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Send Gemma a message This episode is a special one - I’m sharing the audio from a recent live masterclass where I walk you through the deeper psychological patterns that drive attraction, and why insight alone often isn’t enough to change them. If you’ve ever found yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable, avoidant, or self-absorbed partners - even when you know better - this episode will help you understand why. I explore what’s happening beneath the surface, and what it actually takes to begin shifting these patterns from the inside out.  What you’ll learn  Why high chemistry is not always a sign of compatibility  The “love paradox” - wanting one thing, but being pulled toward something very different  How your early schemas (core emotional patterns) shape who you’re drawn to  What schema chemistry is and why attraction can feel so compelling - even when it’s not right for you  The role of people-pleasing, self-sacrifice, and loss of voice in dating  Why “just date more” or “choose better” doesn’t solve the problem  The key stages involved in breaking long-standing relationship patterns  How to begin rewriting your “love template” so you can move toward emotionally available partners This episode is for you if…  You keep finding yourself in similar relationship dynamics  You’ve dated emotionally unavailable or avoidant men  You struggle to trust yourself in dating  You tend to over-give, over-accommodate, or lose yourself in relationships  You’re ready to understand why this keeps happening - and start doing things differently These patterns are not random - they are shaped by deeper, often unconscious processes. And once you understand them, you can begin to shift them. Want to go deeper? If this episode resonates, I also share more about my Love Wisely group coaching program inside this training. It’s a 12-week experience designed to help you:  Understand your patterns clearly  Work with your schemas  Build self-trust  And begin relating in a way that supports the kind of relationship you actually want  Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message If dating tends to bring up anxiety, self-doubt, people-pleasing, or the urge to lose yourself in someone else, this episode is for you. In this practical episode, I’m speaking directly to women who tend to be very giving, very empathic, and very accommodating in relationships, but who often struggle to stay connected to themselves while dating. If you have a history of subjugation, self-sacrifice, under-entitlement, loose boundaries, or worrying too much about being “too much” or “too needy,” dating can quickly become stressful and confusing. You may find yourself focusing more on whether the other person likes you than on how you actually feel. In this episode, I walk you through 10 clear dating rules to help you feel calmer, more grounded, and more self-protective in the early stages of dating, without becoming closed off or guarded. This is about dating in a way that helps you stay connected to your own needs, your own feelings, and your own experience. In this episode, I cover: Why meeting early in real life is better than building a false sense of connection through endless textingWhy first dates should be short, simple, and low pressureThe importance of putting a time boundary around early datesWhy alcohol can make it harder to stay connected to your instincts and boundariesWhy you do not need to extend a date unless you genuinely want toWhy it is healthy to directly say you’d like to see someone again if that is true for youWhy it matters to keep your life running normally when you meet someone newWhy rushing physical intimacy can create attachment before real compatibility is clearHow to think about chemistry more wisely, especially if you have a pattern of schema chemistryWhy the most important question after a date is not “Did they like me?” but “How did I feel?”Key themes in this episode: This episode explores how schemas such as subjugation, self-sacrifice, abandonment, emotional deprivation, and under-entitlement can quietly shape the dating process. It also highlights a more grounded and emotionally healthy approach to dating: Dating is data. Rather than treating every date like a test of your worth, this episode encourages you to slow down, gather information, notice how you feel, and assess whether the other person is truly right for you. If this episode resonated: I Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message In this episode of Healing for Love, I respond to a thoughtful question from a listener who describes a relationship that is supportive and stable - yet something important is missing. Her partner is kind, affectionate, and easy to live with. But when it comes to emotional conversations, he rarely initiates them. Over time, she has begun to feel emotionally alone in the relationship. This is a surprisingly common dynamic. Many people find themselves in relationships where their partner cares deeply but struggles with emotional expression or emotional dialogue. The question then becomes: is this simply a difference in style, or does it signal something deeper about