Advertise on podcast: The Otis Advisory

The punishment phase following the presidential election has now started.  Donkey Ladies everywhere, especially those with pre-existing conditions, have announced the end of sex as we know it.  Men are now officially cut off as punishment for helping Orange Man win the White House.  And to rub it in, some corn-fed girls are even cutting off their own hair, hoping that their diminished appearance might help deteriorate their relationships to help them become more irritating.  Hell it might work.  Donkey Ladies are hoping that men will somehow notice all this is happening and finally be remorseful.  But since men are slow to catch on, there’s no word yet on how the protest is going.  Remember all this is happening just because Kamala didn’t win - even with the endorsement of DJ Toilet Brush, men still wouldn’t vote for her!  Donkey ladies don’t understand why and hope that this added misery will be enough to teach men a lesson.  But that never goes well since men don’t really pay much attention.  Maybe you’ve noticed.  But here’s the thing: You’re still going to get that Chinchilla coat for Christmas whether you think you want it or not. That’s because what men really want is just for you to be happy.  So cut off your hair and vote for Giggles if you like, but at the end of the day when the lights are low, let’s not talk about voting.  Just do that thing you do with your one good eye and just let it all go. Now hold on ladies, just calm down, there’s enough Otis to go around.  I’ll see you at the peace march.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

SIT TO PIf you don’t sit to pee, you can’t play basketball with the girls! Now you would think that’s obvious, but there are still some who are just finding this out.  I’d go with what came in your shorts.  That’s your pre-existing condition right there!  And it won’t go away just because you decide to lace up a sports bra and get after it!  You’re not Mister Potato Head!  You don’t get to switch out your extra parts that you keep in a little trapdoor there in your behind. Swapping out spare parts is just for potatoes, not people!  People parts already line up pretty well - Tab “A” into Slot “B” and all that!  Why mess with what’s working?  But if you still get confused and don’t remember, it’s OK to check – or just ask a policeman.  When your spirit animal is an oyster, you do crazy things!  That’s when marketing gets called in to hang some hoop earrings on the whole thing, and get everybody dressed for court.  Oh, the larceny!   Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

SOCIALIZED DEMOCRATSTo help explain how Socialized Democrats are busy saving our democracy, we brought in OPPO the Research Loving Clown to look at what’s in the new Donkey-Party platform. Aww, what’s the matter Oppo?  Why so sad?  Well, it looks like the Socialized Democrats secret plan the whole time is this: Give you the razor for free but then keeps selling you the blades - forever!  Let’s the dough rise twice, so, you never get through paying? It’s like being at war with yourself.  Anybody ever talk to Roy Rogers about all this?  No?  Remember, when news stinks you’ll smell it first right here on the Otis Advisory.  And if you’re asking, my pronouns are 38 caliber, 45 caliber and 50 caliber, that one’s plural!   I’ll see you at the peace March.  Hear podcast ~ wash hands! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Say hello to Zohran the Conqueror – the latest fanboy of the lunatic fringe.  As Mayor of New York, the Zohan only has a Beatnik-level view of what makes the world work, but he’s still planning to run this con on YOU and the rest of the coalition of the unhappy come next election day.  Zohan the Conqueror, as his mamma calls him, brings along all the usual gin-soaked stuff, like free beer and rubber money for anyone who’s lost their appetite for work.  But this Mamdami is more than that.  He’s the shiny new locomotive pulling the Hate America First Train just as it loads up to leave bankruptcy station.  Can you dig it?  “Chicks dig me because I burn tires,” said the Zohan.  And although he has never actually seen the inside of a Dress Barn, he’s sure he knows just what women are looking for.  Because in a Mamdami state-run grocery store, cotton candy is produce!  It's a miracle. Think of Zohan as artificial sweetener! The more you read about what’s in it, the less of it you want. A vote for Mr. All Hat, No Cattle is like buying the jeans with the holes already in them.  You know it is stupid, but you do it anyway. Come on now somebody pump the breaks on this mess before New York boils over for good.  And order your special Uncle Otis secret decoder ring to make sure you get all the hidden messages in this stupid bit. And the rest of them too - I’ll see you at the peace march.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Remember when everybody was too woke to sleep?  It’s OK - that was just Woke 1.0 - a crazy time in Donkey politics and the national coalition of the unhappy.  Woke kids were everywhere, but the commie caucus was still confused over what to think and what to say!  Like, which car air freshener to go with?  The pine tree or the skunk? I’d pick the one that doesn’t smell like a burning hospital!  How about you?   Woke 1.0 was also the time Donkey people started selling their bath water on the internet.  But that one washed out pretty fast once the nausea stopped!  During Woke 1.0 we even lost the ability to tie our shoes or hand write our own name.  And that’s not all. Woke 1.0 was the time everybody started worrying about men, who were naturally stinky of course, just like always, and way too invested in meat, beer and ball.  Look, even the runt of the litter should get to go to the misogynist parlor.  But none of that works for the correct people.  That's when Wife Supremacy took over and masculinity took it in the shorts! That was Woke 1.0 - and it’s not over yet!  That’s the way we Otis - I’ll see you at the peace march.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It was Gain of Fauci the whole time!  The little shrimp was busy working the back side just to meet girls and get a new beach house!  But now he’s been caught with his little Fauci pants down! They wanted to try him as an adult, but the consigliere screamed, “PARDON” after sleepy Joe gave the little bugger a hall pass out of the wet market.” The Fauci squeeze play may have fooled the wife of the people - for a while - and tricked low information voters into wearing two masks at one time.   It was the nightmare scenario!  You want artificial intelligence, you found it!  I’ll see you at the peace march.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

