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Content note: This episode contains discussion of addiction, overdose, assault, suicidal ideation, homelessness, and other traumatic experiences. Please take care while listening. Alyssa Jarvis joins us to talk about faith, rejection, trauma, addiction, recovery, forgiveness, and the long road to building a new life. This is a heavy one, but it’s also full of honesty, resilience, and hope. Special thanks to our sponsors: McKelvey Insurance Group https://mckelveyins.com Light Source Psychotherapy http://findyourlightsource.com Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 01:33 Personal Stories and Connections 02:59 Faith and Spiritual Journeys 06:06 Navigating Identity and Acceptance 11:56 Challenges of Homelessness and Addiction 20:00 Support Systems and Resilience 21:17 Navigating Adolescence and School Challenges 22:14 The Role of Xanax in Coping with Trauma 25:00 Understanding Addiction and Recovery 27:06 The Impact of Loss on Substance Use 33:15 The Journey of Forgiveness and Healing 46:29 The Drugging Incident 49:21 The Aftermath of Assault 50:46 Realizations and Consequences 51:05 First Treatment Experience 53:39 Escalation of Addiction 54:30 Overdoses and Near-Death Experiences 56:18 Friendship and Betrayal 01:01:10 Rock Bottom and Awakening 01:11:25 The Call for Help 01:14:02 Journey to Treatment 01:17:00 Entering Recovery 01:20:30 Finding Purpose in Pain 01:24:29 Navigating Relationships in Recovery 01:30:05 The Challenges of Motherhood 01:34:38 The Birth Experience 01:35:23 The Birth of Harley and Early Challenges 01:38:01 Navigating Single Parenthood 01:39:29 Finding Stability and Employment 01:41:41 The Journey to Recovery and New Beginnings 01:45:03 Building Community and Support 01:49:01 Spiritual Growth and Connection 01:57:06 Empowering Others Through Experience

John Nettles joins Pondoff’s Anonymous for a real conversation about addiction, relapse, treatment, and what it actually takes to build a life that lasts. Originally from the St. Louis area and now living in California, John talks about growing up in Chesterfield, getting pulled into sports, nightlife, and the EDM scene, and how alcohol and drugs slowly took over everything. This episode gets into the messy reality of addiction...the false starts, the treatment attempts that didn’t stick, the consequences, and the slow shift from just surviving to actually changing. John also opens up about the recovery community that helped him, the grief and relationships he’s had to navigate sober, and what it means to find purpose after years of chaos. John is the Director of Alumni Relations at Refine Recovery in Sherman Oaks, California, where he helped build the alumni program to keep people connected and supported after treatment. He also hosts his own podcast, Recovery Refined, where he talks with guests about recovery, identity, adversity, and growth. If you’re in California and need help, check out Refine Recovery: https://refinerecovery.com/contact/ Check out John’s podcast, Recovery Refined: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-refined/id1867828182 Sponsors: A big thank you to our sponsors. We couldn’t do this without them. McKelvey Insurance Group https://www.mckelveyins.com/ Light Source https://findyourlightsource.com/ Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 04:57 California's Treatment Landscape 11:06 Community Support and Recovery Initiatives 20:00 Growing Up in Chesterfield and Sports Background 25:19 Sports Culture and Personal Anecdotes 29:43 The Journey into Addiction 30:51 Treatment Programs and Their Impact 34:15 Navigating Recovery and Relapse 39:09 Building a Supportive Recovery Community 44:37 Comedy Night and Personal Reflections 46:11 Navigating Family Dynamics and Addiction 47:47 The Struggles of Early Adulthood and Substance Use 49:31 The Intersection of Substance Use and Nightlife 51:27 Geographic Changes and Their Impact on Addiction 54:43 The Escalation of Addiction and Its Consequences 57:27 The Turning Point: Realizations and Relationships 01:00:00 The Journey to Sobriety and Its Challenges 01:02:51 Facing the Consequences of Addiction 01:05:18 The Cycle of Sobriety and Relapse 01:10:03 Societal Views on Alcohol and Addiction 01:13:20 Moments of Willingness and Seeking Help 01:19:06 The Impact of Family and Relationships on Recovery 01:22:43 Reconnecting and Building Relationships 01:25:11 The Role of Pets in Recovery 01:30:02 The Journey to Treatment 01:31:03 Listening and Learning in Recovery 01:35:24 Detox and the Importance of Time 01:39:02 Finding Purpose in Recovery 01:45:39 Working in Treatment and Helping Others 01:46:37 Building Trust in Recovery 01:47:01 Creating a Supportive Alumni Network 01:48:50 The Importance of Community in Recovery 01:51:26 Navigating Grief and Loss 01:56:00 Finding Purpose in Service 02:00:05 Understanding Addiction and Recovery 02:02:12 Connecting Through Shared Experiences

