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The Halloween season is finally here (even though it lives in our hearts year round)! This is a special time of the year for Monster Crush so we wanted to recognize some monsters that truly embody the symbology of the season… Pumpkins! So carve out an hour for us as we learn to love the gourd and the bad about the Devouring Gourd, the Squasholiger, and Stingy Jack aka Jack o’ Lantern! Featuring: How to pronounce “Samhain”, hot takes on Supernatural, a new game: Slash’er Pass (with heavy hitters like Chucky, Ghostface, Leatherface, and more!), all squash and gourds are the same and are cucumbers but also they aren’t, taxonomy is just trying to fit things into wet boxes, the Devouring Gourd’s devious master plan: not talking, squash-pigs make their own fertilizer, carving pumpkins is better than carving heads, cucumber insecurities, AND MORE! CW: discussions of movie slashers and their fictional kills (6:30-28:15), fictional SA and harm to children (12:15-18:30) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds. Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

This episode of Monster Crush comes from a very special livestreamed version of the podcast that we did on our parent network Sword & Key! You can watch a recording of this stream on youtube.com/@swordandkey For this episode we bring you the epitome of a “weird little guy” with Gef the Talking Mongoose! A self-described “extra extra clever mongoose” and “freak”, the story of Gef is as complex as it is absurd. And it has everything: pranks, ghost hunters, ventriloquism, a dog, and so much more! Featuring: Dogmen are just domesticated werewolves, the sexual spectrum is werewolves to horny goats to spider ladies, LD’s Smut Corner presents 11 Halloween-themed monster romances - Spooky News: more US UFO Bread & Circuses, Hard Mountain Dew wants you to find Bigfoot, Maine Bigfoot is Chebacca, New York Bigfoot is a naked guy, Nessie spotted by Google satellites, vote for the next Godzilla monster - Gef the self-described freak, a screaming mongoose for an alarm clock, Gef could be a symptom of the male loneliness epidemic, the Mongoose Legal Case, it’s not the size of the rat that counts, AND MORE! CW: hoaxes (throughout the episode), US politics, cover-ups, and conspiracy theories (22:00-28:50), harm to animals (1:02:00-1:02:45), gun violence (1:19:00-1:19:45), mention of animal abuse and eating disorders related to celebrities (1:29:30-1:30:30) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

It’s Shadow’s first episode as an official Monster Crush co-host/co-cryptowoologist! To ease her into things, we decided to bring a couple cryptids that might sound kinda familiar but are totally unique and weird in their own special ways. So strap on and strap in for the Octosquatch and the Sheepsquatch, two hairy fellas with a lotta love to give! Featuring: WELCOME Shadow, we present Shadow with her official Cryptowoologist credentials, dragons and sad round little guys, remember Buzzfeed Quizzes?, Spooky News (a Moon Base could prevent space plague, mini-squatch sightings, squatch calling contests), baby-cooing cryptids, Spanish roads take me home, jackhammering cryptids, White thing vs. White Thang, exit pursued by Sheepsquatch, stick your hectocotylus in my siphon, we solve a little mystery (kinda), pulling someone else’s hair out of your crack, AND MORE! CW: reference to harm of mythical creatures (15:00-19:30), hypothetical virus/plague (22:45- death (25:30-26:30) mention of 9/11 (1:13:15-1:14:50) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

We know you listeners are horny and hot to trot so we finally delivered on our promise to bring you two monsters to perfectly match that energy. Join us to explore the girthy mythology of the galloping Centaur and the labyrinthian Minotaur! But wait… if “taur” means bull why are they called centaurs? This and more secrets revealed in this episode! Featuring: our hot takes on the Wicker movie trailer, the minotaur’s has a real name, Daedalus is the true villain of Greek Mythology, grabbing love by the horns, Greek Mythology is really messy, the MLP is a nightmare (no pun intended), centaurs are hung like a… you know, we learn what a euhemerist is, centaurs are weird because horses are weird, both together at the same time, a very special review, AN IMPORTANT MC ANNOUNCEMENT, AND MORE! CW: Greek mythology throughout (so mentions of SA, bestiality, cannibalism, torture, murder, and incest also throughout), the dark side of the MLP fandom (38:45-39:45) genocide of the Aztecs (48:45-49:30) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

