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Welcome to Brekenkrieg Grimoire, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we act like lame, moronic humans who never quit and keep podcasting as we talk about the penultimate episode of Buffy: “End of Days.” In this episode, we stuff our faces with Jaffa Cakes and try not to talk as it only onl ends the podcast faster: * Angel Update (3:30) * Plot and Firsts and Trivia (6:00) * Initial Thoughts (19:00) * The Guardian — Why? What is Buffy’s “powerful weapon” and why is it friendship? An end instead of the end (23:30) * Why is the First like this? What’s going on? (35:00) * Spike + Do Buffy and Angel hook up whenever they see each other?(40:25) * Buffy sending Xander and Dawn away (47:00) * Reasonable or Ridiculous — Buffy the Exiled Slayer knew where to find the Potentials post-explosion? They called the scythe a scythe instead of an axe? We kicked Buffy out but now she’s back no prob? (51:20) * Yelling (57:45) * Watches (1:12:00) * Rankings (1:17:50) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: Looks like the Hellmouth is officially closed for business. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to Illuminata, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we reach for Season 7, Episode 20: “Touched.” In this episode, we touch on: * Plot and Firsts (2:30) * Initial Thoughts (9:30) * How Are Buffy and Faith’s Plans Different? (18:30) * Being A Hostage at Fort Buffy (23:15) * Is Buffy As Dangerous As Mayor Wilkins Says? (33:00) * Has Buffy Been Separating Herself from the Potentials, aka Distant Buffy S**t (35:45) * Buffy As Neo, or Evil Neo (41:10) * New Season 7 Pitches (43:20) * You Sad, Sad Ungrateful Traitors — Is Spike Right? — Does Giles Have Nothing Left to Offer? — And What of Spike? — And What About Giles? (47:45) * Reasonable or Ridiculous? — First, via Caleb, dug up scythe despite knowing they can’t have it? Giles kills Bringer as its giving information? Giles uses the word “dumb” instead of “mute”? Spike can smell where Buffy went? (1:01:00) * Yelling (1:09:00) * Watches (1:44:45) * Rankings (1:54:30) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: We'll go be heroes. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to Uranium 235, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we hop aboard the USS Buffy Summers on her final voyage for the frustrating “Empty Places.” In this episode, we’re luckier than you to talk about: * Breaking News (3:15) * Plot and Firsts (7:20) * Initial Thoughts (13:30) * A Modest Critique of Buffy’s Options (19:00) — * Pacing of the season + losing our friends (22:00) * Mutiny Aboard the SS Buffy Summers (29:30) * “You’re not better than us.” Is she? (35:15) * Potentials on our last nerve (40:00) * Spike and better storylines (41:40) * Faith, Fun and Leadership (44:45) * Why does the strongest fighter have to be leader? (48:00) * Bronze Dates & Buffy can’t let Faith get better (52:45) * Reasonable or Ridiculous (56:30) — Trading half-eaten bag of chips for carton of cigarettes and some soap? Sunnydale High School has been cancelled? Dawn (and Stacia) hating on Nerfherder? * Yelling (1:04:30) * Watches (1:20:15) * Rankings (1:30:00) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: I lay one hand on you and you're just a dead little girl. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to Magic for Beginners, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we come to work part-time only to be fired again alongside “Dirty Girls.” In this episode, we sermonize on: * Plot and Firsts (3:00) * Initial Thoughts (14:45) * Running into danger / burden of leadership (18:30) * Did Buffy understand the stakes? / Does Giles? (26:00) * Caleb is a strong boi, or, why is the First the worst? / also, rewriting Caleb is fun (31:45) * A roundabout way to talk about Faith (40:30) * Xander — he’s the heart. listen. he’s the heart. he’s the mom. andrew’s the stepmom. this is science. (47:45) * Xander paying with his eyes instead of his life — the most important moment in all of television history (53:45) * Reasonable or Ridiculous? — No one bothered to tell Faith the Potentials were being hunted? Sunnydale is NOW OF ALL TIMES leaving town in droves? Dawn to dislike Faith despite never meeting her before (MONK ASIDE!)? (1:08:00) * Yelling (1:17:00) * Watches (1:36:30) * Rankings (1:44:00) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Linktree | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: Buffy, I love you, but you were right. We have to be together on this. You can't be a part of it. So I need you to leave. I'm sorry, but this is my house, too. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to Delothrian’s Arrow, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we go boring, old, and English with “Lies My Parents Told Me” In this episode, we cover the following in a Slayer/Watcher, Spike/Mother dynamic: * Plot and Firsts — with an Angel update (2:40) * Initial Thoughts (22:30) * Slayers Havin’ Babies (31:20) * The Nikki Power Hour: Does Spike Have a Point? Slayers As “Chosen”? Does Nikki Love Robin? What Does the Council and Giles Know? (37:00) * Our Favorite Question: Is it Time to Kill Spike?! A Final Look At the Dead in the Basement at the Beginning of the Season and Buffy’s Moral Code (47:45) * On Giles: His Confession, His Role in the Show, “Helpless,” Do Giles and Buffy Come Back From This? (58:15) * Reasonable or Ridiculous: Willow f***s off to LA without a word of explanation? Willow doesn’t tell Buffy that Angel needs his soul restored? Giles believes the Sunnydale school board cares about his opinions? Spike turns his Mom into a vampire and wants to take her on adventures? (1:10:00) * Yelling (1:16:00) * Watches (1:34:30) * Rankings (1:41:00) * Final Thought on the Firsts (1:48:00) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Linktree | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: Yeah? Maybe you haven't heard. I've reformed This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to The Big Skedaddle, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, as fugitives haunted by our past, we talk “Storyteller.” In this episode, we place our thoughts in the drawer with the other utensils: Mario Asides (2:00) Plot and Firsts (7:30) Initial Thoughts (17:30) Andrew Temperature Check (22:40) All My Exes Live in Tex… the same house as me (32:20) Is Filming Advisable? (40:00) Reason or Ridiculous? — Buffy and Wood talk about Hellmouth and Slayer s**t at work? A student explodes and no one reacts? Andrew never noticed writing on Jonathan killing knife? (50:10) Yelling (58:00) Watches (1:24:40) Rankings (1:31:30) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Linktree | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: Well, no fires, no one's heads going kablooey. And the swing choir and the marching band have gone back to their normal, healthy seething resentment. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to Fisherman’s Nuggets with Cheese, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we begin our semi-annual percolation with “Get It Done.” In this episode, we get nowhere near: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (9:00) The Kennedy Grace Train Has Ended — Potential Trash, Elevate Dawn (12:00) Buffy’s The Speech — Is She Mad or Is This Motivation? (19:15) Willow’s Magical Mystery Tour (40:00) Shadow Plays, Boxes & Bags (46:00) Why Does Buffy Turn Down Extra Power? Also, Have We Forgotten About Faith? (52:30) Reasonable or Ridiculous? — Kennedy Says Demons Should Go After Demon Instead of Spike? Anya Asking Spike on Date? Buffy Has Started A Paramilitary Group of Children in Her Backyard and the FBI Hasn’t Descended Upon Her House? (56:00) Yelling (1:00:00) Watches (1:25:10) Rankings (1:35:30) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Linktree | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: You caught me catching up on an old favorite. It's wonderful to get lost in a story, isn't it? Adventure and heroics and discovery — don't they just take you away? Come with me now, if you will, gentle viewers. Join me on a new voyage of the mind. A little tale I like to call... Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to Mr. Bits, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we take a huge bite of peaches and brandy and bliss out to “First Date.” In this episode, we love it when you look at us, baby: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (14:00) Chips Ahoy - Spike (18:30) First Date — Xander & Ashanti (30:30) First Date — Buffy & Robin (42:45) Reasonable or Ridiculous? — Keeping incriminating collection of weapons in public school? An adult British man is able to abduct a girl without impediment? Reading microwave manual to program? (57:10) Yelling (1:03:00) Watches (1:30:45) Rankings (1:45:45) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Linktree | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: Where the hell have you been?! This funnel cake is kicking my ass. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to House of Chicks, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we go on a date with a teenager and talk about “The Killer in Me.” In this episode, we wonder what’s the point: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Angel Update (”Salvage”) (13:00) Initial Thoughts (17:00) Amy (29:00) Kennedy and Willow: A “Love” Story (36:40) Reasonable or Ridiculous — Initiative waits for Buffy? Willow goes to bake-sale Wiccas instead of powerful Coven? No has seen Giles touch or eat anything? (1:00:10) Yelling (1:09:45) Watches (1:33:20) Rankings (1:41:30) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Linktree | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to A Big Furry Hurry, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we oscillate between nothing special and extraordinary with “Potential.” In this episode, we we didn’t mean “Potential Sailors,” when we talk: Plot and Firsts (2:00) Initial Thoughts (10:30) Philosopher Drill Sergeant (14:30) Potential (28:00) This Slayer Line Business (37:15) IAmSparkyJones Aside — Two Slayers (47:10) Xander’s Speech (58:30) Reasonable or Ridiculous — Buffy throws an axe? New Potential Slayer is in Sunnydale? Vampire stays at Sunnydale? (1:04:00) Yelling (1:07:30) Watches (1:26:30) Rankings (1:38:00) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Linktree | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: Mulan Rogue DVD at Chapter 32 for a nice ending This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to Claddagh Ring, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week we’re treading water stylistically as we talk “Showtime” In this episode, we offer sexual bribery to: Plot and Firsts (4:00) Initial Thoughts (11:00) Potentials (13:30) Potential Liabilities (20:30) How A Slayer Becomes A Law (24:00) Beyond Thunderdome (28:15) Beljoxa's Eye (35:30) Corporality (45:00) Telling, Not Showing (50:00) Reasonable or Ridiculous — First As Eve with Scoobies for 36 hours? No one is sleeping in basement? First time we hear of Beljoxa’s Eye? (55:00) Yelling (58:30) Watches (1:24:30) Rankings (1:30:30) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Linktree | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: It's like a gay bar...but with demons. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to The Glove of Myhnegon, also known as If the Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me! This week, we grab shovels to help in the basement at Sunnydale High in “Bring on the Night.” In this episode, we run down the backstreets of Sunnydale screaming: Plot and Firsts (3:00) Farewell to Joyce (13:00) Initial Thoughts (15:00) How do you feel about The First? Can you run out of teenage girls? How compelling is this? (20:00) Buffy’s Speech — why didn’t she go to the hospital? (26:30) The First as commentary on the morality of death? (29:10) An Update on Lore (41:00) Reasonable or Ridiculous? — Buffy didn’t go to the hospital? Annabelle’s Plan? I’m in the school basement holding a shovel because…? (58:10) Yelling (1:06:20) Watches (1:30:30) Rankings (1:37:00) / Full show notes at our website / @beepmepod on Linktree | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr / Beep Me Hyphen Funtime Playlist for Podcast Fans, Season 7 / Next episode: I'm so alone. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beepmepod.substack.com/subscribe