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Have you ever walked away from a conversation wondering, Was that mine to fix? Did I do something wrong? Am I responsible for how they're feeling? Relationships can get complicated quickly when we lose track of where our responsibility ends and someone else's begins. We may take on emotions that aren't ours, try to manage someone else's reactions, or assume that another person's disappointment means we've made the wrong choice. In this episode we're looking at the question: Who owns what in a relationship? We'll talk about personal responsibility, the role healthy detachment plays in staying connected without taking over, and why caring about someone doesn't require carrying everything they feel, choose, or experience. Because healthier relationships aren't about caring less—they're about getting clearer about what's actually yours to own.   Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is let someone own their own choices.   Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!   Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words     Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour     Resources: Join the private Facebook group! It's a great group of people working on themselves…and supporting each other.  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1212485642262143   Thank you for tuning in to this podcast. Please remember to leave a positive review on your podcast platform and let us know how this episode has been helpful. Also don't forget to subscribe to this podcast on Apple Podcasts, Google Play or Spotify so you don't miss a thing!

Healthy communication isn't just about saying what you think, feel, want, or need. Sometimes the part that creates real connection is explaining why. Not over-explaining, defending yourself, or trying to convince someone that your feelings are justified—but offering enough context to let another person understand what's happening inside you. In this episode we explore how sharing the "why" behind our needs, preferences, boundaries, and reactions can help us move beyond exchanging positions and toward actually knowing one another. We'll also talk about the other half of the equation: becoming curious about someone else's why. Because understanding doesn't mean agreeing, fixing, or giving in. It simply gives us more information—and often, a very different place from which to communicate. Three Takeaways How to recognize the difference between sharing context and over-explaining yourself Why revealing the reason underneath a need, boundary, or preference can feel surprisingly vulnerable How asking "Help me understand why this matters to you" can shift a conversation from opposing positions toward genuine understanding Curiosity can take us places that arguing never will.    Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!   Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words     Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour     Resources: Join the private Facebook group! It's a great group of people working on themselves…and supporting each other.  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1212485642262143   Thank you for tuning in to this podcast. Please remember to leave a positive review on your podcast platform and let us know how this episode has been helpful. Also don't forget to subscribe to this podcast on Apple Podcasts, Google Play or Spotify so you don't miss a thing!

Have you ever heard yourself say, "You don't care," "You never listen," or "You obviously don't want to be here"? Sometimes those words point to a very real problem, but they still may not be the deepest truth we're trying to communicate. In this episode we're looking underneath blame, criticism, sarcasm, and those familiar "you" statements to find what's actually happening: hurt, anger, fear, disappointment, longing, or a need we're afraid to name. We'll talk about why vulnerability can feel so much riskier than accusation, how our early experiences shape the way we communicate distress, and how to say what's true without abandoning ourselves, or attacking the other person. Because sometimes the bravest part of communication isn't finding better words. It's telling the truth underneath them.   The bravest sentence is often  the one where you stop telling someone about themselves and start telling them about you. How they hurt you.  What you're afraid of, and what you need.    Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap! PLUS receive Mary's weekly insights on confidence, boundaries, self-trust, and healthy relationships.     Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hourTop of Form Bottom of Form

We've spent the summer learning to know ourselves, heal our relationship with ourselves, and begin living like we matter. But eventually, all that internal work has to show up somewhere…in our relationships, schedules, priorities, boundaries, communities, and the choices we make about how we want to live. In this final episode of our summer series, we're exploring what it means to create a life that actually fits the person you are today. We'll look at the difference between a difficult life and a misaligned one, why growth can change what fits, and how small choices can begin bringing your outer life into greater alignment with your inner one. You don't need to blow everything up or reinvent yourself. But you may need to start paying attention to what fits—and what doesn't.   Know yourself. Heal what needs healing. Honor what you discover. And then...build accordingly.   Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap! PLUS receive Mary's weekly insights on confidence, boundaries, self-trust, and healthy relationships.     Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hourTop of Form Bottom of Form

