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So many of the people I work with carry a quiet ache around their parents. They know they were loved. They were fed, housed and sent to school in clean clothes. And yet time with their parents leaves them feeling unseen, guilty or small. In this episode I’m joined again by the wonderful Jessica Yip, Calling in “The One” coach and certified True You coach. We explore why love and hurt so often live side by side in our families of origin. Jessica speaks openly about growing up as the daughter of Chinese immigrant parents. She describes how the gap left by missing emotional attunement can follow us into adult relationships. Children may take on adult responsibilities far too young, or feel split between two cultures. They may learn to make excuses for behaviour that should have raised a red flag. We look at the four types of emotionally immature parent described by Lindsay C. Gibson: emotional, driven, passive and rejecting. We talk about how each one shapes the way we love. We also explore the difference between healing and transformation, and why insight alone won’t change our lives. Jessica then offers a clear, compassionate path for relating to our parents as the adults we are now. Key Takeaways Being loved isn’t the same as being known. Many of us had our physical needs met but missed the emotional attunement that teaches a child their feelings and needs matter. Early adaptations become adult patterns. A child who learned to have no needs may grow into an adult who over-gives, avoids conflict, or turns red flags into flowers in dating. Healing and transformation are different. Healing means telling the truth about what happened and letting old feelings move through us. Transformation means building new relational skills and showing up differently. You can be the adult in the room. Accept who your parents truly are, take full responsibility for your life now, and speak up with kindness and clarity, setting the boundaries that were never set for you. Adjust your expectations, then find relatedness. As Gibson writes, we can’t expect emotional satisfaction from emotionally immature parents. When we release that hope, a more honest and enjoyable connection becomes possible. Resources Mentioned Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson Calling in “The One” by Katherine Woodward Thomas (2021 edition). Jessica recommends the list of relational skills on page 140. Dr Arielle Schwartz, quoted on how children would rather believe they are bad children than face having bad parents Jessica’s website and free consultations: jessicayip.com About Jessica Jessica is the coach for hardworking people who feel like they’ve ticked all the success boxes in life but are aching for more love and joy. As a leading Calling in “The One” Coach, and now as one of the first certified True You Coaches personally trained by Katherine Woodward Thomas, Jessica helps clients graduate from old stories and painful patterns that keep love at a distance. She brings over a decade of experience blending transformative coaching, somatic attunement and relational skill-building to help you reconnect with your aliveness, agency and power to create healthy relationships, meaningful experiences, and the delicious life and love you’ve always longed for. About Your Host Heather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 📩 JOIN THE NEWSLETTER Each week I write about conscious love, the interior work and what calling in a real relationship actually takes. Join the community here: https://heathergarbutt.com/newsletter ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 💛 CALLING IN THE ONE If you are ready for structured, supported work to understand your patterns and call in the relationship you deserve, find out more about working with me here: https://heathergarbutt.com/services/ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom: https://boostandbloom.co.uk/ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ See all podcast episodes here: https://heathergarbutt.com/podcast/

What does it truly mean to feel successful? In this episode, I return to From Mourning to Light Conversations to talk with my dear friend Sadie Beyl, spiritual grief guide and former architect. What began as an off-camera chat about retirement became a heartfelt conversation about living a life where who you are and what you do are no longer separate. Sadie shares how the sudden death of her husband, Paul, led her across a threshold into the unknown, and how following her inner guidance shaped a new life supporting others through grief. I talk about something I see again and again as a relationship coach: the beliefs we hold about love rarely stay in our love lives. They shape how we feel about money, visibility and success too, creating an inner glass ceiling formed by family, class, culture and gender. Together, we explore how healing that ceiling begins with self-responsibility, and how each of us can be a drop in a much larger wave of love. Key Takeaways Success can be measured from the inside. For both of us, success means living our life's work, being in service and feeling at peace, alongside the security of bills paid and money in the bank. Your love beliefs mirror your money beliefs. If you believe "nobody ever chooses me" in love, you may hold something similar about deserving money, success or being seen. We all carry an inner glass ceiling. Family of origin, class, heritage, gender, race and sexual identity can all shape where we unconsciously stop ourselves. Guidance reveals itself one step at a time. Sadie shares how, after profound loss, she did not know where she was going, only the next step, and how trusting that led her to help others. Healing ourselves heals our relationships and beyond. When we notice our triggers and take responsibility for them, we bring more love to our partners, our communities and our world. Resources Mentioned Conscious Business Success, my programme exploring your relationship with money, visibility and success. Book a free 30-minute discovery call at heathergarbutt.com Tony Robbins, Unleash the Power Within, the event that helped spark Sadie's new path Reiki, which transformed Sadie's early grief journey From Mourning to Light, Sadie's online grief summits and podcast My earlier Valentine's Day conversation with Sadie about love and relationships: heathergarbutt.com/podcast About Sadie Beyl Sadie Beyl is a spiritual grief guide and the founder of the From Mourning to Light online grief summits, which bring together diverse speakers and authors to explore how people rebuild meaningful lives after the death of a loved one. A former professional architect who ran her own practice in Cape Town with her husband, Paul, Sadie now supports those in grief through her 10-Week Transformation Workshop, meditation, mindfulness, Angel card readings, and past life regression sessions. She hosts From Mourning to Light Conversations, a companion podcast to the summits. About Your Host Heather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 📩 JOIN THE NEWSLETTER Each week I write about conscious love, the interior work and what calling in a real relationship actually takes. Join the community here: https://heathergarbutt.com/newsletter ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 💛 CALLING IN THE ONE If you are ready for structured, supported work to understand your patterns and call in the relationship you deserve, find out more about working with me here: https://heathergarbutt.com/services/ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom: https://boostandbloom.co.uk/ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ See all podcast episodes here: https://heathergarbutt.com/podcast/

