
Advertise on podcast: Hello Dysfunction
Rating
4.8from
This podcast has
339 episodes
Language
EnglishPublisher
Hello DysfunctionExplicit
Yes
Date created
2018/10/11
Latest episode
2026/01/29
Average duration
98 min.
Release period
185 days
Description
Childhood best friends, PataFria: a professional Dominatrix, mommy/grandma and overall jack of all trades, and Crystal: a die hard animal lover, mommy/wife, peacemaker and caregiver of MANY share hilariously dysfunctional stories from their personal lives. Navigating mental illness, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, views on current events, a little gossip, the dumpster fire of politics and so much more. “Nothing is off limits and everything is funny”
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Podcast episodes
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S2 Ep336: “It’s Me….Hello”
2026/01/29
It’s been a rough week, neurodivergent headquarters, rethinking barber school and congratulations to raffle winners LUVY and TESSA JENKINS!! TikTok is cooked, give back plastic bags, sneaky workplace fun and inappropriate grandmas.
For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction
Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction
Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21
Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
S1 Ep1: Purple Taser
2018/10/11
For episode one, Pata Fria and Crystal Barbie come out with a bang. The girls start off discussing Pata Fria's recent BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift), crazy Florida stories, the infamous purple taser, mental illness, medication and Crystal accidentally seeing her dad's package. They also go over Bill Cosby, bullies, raunchy stories and receiving electronics from family members that still contain pics.
Check out our website for updates https://hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep2: Dark Web
2018/10/16
This episode requires a trigger warning. Serious issues are discussed including domestic violence, SW safety, murder, and child abusers. The duo also touches on lighthearted subjects; The slut walk, favorite podcasts, birth charts, mental health, and a haunted house story that will definitely change the mood.
Check for updates https://hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep3: Tether Ball
2018/10/16
In this tell all episode Pata Fria and Crystal Barbie open up and share everything about themselves. Secrets are spilled. They discuss mental health, why we (women) settle for the bare minimum, and the difference between pedophiles and cougars.
https://hellodysfunctionpodcast.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep4: Grandma Candy & Pocket Cheese
2018/10/23
This week the deviant duo return with even more dysfunction. Vaginal hygiene, loving people while they're here, Halloween, ghost stories and superstitions. Later in the show they answer some listener questions, talk about male hygiene and a Dom story to finish you off 💦… enjoy.
Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep5: The Stolen Car
2018/10/30
It's episode five, and the dysfunction continues. This week the girls are talking about adults that don't do oral, scissoring, pegging, and the time Pata taught Crystal how to drive a stolen car. The girls take some listener questions, give a PSA about trunk junk, and close out with a Dom story. As always, dysfunction at it's finest. 😬🙏
Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep6: Gas Station Salad & Dirty Sanchez
2018/11/06
The dysfunctional duo is back, and unapologetically unfiltered while discussing sx dolls, g-spot location, open marriages, liars, and prison relationships. They are breaking it down and dissecting so listen up.
Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep7: I'm A Doctor
2018/11/12
From chemtrails, to California fires, to Pata Fria's burn unit vagina story, this week the girls are on fire, literally. The duo also goes over premature ejaculation, tampons vs. diva cups, racism, and a ghost story. This episode is packed with self-love, and of course some more crying, lol. As always, enjoy..
Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep8: Curing Rickets
2018/11/20
Crystal’s father Big Billy is here and the dysfunction is outta control. "I didn't do drugs before I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I just smoked pot, did acid and rode my motorcycle." Buckle up motherf$^#*s….
Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep9: Weird Sex
2018/11/28
The holidays are here, and so is the dysfunction. This week the duo are talking about weird news, the online attack on sex-workers, favorite porn, a mirror ghost, and penis size. The girls close out with some listener questions, crazy sex, and a few funny stories. As always, enjoy.
