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Dr. Theresa Regan explores the transition out of high school for autistic young people, focusing on preparing for college, living independently, gap years, and vocational options. She emphasizes mentoring, stepwise practice of life skills, protecting nervous system capacity, and using experimentation to find sustainable pathways that fit each individual. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

Join Dr. Regan for her third episode in a series about transitioning back to school while navigating daily life. This episode focuses on the role of mentoring in helping your autistic teen or adult navigate obstacles and challenging life experiences.  Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website   Hello, everyone. This is Dr. Teresa Regan. I'm happy to be joining you for another episode of Autism in the Adult podcast. I'm a neuropsychologist, a certified autism specialist, and mom to a young adult on the autism spectrum. We're continuing our series about transitioning back to school for the autistic student. Now, let's go back to our student, Alyssa. We have talked about her as an example for the first two episodes in the series, and I'd like to continue with her as our illustrative point. She entered ninth grade cautiously optimistic, and she really did quite a good job of preparing for that transition. She knew where her classes were. She practiced opening her locker. She organized her school supplies. And then as she transitioned back, the days accumulated and began to feel like school was really costing her nervous system more than anyone had anticipated. And so by the end of the week, she was becoming quieter. She started sleeping after school. Her stomach started hurting on Sunday evenings. And getting to school just became much more difficult even though there hadn't been a real traumatic thing that had happened. So one of the things that I think is difficult for parents is what is the parent's role at this point? Is it to, you know, grab her and put her in the car and drag her to school? Is it to let her stay home until she feels comfortable enough to go without stress? Where is that balance point? What is the role at that age? So I think that the sweet spot of balance, is something much more interesting and useful that we can do as parents, and that is to begin mentoring our students about how to navigate daily life. And I love the word navigate. I think about the image of sailing or boating. And the reason I like this image is that it's true that we can learn an enormous amount of facts and knowledge by reading a book about sailing or boating. We can learn the names of the sails. We can learn how the rudder works. We can memorize different kinds of knots. We can steady weather patterns. And at the end of all that, we could probably take a test about sailing and get every question correct. Why? Because we can memorize the facts, the knowledge that is written out in this book. But I would still not necessarily want to get into a sailboat with you during a storm. How does this knowledge that we have, this memorization of facts, how do we translate that into actual living and doing and navigating? Knowing about sailing and sailing are not the same skill. And sometimes we treat them like they are. So sailing means taking everything you know and applying it to a particular boat on this particular water with this weather pattern, this wind movement, and this moment. And then something changes unexpectedly. Of course, it always does. The wind changes direction. The water changes pattern. Something about the boat isn't working quite as we expected. And now what? And that's where this ability to navigate, how do we use the knowledge that we've memorized? How do we navigate? How do we live life and turn these factual things we know into actual doing? And that's the incredibly important distinction for any human being, but also particularly for the autistic. Now, the autistic often has a great memorization ability and enormous amounts of knowledge in their brain. And they can often memorize information much better than the typical person. They may understand the rule perfectly. They may even be able to explain to someone else what exactly is supposed to happen. And that's why it can feel so confusing to see this person struggle in daily life. We might say, but this person is so smart, they're full of facts, they're full of knowledge. Why are they struggling with day-to-day things? And that is, though, the most common pattern of strength and struggle for the autistic, that, they have great amounts of knowledge and facts, but this translating and navigating into everyday life may be something that needs more mentoring. sharing. We may say she knows she's supposed to ask her teacher if she doesn't understand something, or he knows how to do laundry. I've explained it before. She knows that she feels better after she takes a walk or reads a book. And that's true. They're filled with knowledge, but knowing is only one part of the process. And the much more complicated question becomes, how do we take what we know, and use it to navigate this particular situation? And