In the fourth instalment of Heather's series on conscious intentional divorce, she's joined again by family solicitor Colette Bane to explore two very different - and equally valid - ways clients move through separation: the pragmatic, who want the process handled quickly and efficiently, and the released, who use the ending of a marriage as the beginning of something entirely new.  Colette speaks candidly about the risks of moving too fast without ever processing the emotional side, and why unaddressed feelings so often resurface later, sometimes as PTSD, sometimes as friction in future co-parenting. The conversation then turns hopeful, as Heather and Colette discuss the phenomenon of post-traumatic growth - the women who come out the other side of divorce and, in Colette's words, "go out there and absolutely boss it."  From launching businesses to rediscovering who they really are outside a marriage that no longer fit, both women share real examples of transformation, including Heather's own story of building a therapy-rooms business in Swindon after her own divorce. Key Takeaways Pragmatic clients need to be brought back to their emotions, not rushed past them. Wanting divorce "done and dusted" is understandable, but skipping the emotional processing can lead to worse settlements and unresolved feelings resurfacing later, sometimes as PTSD. Post-traumatic growth is real - and common. Many people only discover who they truly are once they step outside a marriage or role that no longer fit them. How you handle the process shapes your future relationship with your ex. Rushing through practicalities while your ex is still processing emotionally can leave lasting resentment, which makes co-parenting or staying civil far harder. "The best revenge is to go out and boss it" - not as a way to get back at an ex, but as an empowered reclaiming of identity and confidence after divorce. Community and connection accelerate healing. Both Heather and Colette point to networks like the Athena Network as spaces where women thriving pre- or post-divorce support one another's growth. About Colette BaneColette Bane is a Family Solicitor at Knights, known within her professional community for her quiet composure, thoughtful presence, and deep commitment to supporting people through relationship breakdown with compassion as well as legal expertise. Colette is known for combining sharp professional insight with genuine warmth, helping her clients feel supported not just legally, but personally, through one of life's most difficult transitions. About Your HostHeather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 📩 JOIN THE NEWSLETTER Each week I write about conscious love, the interior work and what calling in a real relationship actually takes. Join the community here: https://heathergarbutt.com/newsletter ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 💛 CALLING IN THE ONE If you are ready for structured, supported work to understand your patterns and call in the relationship you deserve, find out more about working with me here: https://heathergarbutt.com/services/ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom: https://boostandbloom.co.uk/ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ See all podcast episodes here: https://heathergarbutt.com/podcast/

In this warm, wide-ranging conversation, Heather reunites with her good friend Sadie Beyl, founder of From Mourning to Light, for a follow-up to their earlier episode - this time turning their attention to a single, deceptively simple question: what does it actually mean to be successful? The conversation moves from Heather's decision to never "retire" from work that is inseparable from who she is, into something far more personal: the "inner glass ceiling" she's identified in her own life, built from childhood beliefs about class, visibility, and worth that shaped not only her relationships but her relationship with money and success. Heather traces this back to growing up in the north of England, caught between two worlds, and to a school culture where being seen at all felt unsafe. Sadie, in turn, shares the story behind her own path - the sudden loss of her husband Paul, the grief that followed, and the guidance that led her, step by unplanned step, from architecture into the healing work she does today. Together, they land on a shared understanding: real success isn't a number or a milestone, it's following your own guidance in service of others, and it starts with the same inner healing that transforms our love relationships, extended outward to how we relate to money, visibility, and even the wider world. Key Takeaways Success isn't retirement - it's alignment. Heather doesn't measure success against entrepreneurial milestones, but against whether she's following her own guidance and staying in service to others. The same blocks that limit love can limit money and visibility. Heather introduces the idea of an "inner glass ceiling" - core beliefs from family, class, culture, and identity that quietly cap what we believe we're allowed to have or be seen for. You don't need the whole map - just the next step. Sadie's path from grief into her life's work unfolded one guided step at a time, without a five-year plan, showing that purpose can emerge through trust rather than certainty. Self-responsibility ripples outward. Both Heather and Sadie return to the same idea: healing your relationship with yourself changes your relationship with money, with your partner, and - scaled up - with the wider world. Being a "channel" requires the willingness, not just the gift. Whether through coaching, reiki, or intuitive guidance, both women describe their work as something that moves through them, held safely by their own healing and training. Referenced in this episode Heather's new programme, Conscious Business Success, addressing money, visibility, and success blocks Sadie Beyl's From Mourning to Light transformation courses and online events Tony Robbins' Unleash the Power Within Heather and Sadie's earlier Valentine's Day conversation on relationships (linked on heathergarbutt.com) About Sadie Beyl Sadie Beyl is a spiritual grief guide and the founder of the From Mourning to Light online grief summits, which bring together diverse speakers and authors to explore how people rebuild meaningful lives after the death of a loved one. A former professional architect who ran her own practice in Cape Town with her husband, Paul, Sadie now supports those in grief through her 10-Week Transformation Workshop, meditation, mindfulness, Angel card readings, and past life regression sessions. She hosts From Mourning to Light Conversations, a companion podcast to the summits. About Your HostHeather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📩 JOIN THE NEWSLETTEREach week I write about conscious love, the interior work and what calling in a real relationship actually takes.Join the community here: https://heathergarbutt.com/newsletter━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💛 CALLING IN THE ONEIf you are ready for structured, supported work to understand your patterns and call in the relationship you deserve, find out more about working with me here: https://heathergarbutt.com/services/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom: https://boostandbloom.co.uk/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━See all podcast episodes here: https://heathergarbutt.com/podcast/