Never Lose Hope with Tennille Heitkamp Tennille Heitkamp joins Pondoff’s Anonymous to share the long, painful, and hopeful story of walking through addiction with her son, Jacob. What starts as a conversation about Underground and finding the right support community turns into a brutally honest look at what addiction does to an entire family. Tennille talks about Jacob’s childhood, ADHD, early struggles to fit in, his exposure to pills and fentanyl, emergency room visits, detox, sober living, relapse, and the emotional chaos that came with trying to keep him alive. She also opens up about the toll it took on her, her marriage, her other son, and her own mental health as she tried to hold everything together. But this episode is not just about the darkness. It is also about not giving up. Tennille shares how Jacob eventually found real help, how Florida became a turning point, how he is now six months sober, and how hope slowly started to return. The conversation also highlights Tennille’s work with Addiction is Real, where she now helps other families recognize warning signs, find resources, and feel less alone. This episode is for parents, loved ones, and anyone who has ever felt exhausted by addiction and wondered if things can still get better. Sponsored by: McKelvey Insurance Group — https://www.mckelveyins.com LightSource Psychotherapy — https://findyourlightsource.com 00:00 Sponsor message: McKelvey Insurance Group + LightSource 00:56 Theme song 01:30 Welcome and meeting Tennille 06:48 How Tennille found Underground 09:16 Trying different support spaces until something fits 12:12 Creating a safe place for scared newcomers 15:27 Underground becomes bigger than anyone expected 17:42 Why Chris wanted Tennille to tell this story 18:43 Jacob, Jayden, and the beginning of the family story 24:02 Jacob’s childhood, diagnoses, surgeries, and early struggles 30:38 High school football, wanting to fit in, and pills 32:16 First exposure to fentanyl 33:34 Moving out, chasing belonging, and things unraveling 40:12 The first major fentanyl scare and ER trip 42:09 Detox, sober living, and the insurance nightmare 58:30 Family disease, shame, and trying to fix everything 1:01:33 Learning boundaries and finding family support 1:21:08 Another sober living setback 1:25:39 Airport chaos and getting Jacob back to treatment 1:30:54 New Jersey, sober living, and another return home 1:33:21 A good stretch, then relapse again 1:37:05 Hospital scare and the move to Florida 1:38:05 Florida treatment and meeting Emily 1:40:21 Six months sober and a different future 1:42:48 Tennille’s work with Addiction is Real 1:50:39 How Jacob is doing now 1:53:55 Credits 1:54:26 Light in the Dark coffee outro

Content Note: This episode contains discussion of suicide, addiction, and mental health. Julie Wiseman with her friend (also) Julie Thanks to our sponsors: McKelvey Insurance Group http://mckelveyins.com LightSource http://FindYourLightSource.com In this episode of Pondoff’s Anonymous, Chris and Zoë sit down with Julie Wiseman, joined by her friend Dee, for a deeply honest conversation about grief, learning differences, addiction, and the long shadow of shame. Julie shares the story of her son Nick, from early struggles with dyslexia and anxiety to the deeper mental health and substance use battles that followed, and the devastating reality of losing him to suicide. Along the way, the conversation opens up into something even bigger… parenting fear, the pressure kids carry, the gaps in support for teens and families, and the kind of community that can help people feel less alone. Julie talks about creating Nick’s Beautiful Angels, Zoë reflects on her own experience with dyslexia and ADHD, and the group keeps coming back to a simple truth… isolation makes everything worse, and honest connection matters. Chapters: 00:00 Navigating Personal Challenges 02:51 Understanding Learning Differences 12:15 The Impact of ADHD and Dyslexia 20:51 Social Connections and Communication 32:06 The Role of Support Systems 40:19 Exploring Addiction and Recovery 49:48 The Importance of Open Conversations 59:48 Coping with Isolation and Pressure 01:09:49 Finding Joy in Everyday Life 01:19:33 The Journey of Self-Discovery 01:29:00 Fear, Setbacks, and Turning Points 01:39:00 Living With Panic and Uncertainty 01:47:11 The Weight of the Last Text 01:57:00 Grief in Daily Life 02:05:00 Courage, Community, and Keep Going 02:13:20 Landing the Plane