The Dog Days of Summer mark the hottest days of the year but we’re going to make things even HOTTER with the DOGMAN Days of Summer here on Monster Crush! This time we bring you two Great Lakes good boys with the prowling Minnesota Dogman and denim-wearing Defiance Dogman. Be proud of us because we didn’t mention that one Florence and the Machine song even once. Featuring: it’s HOT out which means we must be in the Dog Days of Summer, “seasonal thermal lag” is a fun term, Spooky News - 7th Nessie sighting of the year, Bigfoot sighting (no boobs) - bigfoot researchers are ruined by pendulous breasts, hairy nipples or no, dogmen and werewolves are NOT the same… kinda, Bonus Cryptids: The Turbo Poodle and Mobile Wolf Woman, my grandmother’s place has a lot of squirrels, dogman loves denim, Notting Hill is a werewolf romance story, AND MORE! CW: harm to animals during hunting/gun violence to animals (43:00-44:30) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

Hold on to your butts because we have two monsters of prehistoric proportions for this episode! Dinosaur cryptids can be found in lots of places but these two tend to break the mold in more than a few ways. So listen as love finds a way with the Partridge Creek Monster of the great white north and the surprisingly chatty Atami Stegosaurus! Featuring: problematic youth organizations, shoutout to the YouTube series Muldoon’s Logs, Spooky News: Seattle’s new cryptid - Jimothy the Racoon, a new game: Dinosaur or Pokémon?, Mesozoic Regions, 5-layer-of-separation cryptid story dip, dinosaurs in snow, high strangeness, Nessie gives you the middle finger, and MORE! CW: youth organizations that involve appropriation of indigenous cultures (3:45-6:10), mention of current US politics (5:30-5:35) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

Just because the country is burning down around us doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate some all-American monsters. And it doesn’t get more American than the lumberjack folkloric traditions of FEARSOME CRITTERS! So grab a hot dog and get ready to salute these weird monsters of American folklore - the telescopic sniper, the Tripodero, and the super-fast noose-bird, the Roperite! Featuring: Jennifer Tilly is monster-loving royalty, we love hot dogs, the virtues of street-meat vendors, taken by the spirit of Wiley Jeff, Spooky News: evidence of ancient life on Mars, US appoints a conspiracy theorist to investigate UAP, a man named Snake says he found a bigfoot and got it tested - Fearsome Critter True or False (a new game), a monster with the mouth of a butthole that can’t count past 12, a roadrunner crossed with a gallows, speed isn’t everything, getting over a buttface, AND MORE! CW: mentions of US patriotism and general references to the state of the world (8:15-10:20), US politics and conspiracy theories (20:10-25:15) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

Happy Monster Daddy’s Day! While monster dads are far less common than monster moms but we were able to find two frightful flirting fathers all the same. Plus we have A LOT of Spooky News today! So strap in and strap on for the Caribbean nature spirit, Papa Bois, and the Father of All Turtles, the island-sized Zaratan! Featuring: LD is back, what dad archetype do you have, Book Review of Mothman is My Boyfriend by McKayla Coyle - Spooky News: new oceanic discoveries, WHALE NECROPOLIS, cretaceous krakens, prehistoric carnivorous squirrels, evolution needs a little FAFO, UFOs vs. UTIs, DC exorcist is exorcised, Mummy Bread - a satyr but not technically, hot snake wife, from crab to turtle, the zaratan may be the father-of-all-turtles but Splinter is the daddy of all turtles, AND MORE! CW: Mentions of fathers throughout, news about the Catholic Church including historical wrongs as well as US politics (46:20-53:00), eating mummies (55:30-57:30) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