In this special crossover episode, Heather steps into the guest seat on Sadie Beyl's podcast From Mourning to Light Conversations. Sadie, a spiritual grief guide and founder of the From Mourning to Light Grief Summits, invites Heather to share the personal story behind her work as a psychotherapist and relationship coach - from a childhood blueprint of "look after everyone but yourself" through a first marriage that unravelled into distance and disconnection, to the Valentine's Day morning in 2016 when she finally set a conscious intention to call in real love. Heather traces how discovering Katherine Woodward Thomas's Calling in "The One" work shifted something even a seasoned therapist hadn't fully reached in herself and the conversation opens out into some of the richest territory in relationships: recognising your patterns before they repeat, distinguishing destiny from unconscious wounding, and the practical, unglamorous tools (feelings-and-needs check-ins, weekly date nights, honest requests for change) that actually hold a relationship together over time.  Sadie and Heather also touch on grief, past lives, and what it means to build a relationship on a foundation of self-knowledge rather than chemistry alone. Key Takeaways Your relationship patterns are traceable - and changeable. Heather shares how she kept unconsciously choosing unavailable partners until she could name the pattern and understand where it came from. "Calling In" work is future-focused. Rather than only examining the past, it asks: what do I want to feel, and how am I being right now in relation to that? Destiny brings you the person who will help you grow - but growth only happens if you're willing to see the dynamic clearly, rather than repeating it and calling it fate. Boundaries start with knowing your own feelings and needs. Heather walks through her "feelings and needs" practice - a simple, repeatable check-in anyone can do in five quiet minutes. Small, consistent habits protect a relationship far more than grand gestures. Weekly date nights, sharing gratitude and appreciation, and asking "is it true, is it kind, is it the right time?" before giving feedback all featured as practical, lasting tools. Referenced in this episode Katherine Woodward Thomas, Calling in "The One" Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (film) Esther Perel, on becoming "intimate enemies" Alison Armstrong's "If I had it all my own way" exercise The Feelings and Needs Meditation — Episode 12 of Revolutionise Your Love Life Sadie Beyl's podcast, From Mourning to Light Conversations About Sadie BeylSadie Beyl is a spiritual grief guide and the founder of the From Mourning to Light online grief summits, which bring together diverse speakers and authors to explore how people rebuild meaningful lives after the death of a loved one. A former professional architect who ran her own practice in Cape Town with her husband, Paul, Sadie now supports those in grief through her 10-Week Transformation Workshop, meditation, mindfulness, Angel card readings, and past life regression sessions. She hosts From Mourning to Light Conversations, a companion podcast to the summits. About Your HostHeather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📩 JOIN THE NEWSLETTEREach week I write about conscious love, the interior work and what calling in a real relationship actually takes.Join the community here: https://heathergarbutt.com/newsletter━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💛 CALLING IN THE ONEIf you are ready for structured, supported work to understand your patterns and call in the relationship you deserve, find out more about working with me here: https://heathergarbutt.com/services/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom: https://boostandbloom.co.uk/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━See all podcast episodes here: https://heathergarbutt.com/podcast/

In this powerful episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt is joined by family lawyer Colette Bane to explore the important difference between controlling behaviour and “control freak” behaviour during separation and divorce. Together, they discuss how urgency, panic and fear can sometimes look like control, but may come from a very different place than coercive or narcissistic control. They also look at gaslighting, legal shielding, victim mindset, conscious uncoupling and how to stay anchored in dignity when a relationship has ended. This is a deeply practical and compassionate conversation for anyone navigating a difficult ex, a high-conflict separation or the emotional overwhelm of divorce. Key Takeaways Control and control freak behaviour are not the same. Colette explains that true controlling behaviour is about power, dominance and compliance, while control freak behaviour often comes from panic, fear and a desperate need for things to move forward. Urgency can unintentionally escalate conflict. Chasing for immediate answers can make the other person feel cornered, leading to reactive emails, defensiveness and greater hostility. Sometimes the wisest thing is to slow down and allow space for a more considered response. Conscious uncoupling helps people return to intention. Heather shares how conscious uncoupling invites people to look at how their behaviour affects their ex, how their ex’s behaviour affects them, and how they can own their responses rather than react from pain. Gaslighting needs a strong protective filter. Colette describes how gaslighters may go on the charm offensive with lawyers, trying to discredit their ex and manipulate the process. A good support team can help clients see clearly and make decisions from their adult self. An act of golden repair can soften hostility. Small, fair and generous choices, whether practical, financial or emotional, can sometimes “pop the bubble” of antagonism and help both people move towards a calmer resolution. About Colette Bane Colette is a family lawyer who brings emotional intelligence, clear boundaries and strong advocacy to the divorce and separation process. She supports clients through complex family law situations, including high-conflict separations, gaslighting, controlling behaviour and difficult communication with ex-partners. In this episode, Colette offers a grounded legal perspective on how to distinguish between anxiety-driven urgency and coercive control, and why clients need a support network that understands the emotional reality of separation as well as the legal process. You can find Colette on Instagram at @Colette.familylawyer. About Your HostHeather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📩 JOIN THE NEWSLETTEREach week I write about conscious love, the interior work and what calling in a real relationship actually takes.Join the community here: https://heathergarbutt.com/newsletter━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💛 CALLING IN THE ONEIf you are ready for structured, supported work to understand your patterns and call in the relationship you deserve, find out more about working with me here: https://heathergarbutt.com/services/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom: https://boostandbloom.co.uk/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━See all podcast episodes here: https://heathergarbutt.com/podcast/

