they quietly shape our thoughts, bodies, and actions in ways most of us don’t fully noticeWhy meaningful moments almost always come with emotional friction, and what that reveals about living a purposeful lifeThe 50-year study that shows how early emotion skills shape health, money, and relationshipsWhat happens when logic is pushed too far, and emotions are removed, and how science suggests a more balanced approach that quietly shapes better outcomes in work, relationships, and lifeWhy managing emotions isn’t about suppressing them, but learning how you can use the right tools at the right time to keep them working for you instead of against youSimple mental shifts that help you move through discomfort and emotional blocks faster Resources:  Shift: Managing Your Emotions--So They Don't Manage You https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593444412 Ethan’s Website: https://www.ethankross.com/Emotion & Self Control Laboratory: http://selfcontrol.psych.lsa.umich.edu/Connect with Ethan on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/ethankross/https://www.linkedin.com/in/ekross/ About Ethan Kross Ethan Kross is one of the world’s leading experts on emotion regulation. An award-winning professor and bestselling author in the University of Michigan’s top- ranked Psychology Department and its Ross School of Business, he studies how the conversations people have with themselves impact their health, performance, decisions, and relationships. Ethan was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. He attended the University of Pennsylvania, where he was elected to Phi Beta Kappa and graduated magna cum laude. After earning his PhD in Psychology from Columbia University, Ethan completed a post-doctoral fellowship in social-affective neuroscience to learn about the neural systems that support self-control. He moved to the University of Michigan in 2008, where he founded the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. Ethan’s research has been published in Science, The New England Journal of Medicine, and The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, among other peer-reviewed journals. He has participated in policy discussion at the White House and has been interviewed on CBS Evening News, Good Morning America, Anderson Cooper Full Circle, and NPR’s Morning Edition. His pioneering research has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The New Yorker, Harvard Business Review, USA Today, The Economist, The Atlantic, Forbes, and Time. Ethan is the two-time National Bestselling author of SHIFT: Managing Your Emotions—So They Don’t Manage You and  CHATTER: The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters and How to Harness It. His books are routinely featured in the worlds’ top media (e.g., New York Times, Wall Street Journal, BBC, The New Yorker), have garnered multiple accolades and been translated into over 40 languages.  Related Episodes: 309. The Language of Emotions with Karla McLaren265. The Power of Emotions at Work with Karla McLaren183. Permission to Feel: Emotional Intelligence with Marc Brackett See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if grief isn’t something to “get over” but something that can lead us toward meaning, connection, and healing?  Jill interviews David Kessler, a leading expert on loss and healing. They discuss Kessler's background, his books, especially Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, and his journey through personal grief, including the loss of his son.  David shares insights on the stages of grief, differentiates between practical and emotional grief, and stresses the importance of finding meaning and community in the healing process.  He also touches on the role of children at funerals and the concept of continuing bonds with deceased loved ones. Tune in for invaluable perspectives on enduring and transforming through profound loss. Listen and Learn:  How David's life was transformed by severe personal trauma and loss into a path devoted to assisting others in overcoming griefWhy grief is a natural consequence of choosing love and connection rather than a defect or failureDavid’s more expansive definition of grief Challenging the idea that grief has a timeline and how healing isn’t about “ending” grief, but learning how to carry it differentlyThe non-linear and deeply personal journey of loss and what it takes to show up for yourself in the hardest momentsHow facing grief head-on can transform pain into growth and reveal unexpected meaning in life’s hardest momentsWhy some people seem to sail through grief while others struggle silentlyHow meaning often hides in the small, unexpected moments of life and loss Resources:  Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781501192746 David’s Website: http://Grief.com Grief Educator Certification with David Kessler: https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/certificationTender Hearts Online Grief Group: https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/tender-hearts-fb21 Connect with David on Social Media:https://www.youtube.com/@iamdavidkesslerhttp://instagram.com/iamdavidkesslerhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/david-kessler/http://www.facebook.com/pages/David-Kessler About David Kessler  David Kessler is one of the world’s foremost experts on loss and healing. His decades of experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even after life’s tragedies. He is the author of seven books including his latest bestselling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, as well as a new Finding Meaning Companion Workbook. He co-authored two books with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Life Lessons and On Grief and Grieving. He co-wrote You Can Heal Your Heart with Louise Hay and also wrote Visions, Trips and Crowded Rooms: Who and What You See Before You Die. His first book, The Needs of The Dying received praise from Saint (Mother) Teresa. His article in the Harvard Business Review, titled, The Discomfort You Are Feeling is Grief went viral and was named one of “The Most Influential and Innovative Articles from Harvard Business Review’s First Century. His talk with Brené Brown was the #1 podcast in the world. He also hosted his own Spotify Podcast called Healing with David Kessler. He has a unique place in pop culture as one of his books being the premise for the season premiere of The Walking Dead and he was a question on Alex Trebek’s Jeopardy.   His new online model of grief support, Tender Hearts, offers over twenty-five groups. Additionally, David leads one of the most respected Grief Educator Certification programs. He is the founder of Grief.com. Related Episodes: 52. Palliative Care and Healing with Michael Kearney 116. Building a Meaningful, Values-based Life with Jenna LeJeune 117. Bearing Unbearable Loss: A conversation About Grief with Joanne Cacciatore 157. The Art of Dying Well with Katy Butler 351. You Only Die Once with Jodi Wellman 384. Understanding Grief and Loss with Meghan Riordan Jarvis 419. Break Up on Purpose with John Kim See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.