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Navigating regular life in a White world as a Black female is a lot in itself. Add sex addiction on top of that, and you have to answer major questions, such as Where do I belong? Is there something even more broken about me than the next person? In this episode, I have the privilege to speak with Kathy Garland, author of In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict. Some of our talking points: The problem of sex addiction as largely viewed as a male issue. Men get away with a lot of things. Women not so much. The importance of identifying your emotions and sitting through it. Black men and women are taught to be strong, which then leads to emotional deafness Unhealthy relationship patterns.  Christians and their difficulty setting boundaries Is God ashamed of those of us with sex addictions? What is it like to keep secrets and live a double life? Our bodies react to our traumas and our secrets. Being 40 but functioning like a hurt little 16 year old. Kathy's advice to women with sex addiction Kathy's book is a must read! Her memoir will make many of you feel you're not alone. She puts words to many thoughts that we hesitate to utter, but in so doing, releasing the shame word by word. Her contribution as a Black female is essential, and I hope you will support her! https://www.newreadspub.com/in-search-of-a-salve kegarland.com kwoted.wordpress.com navigatingthechange.com writingendeavors.org   Music credit: George Street Shuffle by Kevin Macleod

"I have no desire for sex. I can't even hold hands or sit close to that person." "Is there something wrong with me if I can't feel sexual anymore?" "I keep comparing myself to the other people my partner cheated with"   It is common and normal for someone to be adversely affected in their sexuality after being betrayed. It's also quite terrible. But there is hope. Christene Lozano (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist) joins me to talk about how a partner's sexual betrayal can affect someone's own sexuality. She also provides some tips on how to start healing.   Some of our talking points: How can the betrayer respond in a healthy way? Can ethnicity matter when it comes to trauma response? Why do some betrayed partners become hyper-sexual after betrayal? Many partners feel they've been robbed of their sexual self Is there such a thing as healthy masturbation? How does a partner begin to reclaim their sexuality?   Learn more about Christene: www.merakicounselingservices.com Learn more about Roy: www.newlegacycounseling.com  

Sex and Love Addiction afflicts men and women alike. Unfortunately society places the bulk of the attention on the men who struggle, leaving women with the question: What about us?  Kim Hudson is my guest today, helping me discuss the topic of female sex and love addiction. She is a Certified Sex Addiction therapist practicing in the Baltimore area.  Here are some of the topics we discuss: The "Otherness" that female SLAs experience Male privilege The symptoms that female SLAs experience Women are hunters, too The horrible feeling of being a bad mom The unfair higher moral standard for women Perfectionism and shame Email Kim: [email protected] Email Roy: [email protected]      

6 Asian Americans murdered. Doesn't that make this a hate crime against Asians? The victims were women. Doesn't this make this misogyny? This massacre happened in a year of rising hate crimes against Asians. Doesn't this crime fit the mold? Is the sex addiction statement just another example of White murderers getting off the hook? Huge questions. Huge topics. Joining me in discussing this horrible event are Edwina Reyes and Christene Lozano. They are Certified Sex Addiction therapists, as well as Asian American women. We offer our contributions to the discussion from a lens under-represented in media and social media.  www.edwinareyes.com www.merakicounselingservices.com www.newlegacycounseling.com  

Perhaps you have decided to disclose to your partner (or your partner has given you an ultimatum) the whole truth about your secret behaviors, so that your partner knows everything and does not need to keep searching for answers. How do you go about doing it in the most healthy and helpful way possible? Thankfully, assistance is at hand. Dan Drake joins me to share about the enormously helpful resource that he and Janice Caudill created. It is a set of workbooks that guide a therapist and couple step by step through the Full Disclosure process. There is no one right way to do it, so the steps include options to consider so that every unique situation has a chance to adjust accordingly.  The primary book we discuss today is called Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal. It is a tremendous contribution to the sex addiction field.  Contact Dan: [email protected] or visit his website www.banyantherapy.com Contact Roy: [email protected]  or visit his website www.newlegacycounseling.com  

Dan Drake, the founder and director of Banyan Therapy Group, joins me to talk about COVID19 and its impact on the recovery path of sexual addicts and their traumatized partners.  Contact Dan at [email protected], and visit his website: www.banyantherapy.com Contact Roy at [email protected] and visit his website: www.newlegacycounseling.com  

Chris Williams and I discuss the essential yet often frightening topic of intimacy. Some of the questions we cover: What are the pros and cons of allowing someone to know all of me? Would you rather be admired, or loved? What effect does social media have on intimacy? What is a surefire way to increase intimacy? How well does the church handle true intimacy? Do pastors struggle with sex addiction? What does Andy Crouch mean when he defines vulnerability as meaningful risk? Learn more about Chris' counseling services at www.renovaricounseling.com  Learn more about Roy at www.newlegacycounseling.com 

Whether they realize it or not, at the core of nearly every sex addict are 4 fundamental beliefs: I am a bad person, unworthy of love No one will accept me if they really knew me I cannot count on others to meet my needs My most important need is sex Keaton Kleiner and I discuss these 4 beliefs and how these beliefs shape the course of a sex addict's life.  http://www.citycarecounseling.org/our-counselors https://www.newlegacycounseling.com  

Do you know the difference between a sex addict and a sex offender? Sometimes they are one and the same. Other times they are not. My guest on this episode is Charla Thorstad, a sex offender specialist, and she will help shed light on the very important topic of sex offense. *Note: The website www.saspeakeasy.com will phase out and its contents will be subsumed under www.newlegacycounseling.com.

Some people have full blown porn and sex addictions. Without proper treatment, they will likely live a life laden with shame and destruction. But what about the other people who don't quite qualify for an addiction? What if their behaviors are "merely problematic?" I discuss this issue with Heather Seguin of Clear Choice Counseling, who specializes in sex addiction treatment, as well as helping the partners of sex addicts.  Key talking points: Do people need treatment if they "only" have problematic behavior? If so, what does that treatment look like? The difficulty of getting out of isolation if we never learned social skills The importance of finding a specialist in therapy is similar to finding a specialist in the medical field. www.newlegacycounseling.com www.clearchoicecounseling.com  [Editor's note: Heather's practice is now remote serving residents of CA]

What happens when we combine sex with substance use? Many report that the sexual experience is exponentially better than "normal" sex. It makes sense that once experiencing this combination, one would keep wanting to go back to it. Andy Park (LMFT and Certified Multiple Addiction Therapist) and I discuss the appeal and tragedy of combining sex and drugs. Some of the topics and questions we cover: Why do substance addicts tend to also have a sex addiction? How do drugs spoil sexual experiences in the future? How much do substance addicts connect with their partners while high? Mistaking intensity for intimacy The haunting question for addicts: Why do I do what I do? How to provide treatment for someone who is addicted to both What sobriety feels like for someone committed to treatment    

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Tony Ramynke rejoins me to discuss the cost of sex addiction treatment. More importantly, we discuss the potential cost of NOT getting treatment. We also talk about the common occurrence of multiple factors underlying a sex addiction that need to be assessed and treated. Some of the questions we address in this episode: Why isn't sobriety the ultimate goal of sex addiction therapy? Can we be depressed and/or anxious and not know it? What's the connection between sexually acting out and depression/anxiety? What is the monetary value of living shame-free and lie-free? Of being able to see your kids everyday? Find Tony at www.yourtherapistanthony.com Find Roy at www.newlegacycounseling.com