Advertise on podcast: Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

Today, I want to share with you a prayer for a wandering adult child, included in Kathleen Nielson’s wonderful book, “Prayers of Parents for Adult Children”: “Lord God, I do not know and cannot see her heart, but all her steps appear to turn away from you, away from light and life found in your Son. I know, Lord, that you see into the darkest heart; your perfect wisdom lays out all our paths. Please turn her feet and move her heart toward you, toward life in Christ, I pray. I do not know just how you might ordain to call her to yourself to find eternal life and life abundant, through believing in your Son. I know that you have given your breathed-out Word, the writings that can make us wise for salvation as we believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, the living Word made flesh to save us. Please, by your Spirit and your people, speak your Word of life into her heart, I pray. I trust in you, even as I daily ask, please lead her to believe in Christ your Son, I pray.”

Even though we were once adolescents ourselves, the cloudy nature of those memories combines with a teenage world that’s very different from the one we grew up in to leave us. . . well. . . pretty clueless. We need to go out of our way to learn about the uniqueness of living and growing as a teenager in today’s world by asking good questions. . . . over and over and over again. Here are some questions to get you started: What changes is my child facing as he grows from a child into an adult? How can I support, love, and lead my teenager through these changes in a way that brings honor and glory to God? What must I do to build bridges into my teen’s life that keep the lines of communication open? What makes my kid tick? What is their world like? What does my child find confusing at this point in her life? Why does she think and act the way she does? When it comes to our kids and their culture, what we don’t know, don’t want to know, or refuse to know, can hurt them.

From the time that our first parents chose to follow their own desires rather than God’s guidelines in Genesis three , our world and everything in it has been marred by sin. Consequently, our families are populated by broken people living with broken people. Because of this, our marriages are at times very difficult. And, parenting is difficult as well. We are broken parents raising broken kids. Yes, there are times and seasons of great joy, but there will be bumps in the road. We make a huge mistake if we expect to have a perfect family with perfect kids. We may even base our contentment in life on having a perfect family. If that’s the case, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. One reason for this is that we have set a perfect family up as an idol. And like all other idols, the idol of family can never and will never deliver what we hope it will. Parents, just like you and me, our kids are broken and in need of redemption. Look for your source of happiness in Jesus Christ.

Thanks to the continued rise of body-image pressure that has been fed and fueled by marketing and social media, our teenage boys are being encouraged to engage in what’s called “Testosterone-maxxing”, or “testmaxxing.” The practice involves attempts to increase male hormone levels through the use of hormone medications. A host of social media influencers have been building their following of teenagers young and old alike, some barely into puberty, feeding the narrative that to be a real man you must have bulging muscles and washboard abs. This trend is fueling a rise in unrealistic body expectations, dissatisfaction with one’s body, and dangerous medication trends. And thanks to the algorithms, our curious kids who seek information on bulking up in this way will continue to receive more and more information, thereby driving them deeper and deeper into this dark hole. Parents, monitor your boys, and teach them that their identity is not to be found in their muscle tissue, but in Christ.

At the start of this year’s school year, we were hearing reports about more and more schools nationwide that were taking steps to get the smartphones out of their student’s hands during the school day. This a great move that every school district should take. But there’s still concerns about how much time our kids are spending with their smartphones and social media during their out-of-school hours. Some new research, that’s not at all surprising, should push you as a parent to set limits on smartphone use in your home. It seems that social media is effecting test scores. For kids ages nine to thirteen, just one hour on social media per day can lower test scores by at least one or two points. Kids who spent as high as four hours a day on social media saw up to a five point drop on their test scores. Our students should be pursuing a love of the Lord with all of the capacities of their minds. Let’s help them do this well by setting clear borders and boundaries on smartphone use.

How will you respond to your children when they make a mistake or do something wrong? What will you say if your daughter turns her back on all that you taught her and winds up sexually active and pregnant? What will you say if your son gets suspended from school for fighting? What will you do if you find drug paraphernalia in your teen’s room? What will you do if your daughter gets arrested for shoplifting? Remember that just like you and me, your teen’s sinfulness is the greatest problem they face. All teens will encounter temptation and all teens will make sinful choices. The determining factor in whether or not a bad choice turns into a situation that gets better or worse will depend on your response. Let me suggest that your goal should be to redeem these situations by turning a mistake into an opportunity for your teen to become a more Godly and Christ-like person. Treat them with the same grace your Heavenly Father treats you when you are the offending party.

School has been back in session for a couple of months now and you can be sure that there are a host of high schoolers thinking about where they are going to attend college. Members of SheKnows Teen Council were surveyed regarding their approach to college applications. When asked to use one word to describe how they were feeling about the application process they used a variety of words, including uncertain, overwhelmed, anxious, nervous, stressed, competitive, terrified, ready, excited, and restless. We have found that our culture along with peer and social media pressure has made the college application process stressful for both students and their parents. As Christian parents, we need to lead our kids into understanding that college acceptance is not to be pursued as a mark of their identity. Rather, they are to lean into the peace given by God as He directs the process, and they are to approach college as vocational prep for a lifetime of serving and glorifying God.

A current lawsuit case hitting the courts is one we need to be aware of if we love and lead kids. A seventeen year old New Jersey teenager is suing the company that created an AI app that will manipulate any photo, allowing app users to remove the clothing of the person in the picture. When she was fourteen and posting photos of herself on social media, a male classmate manipulated one of those photos using the app, which kept the young girl’s face recognizable on a body that was not clothed. The fake image, as expected, was widely circulated among classmates and friends through social media. The suit is asking the courts to require the company to remove all fake images, to remove the app from the internet, and to provide financial compensation for loss of privacy and emotional harm. These tools in the hands of anyone of any age can be incredibly destructive. Warn your kids, and teach them to respect the privacy and image of God in all humans. Real or fake, it’s pornography.