In this sharp, funny and wonderfully honest episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt is joined by Lucy Cavendish, Calling in The One and Conscious Uncoupling coach, therapist, author, public speaker, commentator and award-winning podcaster. Together, they talk directly to men dating in later life about what women often experience before they even arrive on a date: the grooming, planning, safety considerations, emotional effort and self-presentation involved. Lucy offers frank, practical advice for men on appearance, hygiene, self-care, health, confidence and respect, while Heather brings the deeper relational lens: how a man’s care for himself often signals his capacity to care for another. This is a lively conversation about dating, but underneath the humour is a powerful invitation for men to value themselves enough to show up fully, thoughtfully and well.Key TakeawaysEffort communicates respect. Women often put significant time, care and safety planning into dating. When men arrive without similar thought or preparation, it can feel dismissive, even when that is not their intention.Self-care is not vanity. Lucy and Heather explore how basic grooming, clean teeth, cared-for hands, good posture and looking after one’s body are not superficial details. They can reflect self-respect, emotional health and readiness for relationship.Presentation matters because it tells a story. How someone shows up on a date can communicate whether they have thought about the other person, the occasion and the possibility of connection.You cannot outsource your self-worth to a future partner. Heather and Lucy discuss how lack of self-care may reveal deeper hurt, neglect or giving up on oneself. A loving relationship may encourage growth, but it is not someone else’s job to rescue or remake you.Dating well means being willing to rise. The invitation for men is not perfection, preening or pretending. It is to care enough about themselves, and the women they hope to meet, to become more alive, healthy, thoughtful and attractive in the fullest sense. About Lucy CavendishLucy Cavendish is a coach, therapist, author, public speaker, commentator and award-winning podcaster. Her work explores love, relationships, selfhood, coercive control, modern dating and how people can create more extraordinary relationships with themselves and others. Lucy is especially interested in helping people understand what love really is, how childhood wounds shape attraction, and how to choose relationships from a place of self-awareness rather than old pain. She is the host of the podcast How to Have Extraordinary Relationships, and her previous podcast Later Dater won gold at the British Podcast Awards. Lucy also works with groups through programmes including Journey into the Self and work around coercive control. About Your HostHeather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📩 JOIN THE NEWSLETTEREach week I write about conscious love, the interior work and what calling in a real relationship actually takes.Join the community here: https://heathergarbutt.com/newsletter━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💛 CALLING IN THE ONEIf you are ready for structured, supported work to understand your patterns and call in the relationship you deserve, find out more about working with me here: https://heathergarbutt.com/services/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom: https://boostandbloom.co.uk/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━See all podcast episodes here: https://heathergarbutt.com/podcast/

In this rich, honest and deeply human episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt speaks with coach, therapist, author, public speaker and award-winning podcaster Lucy Cavendish about love, modern dating and what it really means to choose differently. Together, they explore why so many people look for love in the wrong places, how childhood wounds can shape attraction, and why “chemistry” is not always a sign of healthy connection. Lucy brings warmth, humour and fierce clarity to the conversation, calling out the shame often created by phrases like “no one can love you unless you love yourself”, while also inviting listeners into a more grown-up, grounded understanding of love. This episode is for anyone dating later in life, recovering from old patterns, or wondering whether love can be calmer, kinder, more respectful and still full of passion. Key Takeaways Love is not just a feeling, it is behaviour. Lucy and Heather explore the difference between saying “I love you” and acting in a loving way. Real love is shown through care, respect, consistency, generosity and emotional maturity. Shame does not help people find love. The idea that “no one can love you unless you love yourself” can leave single people feeling blamed and defective. A kinder approach is to understand self-love as attending to your own feelings, needs and desires. Chemistry can be familiar pain. The person who feels instantly compelling may be activating an old childhood wound rather than offering safe, healthy love. Attraction is powerful, but it needs discernment. Modern dating requires clear eyes. Lucy and Heather discuss the Burned Haystack Dating Method and how recognising patterns in profiles, texts and early behaviour can help women avoid wasting time on people who are not respectful, available or emotionally mature. Love later in life may look different. Instead of chaos, fireworks and old drama, mature love can be calmer, kinder, quieter and more nourishing. It can offer companionship, freedom, physical intimacy, respect and the beautiful feeling of having “your person”. About Lucy Cavendish Lucy Cavendish is a coach, therapist, author, public speaker, commentator and award-winning podcaster. Her work explores love, relationships, selfhood, coercive control, modern dating and how people can create more extraordinary relationships with themselves and others. Lucy is especially interested in helping people understand what love really is, how childhood wounds shape attraction, and how to choose relationships from a place of self-awareness rather than old pain. She is the host of the podcast How to Have Extraordinary Relationships, and her previous podcast Later Dater won gold at the British Podcast Awards. Lucy also works with groups through programmes including Journey into the Self and work around coercive control. About Your HostHeather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📩 JOIN THE NEWSLETTEREach week I write about conscious love, the interior work and what calling in a real relationship actually takes.Join the community here: https://heathergarbutt.com/newsletter━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💛 CALLING IN THE ONEIf you are ready for structured, supported work to understand your patterns and call in the relationship you deserve, find out more about working with me here: https://heathergarbutt.com/services/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom: https://boostandbloom.co.uk/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━See all podcast episodes here: https://heathergarbutt.com/podcast/

