Advertise on podcast: The Embodied Jewish Woman with Rena Reiser

We hear it all the time: push yourself, do more mitzvahs, more chesed. You didn't come to this world just to take care of yourself. But what happens when that push leaves you scattered, dysregulated, unable to be civil with the people in your own home? In this conversation, Rabbi Yonasan and Rena Reiser explore a concept that previous generations didn't need spelled out but our generation desperately needs to hear: Derech Eretz must come first. You have to be a person - regulated, grounded, present - before you can do mitzvahs with meaning. They discuss why menuchas hanefesh (inner calm and regulation) isn't selfishness - it's the prerequisite for everything else. And how each person has their own "window of menuchas hanefesh" - a unique capacity for what they can give without falling apart. Key Themes Explored: Derech Eretz comes first - Being civil and decent (with others AND yourself) is the foundation. Before developing higher midos, you need to be able to function as a basic person. If you're so overwhelmed you can't be civil, that undermines every mitzvah you do. Menuchas hanefesh vs pizur nefesh - When you're regulated (menuchas hanefesh), you can be present for mitzvahs with proper kavana. When you're scattered (pizur nefesh), you're operating from survival mode - there's no person there doing the mitzvah. The window of menuchas hanefesh - Each person has a unique capacity for what they can do while staying regulated. This isn't fixed - you can stretch it - but pushing beyond it means you're no longer functioning as yourself. Mah chovaso be'olamo - "What is your obligation in your world?" Not THE world, but YOUR world. Each person's obligations are different based on their strengths, limitations, and circumstances. Why our generation needs this spelled out - Previous generations lived closer to survival - their needs were obvious. We have abundance and blurred lines. We now have space to attend to our inner world, which creates both opportunity and confusion. Boundaries aren't selfish - Saying "this is what I can do and this is where I draw the line" isn't about being selfish. It's about knowing what you need to function - physically, emotionally, spiritually. Quality over quantity - There are different levels to doing a mitzvah - physical action is baseline, but higher levels require mental presence and proper kavana, which are impossible when dysregulated. Taking care of yourself = 8 hours - Rebbetzin Yitty Neustadt's calculation: sleep (8 hours) + self-care during waking hours (6-8 hours) = what's left goes to others. Not everyone else first and you get leftovers. The longing to give - V'ahavta l'rayacha kamocha isn't meant literally in actions (you'd die from neglecting yourself). It's about the mentality - the longing and desire to give. That desire matters even when you can't act on it. Chesed takes many forms - Not just cooking meals and hosting guests. Programming for organizations at low cost. Learning as a chavrusa. The form that works for your capacity is the right form. This Episode Is For You If: You feel guilty prioritizing your own needs You've been told to "just push through" but find yourself completely depleted You're exhausted from trying to do everything and wondering why your mitzvahs feel mechanical You're deeply sensitive and struggle with the message to "just do more" You've been told self-care is selfish and can't shake that voice You need permission to find your own capacity instead of comparing yourself to others You're trying to figure out what boundaries are appropriate

Welcome to a somatic mindfulness practice - a guided body-centered exploration I'm bringing back to the podcast each Friday. This week's practice connects to our recent conversation about activation, women's exhaustion, and the pattern of putting everyone else before ourselves. In this 10-minute practice, you'll be guided to: Ground and relax in your body Connect with your experience of martyrdom and activation Hold what arises with the gentleness you'd use for precious crystal Notice resistance to treating yourself with care Ask the question: "What do I need right now?" Give yourself what you need - or offer it to Hashem as tefillah This is about feeling where activation currently lives in your body and practicing a different way of being with yourself.

Ever left a therapy session or workshop feeling more activated than when you started? Like you've opened Pandora's box and don't know how to close it? This is one of the most common concerns about doing deep healing work: once you start feeling, everything comes up. Your system says "oh good, you're ready" and brings more to the surface. In this conversation, my husband, Rabbi Yonasan Reiser, joins me as we explore what to do with all that activation. We discuss why some modalities are so careful they keep you stuck, what it means to find "the right distance" from your experience, and how to let processes complete instead of constantly interrupting them. But then the conversation goes somewhere unexpected: into women's power in the home. What happens when you're trying to regulate yourself but everyone around you is dysregulated? How much influence does a woman actually have? And what responsibilities have we been carrying that were never ours to begin with? I speak about the exhaustion of martyrdom, the pattern of filling up space that leaves no room for others to step up, and what it means to ask "what do I need?" as an act of power rather than selfishness. Key Themes Explored: The activation paradox - Once you make space for one feeling, your system brings up more. This is how healing works! The question isn't how to avoid activation, but how to be with it. Finding the right distance - Not so far from your experience that you don't feel anything. Not so close that you're overwhelmed. There's a sweet spot where you can be in relationship with what you're feeling. Too careful = stuck - Some approaches are so concerned about not overwhelming you that they don't let you actually touch what's there. For people who need to feel deeply, this is maddening. Completing vs stopping - When you interrupt a process before it's complete, you're left with unfinished activation. Naming to relate - When you can label activation, you develop a relationship with it. When you don't want to label it (often from fear), you just act it out without understanding why. Women's power through presence - When a woman can hold her own emotions and activation, finding regulation within herself, she has massive impact on everyone around her. Not through fixing or managing everyone else's emotions, but through her grounded presence. Responsibilities that aren't yours - Two big ones: taking responsibility for everyone's emotions (needing to solve everyone's feelings instead of just being present), and taking on household roles early in marriage that leave no space for partners to step up. The martyrdom trap - Women get exhausted carrying responsibilities that were never theirs while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed by the idea of their actual power. When you say no to what's not yours, you free up space for what is. The mirrors in Mitzrayim - Women in Mitzrayim had the vision of what was possible in the present moment, even when the men couldn't see it. They trusted their husbands could do what needed to be done while they held the vision of the home. "What do I need?" - This question is an act of stepping out of martyrdom. It's trusting that Hashem and your neshama can provide what you need. It's recognizing you're worthy of support while activation works itself out. Destigmatizing activation - Removing the shame and fear around it. When you can recognize and name it, you can work with it instead of being blindsided by it. This Episode Is For You If: You've ever left therapy or deep work feeling more stirred up than when you started You're trying to find the balance between feeling your feelings and not getting overwhelmed You're exhausted from taking responsibility for everyone's emotions in your home You've been doing things yourself for so long that letting anyone else try feels impossible You wonder how much influence one person can really have on a household You struggle to ask "what do I need?" without feeling selfish You want to understand activation as part of the process rather than evidence something's wrong