Advertise on podcast: Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

It's a Mark birthday movie-- the very non-franchise-y Crazy Heart which won Jeff Bridges an Oscar. Unlike the Academy, the rest of us hated this movie to various degrees. Andy goes on a 25 minute rant about country music fans and the Fast Car remake. Mark says Andy needs to calm down. Melissa and Kitt still don't like the movie. Alcoholism. Schroedinger's Single Mom. The age difference thing. We do like the music though. JB appears just in time for studio notes. Can we separate art from artist? Next week is JB's birthday movie, the Moroder version of Metropolis, which you can see here. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

It's the final(?! for now!) Clerks movie and boy is Melissa sorry. Having sex with dead people in heaven. Mark's hot take on Cleopatra: Not Hot. Mark's birthday movie is Crazy Heart starring Jeff Bridges which is streaming on HBO Max. JB's birthday movie is Metropolis: The Georgio Moroder version, which is available on YouTube. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

Once again-- this episode is even more filthy than normal, because Kevin Smith. It's mostly just the Andy and Melissa show until BAM a wild JB and Mark appear at the very end. So much wrong with this movie. Mark likes Clerks 2 more than Clerks? Name 5 Soul Asylum songs. ⁠Sweet Relief: A Benefit for Victoria Williams⁠ is the name of the album. Next up we finish off Clerks with the third (and final?) entry. And Mark and JB will announce their birthday movies! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

WARNING: This episode is extra filthy. Just warning you. Because it's Kevin Smith's debut, Clerks. What is it about this movie? Much of it has not aged well, yet... maybe we shouldn't change a thing about it? Andy's and Kitt's mom introduced Andy to this movie. Perfect time capsule. Dante is a bad person. No, he's worse than a bad person-- he's a neutral person. Dante died! That soundtrack. Berkerzer!!! Handwaving over the Weinsteins. Andy's Kevin Smith phase. Next up, it's Clerks 2 (featuring Ahsoka Tano). Get Clerkin'! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

It's a movie stuck in amber in 1998 - You've Got Mail! How has this aged so well while other 90s movies about the internet have not? Comparisons to Shop Around the Corner. Greg Kinnear. Parker Posey and "Patricia makes coffee nervous." Joe Fox is a bad bad bad bad man. You've Got Product Placement! Our next franchise is... Clerks! See you then! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

It's essentially the template for all other rom coms that came after in the 90's-- Sleepless in Seattle. Somehow everyone has lived in or near Seattle except Andy, and he's a bad brother for not visiting even though Tom Hanks reminds us there's like 26 states between there and here! The Rob Reiner-Nora Ephron connection through When Harry Met Sally and how this went from a spec script by a 9th grade English teacher to being re-written by two different Oscar-winners. Swap genders and this is the Mark Wahlberg / Reese Witherspoon movie Fear. A random tangent about Wonka, The Color Purple, Mean Girls and musicals in general. This soundtrack isn't very Seattle esp in the early 90s-- Grunge, Singles, and if Courtney Love subbed in for Celine Dion. Seattle weather and hoodies. Next week get out your 10 free hours of AOL CD you got in the mail and watch You've Got Mail. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

It's the holidays, so time to celebrate Meg-Ryan-Tom-Hanks-sgiving with the incredibly divisive and weird Joe vs. the Volcano. Next up is Sleepless in Seattle! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

Alright, who hates musicals?!? Then you're going to absolutely be annoyed by Spirited, but we're mixed overall. But those of us who love it still have some problems with it. Is the era of musicals just over? Could you recast this? It's all about Octavia Spencer. Let us see what happens AFTER (even though the movie was too long). Next episode we're back with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, starting with Joe vs the Volcano! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

It's another alternative holiday movie! This time, neo noir caper from Shane Black Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Melissa regrets this choice. When you're trying too hard to be cool. Shane Black is actually trying to be able to sit at the cool kids' table. Andy makes three major mistakes: Manute Bol is not Wilt Chamberlain. Deadwood is not Tombstone. Charles Grodin is not John Lithgow. He promises to take his brain pills before next episode. Recasting with John Barrowman or Matt Bomer? This movie vs. The Nice Guys. Tom Willett-- the guy who played Abraham Lincoln has been in OVER 100 MOVIES?!? Next movie is Spirited which you can find on AppleTV+? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

We're starting our trio of alt-holiday films with the talking pig classic, Babe. Why Brooke chose this movie. 1990s Provo Mormon prohibitions on PG13 movies, so... Babe! We didn't expect the social commentary! CHRISTMAS MEANS CARNAGE! Mrs. Farmer Hoggett is underwritten and the kids are annoying! Are the mice annoying? Be nice to retail workers during the holidays, people! Speaking of being dicks, the controversy between George Miller and credit for this movie. A very gentle film that feels Christmas-y even if it isn't all about Christmas. Next up is KISS KISS BANG BANG. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

There IS crying in baseball, especially for Rangers fans, and especially with this movie. It's Melissa's birthday movie! And Mark is back! The romanticism of minor league baseball. Welcome to Wrexham. And finally, our trio of alt holiday movies! Babe (1995) Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Spirited (2022) -- note: NOT Spirited Away, which we would love to do but is not a holiday movie and Miyazaki is just too much. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message

It's Scream 6 and the end (for now) of the Scream franchise. Brooke has 30 seconds to summarize all of her problems with this movie. We rank all of the films and Melissa updates us with her Smash or Pass of all the killers. For her birthday we're talking baseball and Bull Durham! Then a special surprise trilogy! Listen for what it is! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/message