In this episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, I’m joined by the wonderful Colette Bane, a family lawyer whose emotional intelligence, clarity and care make her such a valuable guide for people navigating divorce. Together we explore what it means to approach divorce consciously and intentionally, especially when powerful emotions begin to surface. Divorce is not simply a legal process. It is an emotional, psychological and deeply human transition. There may be grief for the relationship, the future you thought you were building, the friendship you once had, or the family structure you hoped would last. There may also be anger, fear, confusion, loss of control, and old childhood dynamics that unexpectedly come to the fore. Colette and I talk about the importance of setting clear intentions early in the process, so that you can return again and again to your wisest adult self. This does not mean denying the pain. It means having the right support around you so that you can make decisions from strength, maturity and clarity, rather than from fear, helplessness or reactivity. We also touch on menopause, empty nest transitions, emotional overwhelm, learned helplessness and weaponised incompetence, and why finding your tribe is essential when you are moving through the end of a relationship. This is the first in a short sequence of conversations with Colette, so do listen out for the next episodes too. Key Takeaways From This Episode 1. Divorce is an emotional process as much as a legal one Even when there are practical arrangements to be made, divorce often brings up grief, fear, anger, loss and confusion. The legal process may be the structure, but the emotional process is what many people are truly living through. 2. Intention setting matters Conscious intentional divorce begins with deciding who you want to be in the process. Do you want to move through it with dignity, clarity and maturity? Do you want to protect your children from unnecessary conflict? Setting those intentions early can help you keep returning to your wisest self. 3. Your “wise adult self” may not always be the part of you that shows up  Divorce can activate old patterns. Sibling rivalry, childlike helplessness, parental power dynamics and victim positions can all appear. When we recognise these patterns, we have a better chance of stepping back into our adult selves. 4. Support is essential Your lawyer can guide you legally, but you also need emotional support. A coach, therapist, counsellor or wise support network can help you process the feelings, regulate your nervous system and make clearer decisions. 5. Menopause and empty nest transitions can change everything For many women, menopause brings a shift in hormones, identity, priorities and tolerance. When children leave home, some women realise they have also been “parenting” their spouse and no longer want to continue in that role. References Episodes 88 and 89 - These explore menopause and its impact on women’s emotional lives, relationships, priorities and sense of self. About Colette BaneColette is a partner in the family team at Knights. She is known for her discreet, premium service and strategic approach, advising clients on financial arrangements in divorce, particularly in high-net-worth cases. She also supports clients with child arrangements and wealth protection through pre- and post-nuptial agreements. Colette has expertise in surrogacy and modern family formation. Her clients value her responsiveness, emotional intelligence and ability to navigate complex and high-stakes situations with both clarity and care. Working nationally as part of Knights’ leading family law team, Colette delivers bespoke, results-focused advice tailored to each client’s unique needs. Find Colette:Instagram: @colette.familylawyerAbout Your HostHeather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📩 JOIN THE NEWSLETTEREach week I write about conscious love, the interior work and what calling in a real relationship actually takes. Join the community here:https://heathergarbutt.com/newsletter━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💛 CALLING IN THE ONEIf you are ready for structured, supported work to understand your patterns and call in the relationship you deserve, find out more about working with me here:https://heathergarbutt.com/services/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom:https://boostandbloom.co.uk/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━See all podcast episodes here:https://heathergarbutt.com/podcast/

In this warm, candid and deeply human conversation for the Revolutionise Your Love Life podcast, I speak with couples therapists and relationship coaches Matt Albiges and Rebeca Pereira about what it really takes to create a lasting, loving romantic relationship. We explore their own love story, from meeting on an NLP training course and later “bumping into” one another on the London Underground, to the deeper inner work that helped them become not just partners in love, but partners in purpose. What I found so moving about this conversation was their honesty. Matt and Rebeca speak with real tenderness about the places where they have had to grow: slowing down, speeding up, learning to feel safe, honouring protective parts, understanding masculine and feminine energies, and making time for play, humour, intimacy and presence. Their relationship is not presented as perfect. It is something alive, conscious, intentional and lovingly tended. This episode is a beautiful reminder that love can become a place of healing, growth and joyful partnership when both people are willing to meet themselves, and each other, with courage, curiosity and care. Key Takeaways 1. A good relationship is created, not simply foundMatt and Rebeca remind us that love does not flourish by accident. Like any meaningful area of life, relationship requires attention, learning, humility and practice. If we believe that the “right” relationship should always feel easy, we may miss the deeper invitation to grow. 2. Inner work changes the whole relationship dynamicRebeca speaks powerfully about learning to recognise her own trauma responses and protective parts, rather than acting from them unconsciously. Matt shares how he had learned to detach and “zone out” in a previous relationship, and how Rebeca helped him reclaim playfulness, confidence and emotional presence. 3. Curiosity is one of the great medicines of loveRather than assuming they know what the other means, Matt and Rebeca ask questions. “Can you help me understand?” becomes a bridge. Curiosity softens defensiveness and helps partners come back into connection. 4. Humour can heal when there is enough safetyTheir relationship is full of laughter, but Matt wisely offers a warning: humour only works when it comes from warmth and respect. In a painful or disconnected relationship, humour can easily become sarcasm, dismissal or mockery. 