that is where mentoring becomes so important. With Alyssa, perhaps we start here. We can see that something isn't quite working, but we don't know what it is. What is the barrier to going to school, to getting through the day, to being in this marathon of school every day, not just sprinting for one day? So we're not starting with this position of you need to go to school, just do it. We are not saying you need to fix your attendance. We're saying, wow, we can see that something isn't working and we don't know what it is. So let's mentor, let's partner, let's collaborate about what to do when we hit a point in life where we're not sure what the barrier is. How do we identify what the struggle is when we don't have words for it, we haven't figured it out, but something is not working. Maybe we say, your nervous system doesn't seem to be getting enough recovery during the school day. Or we've noticed that you can get through school, but by Friday you're exhausted, you're sleeping all afternoon. Or maybe we say, you've told us that swinging really helps your body feel calmer, but at school you don't have anything that gives your nervous system that same kind of reset. Or I feel like maybe your teacher doesn't understand why leaving the class for 10 minutes helps you stay for the rest of the day. And when we kind of do this wondering together and we look at clues together and we gather hypotheses, I wonder if this is the case. I wonder if this would help. I wonder how your body feels about this. Next, we then have something we can navigate. So this is actually the first skill. In addition to getting to school, we're actually teaching the skill of identifying what the barrier is and putting it into words. What is the challenge in front of me? And sometimes the young person can identify what it is, and sometimes they just really can't. And that's true for everybody. Sometimes we know that something's difficult, but we haven't really put our finger on what it is. We haven't been able to find words that adequately describe it. And that's okay. That's where the mentoring of the parent or the counselor or the teacher can come in. And we might say, well, what I've noticed is this. what have you noticed? What part of the day feels hardest, or when does your body start to feel different? What happens right before you start wishing you could go home? And these may be very difficult things to answer, and that's why it's part of the journey of learning how to navigate these things. But the point is that this is a specific process where we're gathering clues, we're wondering together about what's happening, and we're trying to find words, and we mentor that together. Once we have helped this individual and partnered with them to say, okay, this seems to be the point of most distress or the most struggle that we have, these are the words we're going to used to it. It seems to be linked to this kind of thing. Then we teach and mentor strategizing. Suppose we figured something out, and Alyssa says that after she gets home, when she goes straight outside to swing, she feels much more settled. And the parent thinks, oh, this makes a lot of sense, because either she comes home and she sits on the couch with a blanket over her head and just sits in that quiet dark, or she goes straight outside and swings. And so having this knowledge is a great place to start. Okay, so swinging helps your nervous system regulate and by regulate we mean stay centered, calm, alert, fully present, not overwhelmed. So great, but then we're not finished. Now comes the life skill of how do we translate factual knowledge, about what regulates your nervous system. This is what I know. How do we translate that into doing something that's helpful, into a strategic choice for how we're going to build the day? Perhaps we say, okay, we know that movement helps your nervous system, and obviously, you know, we can't put a backyard swing in the middle of English class, so, let's think about what might give your nervous system some of the same input at school. So now we're strategizing. This is the life skill you want to teach. Not only how do you get through the school day, but how do you approach a challenge like this? Well, you try to pinpoint it and put words around it and hypothesize, and then you try to use the knowledge that you gained you, by translating it into doing something, and that doing needs to be strategic. So we're talking about strategizing. Could the student walk during her break at school? What about taking the stairs? Does that feel restorative? What about 10 minutes in the gym or using resistant bands? What about carrying something heavy to the office? Could they take a scheduled movement break before the period of the day where their capacity tends to drop? If the swings aren't available, is there a rocking chair in the school that they could use, maybe in the counseling office, because rocking gives a bit of the same movement input that swinging does. So it's not necessarily helpful for mom or dad to immediately announce the solution or to take them out of the environment that is challenging. But this process of mentoring how do I strategize ways to be okay in