It’s part TWO of our cursed experience with co-host Shadow! Again, the curse was that one episode went too long and ended up as two episodes, so kind of a fun curse in the end. But this episode we finally get to the three cursed objects mentioned in our last episode! So strap in and strap on for these objects of your desire with the bloodthirsty cursed Muramasa Demon Swords, the ill-gotten curse of the Ring of Silvianus, and the werewolf-summoning curse of the Hexham Heads! Featuring: the difference between being cursed and being haunted, our favorite curses, demon (possibly vampire?) swords, Derek’s cursed attic, cursed-item opening parties, one ring to curse them all, cursed objects that summon were-monsters, it’s so much worse to see a monster leaving your house than entering, James the werewolf is your new dad, AND MORE! CW: Mentions of death and tragedy related to warfare, murder, car accidents, and the general concepts of curses mentioned throughout, ritualistic self-harm (19:35-19:40) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

Monster Crush has been CURSED! But mostly the curse is that we played a game for too long, had too much fun, and had to turn one episode into two… So I think we’ll survive! What was planned to be an episode about cursed objects turned into a not-so-mini-game about Haunted Dolls on Ebay. Things did not go to plan when our Haunted Doll Watch turned into a Haunted Doll Botch. But with Shadow in the guest host seat for this episode, we definitely still had a good time! Featuring: We trust our pets when it comes to the supernatural - Spooky News: AI Muscular ET Captured?, New Nessie Sighting, Legalize the Loveland Frogman - nothing says you can’t mail haunted dolls to your enemies - a soggy & sad doll - a doll with real Karen energy - Jilted Witch Bride Permanent Physical Spirit Companion - buying haunted dolls is the same as adopting cats - “shadow-stitched child of the haunted veil” - look out for a Haunted Doll Cafe coming to a city near you! - AND MORE! CW: Implications of death and haunting (26:00-end of episode), Current US politics and AI (9:40-15:25), more slightly less upsetting politics (16:40-21:00), Child death and murder (26:00-30:00, 47:00-), Mention of cancer (32:20-32:40) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

We at Monster Crush have to apologize, we took a little break and were a little out of practice. So, while we wanted to celebrate Mothers’ Day and all the wonderful monster mommies out there, we weren’t paying attention to our spelling and… Well, we’re celebrating Mummy’s Day and all the monster mummies instead this year. So grab a protective spell and wrap both your date and your tool (even if it’s being used to scramble brains) for the MUMMY! Featuring: We’re doing this until we die - preferred pet names - LD’s Smut Corner: Everyone’s favorite BG3 vampire gets an origin story - mummies are everywhere and are a lot older than we thought - how to make a mummy - white people get weird with mummies… like really weird - 180,000 mummified cats - the curse (or not) of King Tutankhamun’s Tomb - the real Imhotep - AND MORE! CW: Fictional predatory relationships (15:35-22:15), description of the mummification process (32:25-39:00), discussions of the weird and bad qualities of colonialism including desecration of corpses, medicinal cannibalism, and fetishization/othering of non-European cultures (39:00-1:21:00), animal death (55:45-56:10), human deaths attributed to curses (55:00-60:02) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds. Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

IN THE MARCH OF MADNESS 2026 CONTINUES! Sixteen entities from Lovecraftian Horror fight tooth and tentacle for your affections. Who will win the finals… and our hearts?For this episode we finish the GOO (Great Old Ones) Conference featuring: Shterot, Atlach-Nacha, Rhogog, Byatis, Hziulquoigmnzha, Chaugnar Faugn, Bugg-Shash, and Nyarlathotep. And as we finish the GOO Conference, we also finish our overall bracket and pick our winner for the year!Grab your own bracket on our socials (Bluesky and IG) or on the Sword & Key Discord and play along at home! Featuring: recording on Friday the 13th feels fitting - Spooky News: suspicious missing US Govt’ UFO expert, a buncha Bigfoots in Ohio - LD’s review of Tusk Love - a giant starfish vs. a giant spider, how to pronounce “geas”, cyclops tree vs. cyclops toad, tentacles that will get you rock hard, eldritch “debate me” bros, transformative sucking, “the filler of space and he who comes in the dark” are some real titles, golden eyes make a difference, AND MORE! CW: Missing person/potential US government coverup/mentions of Covid and the current presidential administration (6:55-14:10), monster that takes away autonomy by mind control (28:00-30:30), spiders (30:30-36:40), reference to fictional SA (49:00-49:40) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds. Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