T-shirt holiday packs available at https://hellodysfunction.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep10: Parental Advisory
2018/12/04
This week the dysfunctional duo are offering up parental advice of all sorts. From the Hawaiian Pine-sol event, apologizing to your children, walking the parent/friend line, and teaching your children gratitude. The girls also touch on dick pics, "porn vs. dom" reality, and as always, listener questions. Enjoy. 💦
Get your holiday t-shirt pack at https://hellodysfunction.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep11: Gramma's Heart Attack
2018/12/11
This week the dysfunction gets a bit serious. The girls are discussing kaiser's strike, losing virginity, relationship advice, holding grudges, a few very personal stories, and more crying (what's new). Of course the mood is lightened with some of Pata Fria's childhood antics, nail shop preferences, and gramma's "heart attack."
This episode does require a trigger warning, as sexual assault is discussed.
As always, enjoy.
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep12: The Playboy Club
2018/12/18
Mental health, toxic relationship behavior, and why Crystal should never enter a church kick off this week's episode. The girls also talk about period sex, s****y celebrities, pervy friends, and Pata Fria's love of shock sites. The holidays, childhood snitching, and good ol' Florida also make an appearance this episode.
As always, enjoy.
PS- Pata Fria is still NOT a doctor.
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep13: "Cheese Sandwiches"
2018/12/25
This week the chaos of Christmas, vintage tips on how to snag a husband, Karma and a false birth control method are all discussed. Crystal shares some family dysfunction and we find out why you shouldn't tell Pata Fria you own a restaurant. Happy Holidays xo
https://hellodysfunction.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
S1 Ep14: God's Well
2019/01/01
It's New Year's Eve and in this final episode of 2018, Pata Fria and Crystal discuss the new year, white parents w mixed children, repairing your credit, being a submissive Christian wife, how Pata Fria got scammed on craigslist and having foul-mouthed children.
Have a safe and happy new year. Don't drive drunk.
https://hellodysfunction.com
Instagram @Hellodysfunction
www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction
Twitter @dysfunctionShow
Podcast reviews
Read Hello Dysfunction podcast reviews
PODGOD1 2026/01/29
My Favorite
My Favorite podcast, been listening for 8 years, Love Pat & the whole Gang !!!
kass carrion 2026/01/22
best of the best
been listening to the pod since 2019 and haven’t missed an episode since. love my tias more than words could express. never stop being dysfunctional! ...
Polly van 2026/01/13
They’re the best!
This podcast is my go to during my long commute to clinicals from the East bay to San Jose as a respiratory therapist student. It’s not just entertain...
Lapas1111 2025/12/17
For those of us who go through a lot
Big thanks to you Crystal and Pat, this podcast and community for helping us get through this burning dumpster fire we are all living through. As some...
DamatoIV 2025/10/07
Inspirational
Having the pleasure of knowing both these women my whole life and knowing what they have been through, it’s amazing to see them succeeding when everyt...
cookie10177 2025/10/10
don’t waste your time
long time listener. i had to stop listening because pata fria can’t help but keep mentioning using chatgpt. these women are complete hypocrites.
Ya-hearrrrrd!! 2025/10/01
Two Bay Area Babes
So you used to be a compulsive liar in your youth? Oh you maybe did a little “risqué” missions in your teenage years? Then these two babes are for you...
Cassaundraaaaa 2025/09/24
doin it for the culture of dysfunction 10/10 would recommend
Since 2020, Hello Dysfunction has been my absolute comfort podcast. Crystal is pure love and light, the kind of voice that makes you feel less alone i...
Asya M.W. 2025/09/24
Best podcast of all time!
Pat & Crystal are literally THE BEST! Keeping it real & relatable while sharing their own day to day lives & discussing important topics that everyone...
JDaddyCoop11 2025/09/20
🫶
Loveeee this show! It’s literally the only podcast I listen to and have been for 3 years now. I’ve learned so much and have felt so seen while doing s...
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