In this episode of Pondoff’s Anonymous, Chris sits down with Lyndsey Jacob, Kyle Jacob, and Zoë for an honest conversation about addiction, recovery, trauma, ADHD, marriage, family, sobriety, and healing. Lyndsey shares what it was like to live in denial while knowing things could not keep going the way they were. She talks about cocaine use, alcohol, secrecy, survival mode, shame, and the fear of facing life without substances. This episode explores the turning points that led her toward honesty, treatment, and recovery. Chris, Lyndsey, Kyle, and Zoë also talk about the impact addiction has on marriage, trust, family, finances, motherhood, and identity. They unpack how childhood experiences, trauma, and ADHD can shape adult behavior and self-perception, and how deeper issues can stay hidden underneath addiction for years. This conversation also gets into support systems, accountability, stigma, and the role of community in recovery. Kyle shares what it was like to walk through this as a husband, and the episode offers a real look at what healing can require from everyone involved. It is messy, personal, honest, and hopeful. If you are interested in addiction recovery, sobriety, trauma healing, mental health, ADHD, relationships, or real stories of change, this episode is for you. Timestamps 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships01:11 Personal Reflections on Life and Challenges02:34 The Importance of Connection and Community06:00 Navigating Personal Struggles and Support Systems09:29 The Journey of Recovery and Realizations12:43 Understanding Addiction and Its Complexities16:14 The Role of Family and Relationships in Recovery19:10 Childhood Experiences and Their Impact on Adulthood25:46 Unpacking Trauma and ADHD27:11 The Turning Point: Coming Clean to Family28:19 The Importance of Support in Recovery32:01 Facing the Reality of Addiction36:00 Unpacking Trauma and Honesty48:59 The Journey of Self-Discovery52:03 Understanding Different Addictive Behaviors58:12 Navigating Substance Use and Social Norms59:58 The Journey of a Single Mother01:02:55 Love, Loss, and New Beginnings01:05:58 The Highs and Lows of Addiction01:09:52 The Cost of Addiction on Finances and Relationships01:24:31 The Impact of Addiction on Family Dynamics01:27:12 Breaking the Stigma of Addiction01:30:49 Accountability and Personal Growth in Recovery01:32:01 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Healing01:39:07 Understanding the Nature of Addiction01:41:01 The Role of Community in Recovery01:52:00 Finding Purpose in Recovery01:56:08 Embracing Authenticity and Connection Sponsors McKelvey Insurance Grouphttps://mckelveyins.com LightSource Psychotherapyhttps://findyourlightsource.com

Fentanyl Killed My Son at a Sleepover | A Mother's Fight for Justice Tiffany Foster's son Zack was 13 when he died from fentanyl poisoning at a friend's sleepover. He wasn't an addict. It was his first time. Eight days after his birthday, he was gone. Tiffany shares Zack's story -- his childhood, the night of August 28th, four years of legal battles, and the advocacy work she does now. If you're a parent, someone in recovery, or anyone who loves a young person, this one is for you. Fentanyl doesn't discriminate. Two milligrams -- the tip of a pencil -- is lethal. Zack had 44. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 -- Introduction to the Journey03:36 -- The Impact of Loss and Grief12:29 -- Understanding Zack's Childhood and Development24:32 -- Navigating Adolescence and Early Experimentation36:00 -- The Tragic Night and Its Consequences38:48 -- Navigating Parental Concerns42:05 -- The Night of the Incident44:28 -- The Shocking News51:50 -- Understanding the Overdose54:24 -- The Aftermath and Legal Proceedings01:01:32 -- The Trials and Sentencing01:19:12 -- Judicial System Insights and Parole Eligibility01:22:28 -- Navigating Grief and the Impact of Trials01:26:05 -- The Verdict: A Moment of Relief01:30:21 -- Joining the Fight Against Addiction01:33:08 -- Early Prevention and Education on Substance Use01:41:43 -- Hidden in Plain View: Raising Awareness01:48:11 -- Knowledge is Power: Engaging Parents in Prevention01:50:15 -- Creating Awareness Through Personal Stories01:52:53 -- The Importance of Authenticity in Communication01:56:05 -- Navigating Grief and Addiction02:01:40 -- The Journey of Recovery and Support02:05:51 -- The Role of Community in Healing02:10:37 -- Continuing the Conversation on Addiction ABOUT ZACK Born August 21, 2008. Outgoing, loving, never met a stranger. He loved horror movies, video games, soccer, and Halloween, and had a personality big enough to fill any room. He was eight days past his 13th birthday when he died. His toxicology came back with 44 milligrams of fentanyl -- a lethal dose is 2 to 5 milligrams, an amount that fits on the tip of a pencil. THE LEGAL OUTCOME Three adults were charged. Andrew Amalong: convicted, 40 years concurrent. Thomas Noonan -- whose biological daughter had died from fentanyl three weeks before Zack -- convicted, 45 years consecutive with a repeat offender enhancement. Jury deliberations: 90 minutes and 30 minutes respectively. Final sentencing: August 2025. WHAT EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO HEAR Fentanyl is in marijuana, counterfeit pills, and things no one expects. Two milligrams is lethal.Zack was not an addict. This was his first time. One try can be fatal now.Talk to your kids early -- the fear that the conversation invites experimentation is wrong.Know where your kids sleep. Vet the household, not just whether a parent is home.Fentanyl poisoning does not care about grades, zip codes, or family stability.ADDICTION IS REAL Tiffany is a board member of Addiction Is Real, a St. Louis nonprofit focused on early substance use prevention and education. Their Hidden in Plain View program is a bedroom display with 70+ warning signs and stash items parents wouldn't recognize. They're building permanent mobile trailer displays -- needed by April 2026. Free parent toolkit at addictionisreal.org. SPONSORS Light Source PsychotherapyMcKelvey Insurance Group | 618-623-0080 CONNECT pondoffsanonymous.com Pondoff's Anonymous | Chris Pandoff, Zoe Mendenall, Jeff Allen | Illinois Recovery Center | Music: McCall -- "Anti-Hero"