Our kids are always learning from us. Our words and our example shape who they will become, a reality established by God as he has created individuals and families. This means that for better or for worse, our kids are watching, and what they see in us and from us will play a powerful role in shaping who they are. The Journal of Health Psychology is hammering this point home. They’ve found that there’s some kind of connection between a mother who is frequently engaged with social media, specifically taking, editing, and posting selfies, and a daughter who is interested in having cosmetic surgery. It’s believed that these daughters have adopted a kind of dissatisfaction with their appearance that they inherited from watching their mom’s own dissatisfaction. Parents, we live in an appearance obsessed culture. Your obsessions will influence your kid’s obsessions. We urge you to find your identity in the rock, Jesus Christ, and not in your appearance.

Recent research coming out of Hong Kong assessed twenty-six hundred school children regarding video gaming and mental health. The research looked at what’s called binge-gaming, defined as spending at least five hours in a row playing computer games. They found binge-gaming to be associated with poor sleep, anxiety, stress, loneliness, and depression. Three in ten kids surveyed reported spending so much time on video games that they would classify as binge-gamers or to be dealing with what’s called internet gaming disorder. Specifically, this applied to four in ten boys and around one-quarter of the girls. Researchers also found that these habits result, not surprisingly, in a drop in school performance. Parents, we have been entrusted by God to care for the spiritual, emotional, and physical health of our kids. Our parenting must bring glory to God by setting screen-time limits for our kids, and by teaching them to steward everything they and have to His glory!

I recently heard a theologian say that he has stopped trying to discern whether people he meets and knows are believers by asking them, “Are you saved?” Instead, he asks them this question: “Is Christ living in you?” He explained this switch by saying that many people today look back on a particular church service or camp experience where they raised their hand or went forward at the invitation to commit their lives to Christ. Sadly, while they no longer pursue a relationship with Christ, they believe that they are indeed Christians. Rather than falling on the good soil we read about in the Parable of the Sower, these are seeds that have fallen on the stony soil where the initial joy fades quickly and withers under pressure. This distinction should drive us to nurture our kids into understanding that the Christian life is not captured in a momentary decision, but is marked by a life of sanctification, where every square inch of their lives is lived with gratitude to the glory of God!

Why do so many parents tiptoe gingerly around their children in today’s world? More and more parents are afraid to step up, take the reins, and assume their God-given position of authority. Instead, parents have become like butlers, available to wait on and serve their kids’ every desire and whim. Fearing rejection, we sometimes go against our better judgment and God’s design to say yes when we should be saying no. God established the family with a pecking order. Those who are older and wiser are charged with the duty of raising, nurturing, and protecting those who are young and not-so- wise. In other words, parents are to parent their children. Dad, mom: you have a God-given responsibility to love your teenager, to guide them through life, to protect them from harm, and to provide for their well-being. This means that there are times when you will have to teach your kids God’s will and way by saying no. Parent your teenagers to the glory of God!

Parents, the world is full of distractions for our teens, and some can be more dangerous than they appear. While we teach them values rooted in faith, we must also be aware of the modern cultural challenges they face. One of those is gambling. Aggressive and pervasive marketing for online platforms along with social media and peer pressure are making it easier for young people to be drawn into sports betting and gaming with real money. This can quickly spiral into addiction, leading to financial hardship and compromising the integrity we strive to instill. The Bible tells us in Hebrews 13:5, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.” Let’s have open, honest conversations with our teens about the financial, addictive, and moral risks of gambling, grounded in the wisdom of biblical truth and a desire to be obedient followers of Jesus Christ. Remind them that true contentment isn't found in placing bets, but in the blessings God has already provided.

If you were an alien landing on earth with a mission to find out what’s most valued in North American culture, you would have to write the terms body image and appearance near the top of the list in your field notebook. The pressure marketing and social media put on all of us is significant, and its even more potent for our kids. Body dysmorphia, disordered eating, and dangerous dieting habits have become epidemic due to this pressure. Recently, the Canadian Pediatric Society released a report titled, “the Dangers of Dieting in Adolescence.” The writers report that by the time they get to high school, about fifty percent of young people have tried to change their bodies through dieting, a trend that has increased over time. What the report calls for is what’s called a “health at every size” approach which is designed to help kids eat, exercise, and sleep in healthy ways. Adolescent dieting can have many unintended consequences. Teach your kids to find their identity in Jesus Christ, and not their appearance.

In a recent edition of the Kids Today online newsletter, correspondent Anna North asked, “What do we lose when teens don’t babysit?” In her article, North tells us how the teenage baby-sitting culture has changed over the years, with fewer and fewer teens actually baby-sitting, and fewer and fewer parents hiring teen baby-sitters. With a smaller amount of teens engaging in this once widespread rite of passage, North argues that kids are missing out on a formative experience that can build a teenager’s confidence level as they learn to exercise responsibility. Kids who babysit others are given the opportunity to learn social skills, they learn to deal with problems, and they develop in their critical-thinking abilities. In a day-and-age when kids are tethered to their phones, and phones are even used as baby-sitters, why not encourage your kids to take a baby-sitting course and take on the baby-sitting responsibility. This is one more way to nurture our kids into a healthy adulthood.