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Why are we so hard on ourselves, and why doesn't it help? And when you stop being hard on yourself, why doesn't that help either? When something isn't working in your life, when you're not making progress on the thing that matters, you ask yourself why. And I think one of four voices talks. Three of them will keep you exactly where you are, and might even make it worse. I would like you to be able to tell them apart. The judge aims internally and it shames you. You're useless. You're lazy. The judge puts labels on you, and labels are heavy to carry with you. The cheerleader aims externally and it blames. It's because of this person, it's because of these circumstances. Even when the blame is valid, it doesn't help. Blaming is not taking responsibility. The comforter is very caring, but it excuses you. It's okay, you did enough, try again tomorrow. Sometimes it shows up through gratitude, which is also a very good hiding place. If you're hard on yourself and you've been told to be kinder to yourself, what usually happens is that you swap the judge for one of the other two. It feels better, but nothing changes. The fourth voice is the coach. When the judge asks why can't you, the coach asks how can you. Try it like this next time. Tomorrow do this. Do, notice, adjust. For nearly all of us, this is the voice that we need to develop. In this episode I also give you a way to check which voice is talking, and something to try over the next few days. The next time you catch yourself asking why am I not further along, stop and listen to who answers. Then ask the coach's two questions. What is the actual reason, and how can I address it? Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuumaYtEeEY The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ Join me live, Wednesday mornings at 8 a.m. SAST, the personal growth class: https://events.francoisesterhuizen.com/ Join me live, Thursdays at 8:30 a.m. SAST, the Clarity Quest: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/ Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4 My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com

In this episode I explore burnout, and I start with two questions. What specific burnout warning signs should we pay attention to? Which red flags should we watch out for? Because you might still be functioning, you're getting things done, and the problems are already present beneath the surface. Here are three of the signs I see working with people. Your exhaustion doesn't change after rest: you sleep eight hours and wake up tired, you take the weekend off and Monday feels the same as Friday. It takes a week to start your holiday: physically you're on the beach, mentally you're still in the office. And you dread getting in trouble: a low, constant feeling that you've missed something, so every message and notification feels extremely urgent. Then I go back a step. Do you judge yourself for being tired? Nothing's wrong with you. What actually needs attention is your boundaries. So the question changes from how do I manage my workload to what am I so afraid of. You're not replying to emails to be useful. You are replying to stop yourself from being found out. Three things you can do, very practical. Turn off all your notifications. Structure your checking: pick your times, let's say nine, one o'clock, five o'clock. And notice what happens in the gap. Don't fix it. Don't act on it. Just notice it. I also answer the objection I get almost every time I share this: but you don't understand my boss. Just for this coming week, try it. Instead of turning yourself into toast by burning out, rather treat your inbox like toast. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_KtI1Ymz-U The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ Join me live, Wednesday mornings at 8 a.m. SAST, the personal growth class: https://events.francoisesterhuizen.com/ Join me live, Thursdays at 8:30 a.m. SAST, the Clarity Quest: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/ Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4 My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com

I'm going to give you six reasons we lose momentum. Three of them come from the research, and three of them come from what I see in the work I do with people. Pick the one that's most relevant to you, and use it to get your momentum back. Momentum doesn't work like a ramp, starting small and building. It works more like a smile. High at the start, low in the middle, high again at the end. The middle is the dip. It's the boring part, where you do the same thing over and over long after it stopped being exciting. That's where momentum goes. And instead of crossing the dip, we go back to the start, where the energy is high and free. The three from the research: we misunderstand how momentum works, progress gets so small that it turns invisible, and we want the reward now, while the reward for anything big sits a long way off. The three from my own experience: addiction to novelty, which is a new course, a new podcast, a new idea, anything that feels like progress without crossing the dip. Craving easy problems, the ones you've already solved a hundred times, instead of the one you don't know how to solve yet. And avoiding the mirror, because proper reflection shows you things you would rather not find. In this episode I use one example the whole way through, changing careers. If yours is getting fit, or writing a book, or starting a business, swap it in. It works exactly the same. If I had to point you at one of the six, it's the last one. Look at what you find in the mirror. That's how you get your momentum back. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4 My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com