“We Is Stronger Than Me” with Ryan Canaday & Karie McMullenPondoff’s Anonymous Ryan Canaday and Karie McMullen from FREE Recovery Community in Denver join us for a raw, thoughtful conversation about addiction, faith, grief, and the power of community. This episode explores what happens when recovery shifts from isolation to connection. We talk about shame, anger at God, burnout in ministry spaces, losing people to addiction, and the kind of spiritual community that makes room for doubt instead of punishing it. At the center of this episode is one simple but powerful idea: “we” is stronger than “me.” About FREE Recovery Community FREE Recovery Community (Denver, CO) https://www.freerecoverycommunity.com A spiritually grounded recovery community focused on connection, belonging, and breaking shame through honest conversation. Time Stamps 00:00 – Introduction to the journey 03:12 – Transformative moments in recovery 08:55 – Faith, community, and what actually helps people heal 12:54 – Doubt, anger at God, and staying spiritually honest 17:47 – Addiction and family systems 22:48 – Desperation, surrender, and what finally shifts 30:32 – “We” is stronger than “me” 35:03 – The illusion of anonymity and the power of shame 59:53 – How FREE Recovery Community started 01:05:56 – Grief, funerals, and the urgency of the work 01:30:31 – Representation and belonging in spiritual spaces 02:00:56 – Baptism and redemptionConnect with Pondoff’s Anonymous https://www.pondoffsanonymous.com Sponsors McKelvey Insurance Group https://www.mckelveyins.com LightSource Psychotherapy (Belleville, IL) https://www.findyourlightsource.com

🔥 Pondoff’s Anonymous – Show Notes 🎙️ Episode Title: Grief, Phish, Fentanyl & Truth 🎧 Guest: Theresa Solsten Who this episode is for: - Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol - Families grieving someone lost to overdose — or what we’re calling it now: poisoning - Anyone carrying shame in silence - Men who’ve never been told they’re allowed to feel - Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life - Phish fans and the Phish-curious --- Theresa is back. And this one goes deep. Eight years ago, her sister Michelle died from fentanyl poisoning. Not a moral failure. Not a statistic. A poisoning. We talk about why language matters. Why “overdose” carries stigma. Why “poisoning” tells the truth. Most people who die from fentanyl never intended to die. They thought they were buying something else. They were wrong — and it cost them everything. Theresa shares: - Discovering her sister was using - Taking her to her first meeting - Clean time that ended quietly - The secrecy addicts build out of fear - The isolation of grieving someone society still judges “People choose isolation because they’re trying to feel safe.” That line hits. Addiction isn’t just self-destruction. It’s fear. Shame. Survival wiring that stopped working. We also talk about: - Therapy as preventative maintenance - Why support systems matter before crisis hits - Why men need emotional safe spaces - The “doorknob confession” phenomenon - How to challenge the thoughts that keep you stuck And yes — we talk about Phish. Because grief and joy coexist. You can carry loss and still debate your favorite live jam. You can mourn your sister and still show up to the show. Somewhere between cutting hair and holding space for clients unloading their lives, Theresa feels a pull toward something bigger in the recovery space. Behavioral health was her first love. Grief made it personal. Michelle’s story didn’t end when she died. It lives on every time it’s told. If you’ve ever: - Loved an addict - Been the addict - Lost someone and struggled to say it out loud - Sat in your car before work trying to steady yourself This episode is for you. Full transcript here: :contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0} Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance (https://www.mckelveyins.com/) and LightSource Psychotherapy (https://findyourlightsource.com/).

Pondoff’s Anonymous is on a one week break, but we didn’t want to leave you hanging… So today we’re sharing an episode of our newer show, *Needed to Hear That*. This one is a do not miss. If you’ve ever connected with what we try to do here, honest conversations, recovery, mental health, and the stuff people usually don’t say out loud, this podcast is absolutely for you. Subscribe to *Needed to Hear That* so you don’t miss the next one.