5. Intimacy needs both togetherness and spaceOne of the most striking parts of the conversation is their commitment to both closeness and individuality. They make time for dates, museums, long lunches and playful moments together, while also honouring separate bedrooms, solo interests, friendships and time apart. There is enough space for each person to breathe, and enough devotion to keep choosing one another. Reference Material Mentioned Aligned With Love: Matt and Rebeca’s relationship coaching and couples therapy work can be found at alignedwithlove.net. Their work includes the Relationship Breakthrough Programme and resources for couples and individuals. (Buzzsprout) Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Matt Albiges: Matt’s book is listed on Amazon as Should I Stay or Should I Go?: From Relationship Clash to Clarity in 5 Simple Steps. (Amazon) About Matt Albiges and Rebeca PereiraMatt and Rebeca are couples therapists and relationship coaches based in London. Together, they help couples and individuals transform relationship difficulties into deeper connection, clarity, passion and love through their work at Aligned With Love. They are the hosts of The Relationship Breakthrough Show with Matt & Rebeca, and Matt is the author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?: From Relationship Clash to Clarity in 5 Simple Steps. They have also been featured in broadcast and print media, including the BBC. About Your HostI married at 34 with great hope for a long, happy marriage and a family. Over time, though, the relationship unravelled into power struggles, criticism and emotional distance. My own childhood conditioning had left me disconnected from my feelings and needs and despite years of personal work, I couldn’t see a way forward. We separated in 2007. I stayed on my own for several years, not wanting to repeat the pattern again. In 2016 my life transformed. Through discovering Katherine Woodward Thomas’s work, I called in my “One.” Although I was already a trained psychotherapist and deeply committed to self-development, this work created breakthroughs I hadn’t experienced before. To give my new relationship the strongest foundation possible, I trained as both a Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “The One” coach. Through that process, I learned to honour myself more fully and to build love rooted in trust, presence and emotional truth. As a psychotherapist of over 35 years, I was genuinely surprised to discover through this work, entirely new levels of insight, empowerment and relational skills, insights I now live and practice within my own relationship. Whether you are recently separated, healing unresolved pain from the past, or longing to create a deeply nourishing relationship, I would be honoured to support you. Together, we can help you reconnect with your authentic self and open the door to lasting, meaningful love. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📩 JOIN THE NEWSLETTEREach week I write about conscious love, the interior work and what calling in a real relationship actually takes. Join the community here:https://heathergarbutt.com/newsletter━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💛 CALLING IN THE ONEIf you are ready for structured, supported work to understand your patterns and call in the relationship you deserve, find out more about working with me here:https://heathergarbutt.com/services/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom:https://boostandbloom.co.uk/━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━See all podcast episodes here:https://heathergarbutt.com/podcast/

In this special episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt is interviewed by Matt about a new paradigm in dating and relationships, and what it really takes to choose and create “the relationship of your life”. Heather shares her own turning point, from being a long-time psychotherapist who still found love elusive, to doing Calling in “The One” herself after a lonely Valentine’s Day in 2016. Together, they explore why awareness alone is not enough, how core beliefs like “I am alone” quietly shape your choices, and why healing your inner “young self” stops you turning partners into parents. They also discuss Heather’s work in Conscious Uncoupling, and how to end relationships with dignity, stability and as much peace as possible, especially when children are involved. More support and resources can be found at Heathergarbutt.com. Key takeaways Awareness isn’t transformation. Knowing your patterns helps, but change requires tools, practice and support so you can behave differently when you are triggered. Core beliefs drive your love life. Beliefs like “I am alone” can make you miss love, help and connection even when it is offered, and can keep you over-functioning in relationships. Chemistry can be a clue, not a sign. Intense attraction often pulls you towards what is familiar, including emotional unavailability and old heartbreak patterns. Heal the “young self” so you stop dating from childhood needs. When your inner child is driving, you can unconsciously try to make a partner into a parent, which damages intimacy and can tip into power and control dynamics. Conscious Uncoupling creates a calmer ending and a better future. The goal is to reduce competitiveness and blame, stabilise emotionally, clear the air where safe, and build workable agreements, especially for co-parenting. Mentioned in the episode Calling in “The One” (Katherine Woodward Thomas) Conscious Uncoupling (Katherine Woodward Thomas) Eight Dates by John & Julie Gottman The Five Love Languages (love languages quiz) About Matt:Matt Albiges is a qualified therapist and relationship expert who uses techniques including coaching and NLP. He describes being motivated by “that moment” when a client commits to turning their relationship, and life, around. His work is shaped by his own journey through challenging relationships, followed by a deep dive into understanding what makes relationships work. He has also worked extensively in organisational change, and notes that many common challenges are mindset-based, which informs his relationship work. About Your Host:I married at 34 with great hope for a long, happy marriage and a family. Over time, though, the relationship unraveled into power struggles, criticism and emotional distance. My own childhood conditioning had left me disconnected from my feelings and needs and despite years of personal work, I couldn’t see a way forward. We separated in 2007. I stayed on my own for several years, not wanting to repeat the pattern again. In 2016 my life transformed. Through discovering Katherine Woodward Thomas’s work, I called in my “One.” Although I was already a trained psychotherapist and deeply committed to self-development, this work created breakthroughs I hadn’t experienced before. To give my new relationship the strongest foundation possible, I trained as both a Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “The One” coach. Through that process, I learned to honour myself more fully and to build love rooted in trust, presence and emotional truth. As a psychotherapist of over 35 years, I was genuinely surprised to discover through this work, entirely new levels of insight, empowerment and relational skills, insights I now live and practice within my own relationship.Whether you are recently separated, healing unresolved pain from the past, or longing to create a deeply nourishing relationship, I would be honoured to support you. Together, we can help you reconnect with your authentic self and open the door to lasting, meaningful love. This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom.See all podcast episodes here.

