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First of all, I'm excited to announce that we've fixed our audio problems. No more Gregorian chant-like episodes! A few weeks ago, Erica and I talked about pursuing our spouse, and that episode generated quite a bit of feedback. Some of those conversations led to an interesting question: What does it look like to pursue our children? We're all busy. There are often so many good things demanding our time and attention. And as parents, we're expected to sign our kids up for sports, music, church programs, and countless other activities. We're giving them opportunities, keeping them involved, and making sure they have everything they need. That's good enough, right? Probably not. In episode 366 of The Joe Martino Show, Erica and I tackle what it actually means to pursue our children. Are we confusing providing opportunities with building relationships? And could we be doing everything we're supposed to do while missing something incredibly important? We also answer a listener's question from our episode about pursuing your spouse. Episode 366 is live!

What if everything you think you know about therapy isn’t quite right? And what if therapists themselves are getting some important things wrong? Can anyone be a therapist? Isn’t it just talking? In episode 365 of The Joe Martino Show, Erica and I pull back the curtain on the world of therapy. From Hollywood myths to uncomfortable truths about our own profession, we’re talking about what really happens in the therapy room, what people misunderstand, and what even therapists need to rethink. Some of our answers might surprise you.

There are millions of blended families in America, and we don’t talk nearly enough about the challenges that exist inside these homes. Should step-siblings date? What kinds of conflict might look like ordinary family drama but are actually common challenges in blended families? How should parents respond? And what potential dangers exist in blended homes that aren't typically present in nuclear families? In today's episode, Erica and I tackle these questions and more. We talk about the complicated dynamics of blended families, the challenges parents often underestimate, and why some situations require more attention than they might initially appear to deserve. We even passionately disagree about something that happens in many blended families. (Jump to the 15-minute mark for that conversation.) Whether you're raising a blended family, considering becoming one, or working with families navigating these challenges, this is a conversation worth having.

What if our efforts to help people are teaching them they can’t handle life? Nobody wants to watch someone they love struggle. But when we keep removing discomfort, lowering expectations, or stepping in to make everything easier, what are we actually teaching them about themselves? This week, Erica and I talk about how accommodation culture can hurt the very people it’s meant to help. Where is the line between giving someone the support they need and taking away their opportunity to discover what they’re capable of? How can we decide what to accommodate and how to let someone struggle? Compassion matters. So does learning that you can do hard things, survive uncomfortable feelings, and keep going when life doesn’t cooperate. Before you rush in to make things easier for someone you love, this conversation is worth a listen.

This week Erica and I talk about the power of pursuit in a relationship. So many marriages start falling apart before either person realizes it because pursuing each other slowly falls behind other things. Often, they’re good things. Important things. They’re just not more important than the relationship. So how do couples avoid becoming roommates? How do they keep the passion going? How do they keep pursuing each other when work, kids, schedules, responsibilities, and life are all competing for their attention? It’s more than dates and trips. Pursuit is about continuing to be curious about each other. It’s about paying attention. Being intentional. Making sure your spouse doesn’t simply get whatever is left over after everything else gets your best. Today’s episode deals with this incredibly important topic, and it’s actually one of our favorite things to talk about. Because if you want a relationship that stays alive, you have to keep pursuing the person you chose.

Are guys’ trips and girls’ trips killing marriages? Erica recently watched a clip from an attorney who made that argument. When she told me about it, I’ll admit, I thought he had a point. Now, we’re not talking about the occasional weekend away with your friends. Friendships matter. Having a life outside of your marriage is healthy. But what happens when your friends consistently get the best of your time, energy, and attention while your spouse gets whatever is left over? What happens when the guys’ trip or girls’ trip is protected on the calendar, but time together as a couple isn’t? We believe your marriage should be your number one relational priority. That doesn’t mean your spouse has to be your only friend or that you can never do things without them. It means your marriage gets treated like the priority you say it is. Because when we consistently invest more into our friendships than we do our marriage, we probably shouldn’t be surprised when those friendships grow stronger while our marriage grows weaker. We also talk about something that has become a bit of a filter for us when it comes to friendships: people who constantly complain about their spouse. The people you surround yourself with can influence how you see your own marriage, and we think that’s worth paying attention to. In this episode, Erica and I talk about guys’ trips, girls’ trips, friendships, priorities, and what it actually looks like to make your marriage your number one relationship. And yes, we might irritate a few people with this one.