There's a lot about my thirties that I regret, and regret deeply. I could tell you that I've made peace with that, but really I haven't. At the end of 2007 I had been married for about five months, I'd quit full-time ministry and we'd moved to Cape Town. Three major life changes all at once. Not something I would recommend. I had sponsors, so there wasn't money pressure. I had a lot of different options, and that was part of the problem for me. All these different possibilities, and choosing one of them felt dangerous, felt hard. Because if I choose one path, I'm letting go of all the others. So I'd think about pursuing one thing and say no, wait, wait, wait. And then I'd pursue them all at once, all a little bit. What I've done instead, I think, helped me more than just making peace with it. Because sometimes making peace with something in the past means you don't really get what you are supposed to get from it. You're not learning anything, you just accept it. Accept the regret, accept that you've wasted time, accept that you've wasted potential. Regret is inevitable. Regrets are painful. And that pain can either trap us or teach us. It's a very expensive teacher, regret, because you pay in time and you pay in potential. There's no bursary for this. You pay the full tuition fee. We all pay in some way. But you can choose how you want to pay, where you are now. Instead of paying with regret, we pay with effort, we pay with failure, we pay with embarrassment. My big lesson looking back: make a strong choice and execute. In this episode I take you through what I call passing the class. Extract the lesson. Integrate it, allow it to change your world view. And then invest it into your next chapter, so that the school fees you paid in lost time and lost potential now get invested and can compound. If you just make peace with something, that doesn't happen. If there's a time in your life that you regret, whatever it is, this one is for you. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1WDGperNKU The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which groove you are stuck in right now, routine, uncertainty or trance: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4 My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com

Nothing is wrong and you still feel stuck. Career fine, bills paid, and still restless. Why do I feel stuck when nothing is wrong? I know what to do and I'm still not doing it. Those two questions tend to arrive together, and they arrive with guilt, because you have a pretty good life and you are supposed to be grateful for it. You are, unfortunately, very normal. In this episode I show you the two engines that move people, pain and possibility, and why a pretty good life switches both of them off. Then the cruise control problem: how you can be moving every single day, losing momentum in the one direction that matters, and never notice it, because there is nothing bad to point at. We look at how gratitude turns into a hiding place. And I give you the RUT, the three grooves that a life on cruise control wears into your weeks: routine, uncertainty and trance. You leave with one sentence to finish and one hour of steering to do this week. The RUT Diagnostic takes three minutes and tells you which of those three grooves runs deepest for you: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJeRkyYV2tA Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4 My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com

You will get stuck again. Not maybe, guaranteed. The final episode of the Getting Unstuck series is about what to do when it happens, because coming back is the skill: the observer and the giver of meaning, structure as your friend, and the four step comeback. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWQNvOCifPQ Free: see where and how you are stuck with the RUT Diagnostic: https://clarityquest.francoisesterhuizen.com/rut/ The whole series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYr4VXEPUU5o

Two options in front of you, months at the crossroads, and every person you ask leaves you exactly where you were. In this fourth episode of the Getting Unstuck series: what you are actually collecting when you ask around (confirmation, not information), the two questions that work like a brake you are pressing yourself, the guarantee hiding inside the word right, why the first hard part convinces you that you chose wrong, and the ten-year question that lets you choose today, standing right where you are. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln10DW4kbko The Ten-Year Question card (free): https://resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/ten-year-question/ All free tools: https://resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/ Part one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdZGSQr9kBE Part two: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5ihPiQ_QOI Part three: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKLdHsbgslY Work with me: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com/work-with-me Fresh Perspective, my weekly newsletter: https://francoisesterhuizen.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=097ed8fb3c6e3c943817d0d80&id=7a7438d8f4 My website: https://www.francoisesterhuizen.com

You sit down to start, and all of it arrives at once. The thing is not too big. You are lifting all of it at the same time. In this third episode of the Getting Unstuck series: what overwhelm actually is (the carrying, not the task), the next visible move, the two-minute test, and the deciding-once principle that makes starting almost automatic. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKLdHsbgslY The Headlights System card (free): https://resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/headlights-system/ All free tools: https://resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/ Part one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdZGSQr9kBE Part two: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5ihPiQ_QOI