In this episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt sits down with Marina Love, a solution-focused hypnotherapist who works with high-achieving, self-aware people who look “fine” on the outside but feel overwhelmed, stuck or emotionally drained on the inside. Together they explore why relationships can start to feel like hard work when your life is ticking along, and how chronic low-level stress quietly pushes the nervous system into survival mode. Marina explains how fight, flight and freeze show up in everyday relating, why the brain becomes hypervigilant and obsessive when it senses threat, and how small, practical steps can rewire the brain towards calm, connection and emotional presence. More resources and episodes are available at Heathergarbutt.com. Key takeaways Coping isn’t the same as calm. Stress can build slowly as a “low hum” under life’s demands, leaving you surviving rather than thriving, even when everything looks OK on paper.  Survival mode makes love feel threatening. When the nervous system is overloaded, the brain scans for danger, reads meaning into tiny cues, and can turn partners into “intimate enemies”.  Fight, flight, freeze shows up in relationships. Arguments, withdrawal, people-pleasing, avoidance, overthinking and emotional distance often map directly to threat responses, not “personality flaws”.  Your brain can’t tell imagination from reality. Under stress, the mind creates scenarios, then the body reacts as if they are true, fuelling adrenaline, cortisol, guilt and shame.  Small actions change the chemistry. Practical, manageable steps build momentum and dopamine (reward and progress), reduce cortisol, and help the thinking brain come back online, improving communication and connection.  Mentioned in this episode Solution-focused hypnotherapy (future-focused, practical, nervous-system calming work)   The role of dopamine (progress/reward) vs cortisol/adrenaline (stress response)  About Marina:Marina Love is a solution-focused hypnotherapist supporting high-achieving, self-aware clients who feel capable externally but internally overwhelmed, stuck or emotionally depleted, often noticing the impact most strongly in relationships. Her work is grounded in neuroscience, nervous system regulation, and practical steps that help clients move out of survival mode into a calmer, more energised and emotionally present way of living, without needing to revisit the past. About Heather:I married at 34 with great hope for a long, happy marriage and a family. Over time, though, the relationship unraveled into power struggles, criticism and emotional distance. My own childhood conditioning had left me disconnected from my feelings and needs and despite years of personal work, I couldn’t see a way forward. We separated in 2007. I stayed on my own for several years, not wanting to repeat the pattern again. In 2016 my life transformed. Through discovering Katherine Woodward Thomas’s work, I called in my “One.” Although I was already a trained psychotherapist and deeply committed to self-development, this work created breakthroughs I hadn’t experienced before. To give my new relationship the strongest foundation possible, I trained as both a Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “The One” coach. Through that process, I learned to honour myself more fully and to build love rooted in trust, presence and emotional truth. As a psychotherapist of over 35 years, I was genuinely surprised to discover through this work, entirely new levels of insight, empowerment and relational skills, insights I now live and practice within my own relationship.Whether you are recently separated, healing unresolved pain from the past, or longing to create a deeply nourishing relationship, I would be honoured to support you. Together, we can help you reconnect with your authentic self and open the door to lasting, meaningful love. This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom.See all podcast episodes here.

In this episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt is joined by Catalina, a psychotherapist from Romania who supports survivors and thrivers of narcissistic abuse. Together they explore what it takes to rebuild trust after coercion and gaslighting, and how to date intentionally so you do not repeat old patterns. Heather shares the core principles of Calling in “The One” and Conscious Uncoupling, including why the first relationship to strengthen is the one you have with yourself, how to discern safely (especially online), and why going slowly is not caution, it is wisdom. Find more support and resources at Heathergarbutt.com. Key takeaways Go slowly and date from your adult self. After abuse, the nervous system can confuse intensity with connection. “Chemistry” can be the ignition of an old pattern, not a green flag. Discernment is a skill. Watch behaviour, not promises. Notice how someone treats service staff, how they speak about ex partners and family, and whether their values actually match yours. Know what you want, and how you want to feel. Focus on character and values (kindness, respect, trustworthiness, warmth), not surface traits. Beware love bombing. People who have been starved of safety and tenderness can be especially vulnerable to fast praise, fast intimacy, and big future talk. Do your emotional work first. Without healing, “gut instinct” can be pulled by familiarity rather than truth. The work is to become grounded, resourced, and sovereign. About Catalina:Catalina is a Romanian psychotherapist specialising in individual and group work, with a particular focus on helping women and men recover from narcissistic abuse. Her approach is deeply compassionate, practical, and rooted in restoring voice, safety, and self-trust so survivors can move from coping to thriving. About Your Host:I married at 34 with great hope for a long, happy marriage and a family. Over time, though, the relationship unraveled into power struggles, criticism and emotional distance. My own childhood conditioning had left me disconnected from my feelings and needs and despite years of personal work, I couldn’t see a way forward. We separated in 2007. I stayed on my own for several years, not wanting to repeat the pattern again. In 2016 my life transformed. Through discovering Katherine Woodward Thomas’s work, I called in my “One.” Although I was already a trained psychotherapist and deeply committed to self-development, this work created breakthroughs I hadn’t experienced before. To give my new relationship the strongest foundation possible, I trained as both a Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “The One” coach. Through that process, I learned to honour myself more fully and to build love rooted in trust, presence and emotional truth. As a psychotherapist of over 35 years, I was genuinely surprised to discover through this work, entirely new levels of insight, empowerment and relational skills, insights I now live and practice within my own relationship.Whether you are recently separated, healing unresolved pain from the past, or longing to create a deeply nourishing relationship, I would be honoured to support you. Together, we can help you reconnect with your authentic self and open the door to lasting, meaningful love. This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom.See all podcast episodes here.