Who this episode is for:Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol who still think they’re in controlPeople living double lives and calling it “functional”Anyone carrying childhood trauma they’ve never dealt withFamilies trying to love someone who keeps self-destructingAnyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and told themselves it was ambition This episode is not clean.It’s not polished.And it sure as hell isn’t motivational fluff. This is a full, unfiltered autopsy of addiction. Chris Pondoff and Zoe Mendenall sit down with Triple X — addict in recovery, speaker, author, and recovery advocate — and let him tell the whole story. Not the safe version. Not the highlight reel. The real one. From growing up poor with emotional abuse and abandonment…to chasing validation, power, money, and belonging…to cocaine, meth, large-scale dealing, paranoia, prison, relapse, and finally rebuilding a life with structure and purpose. This conversation tears apart the myth of the “functional addict” and exposes how addiction often starts as a solution — until it becomes the cage you can’t escape. Triple X walks through it all:When cocaine felt like confidence.When money felt like control.When the pager never stopped buzzing.When the helicopter light hit the apartment.When fun turned into fear.When meth changed everything.When prison became inevitable.When recovery finally demanded structure, discipline, and boundaries. There’s no glamor here.Just ego, trauma, chaos, consequences — and the long road back. You’ll hear about:Childhood emotional abuse and abandonmentTrauma as the root, not the excuseWhy structure is non-negotiable in recoveryCocaine, meth, and the escalation trapThe business side of addiction and how it growsLiving two lives and being exhausted by bothArrest, plea deals, prison, and consequencesRelapse, shame, and getting back upBuilding a new life through discipline and purpose This episode doesn’t ask for sympathy.It demands honesty. If you’re listening and thinking, “I’m not that bad,”you should probably keep listening. GUEST:Triple X — addict in recovery, speaker, author, and recovery advocate BOOK:Becoming the Change by Triple X SOCIAL MEDIA:TikTok: @be_the_change_recovery BUSINESS:Muther MushroomWebsite: https://muthermushroom.com/(Launching in the coming weeks) EPISODE TIMELINE:00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships05:54 Personal Stories and Connections12:03 Childhood Trauma and Its Impact22:03 Radical Inclusion in Recovery28:57 The Illusion of Control: Functional Addiction35:40 The Highs and Lows of Cocaine Use43:15 The Business of Addiction: From Small to Large Scale52:47 The Turning Point: From Fun to Fear58:35 The Introduction to Methamphetamine01:04:32 Family Dynamics and Addiction01:22:30 Turning Point: From Struggle to Success01:30:01 The Exhaustion of Dual Lives01:39:59 The Inevitable Fall: Facing Consequences01:50:00 The Arrest: A Life Unraveled02:01:10 Plea Bargaining and Sentencing02:12:23 Post-Prison Life and Business Ventures02:19:23 Relapse and Recovery Journey02:30:04 The Struggle with Addiction02:35:44 The Turning Point: A Wake-Up Call02:42:18 The Power of Positive Reinforcement02:48:32 Building a New Life: Recovery and Business Nothing about recovery is pretty.But it’s real.And it’s possible. Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance (https://www.mckelveyins.com/) and LightSource Psychotherapy (https://findyourlightsource.com/).

Who this episode is for:Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.Anyone rebuilding after wreckage—physical, emotional, legal.People whose guts are wrecked and spirits even worse.Ex-party people trying to become whole humans.Fitness freaks, trauma healers, and closet sugar junkies.Anyone who's ever made a mess of their life and needed to start over—again. Sam Lander has lived a few lifetimes in one. This episode goes hard into her journey—from synchronized swimmer and college partier to LA chaos and courtrooms to spiritual awakening and gut healing. She’s seen it all and now helps others feel better in their bodies and lives through science-backed, soul-conscious wellness work. Sam opens up about the rollercoaster of addiction, relapse, rehab, and recovery—not once, but over years of painful unraveling and healing. She talks about the pink cloud of early sobriety, how the body holds trauma, and what it really means to rebuild after everything falls apart. And she doesn’t just talk it—she lives it. Today, she runs a full-scale health and wellness practice that dives deep into gut health, hormones, and the mind-body connection. She’ll teach you how to run labs on yourself, heal your insides, and maybe even laugh while shitting in a box. Real talk. This is an episode about survival, reinvention, and finally figuring out what the hell makes you feel alive—and feel good. Work with Sam and get your gut right at:https://seefitpt.com Follow her on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/seefitliving TIME STAMPS:00:00 Navigating