compatibility and emotional needs? In this episode, I explore how to think about this situation from both perspectives. We discuss: Why emotional intimacy matters in long term relationshipsThe difference between low emotional dialogue and true emotional neglectHow early experiences can shape someone’s emotional styleThe role schemas can play in how we interpret our needs in relationshipsWhy feeling like a “burden” when expressing needs is often an important clueHow to distinguish between lack of skill and lack of motivation in a partnerQuestions you can ask yourself to clarify what you truly need in a relationshipHow to communicate emotional needs in a constructive and specific waySometimes the most important shift is moving away from the question: “How do I change my partner?” And instead asking: “What kind of emotional life do I want to live in my relationship?” If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether your emotional needs are “too much,” this episode will give you a thoughtful framework for understanding what’s really going on. Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message Hey, if you'd like to reduce your chances of future relationship regret, then come to my free live training: Join here Have you ever looked back on a past relationship and thought: Why did I stay so long? Why didn’t I see the signs earlier? If only I had done something differently… Relationship regret can be incredibly painful. Many people find themselves stuck replaying the past, analysing every decision and blaming themselves for how things turned out. But in this episode, I explain why this mental loop is not actually helping us heal. In psychology, the “should have, could have, would have” pattern is known as counterfactual thinking. It’s a form of rumination where the mind tries to solve an unsolvable problem - the past. And while it feels like we are trying to understand what happened, what is often happening underneath is emotional avoidance. Beneath regret there is usually something much more vulnerable: Grief. Grief about the relationship. Grief about what we hoped it would be. Grief about the loss of the future we imagined. In this episode, I explore: Why regret often keeps us stuck in ruminationThe psychology of counterfactual thinkingWhy self-blame is so common after difficult relationshipsHow rumination can block emotional healingThe grief that often sits underneath regretWhy painful relationships are not “wasted time”How our schemas influence what we tolerate in relationshipsHow to shift from self-blame to insight and growthSimple ways to respond differently when regret arisesI also look at an important reframe: Relationships are often our greatest teachers. Even the painful ones can reveal important truths about our emotional needs, our patterns, and the schemas that shape our relationship choices. When we approach our past with compassion rather than self-blame, we open the door to healing and to making wiser choices in the future. If this episode resonates with you Many of the women who join my Love Wisely program come with this same question: "Why did I end up in relationships like that?" Inside the program we explore the deeper psychological patterns behind attraction, schemas, and relation Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message In Part 2 of this series, I continue unpacking the darker red flags that often show up early in dating – the ones that are easy to dismiss but costly to ignore. These are not minor quirks. They are patterns that predict future control, manipulation, blame-shifting, entitlement and emotional instability. In this episode, I explore: What I call “future mirroring” – a subtle form of love bombing designed to accelerate closenessThe chronic victim stance and how trauma dumping can be used as manipulationWhy repeated stories of being “wrongly accused” deserve careful attentionExaggerated reactions to frustration, shame or not getting their wayHow to recognise blame shifting earlyWhy high chemistry without character is not compatibilityHow to strengthen your intuitive muscle and trust your internal dataIf you’ve ever felt confused, slightly uneasy or pressured in early dating but talked yourself out of it – this episode is for you. I also share details about the upcoming round of Love Wisely, beginning April 16, and how you can join the priority list. Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message Not all red flags are equal. Some signal incompatibility. Others signal something much darker. In this episode, I’m breaking down the first three of my Top Five Dark Red Flags in Early Dating - the traits that, in my clinical experience, rarely improve with time and often predict controlling or deeply problematic relationship dynamics. If you’ve ever found yourself: Ignoring your gutGiving someone “the benefit of the doubt”Talking yourself out of discomfortWanting to be the easygoing, understanding oneThis episode is for you. I explore: Why people-pleasing schemas can keep you in situations you already know aren’t rightHow subtle pushiness can signal future controlWhy arrogance is one of the most dangerous personality traits to overlookThe difference between confidence and entitlementHow love bombing can be used strategicallyWhat “future mirroring” is and why it hooks so many intelligent womenI also explain why what you feel in your body matters - and how to recognise when someone is testing your compliance rather than building real connection. This is not about demonising people. It’s about helping you see clearly. Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message Here's a nurturing gift for you Let me know if you'd like more meditations like this 🩷🩷 Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message Many women struggle in relationships without ever being taught one essential truth: you are allowed to have emotional needs. In this episode of Healing for Love, Gemma explores the concept of core emotional needs through a schema therapy lens and explains why unmet needs sit at the heart of so many repeating relationship patterns. You’ll learn how unmet emotional needs shape schemas like abandonment, emotional deprivation, subjugation, self-sacrifice and approval-seeking and why these patterns often lead women into relationships that feel unsafe, one-sided, controlling or emotionally barren. This episode is especially relevant if you have ever: Felt guilty for wanting “too much” in relationshipsStruggled to name your needs or voice your preferencesFound yourself prioritising others while neglecting yourselfStayed in relationships that felt familiar but deeply unsatisfyingFind out all about the six core emotional needs  Key Takeaway A healthy relationship is not about chemistry or intensity. It is about how consistently your core emotional needs are met. Work With Gemma Join the Love Wisely priority list for the April intakeStay tuned for details of a free training coming upApply for limited 1:1 coaching places currently availableSupport the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message In today’s episode, I answer a short but powerful question that came in anonymously: “Hi Gemma, I cannot even get a match, let alone a date. What the hell is wrong with me?”If you’ve ever stared at a dating app wondering why nothing is happening and quietly concluded “it must be me”, this episode is for you. I'll look at three key areas: The reality of modern dating apps – why they create a distorted, “smorgasbord” environment where incredible, emotionally available people are often overlooked.Other people’s issues – how emotional immaturity, avoidance and misaligned intentions show up on the apps (and why you can’t control that).Your schemas and your “type” – how schema chemistry and rigid “type” criteria might be leading you towards emotionally unavailable partners and away from people who could actually be good for you.I’ll invite you to: Re-examine how you’re presenting yourself on the apps (without becoming a slave to what you think men want).Widen the pool by giving a chance to the “6 or 7 out of 10” guys (ie, the level of chemistry you feel! I'm not rating people!) who feel kind, calm and safe – rather than only chasing the intense 10/10 chemistry.Remember that your worth, lovability and desirability are not measured in matches.If you’re feeling discouraged or asking “what’s wrong with me?”, I want you to know: you are not the problem. Dating apps are hard and your current results say nothing about your deeper value or your capacity for a healthy, loving relationship. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why so many wonderful women and emotionally available men get passed over on dating appsHow our throwaway, dopamine-driven culture affects the way people swipeWhy leading with highly sexualised photos can accidentally screen out good menHow schema chemistry pulls you towards what’s “familiar” rather than what’s healthyHow to gently expand beyond your usual “type”Practical ways to pace yourself and protect your emotional wellbeing while datingResources mentioned: Free guide: Dating with Insight – download via the link in the show notes.Love Wisely – my 12-week online group program for women who want to break their pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable, narcissisSupport the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message We hear the term “emotionally unavailable” all the time, yet many women are not sure what the opposite actually looks like in real life. In this episode, Gemma breaks down emotional availability in clear, practical terms, so you can recognise it early, feel safer in your body and stop settling for relationships that leave you guessing. Gemma also explores how schemas like Emotional Deprivation and Abandonment shape what feels “normal” in love, why emotionally safe partners can feel boring or suspicious at first, and how you can slowly retrain your nervous system to relax into healthy connection. In this episode, you will learn: What the Emotional Deprivation schema isHow it forms in childhoodWhy it makes it hard to identify and express your needsWhy you can consciously want an emotionally available partner yet keep feeling pulled toward distance, inconsistency, or intensityHow schemas and your unconscious “love template” drive partner choice and keep you in familiar but unfulfilling patternsTen signs of an emotionally available