IN THE MARCH OF MADNESS IS BACK! It’s our third year playing this bracket-style game of love. Sixteen entities from Lovecraftian Horror fight tooth and tentacle for your affections. Who will win the finals… and our hearts? This week we take on the BOG (Beings and Outer Gods) Conference featuring: Blackness from the Stars, Shabbith-Ka, Mother of Pus, Lu-Kthu, Daoloth, Kthanid, Fthaggua, and Mh’Ithra. Grab your own bracket on our socials (Bluesky and IG) or on the Sword & Key Discord and play along at home! Featuring: We are sponsored by F*** H.P. Lovecraft - Spooky News: 30 Years of Pokémon, New Unicorn Spinosaur Just Dropped, Disclosure (I guess) - a little dive into monster cliterature - Cthulhu is a sub - void blob that doesn’t talk vs. purple blob that sings - MILF (Mother I’d Like to Fhtagn) fight - Cthulhu’s good twin brother - fire vampires and invisible werewolves -  AND MORE! CW: mentions of “madness” and “insanity” as it appears in eldritch/cosmic horror throughout, brief mention of H.P. Lovecraft’s bigotry (2:12-2:40), current events including presidential crimes (19:00-20:00), reference to the concept of orcs being stand-in for racist stereotypes (22:30-23:00) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds. Use code THELADYDAME for 10% off of your order from Friday Afternoon Tea - https://www.fridaytea.com - we suggest the Smut-Tea and/or the Sword & Tea

Happy Valentines Day… or close enough to it. For us at Monster Crush, it’s always the perfect day to celebrate love in all of its weirdly beautiful forms. But, for this amorous time of year we bring you two monsters you can really give you heart to, because that’s what they eat! Prepare yourself for two chimeric monsters with a taste for cardiac cuisine with the predatory Peryton and Ammit, the Devourer of the Dead! Featuring: Grease the Musical but with monsters - Spooky News: a new cozy video game about feeding cryptids with your eldritch oven, butt bombs, Obama confirms the existence of extraterrestrials, your odds of being abducted by UFOs/UAPs based on where you live - shifting shadows - Elf hearts taste bad - half hippo/half crocodile/half lion, all goddess - open book tests in the afterlife - sometimes ‘girl dinner’ is eating the hearts of the damned - AND MORE! CW: WWI munitions used as a sex toy (13:00-14:20), mentions of modern politics and crimes of politicians (16:15-16:25), Christian mythology and Christian hell (56:30-57:50), mentions of monsters eating humans/human hearts throughout We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.

We hope you didn’t fill up on Demon Princes last time because for this episode we give you another heaping helping. Join us as we round out the last FIVE Demon Princes of Dungeons & Dragons’ Forgotten Realms with the hedonistic Graz’zt, slimy Juiblex, deceptive Fraz-Urb'luu, insufferable Kostchtchie, and alluring Malcanthet! Strap on, strap in, and get ready for another plunge into the Abyss! Featuring: We are here to warm things up on these chilly days, a visit to the Smut Corner: appreciation for 3rd person narratives, amnesiac slayers, space vampires, and a little somnophilia - Spooky News: a new/prehistoric form of life (that looks like a penis), the Leviathan is awake, Dorito UAP spotted over Area 51, and the Seattle Kraken won back the Cryptid Cup - Deep Blue Sea slashfic, breast milk flavors of the Forgotten Realms courtesy of Ed Greenwood, the only sin is moderation, total slime control, the incel of demon princes, the queen of succubi, AND MORE! CW: winter storm/Christian mythology/conspiracy theories (31:00-35:00), lack of autonomy through magic (56:00-57:00), misogynistic fictional character (1:35:00-1:43:30) We are proud to be a part of the Sword & Key Network - beacons.ai/swordandkey. Our music is by the handsome and talented Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis. All other music and sounds are licensed through Epidemic Sounds.