Distractions and Reactions05:08 Healthy Eating and Lifestyle Changes11:57 Sober Living and Its Challenges17:57 Personal Stories and Life Lessons24:05 The Impact of Substance Use30:12 Reflections on Recovery and Growth36:02 Life in Los Angeles and Career Paths42:01 Facing Consequences and Legal Issues46:28 Navigating Personal Struggles49:30 The Journey of Recovery52:23 Finding Strength in Vulnerability54:39 Life Lessons from Adversity56:42 The Impact of Relationships on Recovery01:00:50 Health and Wellness Insights01:02:19 The Role of Nutrition in Recovery01:06:33 Understanding Mental Health Challenges01:10:32 The Importance of Support Systems01:15:31 Reflections on Growth and Change Sponsored by🛡️ McKelvey Insurance – https://www.mckelveyins.com🧠 LightSource Psychotherapy – https://findyourlightsource.com

Who this episode is for: Anyone who’s ever been owned by their addictionParents trying to fix what their kids won’t talk aboutBusiness bros who grind all day and snort all nightPeople trying to outrun their past (good luck)Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and called it “fun”The quietly curious — not in recovery (yet), but wondering what all the wreckage is really aboutThis week on Pondoff’s Anonymous, we go all the way in with Shawn Vinson — entrepreneur, ex-party monster, and the kind of guy who used to outdrink you, outwork you, and then take your girlfriend… all before brunch. But behind the suits and the lake house blowouts was a man chasing oblivion at full throttle. Shawn gets real about growing up with a broken relationship blueprint, drowning in validation-seeking, and building a life so externally successful it nearly killed him. We’re talking ecstasy-fueled club nights, lines in the bathroom at family events, and trying to “dad” while his soul was on fire. You’ll hear how a 12-step program flipped his rage into clarity, why prayer is now part of his survival kit, and how he’s channeling his chaos into coaching and entrepreneurship. There’s also a moment where his two-year-old daughter checks him on his cocaine eyes. If you’re not wrecked after that… you might already be. We hit everything from early insecurity and high school boozing, to the brutal come-to-Jesus moments that make recovery stick. And yeah — we go deep on what it really means to rebuild a life from the ashes when no one’s clapping and nothing’s pretty. Episode Breakdown (You Know the Drill): 00:00 – Shot of Coffee and a Side of Chaos01:28 – Meet Shawn Vinson: The Wolf of Wall Street of the Ozarks04:52 – Families: Can’t Live with ’Em, Can’t Stay Sober Without ’Em12:08 – Addiction Doesn’t Just Wreck You — It Torches the Whole Family Tree18:24 – When a Toddler Calls Out Your Cocaine Eyes24:59 – 12-Step Rage Turned 12-Step Redemption31:14 – Young, Dumb, and Looking for Love in All the Dysfunctional Places31:42 – Medicated and Proud: The Daily Ritual That Keeps Us Sane32:25 – High School: Insecurity, Hormones, and Bud Light34:17 – Booze as a Social Superpower (Until It Isn’t)37:22 – Discovering Ecstasy and the Gospel of Velvet Nightclub40:08 – Cocaine, Clubs, and the Illusion of Invincibility43:17 – New Friends, New Lows, and All the Free Drinks You Can Snort46:20 – Corporate Hustle Meets Party Animal: Shawn Joins the Family Biz51:31 – The Lake House Turns Into a Blown‑Out Frat Mansion52:28 – Consequences: The House Always Wins56:23 – Chasing the First High Straight Into Hell59:31 – Chaos, Camaraderie, and the Power of Unlikely Brotherhood01:01:47 – Why Vulnerability Feels Like Taking Your Skin Off01:03:24 – Addiction Is an Equal Opportunity Destroyer01:06:12 – Love, Lust, and Lines of Blow: Relationships in the Wreckage01:10:14 – Sobriety Isn’t a Destination — It’s a F*****g Fight01:19:30 – Owning the Fallout, One Step at a Time01:26:13 – Looking Back to Move Forward (Even When It Hurts Like Hell)01:29:36 – Early Recovery: Welcome to the Emotional Blender01:32:19 – Community, Accountability, and Not Doing This Shit Alone01:39:08 – Prayer, Presence, and Getting Intentional With Life01:47:04 – From Snorting Lines to Coaching Lives: Shawn’s Next ChapterCheck out Shawn’s coaching work at: https://xpansion.com Sponsored by: McKelvey Insurance – https://www.mckelveyins.com/LightSource Psychotherapy – https://findyourlightsource.com/