We all have needs…but somewhere along the way, many of us learned to feel uncomfortable having them. Maybe you became the strong one, the easy one, the helper, or the person who didn't ask for much. You may have learned to put everyone else first, minimize what you needed, or believe that asking for support meant you were needy or selfish. But our needs are part of being human and pretending we don't have them doesn't make them disappear. In this episode we're talking about what it really means to honor your needs without guilt or apology. We'll look at why receiving help can sometimes feel harder than giving it, why taking up space isn't the same as taking over, and what can happen when we continually push our own needs aside. Most importantly, we'll explore what begins to change when you stop treating your needs like an inconvenience—and start living like you matter, too.   Ignoring your needs doesn't make you selfless. When needs aren't met in healthy ways,  they often come out in ways we never intended.     Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap! PLUS receive Mary's weekly insights on confidence, boundaries, self-trust, and healthy relationships.     Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

Have you ever noticed how easily you can offer compassion to someone else, yet struggle to extend that same grace to yourself? If you've been carrying guilt over a past decision, replaying old mistakes, or defining yourself by a season of your life that you wish had gone differently, you're not alone. In this episode, Mary explores why self-forgiveness can feel so difficult and why so many of us continue putting ourselves on trial long after the verdict should have been laid to rest. As part of The Summer of You series, this conversation invites you to look at your relationship with yourself through a new lens. You'll discover how guilt, regret, perfectionism, and impossible standards can quietly keep you from moving forward—and why healing isn't about pretending the past didn't happen. It's about learning to carry it differently so you can stop letting yesterday define who you are today.     Healing isn't pretending  your past didn't happen. It's refusing to let it decide your future.       Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap! PLUS receive Mary's weekly insights on confidence, boundaries, self-trust, and healthy relationships.     Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hourTop of Form Bottom of Form

As we continue our Summer of You series, we're exploring another important aspect of having a healthy relationship with yourself. Many of us spend a great deal of energy trying to make things work, hold things together, or find ways to create different outcomes in our lives and relationships. While those efforts often come from good intentions, they can sometimes leave us feeling exhausted, frustrated, and stuck. In this episode, we'll look at some common patterns that keep us spinning our wheels and why certain experiences can be so difficult to face head-on. We'll explore the fears, habits, and protective strategies that may be influencing our choices without us even realizing it, and how developing a healthier relationship with ourselves can change the way we navigate life's challenges.     We don't always resist reality  because we can't see it.  Sometimes we resist reality because we know what accepting it would require.     Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap! PLUS receive Mary's weekly insights on confidence, boundaries, self-trust, and healthy relationships.     Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour     Top of Form Bottom of Form

We hear a lot about confidence, self-care, and boundaries, but there's another piece of the puzzle that often gets overlooked: self-respect. It's one of those qualities that can be difficult to define, yet it influences nearly every area of our lives, from our relationships to our choices to the way we see ourselves. In this episode, we're taking a closer look at self-respect and why it matters more than many people realize. If you've ever struggled to speak up, found yourself putting others first at your own expense, or wondered why certain patterns keep showing up in your life, this conversation may offer some important insights. Join me as we continue our Summer of You series and explore a topic that has the power to change the relationship you have with yourself…and, ultimately, with everyone around you.     Self-respect often requires  disappointing others  so you can stop disappointing yourself.     Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap! PLUS receive Mary's weekly insights on confidence, boundaries, self-trust, and healthy relationships.     Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

This episode is a little different. Instead of focusing on teaching, strategies, or breaking down patterns, this conversation is meant to feel more personal. If you learned early in life to carry hard things quietly, become "the strong one," need less from others, or handle life mostly on your own, this episode offers space to slow down and reflect on some of those experiences with honesty, compassion, and understanding. Together, we explore what it means to adapt to difficult emotional environments, how those experiences can quietly shape us over time, and why learning a different way later in life can feel both uncomfortable and important. This episode is meant to offer encouragement, perspective, and some reminders many people may not have consistently received along the way.   You deserve relationships where you can slowly exhale.     Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!   Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

In this episode, we explore how the people around us shape far more than we realize, from our nervous systems and confidence to our communication, clarity, and ability to grow. We talk about why growth often stalls around emotionally immature or unhealthy dynamics, even when we genuinely want to change, and how subtle relational patterns can slowly pull us into self-doubt, anxiety, and survival mode. We also discuss what emotionally healthy, growth-oriented people do differently, the impact safe environments have on healing and self-trust, and how to begin honestly auditing your circle without making impulsive decisions or blowing up your relationships overnight. This episode is a grounded look at why environment matters, and why the right people can change more than we think.   Some environments pull you into survival mode without you realizing it.        Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!   Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour     Top of Form Bottom of Form