You do not procrastinate on everything. You procrastinate selectively, and the more something matters, the harder it gets to start. In this second episode of the Getting Unstuck series: what you are actually managing when you procrastinate (it is not time), why caring turns a task into a test, the trade behind every snooze, and four steps to catch it happening. Free Pattern Breaker workbook: https://resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/procrastination-pattern-breaker/ Watch the video version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5ihPiQ_QOI

Have you ever known exactly what you should do, and still not done it? That is not laziness. It is a loop: discomfort, avoidance, relief, cost. In this first episode of the Getting Unstuck series I walk through the loop, the five fuels that drive it, how to map one of your own in five honest sentences, and the small interruption that starts rebuilding self-trust. The free Unstuck Loop Map: resources.francoisesterhuizen.com/unstuck-loop-map Watch this episode on YouTube: You Are Not Lazy. You Are in a Loop. All resources: resources.francoisesterhuizen.com

n this episode, I explore why shutting down and blowing up are often not opposites, but two different ways of avoiding the deeper emotion underneath. Using the image of a firebreak, I unpack how emotional maturity is not about suppressing what I feel or unleashing it on everyone around me, but learning to stay with what I feel without becoming overwhelmed by it. I talk about numbing, anger, emotional flooding, old childhood patterns, nervous system responses, repair in relationships, and the hope that healing is still possible at any age. The goal is not to become less emotional, but to become less afraid of emotion, so I can respond with more honesty, connection, and choice. To contact me go to francoisesterhuizen.com

In this episode of Fresh Perspective, we explore a powerful shift in how we handle life’s challenges: are you reacting like a thermometer, or responding like a thermostat? When the world heats up or cools down, do you let it decide your mood and actions, or do you set your own tone from within? Through simple language and real-life examples, Francois breaks down the four things you can always control – your beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and actions – and shows you how to practise this shift gently in everyday moments. This is a grounded, reflective episode designed to help you slow down, recalibrate, and lead your life from the inside out. If you’re ready to stop being pulled around by your environment and start choosing your mindset with intention, this one is for you. getclarity.co.za

To work with me personally please visit getclarity.co.za In this episode of Fresh Perspective, Francois explores one of the most common and quietest struggles many of us face: being relentlessly hard on ourselves. Beneath the surface of high standards and self-discipline often lies fear, fear of failure, rejection, or not being enough. Francois unpacks how the inner judge masquerades as responsibility but is really emotional avoidance in disguise. Drawing from his coaching work and psychology research, he guides listeners through understanding the difference between the Judge and the Coach within, one condemns, the other instructs. You will learn how to shift from self-punishment to self-leadership, how to identify the beliefs that keep your worth conditional, and how to respond to mistakes with clarity rather than cruelty. Through the story of kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold, this episode offers a reminder that our cracks do not disqualify us; they reveal where the light gets in. If you have ever felt trapped by your own high expectations or inner criticism, this conversation will help you lay down the whip and pick up the tools of awareness, compassion, and self-trust.

For more resources. In this episode of Fresh Perspective, we take a closer look at one of the most subtle traps of modern life — the feeling of progress that comes from staying busy. Francois explores how our endless checklists, colour-coded calendars, and constant activity can quietly become a form of productive avoidance. We tick every box, respond to every email, keep the engine running — yet deep down, we sense we’re circling the same place. Through simple language and thoughtful reflection, this episode unpacks: Why we confuse movement with progress. How busyness keeps us safe from facing deeper fears. The emotional comfort we get from doing what we already know. How to recognise when your checklist has become a hiding place. A simple daily question to help you shift from “busy” to “brave.” You’ll hear why the checklist isn’t the enemy — it’s the mirror. And how, when we see it clearly, it can reveal what truly matters most. If you’ve ever ended a full day wondering why all your effort still feels empty, this episode will help you pause, breathe, and find direction beyond the boxes. Because real growth doesn’t happen when the list is finished — it happens when you start what’s not on it.

To work with me: Book a Private Consultation or take a Complimentary assessment.   This episode explains that the uncomfortable emotions we avoid are doorways to the breakthroughs we want. It distinguishes three ways we engage with feelings — intellectualizing, intuiting, and instinctual sensations — and shows how overthinking keeps us stuck. Practical advice: pause when you notice anxiety or tension, allow the feeling to intensify and fully feel it until it passes. Doing so lifts the heaviness, restores presence, and helps you function and connect more fully in life.