New York city’s new experimental Mayor, Zorro is already learning the hard lessons of socialism.  Finding out you can’t be both moisture-wicking and self-absorbed at the same time or you’ll just dry up!  That’s right. It’s already happening to Mayor Zorro.  His city is running out of cash!  He needs other people’s money and fast. “Where do I get more of this,” thought the young prince. That’s when marketing had to be called in to puncture the silence and find somebody else to blame.  So don’t worry Mr. Mayor, marketing will take care of your budget problem. Just smile, practice walking fast to a meeting and try to find some of those working men to pick up trash mountain stacked up on the street. Careful though, there’s probably somebody living up in there.  Oh wait, experimental mayor told the sanitation guys they could work from home like everybody else. Oh stars! That’s not gonna work. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What would be different right now if Kamala had won?  Lower your expectations for a second and use your imagination. Try to imagine President Kamala, a free-lance thinker with no active ingredients, having control of your wallet, your thermostat, your kids, and your menu.  Kamala likes keeping fear alive and watching the denutification of America.  If the lady in the pant suit had won, you’d be speaking Iranian by now.  Gone would be the funny speeches and press conferences we get now.  As you sit there comfortably numb with your pronouns all pinned to your shirt, ask yourself how much government fraud you think we’d have found by now if Kamala was in charge? Oh the larceny!   She’s still mad because Clarence Thomas wouldn’t date her. Then there’s the big one, the open door down south. That lovely Southern border would still be open.  Why? Because Kamala knows she gets a mail-in ballot out of every new smiling face that hops the fence. While you stay home writing checks to the IRS.  Fooled again!   Hear podcast ~ Wash hands.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Remember the War on Women?  Is that still a thing?  Do women still go off to finishing school?  What goes on there?  Let’s say your name is still Debbie and you’re still developmentally optimistic, then you’ve probably missed the short squeeze altogether. And that’s good.  Bring Your Wife to Work Day is only once a year, so honey, when opportunity knocks, don’t complain about the noise! Get after it. You can still Wang Chung when you need to.  Even before the War on Women, you knew a Pop Tart from a Captain’s Wafer,. and that DWI doesn’t  really means Doing What I Like.  Wait, is that too many letters?  Either way, you can’t conquer the world in bad shoes.  It’s just not done!  So no more standing behind the velvet ropes for you!  Hell no. Debbie or not, you are done being a super spreader for anybody.  Look, the Taliban didn’t have enough girls in management, and look what happened to them. Hell is real. And heat rises. That’s critical Otis Theory. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why is it that some still need to take their shoes off on an airplane ride? It’s just wrong.  Still or sparkling, that’s gotta hurt. The guy next to you will never order another chicken fried steak again after seeing your airplane feet all fileted out in the walkway. It’s just too triggering!  Looking at those hooves you walk around on, all laid out in the middle of the aisle like that, could give anybody bone loss.  Nothing else can survive once you see airplane feet with the toenails shaped like Greenland.  So stop it!  And if you take ‘em out and start picking at everything you’ll need emergency nose and glasses just to sneak off the plane in one piece.  But wait, there are exemptions to the no airplane feet rule.  If your are scheduled to compete in the next Miss Vacant Lot pageant, you’re good.  Otherwise, if you still have a need to show off your airplane feet in flight, don’t be too surprised if some hex nut puts a spell on you. It could happen. Otis explains.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Your Uncle Otis is back with a real Southern apology for China, since they may not have one of those yet.  And until you’ve had a good southern apology, honey you don’t know sorry.  So here goes.  