September is Suicide Awareness Month. Approximately 2,000 people die each day by suicide worldwide. Approximately 134 people a day die by suicide in America. Suicide affects three groups of people: those who live with someone who uses the term as a threat, those who wrestle with it themselves, and those who survive the loss of someone they love to suicide. In today’s episode, Erica and I talk to all three groups. If you’re wrestling with the idea of suicide, please stay. If someone you love is talking about suicide and you’re not sure what to do, this podcast is for you. If someone you love has died by suicide, we want you to know we see you too. This podcast is also for you. You all matter, and we hope this episode helps you.

If you’ve read American Prometheus, you know that after helping create the atomic bomb, J. Robert Oppenheimer began warning the government about the consequences of the nuclear arms race. Rather than seriously considering what he had to say, powerful people worked to discredit and silence him. Reading the book got me thinking about how often I see a version of this in the therapy room. As humans, we seem to have an aversion to hearing things we don’t want to hear. We dismiss people, attack their motives, or engage in our own form of cancel culture to protect our feelings. We surround ourselves with people who tell us what we already believe, creating echo chambers where growth dies. This can be especially toxic and destructive in a relationship. In this episode, Erica and I talk about healthy ways to receive criticism and evaluate whether it has value. How do we decide when criticism should lead us to make a change? And how do we let go of criticism that isn’t helpful or true? Episode 360 is live.

Was Erica missing her privilege in a previous episode? Some listeners thought so and wrote in to tell us. After we deal with that, we look at the University of Michigan’s new grading system for freshmen! No Failing! Pass or No Credit is the only option now. We can’t say you failed. The stated purpose is to “curb the mental health crisis.” But does this work? Are we helping students or hurting them? What’s the cost of this policy to the student’s long-term mental health? And what about the fact that I am on the record in many places saying that I think grades are a made-up construct? Join us for a wild episode where we deal with these issues and look at the history of how removing grades has helped people. Episode 359 is live.

We seem to be living in a world that has lost kindness. And everyone seems to have someone else to blame. But what does it actually mean to be kind in a relationship? When does trying to help, correct, or influence someone cross the line into control? What’s the difference between critiquing, criticism, and nagging? We don’t want fake positivity. We don’t want relationships where no one can say what they really think. And yet, if we want healthy relationships, how we speak truth matters. In today’s episode, we tackle all of these questions and talk about how we grow stronger relationships through kindness. Because kindness is not the same thing as being nice.

About one in six kids in America lives in a blended family, and stepchildren are often one of the top stressors listed for second marriages. After the pain of a divorce, you’ve fallen in love again, and the kids are threatening to ruin it. What do you do? How do you parent as a stepparent? How do you allow your kids to grieve what happened in the divorce? What if they openly tell you they don’t like your new love? What do you do when they tell you they like the other house’s rules better? If this is you, if you’ve ever thought life would be great if you didn’t have to deal with your step-kids, this episode is for you. Incidentally, if you’re not a stepparent but you are a parent, these principles will help you too.

356. The Back-to-School Battle: Anxiety, Stress, and Avoidance by Joe Martino

**Please Note: Some podcast players were unable to load the full version of this episode, therefore I am reloading it here. ** If you haven't heard, child estrangement with adult parents is on the rise. A recent research article reported that nearly 30% of parents who are estranged from their children blame therapy. But, is that a good way to construct a study? What does it mean for us today as we try to live and be fully human? In today's episode, my wife joins the show and we discuss both the clinical side and the personal side. Let's talk about parental/child estrangement and what that looks like in a healhty way. How much responsibility should therapy hold?

If you haven't heard, child estrangement with adult parents is on the rise. A recent research article reported that nearly 30% of parents who are estranged from their children blame therapy. But, is that a good way to construct a study? What does it mean for us today as we try to live and be fully human? In today's episode, my wife joins the show and we discuss both the clinical side and the personal side. Let's talk about parental/child estrangement and what that looks like in a healhty way. How much responsibility should therapy hold? Episode 355 is live.

Summer is almost over. For many that means it’s time to buy new spikes, water bottles and fall sports gear. It’s time to send half of the family north for one game, while the other half goes south for a different game. It’s time to either eat late at night at home or in a fast food joint. It's time for life to speed up to chaos level (if it ever slowed down). And it’s for a good cause. Youth sports can be incredible for kids. They can teach resilience, teamwork, discipline, perseverance, and how to win and lose well. But none of those lessons are automatic. In this episode, we look at what happens when youth sports stop being something kids do and become something adults build around them. We explore the hidden costs of the culture we've created around youth athletics. We also look at research challenging the assumption that sports automatically build character and ask a more important question: Who are our kids becoming through this experience? Youth sports can help shape healthy, resilient adults. They can also teach anxiety, entitlement, blame, and that personal value depends on performance. The difference may have less to do with the sport and more to do with the adults surrounding it.