partner, including someone who:Takes an active interest in you, asks thoughtful questions, remembers details, and wants to know your inner worldHas actions that match their words, shows up consistently, and follows throughIs emotionally responsive, listens when you are vulnerable, validates your feelings, and attempts repair after conflictIs predictable rather than chaotic, so your nervous system can settle instead of living on high alertIs willing to talk about the relationship and co create something with you instead of avoiding emotional conversationsHas emotional self awareness, can name their feelings, take responsibility, and does not shame you for having emotionsShows care through steady, thoughtful actions that leave you feeling valued and appreciatedAllows closeness without pulling away or going hot and cold after intimacyMakes room for your needs and respects your boundaries, instead of calling you “too needy” when you ask for contact or reassuranceIs kind in a felt way - gentle with your vulnerabilities, respectful in conflict, and emotionally generousWhy emotional availability can feel “boring” or even suspicious if you grew up with chaos, distance, or inconsistencyA real life example from a Love Wisely client who noticed her physical teSupport the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message Dating can stir up every schema you have. If you have a history of emotionally unavailable partners, narcissistic relationships or spending years in situationships that never really went anywhere, getting back out there can feel both hopeful and terrifying. In this episode I walk you through ten grounded mindset shifts that help you stay in Healthy Adult mode while you date so you can notice red flags, take in green flags and stop abandoning yourself in the process. I talk about: Why dating is dataHow to shift the goal from “finding the one” to “showing up grounded and observant”How to stay open to experience and still be discerningWhat it means to embrace ambiguity without losing yourself, especially if you have an abandonment schemaWhy you need to replace “stay positive” with “stay real” so you do not slide into the “super easygoing, no needs” people pleasing roleThe power of focusing on internal milestones, not external outcomesHow to normalise the emotional rollercoaster of dating when schemas and old attachment wounds get activatedWhat it looks like to cultivate self trust over outcome obsessionHow to reframe rejection as clarity, especially when ghosting or avoidant behaviour shows you who someone really isWhy breaking the pattern of fantasy thinking is essential if you tend to fall for potential rather than realityThe protective power of letting people reveal themselves over timeThis episode is for you if: You have a history of choosing emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partnersYou find it very hard to tolerate uncertainty in early datingYou often override your needs because you do not want to be “too much” or “difficult”You get attached quickly and then feel anxious, preoccupied and on edgeYou want a practical, compassionate framework for dating differently1:1 coaching If you would like to explore working with me privately you can email me at [email protected] for details on my coaching packages. Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message In this episode, Gemma unpacks The Sorry Reflex - the automatic urge to apologise, even when we’ve done nothing wrong. Rooted in the subjugation schema, this coping behaviour often begins in childhood, where expressing needs or disagreeing felt unsafe. When our nervous system equates disapproval with danger, “sorry” becomes a way to stay safe and connected. Gemma explains how this pattern shows up in dating, relationships, and everyday interactions - especially for women conditioned to be accommodating. You’ll learn to identify your triggers (tone changes, sighs, silence), notice the body’s reaction, and experiment with opposite action to retrain your nervous system. You’ll also hear a real-life success story from one of Gemma’s Love Wisely group members, plus guidance on combining schema therapy and EMDR to heal the deeper beliefs beneath chronic apologising. If you’re tired of shrinking yourself, over-explaining or feeling guilty for taking up space, this episode will help you shift from “sorry” to self-trust. Takeaways Over-apologising is a safety response, not good manners.Driven by subjugation, approval-seeking, and self-sacrifice schemas.Triggers: subtle signs of disapproval—tone, delay, sigh, silence.Body cues: chest tightness, racing heart, hyper-empathy.Short-term relief, long-term self-erasure.Opposite action = growth and rewiring.You can disappoint someone and still be safe and loved.Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message If you are asking can this improve, this episode gives you a simple lens. Gemma unpacks two essential capacities that predict whether change is possible in a relationship. You will hear why the brain repeats what is familiar, how schemas drive loops and how to assess real readiness for growth in yourself and in someone you are dating. In this episode Why patterns repeat even when you want something differentThe role of schemas in attraction, conflict and copingTwo essentials that predict changeWhy avoidance blocks growthDating as data, plus a new way to date with self awareness Are you ready to join Love Wisely? Doors open again in Feb 26.  Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message What limerence really is, why it hooks into our deepest unmet needs and how to gently unhook using a schema-therapy lens. In Part 2, Gemma explores limerence as a preoccupying, often intoxicating state that’s fueled by unmet needs - with abandonment and emotional deprivation schemas usually at the core. She explains why the brain’s reward systems (hello, dopamine) and a quieted prefrontal cortex can hijack rationality, making red flags easy to miss. You’ll learn practical, compassionate ways to reduce rumination, interrupt mental loops and begin reparenting the vulnerable parts that long for consistent care. Gemma also speaks to when limerence turns into a relationship (and why those tend to be high “schema chemistry”) and offers realistic hope for moving toward grounded, secure love. Key takeaways Limerence = unmet needs + brain rewards. It’s human, common, and often temporary; shame isn’t helpful.Schemas under the hood: Abandonment (primary) and emotional deprivation are frequent drivers; attachment style can be a clue, but schemas give the nuance.“Schema chemistry” alert: Relationships born from intense limerence often trigger old wounds on both sides.Stop feeding the loop: Reduce cues (no social stalking, no photo scrolling). Notice → name → turn your mind.Circuit breakers that help: Mindfulness, imagery/rumination interruption, exercise, novelty/learning, supportive people, flow-state activities.Reparenting matters: Daily, gentle practices to meet needs consistently will dilute schemas over time.When to get help: If limerence becomes distressing, incapacitating or escalates into harmful behaviours, seek professional support.Practical steps you can try Name it: “This is the limerence loop.”Reduce reinforcement: Unfollow/mute; remove reminders.Shift attention: Choose a grounding task (walk, call a friend, learn something new).Reparenting micro-rituals: Daily check-ins with your vulnerable part; write a brief caring letter to yourself.Track triggers: Note what sparks rumination and plan alternatives.Therapeutic support: Look for schema-informed, experiential work.Mentioned in this episode Coaching spaces now open with Gemma (limited).Love WiSupport the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message 🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight   🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle If you’ve ever been mentally and emotionally stuck on someone - checking for “signs,” fantasising a future and riding waves of hope and anxiety, then you may have experienced limerence.  In Part 1, Gemma explains what limerence is (and isn’t), why uncertainty and fantasy make it so sticky and why the real issue isn’t the person (the “limerent object”) but your unmet emotional needs.  You’ll also hear where the concept came from and why it’s often confused with attachment or “true love.” In this episode, you’ll learn A plain-English definition of limerence and how it differs from attraction or loveThe two core fuels: uncertainty and intermittent reward (via fantasies and mixed signals)How imagery, rumination, and dopamine loops keep the crush aliveWhy limerence can last months or years and why it often doesn’t lead to healthy, secure relationshipsThe link with schemas and unmet needs (preview for Part 2)Gentle first steps to reduce the hijack (without shaming yourself)Key takeaways Limerence is an internal state - more about your needs than about them.Fantasy offers temporary relief but reinforces the loop.Clarity ends limerence (rejection, genuine mutuality, or transferring the preoccupation) - but self-understanding is what prevents the next loop.Try this (starter steps) Notice and name: “This is limerence, not reality.”Pause the imagery: limit cues, put boundaries around fantasising/daydreaming.Reality-check: list what you actually know vs what you’re imagining.Re-invest in life: micro-wins, movement, sleep, friend time, creative focus.Journal prompt: “What core need am I trying to meet through this fantasy (safety, worth, belonging, soothing)? How else can I meet it today?”Teaser for Part 2 How schemas (abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness, approval-seeking) wire us for limerence and a step-by-step plan Support the show 🩷 Love Wisely - DOORS OPEN NOW🎉🎉 Love Wisely is a 12-week coaching program designed to help you break recurring relationship patterns and choose differently in love. Through a schema-based approach, you’ll understand what’s been driving your attraction and learn how to move toward something healthier and more secure.  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide 💛 Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle 🚩 The Red Flag Project 🚩 Get Instant Access   Connect with Me  📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching 🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏 Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here