In this episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt speaks with Prem Glidden, coach and author of Opening to Possibility: Becoming Available to Love and Be Loved, about what it really means to become available for love. Together they explore how early-life messages like “I’m not lovable” can quietly shape adult dating and relationships, why “chemistry” can sometimes be a trauma signal rather than a soulmate sign, and how living from possibility changes what you allow, what you choose, and what you can receive. Prem also shares her own story, including meeting her beloved Bob and marrying at 67, as proof that it is never too late to create a relationship that feels safe, real, and deeply nourishing. (More resources and support can be found at Heathergarbutt.com.) Key takeaways Availability starts with you. If you want love that is steady and secure, the first relationship to strengthen is the one you have with yourself. Treat your inner parts gently. Trauma responses are protective. When you meet them with compassion (not force), you stop being run by old patterns. Do not outsource worthiness. Looking to a partner to prove your value turns dating into quicksand. Self-trust is what creates solid ground. Let truth lead, not the “high”. That rush of intensity can be familiar dysfunction. Slow down, discern, and choose from your wisest adult self. Love is co-created. Healthy relationships are built through communication, repair, respect, and shared responsibility, not perfection. About Prem:Prem Glidden is a Calling in The One coach and one of the first certified True You coaches trained by Catherine Woodward Thomas. She helps people graduate from old stories that keep love at a distance and step into a life led by aliveness, agency, and self-trust. Prem is the author of Opening to Possibility: Becoming Available to Love and Be Loved and shares her work at premglidden.com. About Your Host:I married at 34 with great hope for a long, happy marriage and a family. Over time, though, the relationship unraveled into power struggles, criticism and emotional distance. My own childhood conditioning had left me disconnected from my feelings and needs and despite years of personal work, I couldn’t see a way forward. We separated in 2007. I stayed on my own for several years, not wanting to repeat the pattern again. In 2016 my life transformed. Through discovering Katherine Woodward Thomas’s work, I called in my “One.” Although I was already a trained psychotherapist and deeply committed to self-development, this work created breakthroughs I hadn’t experienced before. To give my new relationship the strongest foundation possible, I trained as both a Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “The One” coach. Through that process, I learned to honour myself more fully and to build love rooted in trust, presence and emotional truth. As a psychotherapist of over 35 years, I was genuinely surprised to discover through this work, entirely new levels of insight, empowerment and relational skills, insights I now live and practice within my own relationship. Whether you are recently separated, healing unresolved pain from the past, or longing to create a deeply nourishing relationship, I would be honoured to support you. Together, we can help you reconnect with your authentic self and open the door to lasting, meaningful love. This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom.See all podcast episodes here.

In this heartfelt episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt is joined by Cătălina Popoveniuc, a Romanian psychotherapist with 23 years of experience supporting survivors and thrivers of narcissistic abuse. Catalina shares her own lived journey from surviving a narcissistic family system and multiple narcissistic relationships to reclaiming her voice and building a life that feels bright, free, and fully hers. Together, they talk candidly about the realities of gaslighting, cultural stigma, and the practical steps that help someone move from confusion and fear into safety, clarity, and self-trust, so thriving becomes possible. Key takeaways Gaslighting is designed to fracture reality. Catalina shares how prolonged gaslighting can leave someone doubting their perception and sanity, even years later, and why naming it matters. Empathy without boundaries can be exploited. Both Heather and Catalina discuss how caring, empathic people are often targeted, and why early boundary-setting is not harsh, it is self-respect. Safety first, then strategy. Catalina emphasises planning: legal advice, therapeutic support, and a trusted network before leaving, especially when the risk of escalation is real. Post-separation abuse is a real risk. Leaving is not always the end of the manipulation, which is why specialised support and informed legal guidance are essential. Thriving means rebuilding identity. After abuse, many people do not know what they like, need, or want. Healing includes rediscovering preferences, strengths, work options, and a future that feels life-giving. About Cătălina:Cătălina Popoveniuc, a psychotherapist specialising in individual and group therapy, with a particular focus on supporting survivors of narcissistic abuse - both women and men. With 23 years of experience working with people, she has developed a deeply human,compassionate, and supportive approach, grounded in empathy and genuine respect for each person’s path. For Cătălina, it’s essential that every client feels heard, seen, and understood. About Your Host:I married at 34 with great hope for a long, happy marriage and a family. Over time, though, the relationship unraveled into power struggles, criticism and emotional distance. My own childhood conditioning had left me disconnected from my feelings and needs and despite years of personal work, I couldn’t see a way forward. We separated in 2007. I stayed on my own for several years, not wanting to repeat the pattern again. In 2016 my life transformed. Through discovering Katherine Woodward Thomas’s work, I called in my “One.” Although I was already a trained psychotherapist and deeply committed to self-development, this work created breakthroughs I hadn’t experienced before. To give my new relationship the strongest foundation possible, I trained as both a Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “The One” coach. Through that process, I learned to honour myself more fully and to build love rooted in trust, presence and emotional truth. As a psychotherapist of over 35 years, I was genuinely surprised to discover through this work, entirely new levels of insight, empowerment and relational skills, insights I now live and practice within my own relationship.Whether you are recently separated, healing unresolved pain from the past, or longing to create a deeply nourishing relationship, I would be honoured to support you. Together, we can help you reconnect with your authentic self and open the door to lasting, meaningful love. This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom.