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John Taylor and Tami explore the importance of engaging executive functioning in relationship repair and recovery. John offers several questions that partners can ask to jump-start engagement in rebuilding trust. They then answer participant questions about transactional relationships, realistic expectations for change after 25 years of betrayal, and the reality of building a relationship with someone who is selfish.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:10] Why your brain stops working after D-day.  [4:30] Hypervigilance is your brain trying to keep you safe.  [6:45] Questions to ask that engage the frontal lobe.  [7:30] What are we doing here?  [13:58] What are our priorities?  [17:35] What roles and responsibilities do we need to step into?  [21:37] What am I personally doing to align with these priorities?  [25:45] Have I considered my partner in my actions?  [29:44] Effectively reducing tension in a partnership. [33:26] Do you really want it to go back to how it was before?  [34:40] Can we stay together in a low-level transactional companionship?  [38:05] What if we don't have a shared value system?  [41:57] Is it possible for him to be functional when he's never made lasting changes?  [46:38] Is there really no relationship with someone who is selfish?  [54:02] How important are postnuptual agreements?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "Things getting calm doesn't switch how the brain functions."  "'Fair' means the person who has been betrayed gets to take their time to deliberate and think about terms for continuance." "Vengeance is not restitution or repair."  "We have to coax our executive functioning into existence again when it's been compromised."  "We have to believe what people show us more than what they tell us."

Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami answer participant questions about sex, love, and addiction. They cover the importance of honoring boundaries, effective check-ins, managing anger, and finding hope when it feels like your addiction has taken over your life.    TAKEAWAYS: [2:40] How do I process multiple inner children in me?  [5:07] Why has the language around betrayal become sanatized?  [11:06] What can I do to finally overcome repeated slips?  [17:08] My partner broke my boundary. Now what?  [22:55] Should I prioritize finding my why or my sobriety work?  [28:09] My spouse refuses to seek help. How can I help?  [31:08] I have too many buckets and I'm constantly disregulated. Help!  [34:25] How can my betraying partner understand the damage of trickled out disclosures?  [38:17] Can check-ins be triggering to the point that they're useful?  [45:10] How can a betraying partner rebuild trust?  [50:18] Why am I afraid of my husband's anger?  [54:46] Is there any hope for an addict like me?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "If your relationships are hurting, why would you want to delay getting the help?"  "Do you understand what drives you toward a slip?"  "The most important thing you can do to rebuild trust is engage with your partner."  "Your behaviors don't define who you are – if you are willing to change them."

Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about boundaries, chronic betrayal, and recovery timelines. They address the pregnant partner, the betrayed spouse with an STD, and the mother of teens who wants to keep her children from following down the path of addiction and betrayal.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] Can ketamine EMDR help my betrayed wife?  [7:10] I'm pregnant. Should I stop checking in on his recovery?  [14:35] Boundaries are set to keep you safe.  [16:58] Why should he stop acting out when it has increased the intensity of our sex life?  [24:09] Can an addict like me actually come out of this on the other side?  [34:10] Am I really the victim?  [36:52] How can I build trust after chronic betrayal?  [40:26] He acted out in my one deal-breaker way. Now what?  [47:30] How do couples recovery from sexual betrayal and compromised health?  [50:48] How can I talk to my boys so they don't go down the same path as their father?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "He should be showing you with his actions when his recovery is solid."  "He's going to do what he's going to do whether you ask or you don't."  "You have to do what you need to do to take care of you regardless of what he does."  "Addicts are always either moving forward in recovery or sliding back."

Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about how to reintegrate sex, self-pleasure for partners, the pain of a sexless relationship and the role of "hopium". They offer perspective on demanding repair, seeking connection and the power of taking care of yourself no matter what your partner is or isn't doing.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] What can I do to reclaim my sexuality?  [11:02] Should I insist on my partner moving out or do an in-house separation?  [16:42] When sex addiction isn't the only problem.  [19:32] How can I get my intimate needs met?  [29:05] Questions you really don't want the answers to. [34:02] How can I build shame resiliency?  [39:56] Where do we start with sexual reconnection?  [42:51] Moving beyond objectification.  [48:03] I feel he broke it, and he needs to fix it.  [54:41] The power of community and connection.  [58:20] Is masturbation sexual betrayal?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "Your courage and willingness to talk about these issues will get you halfway there."  "Do not threaten something that you're not willing to follow through on."  "You have zero control over him. The only thing you can take care of is you."

Chelsey Brooke Cole and Tami discuss narcissistic personality structure and how to identify if someone is a narcissist. They consider myths of narcissism, the narcissistic cycle and how hoovering shows up, and the look and feel of various narcissistic types. They then answer participant questions about narcissist behavior, options for healing, and a realistic look at a future in a partnership with a narcissist.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:20] Hoovering and other narcissistic buzzwords.  [3:58] Chelsey's personal experience with narcissism.  [5:01] Debunking common myths about narcissism.  [9:20] Typical behavoirs of a narcissist.  [13:20] The defense mechanisms for the insecure, fragile ego of a narcissist.  [19:53] Characteristics of the six types of narcissists.  [25:05] Sex addiction and the narcissist.  [31:57] The narcissistic cycle of abuse, including hoovering.  [37:49] What triggers the Hoover phase?  [48:37] What happens if you decide to stay?  [49:45] Are there drawbacks to seeking a narcissist diagnosis?  [51:27] How can you gray rock a narcissist so they don't get escalation tactics?  [53:02] Is it a bad idea to point out narcissistic tendencies in your partner?  [54:09] Is narcissism treatable?  [56:17] Does my partner's behavior indicate narcissism?  [58:10] Do narcissists know what they are doing?  [1:00:21] What is the best approach to address the abuse of narcissistic traits used to self-protect and control?  [1:02:03] Can a narcissist develop empathy for their partner, and what does treatment involve?  [1:04:31] Is narcissism a mental health condition?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "Narcissism is not a diagnosis, it's a personality style and trait."  "All narcissists, even the ones who will self-report having high self esteem, are subconsciously insecure pathologically."  "Narcissistic abuse is like being in the middle of a tornado but not knowing it's a tornado."  "Feeling desperate is not the same as being accountable."  "Real accountability ends with you, Hoover statements always end with them."

Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions about co-regulating, couples healing, betraying partners who continue to minimize and resources to help betrayed partners move forward. They also address maladaptive behaviors and coping mechanisms, the power of curiosity in diffusing defensiveness, and the importance of honoring the grief and anger that comes with betrayal.    TAKEAWAYS: [:50] How can I tell if my partner is becoming regulated again?  [6:27] Physical signs that your partner is getting upset.  [9:20] What is defined as a crisis, and when do you talk about it?  [18:20] What is the practical difference between addiction and problematic porn?  [21:45] Why is your spouse not your priority?  [27:43] The power of curiosity in diffusing defensiveness.  [31:30] Three follow-up questions about recovery resources.  [33:10] Is there any hope for a future that is not dominated by betrayal?  [38:10] Honoring the grief and anger that comes with betrayal.  [45:46] How can I get past the egregious images of his betrayal?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "It is the addict's responsibility to set aside their own crisis until the partner feels heard and supported."  "The more you grow in your recovery, the more capacity you will have."  "How are you supporting yourself?" And if he's not listening to you, do you have people in your life who are?"  "Your relationship may never improve, but you don't have to feel damaged."  "Even if your partner chooses not to do the work, that does not have to define who you are."

Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami explore the uncomfortable truths of emotional regulation, the importance of sitting with emotional discomfort, and realistic expectations for betrayal addicts and their partners to see improvements in their relationship. They then answer listener questions about  emotional regulation techniques, timeframes, and the motivation behind seeking to be an emotionally regulated partner in a relationship.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:33] The hard truth of staying emotionally present.  [4:34] Roadblocks to developing emotional leadership.  [7:08] What emotional leadership isn't.  [10:29] What emotional leadership is.  [18:30] Your partner is seeking safety, not explanations. [20:33] Dialogue for emotionally stable conversations.  [22:35] The role of healthy conflict in healing.  [28:19] "You are asking a lot of the betrayed partner."  [33:32] The person in pain and grief never gets to take a timeout from the nightmare. Why should their partner?  [35:17] Is this a slip or relapse?  [38:36] How can I better manage my emotions in the moment?  [40:20] How long should recovery work take?  [43:02] How can I correct after I become disregulated?  [45:43] How long will it take to feel confident and see results in my relationship?  [47:40] My partner ran away, how long should I give him to process?  [49:58] Body language recommendations.  [53:47] How do I know if emotional regulation techniques are working for me?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "You cannot establish emotional leadership if you can't emotionally regulate yourself."  "Emotional leadership is not about winning. It's about the way you handle emotional distress when things become uncomfortable."  "Safety, not explanations, is what your partner's nervous system is seeking in order to regulate."  "You can be factually correct and absent at the same time."  "Demonstrating emotional leadership is not a one-time performance."

Dr. Skip Speer and Tami answer participant questions about missing a partner who has betrayed you, strategies for opening up in honest and helpful ways, timelines for dedicating time to recovery resources, and appropriate dialogue to have with family and friends during recovery.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:04] What is my role in holding the pain of my betraying partner?  [6:50] Seeking Integrity resources that are available to navigate unhealthy relationships.  [7:58] What treatment options are available to a narcissistic sex addict betrayer?  [13:24] How and when should we approach discussing our situation with family and friends?  [17:10] How can I open up as the betrayer and address the tough topics with my partner?  [23:37] Do I need to discuss being a 12-Step sponsor with my spouse?  [27:20] Is it normal to miss my betraying spouse?  [30:51] How can we navigate my partner's addictions with our children?  [36:15] Which support groups offer accountability instead of enablement.  [43:29] Can betrayed partners have traits of love addiction?  [44:31] How can I avoid getting pulled in to my sex addict partner's lies?  [50:02] How do I know when it's time to adjust the amount of time we spend on recovery resources?  [54:14] How can I possibly initiate sex after the years of my partner's betrayal?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "If a person is willing to engage in therapy and get in and do the work, there is hope."  "The more you focus on healing for you, the faster you will heal."  "Things may be bad, but they will get so much worse if you keep holding onto it."  "No addict changes unless the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same."

Dr. Skip Speer and Tami talk about doomscrolling and hopescrolling, the features of each, and how to tailor your algorithm to lift you up at every stage of recovery. They then answer participant questions about sex addiction, including narcissism, gaslighting, and therapist obligations as mandatory reporters.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:49] Doomscrolling versus hopescrolling – how to engage in what serves you.  [7:01] Using your phone to numb out? Try this instead. [8:50] What is the difference between a CSAT and a regular therapist?  [13:25] Do we really need a couples therapist?  [20:24] The importance of accountability in therapy. [26:57] Programs for sex addiction with narcissistic traits. [37:25] The danger of denial in recovery.  [41:03] Dealing with a sex offender changes the recovery game.  [44:49] Key differences between narcissism and sociopathic behaviors.  [46:45] How can I financially separate myself from my betraying partner?  [50:05] My partner is looking at underage porn. Should I report him?  [54:33] Is the term 'gaslighting' used too loosely?  [56:30] What are the obligations of a mandatory reporter?  [58:30] What is the likelihood that underage porn addicts will ever ask for help if they know they will be reported?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "It feels better to comfort than confront, but at the end of the day, recovering addicts need accountability."  "In real recovery, we're looking for anything that is problematic or helping us escape in unhealthy ways."  "You know what your partner is not willing to do. So what are you willing to do?"

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, therapist Debbie McRae discusses therapeutic separation as an effective intervention for couples struggling with the impact of betrayal and addiction. She highlights the structure of therapeutic separation as a compassionate approach to help both individuals regain safety, clarity and hope in the relationship. She and Tami then answer participant questions about therapeutic separation, when it's the right next move, and what to do when it didn't resolve your relationship issues.    TAKEAWAYS: [:55] The possibilities with therapeutic or healing separation.  [2:07] Common scenarios in couples dealing with betrayal.  [3:00] Is therapeutic separation right for my relationship?  [6:04] The purpose and plan of therapeutic separation.  [10:34] Realistic separation timelines and action plans.  [17:47] Addressing common therapeutic separation fears.  [24:57] Managing the message to others.  [29:45] What to do when you're stuck. [32:11] The importance of regular therapist check ins.  [36:32] How does therapeutic separation end?  [40:16] What is the difference between sobriety and recovery?  [47:54] My partner is gaslighting me. Would in-home separation help?  [52:19] How do I know if my partner is really doing the work?  [57:08] Therapeutic separation didn't work. How do I move forward?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "Therapeutic separation aims at creating stability, safety, and gives each individual time to gain insights."  "As you define clear goals and understand the purpose of therapeutic separation, it becomes a roadmap for healing."  "In therapeutic separation, both partners are fully committed to doing their recovery work."  "All of this is scary, but the scariest thing is staying stuck."

Dr. Jessica Lamar, Licensed Mental Health Therapist, explores unseen wounds and understanding disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma. What is disenfranchised grief, and why does it matter? Dr. Lamar overs betrayal trauma, emotional and psychological impact, healing, and support strategies. She and Tami then answer participant questions about grief and boundaries, conversations and resources that are available to help navigate grief.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Intro. [2:58] Defining ambiguous loss – am I even in grief?  [4:40] Disenfranchised grief is a loss that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publicly mourned.  [6:02] Examples of disenfranchised grief as it relates to betrayal trauma. [11:30] Ambiguous losses that are associated with betrayal trauma.  [13:56] When betrayal occurs, the resulting grief is often disenfranchised.  [15:47] Statements that are commonly heard in disenfranchised grief.  [18:36] The psychological and emotional impact of disenfranchised grief.  [24:12] Strategies for empowering ourselves after loss.  [27:34] Common ways we invalidate grief after betrayal. [29:45] How can I validate myself in my grief?  [37:04] Interventions to help navigate disenfranchised grief.  [41:35] What resources are available to better understand and process grief.  [44:20] What dialog can we use to better communicate with extended family members who will not allow space for grief?  [47:35] How can I navigate anticipatory grief when I don't know what is actually going to happen?  [48:55] How can I ever start dating again after betrayal?  [50:49] What if the person who feels unsafe to me is a therapist?  [52:28] What is appropriate to say to our adult children?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "When a loss isn't socially recognized, the grieving process can be isolating and difficult to navigate."  "The lack of validation can make the pain even more isolating."  "When we are alone with our betrayal trauma and our grief, we can start to invalidate our own feelings."  "Navigating disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma requires real, intentional effort to heal."  "No one has the right to tell people what is or isn't a loss."

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dr. Eddie Capparucci addresses the struggle of many men to show empathy, especially those who have dealt with childhood trauma and emotional neglect. He warns of the dangers of labels and offers insights into the biological and neurological factors that affect empathy. Then he and Tami answer participant questions about empathy in relationships, with strangers, and in and out of the home.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] The link between problematic sexual behaviors and a lack of empathy. [3:00] Empathy is learned in childhood. [7:18] When men don't know how to deal with emotions, they shut down. [8:46] The biological component of empathy. [12:23] Timing plays a critical role in the development of empathy. [15:07] Healing the brain and cultivating empathy. [24:07] Emotionally cold or emotionally dysregulated? [28:45] Why is my spouse empathetic with everyone except me? [33:09] Why do I seek stranger validation more than closeness with my partner? [35:35] My husband had plenty of empathy when courting me. What happened? [40:50] The neurological danger of viewing porn. [41:22] Lack of empathy or autism spectrum? [45:38] Where to find the feelings wheel. [46:48] Why is it easier to be empathetic with someone who's upset with someone else than someone who is upset with me? [49:41] Can these same principles apply to women? [52:00] How will we know when we are ready for couples work? [55:10] My husband feels judged when I ask him to be accountable.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.   QUOTES ● "When men don't know how to deal with emotions, they shut down." ● "Trauma and emotional neglect do not damage every child's empathy circuit in the same way." ● "The brain can heal and empathy can be cultivated." ● "Emotional regulation is recovery."

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Scott Brassart discusses resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for both addicts and betrayed partners. He and Tami then answer participant questions about handling triggers, understanding big emotions, and addressing supercharged manifestations of shame.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:10] Resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for everyone. [3:16] 5 practices to build resilience, from happiness to obstacle immunity and staying present. [11:20] Tools that can help with building resilience. [15:30] The 3-second rule for sex addicts. [19:30] The key difference between happy people and the rest of us. [28:50] Handling triggers like kindergarteners handle fire drills. [35:00] Understanding the emotions beneath the anger. [44:01] Blaming others is the easiest form of denial. [48:32] Manifestations of shame. [54:00] Good things can happen if you're willing to do the work. [55:39] How can I address my supercharged emotions? [1:00:41] Stop problematic behavior, then address the underlying issues.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.   QUOTES ● "Resilience is not a tool we are born with, it's a skill we can learn." ● "Of all the tools I've given you, gratitude is the most powerful." ● "Healthy coping skills and resiliency are inextricably linked." ● "Practice using these tools when you're safe, use them when you're not." ● "Big emotions rarely address the underlying emotion."

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dr. Rob and Tami answer listener questions about cheating, betrayal, sex and more. They address recovery, disclosure, and setting healthy boundaries throughout the recovery process, and offer a realistic timeline for partners to move from betrayal to intimacy and healing.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] My wife is using my body for sex. Is this just a libido mismatch? [9:30] Setting boundaries after hearing sex threats. [12:09] My partner and I are doing everything right. When will the next chapter start? [18:15] A little about Dr. Rob's books and his editor Scott. [22:30] Is formal disclosure really necessary? [25:51] How do we navigate the balance between romantic and sexual connection with the need for space and individual healing? [28:18] Distinguishing between sexual entitlement and the need for validation. [34:20] How does ADHD impact betrayal and recovery? [37:08] My husband doesn't want to label himself as a sex addict. Now what? [45:37] How can I forgive and move on for my child while still navigating grief?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.   QUOTES ● "There is no difference between a sex addict and someone who uses sex to self-regulate." ● "In recovery, you're learning to live life on a completely different plane than you did before." ● "If you want to learn and keep moving forward, you will." ● "You cannot make your partner do anything they don't want to do." ● "Forgiveness is something I do for myself."

On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dan Drake, Matthew Raabsmith, and Joanna Raabsmith present "Building True Intimacy: A Roadmap to Relational Restoration After Sexual Betrayal." Together they consider how couples can effectively and efficiently move from betrayal and discovery to healing and connection, based on their book Building True Intimacy. They then answer participant questions about recovery, disclosure, and lasting healing.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Introducing Dan Drake, Matthew Raabsmith and Joanna Raabsmith. [3:23] How do couples heal after betrayal and disclosure? [5:30] Five key components to restoring intimacy, starting with awareness, authenticity and assertiveness. [9:16] The power of a foundation of honesty and safety. [17:32] Regulation and relational safety must be prioritized by the betrayer. [20:30] Stepping into trust and commitment following betrayed. [27:13] The value of inviting trusted people into your healing journey. [31:10] The hallmarks of empathy and vulnerability. [35:10] Creating community with other betrayed couples. [36:28] Reintroducing intimacy after betrayal. [44:55] When does a couple start to feel like they are on the same team? [49:24] The V.A.S.E. framework. [51:30] How can the betrayed partner move toward trust after regression? [56:08] My partner wants to move along without rebuilding. How can we heal? [58:48] Can we successfully recover without disclosure or restoration?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.   QUOTES ● "Am I aware of the direction I'm heading based on the choices I'm making every day in my life?" ● "When I say my values are one thing and I live my life in a different way, I am not showing up authentically." ● "If we don't have a foundation of honesty, we don't have anything to build on." ● "The ability to be present will move us back into the partnership phase of the next level of healing." ● "You have to have vulnerability if you're going to rebuild intimacy in a relationship." ● "What kind of recovery do you want in your life whether or not your marriage makes it?"