This week, I'm doing something a little different. I'm re-airing a conversation I recently had as a guest on The Positive Pen Podcast with John Rinaldo. John creates thoughtful conversations centered around storytelling, healing, reflection, creativity, and what he often calls the "quiet work of becoming." Through his The Positive Pen Substack and live video podcast, he brings people together to talk honestly about growth, resilience, identity, and the human side of healing. In this conversation, we talk deeply about why healing becomes harder in isolation, the difference between healthy and unhealthy support, and why emotionally safe community matters so much when trying to grow and change old patterns. And because this was originally recorded as a live video conversation on Substack, you can also watch the full video version over on John's page, The Positive Pen Podcast on Substack.

Many of the ways we show up in relationships aren't random…they're roles we learned early in life to navigate our environment and stay connected. In this episode, we take a closer look at the common roles people carry into adulthood and how those patterns quietly influence communication, boundaries, and emotional connection. Through relatable examples, this conversation helps you recognize how these roles may be showing up in your own life—and why they can feel so hard to change. With a grounded, realistic approach, you'll begin to see how awareness of these patterns can open the door to more honest and balanced relationships.   You didn't become "the easy one," "the funny one," or "the strong one"  for no reason. You became who you needed to be.     Check Out this New Resource:    Get Started Asking for What You Need! Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships. https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed     Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!   Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

Today I'm joined by Mark Siedler and Lynetta Avery. They work with people who keep finding themselves in the same relationship situations having the same arguments, feeling pulled toward the same kinds of partners, and wondering why nothing they try seems to change it. Their work focuses on what's actually happening in the moment when things go sideways in relationships, and how to interrupt those patterns without blame, fixing, or therapy language. They speak from lived experience and offer practical ways to slow things down, see the pattern clearly, and respond differently when it matters most. This conversation we talked about ways we can begin to identify what patterns we tend to repeat in relationships, and how they almost always stem from childhood experiences.        What you didn't receive as a child doesn't just disappear. It becomes what you long for, what you tolerate, and sometimes… what you unknowingly repeat.   To connect with Mark and Lynetta: https://whythiskeepshappening.com/       Check Out this New Resource:    Get Started Asking for What You Need! Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships. https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed     Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!   Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

In this episode, we close out the month by bringing everything together: what it actually looks like to move out of reaction and into intention. When you begin to understand how fear shows up in your thoughts, your body, and your communication, something shifts. You start to see that not every urge, emotion, or sense of urgency needs to be followed. And in that awareness, a different kind of space opens up. This conversation isn't about getting rid of fear. It's about changing your relationship with it. You'll begin to notice where you've been automatically reacting, and what becomes possible when you pause long enough to choose instead. Over time, those small moments of awareness begin to build something bigger: clarity, steadiness, and a stronger sense of self-trust.   Just because fear shows up… doesn't mean it gets to decide.   Check Out this New Resource:    Get Started Asking for What You Need! Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships. https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed     Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!   Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour Top of Form Bottom of Form

Kristen Crabtree is the author of Be the You That's More You Than You've Ever Been and a self-revelation guide who helps people separate truth from adaptation so they can live from alignment rather than conditioning. Her work is rooted in the idea that many of us don't lose ourselves all at once—we slowly adapt to expectations, relationships, and survival strategies until our original signal becomes difficult to hear. Rather than focusing on motivation or goal-setting, Kristen's approach centers on excavation: uncovering what is already true beneath layers of adaptation.   The problem isn't that  you don't know who you are. It's that you learned to stop listening.   Kristen Crabtree:   https://www.paramourparadox.com/   • Try the Who Am I? self-inquiry exercise • Explore free resources and reflection tools • Schedule a conversation with Kristen   Check Out this New Resource:    Get Started Asking for What You Need! Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships. https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed     Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here! If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!   Need more?  Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:   https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words         Hey! My signature course is live!  I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program.  Be sure to click here to check it out: https://findyourvoicecourse.com/   Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!  https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour   Top of Form Bottom of Form