Who this episode is for: - Bar owners who can’t stop drinking their own profits - Anyone who thinks boating and sobriety can’t mix - Those living with the secret shame of family dysfunction - People who think recovery means giving up fun - Old-school St. Louisans with a soft spot for Trainwreck Saloon - Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life If you’ve ever built a life that looked good on paper but felt like a slow-motion disaster, this one’s for you. Chris and Zoë sit down with St. Louis bar legend George Hansford—founder and owner of the iconic Trainwreck Saloon—and get real about 40+ years in the brutal bar business, alcoholism, grief, family secrets, and finally, finding hope at the end of a bottle. Literally. George opens up about growing up in Brentwood, losing both parents by age 25, and how years of unprocessed pain fueled a decades-long drinking career—until a packed suitcase and one final bender forced him to change. This episode dives deep into how trauma festers into addiction—and how it can be healed through honesty, community, and one hell of a recovery journey that took George from the landing to Key West, where he now runs Courage Charters (http://www.couragecharters.com), a name inspired by the Serenity Prayer and powered by the gift of sobriety. This dude’s not just running boats—he’s giving people hope on the water. And if that doesn’t make you cry or at least book a four-hour sandbar escape, check your pulse. Also in this episode: - Tales from Brentwood ice rink and run-ins with NHL legends - A behind-the-scenes look at the wildest nights in STL bar history - What it’s like to get sober when *you* are the bar owner - Why interventions suck—but sometimes still work - The life-changing power of “suitcase day” (aka when your wife finally packs your shit) - What recovery looks like in Key West (spoiler: it’s not all Jimmy Buffett and sunburns) Find George: Facebook – Trainwreck Saloon: http://www.facebook.com/TrainwreckSaloon Facebook – Courage Charters: http://www.facebook.com/couragecharters 🛥️ Book a charter: http://www.couragecharters.com 🍔 Grab a bison burger: http://www.trainwrecksaloon.com What’s inside (yeah, we timestamped the chaos): 0:00 – Intro & sponsor shoutout 2:59 – The legacy of Trainwreck Saloon 5:58 – Brentwood roots, bison burgers, and Blues players at the bar 9:00 – Alcoholism in the family and trying to outrun it 11:59 – Running bars, losing control, and pretending everything’s fine 15:00 – Death, denial, and what it really means to heal 18:00 – Getting sober after 30+ years of burying pain 20:48 – From the bar scene to recovery scene: how shit changed 23:56 – Fireball, slot machines, and surviving the modern bar biz 26:58 – What’s next after recovery (hint: it involves a boat) 29:00 – Drinking culture then vs. now 31:40 – Health failing, marriage breaking—rock bottom creeps in 32:35 – Suitcase day: when your wife packs your shit and saves your life 35:01 – What real support in recovery looks like 39:04 – Why relapse happens, and how George finally got honest 41:20 – Building community when you're the former drunk at your own bar 45:17 – Losing a friend, finding purpose, and becoming a f*****g captain 51:31 – Courage Charters is born: a new life on the water 56:44 – Sobriety is a gift. Period. 1:00:14 – Key West living: fishing, chillin’, and real peace 1:03:02 – Tourists vs. locals: the truth about “laid back” 1:05:58 – Recovery in paradise: meetings, connection, and keeping it simple 1:08:04 – Prayer, resentment, and doing the hard shit anyway 1:09:54 – Service work, growth, and giving back 1:10:58 – A surprise trip to Cuba 1:18:09 – Grief, love, and the long road to healing 1:19:55 – COVID, restaurants, and everything that changed Sponsored by: 🛡️ McKelvey Insurance – http://www.mckelveyins.com 🧠 LightSource Psychotherapy – http://www.findyourlightsource.com

Who this episode is for:- Anyone who’s ever woken up wondering how the hell they survived their 20s- Former party girls turned spiritual gangsters- People in recovery who still laugh at their darkest stories- Anyone with complicated daddy issues- Midwest transplants trying to make peace with the lack of decent tacos- And most importantly: the still-struggling, the not-yet-sober, the ones who think it’s too late—this one’s for you Addiction, Grief, and Grace with Rene Hudson Rene Hudson didn’t just dip her toe in the chaos—she cannonballed straight into it. In this raw-as-hell episode, Chris, Zoe, and (MIA) Jeff sit down with Rene, a certified SoCal wild child turned St. Louis recovery badass, to unpack a story that ricochets from beach bonfires and punk shows to addiction, grief, and spiritual rebirth. This isn’t some sanitized, “I found Jesus and now everything’s fine” kind of thing. Rene brings the real: pierced nipples as teenage rebellion, doing shots and hitting rock bottom, crashing on a boat with no working toilet, and falling into a love story that ends in heartbreak and hard lessons. You'll hear about her fast spiral into addiction, her time as the life of the party in OC’s house scene, meeting her late partner Noah (who moved in after one night and never left), and how she went from vodka breakfasts to full-body baptisms at The Gathering. The crew veers off course plenty—talking bridges, airport food etiquette, Sergeant Sausage the male stripper, and Nicholas Cage melting down at Newport bars—but it always comes back to the raw truth of recovery, trauma, and what it means to rebuild a life from scratch. This one’s funny, heartbreaking, weird, and wildly human. Just like Rene. 00:00 Shoutout to the sponsors02:59 Bridge drama and Midwest geography lessons06:07 Boomers, Gen Z, and Y2K brain damage08:57 Growing up in SoCal11:58 St. Louis nice vs. California real15:01 Bonfires, beach boys, and busted boat toilets18:04 Nick Cage is a freak and we love that for him18:55 Con Air, In-N-Out, and late-night cravings21:19 Airport food shaming and clean eating confessions24:41 Real ones go to church27:56 First time telling the whole damn story33:37 Turning the wreckage into something valuable39:36 Military childhoods and doing it all yourself42:01 Teenage love, heartbreak, and “marriage?!”45:55 Nipples pierced out of spite48:50 Party girl era unlocked54:59 It starts out fun—until it’s not01:00:02 Running from everything01:02:59 A brain full of chaos01:04:57 Moving to Florida, still running01:06:55 Relationships, broken and breaking01:10:01 Losing Noah01:16:58 Grief, relapse, and trying to survive it01:20:21 Family pain and recovery roadblocks01:24:11 Putting the pieces back together01:26:40 Finally giving recovery a real shot01:27:25 Why extended care isn’t optional01:31:40 Love, support, and the shit that saves us01:33:20 The slippery slope of sobriety01:39:25 Finding your people01:42:11 Helping others = healing yourself01:46:55 It gets better—but not by accident Check out the recovery community that helped change Rene’s life:👉 https://gatheringnow.org/recovery Sponsored by🛡️ McKelvey Insurance – https://www.mckelveyins.com/💡 LightSource Psychotherapy – https://findyourlightsource.com/

This ain’t your tidy little self-help podcast. This is a molotov cocktail of truth, trauma, healing, heartbreak, and a whole lotta swearing. We’re cracking open some of the rawest, realest, and most *f**k-it-let’s-go-there* moments from Season Two. If you're not ready to get honest, bounce now. First up, Megan Gehrs and Bree Badgley are back after five years. These two come in hot—talking relapses, divorces, cookie cakes, sober birthdays, and how to sit in self-pity without drowning in it. Megan shares what it’s like staying sober with a fully stocked liquor cabinet in the house. Bree opens up about blackouts, bruises, and holding her newborn niece in the hospital while still swollen from the night before. This ain’t Instagram recovery—it’s the messy, beautiful kind. Then Christina Preston drops a f*****g hammer: kidnapped, trafficked, and held in a hotel room with a pistol on the console. She survived it. Barely. And now she’s helping women claw their way back from the same hell she escaped. This is not a movie. This is real. And it happens down the damn street. Kurt Garner swings through next—radio host, tequila junkie turned sober globetrotter. From Mexican strip clubs with angry bouncers to solo Valentine’s Day JT concerts in Chicago, he proves life doesn’t end when the bottle does. His turning point? A 10 a.m. tequila binge after a failed date that led to pouring out the bottle and walking toward something better. Then we go deep with Sean Weiss—yeah, *that* Sean Weiss. Goldberg from *The Mighty Ducks*. You’ve seen the mugshots. But this dude has lived through shit most people wouldn’t survive. $20K gone in three months. Dope. Shoplifting. Using a needle he *knew* was HIV-positive because detox hurt more than death. This conversation isn’t for the faint of heart—but it’s for the ones still out there thinking there’s no way back. And finally, Rafe Williams takes the mic. Stand-up comic, radio guy, and full-time truth-teller. He cracks jokes about Southern Illinois, grandma’s Doral cartons, and Paducah gas station cigarettes—but make no mistake, he’s lived it. The rooms, the relapses, the rollercoaster of finding peace in a loud-ass world. He gets honest about masculinity, depression, and why vulnerability is a hell of a lot scarier than any open mic. This one’s for anyone who’s tired of hiding. You don’t have to pretend anymore. Just press play. --- CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction to Honest Conversations 02:08 Returning to Recovery: Megan Gehrs and Bree Badgley 05:01 Personal Struggles: Divorce and Alcoholism 12:15 The Impact of Alcohol on Relationships 19:52 Mental Health: Anxiety and Depression 25:35 The Journey of Healing and Community Support 26:03 Understanding Human Trafficking and Addiction 35:00 Finding Redemption and New Beginnings 40:41 The Wild Night Out in Mexico 45:43 Rediscovering Life Without Alcohol 51:31 Finding Joy in Sobriety 56:14 The Cost of Addiction 01:01:05 The Importance of Family in Recovery 01:06:15 The Journey of Recovery and Transformation 01:20:13 Reflections on Home and Change 01:23:14 Growing Up in Small Towns: A Unique Perspective 01:26:00 The Struggles of Vulnerability and Masculinity 01:29:18 The Battle with Addiction: A Personal Journey 01:31:07 The Impact of Sobriety on Relationships 01:33:02 The Downfall of a Sports Star: Addiction and Consequences 01:40:13 Finding Humility in Recovery 01:45:59 The Role of Faith in Overcoming Addiction 01:47:50 Understanding Identity and Acceptance 01:59:29 Gratitude for Honest Conversations --- Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance https://www.mckelveyins.com/ And LightSource Psychotherapy https://findyourlightsource.com/