China, here in the South, we kinda stole YOUR intellectual property too!!  That’s right, we stole you blind on Chinese Checkers.  Here’s the way it works:  if you’re not smart enough to pay Chess, then you play Checkers.  But if you’re not smart enough to play Checkers, you play Chinese Checkers.  That’s just how it’s done.  So even though Chinese robots are taking our JOBS, we still let the kids from the camp play Chinese Checkers all summer, cause nobody ever wins…just like in China!!  Otis even gives China a free idea!  Can you guess what it is?  Hear podcast ~ Wash hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Today we’re bringing in the Count of Monty Crypto to help explain the US economy in a way even Jasmine can understand it.  Step one, if you want to save big money, don’t buy anything.  Next: Hide your stuff! Go out in the backyard, dig a hole and put your stuff down there, then cover it up.  If the Zohan people can’t find it, they can’t tax it or give it to the aliens. Then, don’t buy anything that says DISPOSABLE.  What’s the point?  Let somebody else buy it and when they throw it away you go back around and pick it up for nothing. This is so easy.  Let’s say you want some Crypto Currency. You don’t know why but everybody’s doing it and you don’t want to miss out.  Well, BaitCoin is a whole lot cheaper than BitCoin, and you can do more with it.  BaitCoin is locally sourced, the correct people will cheer for that, like local honey, they get all worked up over that too. Gives them the same warm, welcoming embrace as socialism. Like the gooey cheese in the Mondami mouse trap.  “Come on in, have some promotional cheese. We’ll just take it from the people on the hill. They’ve got too much cheese.”  Who let this happen? Next, you’ll be making your own clothes.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Big Bad Bunny is now hiring.  He’s about to do the half time SuperBowl show and still needs a few good men to hold up his scarf for the big game. It’s a ballsey move, but since Super Bowl is copyrighted, we’re not allowed to talk about what a dumb NFL idea this really is. They just need you to lower your expectations for game day and accept Mr. Bunny for who he or they really is.  Just give him a little time to get his roots done!  Now since the Bunny man always seems to turn up third and long, you’re gonna need to know how to score all this!  A simple organism about to take the stage.  Not the halftime entertainment you expected, but there it is anyway.  And if you stand behind the velvet ropes, Big Blue Bunny will be happy to give you a peek at what really goes on at Doggy Day Care.  A million flies can’t be wrong, and this one’s really going to stink!  Our friend the Bunny has been butt dialed more than once from a Princess phone.  So what’s different this time, except maybe for 90 million of the undead hopefully still watching. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

At night when Jasmine Crockett lies there waiting for the sandman to come take her away, she likes to dream of how important she’s gonna  feel once we make her a US Senator from Texas.  Commander Otis here - back on Crockett Watch where we’ve brought in Oppo the research loving clown to find out what makes Ms. Crockett so entertaining.  What is it Oppo?  Why so sad?  Awwww, is it because Jasmine’s spirit animal is an oyster?  Jasmine’s going to need an edge to win in Texas and that’s where the mail in ballots come in.  Oh the larceny!  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You’ve landed on the Jasmine Report – the weekly national tracker that chronicles the latest bull corn leaking out of Jasmine’s campaign for Senate.  Now sometimes Jasmine’s mind plays tricks on her when she dreams of winning the rural vote.  “Should I go campaign at the Cracker Barrel or the Waffle House,” thought Jasmine.  I wouldn’t get too worked up with that one honey.  You’ve got a lot more apologizing to do before you land any of the Billy Jack vote.  So it’s no surprise that hurricane Jasmine hired a rapper to follow her around and make up bad songs about all her big ideas.  If Jasmine says we should put screen doors on submarines, then there must be a good reason, so don’t rule it out.  Hear Podcast - Wash Hands Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.