Dr. Theresa Regan, a neuropsychologist and certified autism specialist, explains school avoidance in autistic students: how everyday school demands can overwhelm the nervous system, common warning signs, and research showing higher rates of problematic non-attendance. The episode offers concise, practical strategies—assess schedule, sensory and social demands; build sustainable schedules with scheduled breaks and recovery time; create meaningful roles and connections at school; reduce overload without removing participation; consider homeschooling when needed; and mentor students toward gradual independence. Dr. Regan Blog entry with research citations Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

Dr. Theresa Regan explores how school transitions and hidden daily demands tax the autistic nervous system, making participation about capacity—not motivation. She explains sensory, social, and organizational challenges that accumulate across the school day and offers a different framework for understanding school avoidance and fatigue. This episode introduces a series on school, college, and adulthood, and includes practical ideas for designing participation, accommodations that protect recovery, and a case story about Alyssa to illustrate why early support and curiosity matter. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

This episode explores how coming home after a trip is its own important transition, especially for neurodiverse households. Dr. Theresa Regan explains how vacations can drain resilience and why the nervous system needs intentional recovery time. Practical ideas include planning quiet re-entry days, using sensory comforts, breaking tasks into smaller steps, and honoring individual ways of refilling energy so everyone can truly feel at home again.   Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

Dr. Theresa Regan explores how families can plan vacations that match each person’s nervous system and energy, focusing on managing transitions, sensory demands, and recovery. She shares practical examples—like choosing trains over airports, assigning roles, and packing regulation tools—and emphasizes choosing manageable challenges that build confidence. The episode offers concrete questions to guide planning (e.g., what parts of the trip demand the most energy, what routines can be preserved, and how much recovery is needed) and reframes successful travel as creating conditions for participation and belonging rather than copying others’ vacations.   Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

Dr. Theresa Regan explores how vacations can serve restoration rather than appearances for neurodiverse households. She urges families to prioritize what fits each person this year—considering sensory needs, energy, and life changes—rather than following traditions or social expectations. Practical ideas include flexible plans, staycations, and making space for different ways of recharging so everyone can return home feeling restored and connected. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

Dr. Theresa Regan explores how conversations move beyond exchanging information to creating connection. Using childhood play as a model, she outlines three core building blocks—making space for the other person, offering something personal, and allowing mutual influence—that help conversations feel satisfying and shared. She explains how these principles apply in adult interactions, links them to theory of mind, and offers three reflective questions to improve everyday conversations and relationships. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

In this episode, Dr. Theresa Regan explores how conversation often serves social and relational purposes beyond sharing facts. She explains the difference between semantic (factual) and episodic (experiential) memory, why personal stories invite connection, and how storytelling can look different across neurotypes. Listeners will learn how to recognize conversational invitations, practice sharing sensory and emotional details, and receive stories with warmth to deepen relationships. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

Neuropsychologist Dr. Theresa Regan explains how everyday questions can be invitations into different conversational roles and why that ambiguity can be confusing. She offers simple strategies: ask to clarify the invitation, give a brief factual or blended response, or decline the invitation. Learning to identify the "why" of conversation helps people make clearer choices and maintain connection in ways that work for them within in neurodiverse relationships. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

Dr. Theresa Regan explains how friendships evolve with brain development and why autistic individuals may struggle when social demands change—especially in middle school and high school—exploring theory of mind, social vs. non-social emotions, and shifting friendship expectations. The episode offers practical guidance on recognizing different friendship styles, reducing blame, and using curiosity and communication to build authentic connections. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

Dr. Theresa Regan explores how play—humor, teasing, shared activities, and quiet companionship—shapes friendships, family life, dating, work, and parenting across adulthood. The episode explains adult play styles, how autistic and non-autistic people may experience play differently, why teasing can hurt or connect, and offers practical questions to improve understanding and closeness. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

In this episode Dr. Theresa Regan explores why connection sometimes feels confusing by distinguishing task-oriented moments (doing and finishing) from social-oriented moments (sharing and bonding). Through relatable examples—a painting day gone sideways and a family seeking emotional presence—she shows how different expectations create everyday misunderstandings. The episode offers a simple takeaway: notice what kind of moment you and the other person want, make intentional choices, and balance needs to reduce confusion and strengthen relationships. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

Neuropsychologist Dr. Theresa Regan explains theory of mind—our ability to recognize that others have different thoughts, feelings, and perspectives—how it develops, and how it varies across neurotypes, including autism. Using examples from childhood, adolescence, and adult life, she shows how perspective-taking influences communication and relationships, and encourages curiosity to bridge misunderstandings and improve connection. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website

Dr. Theresa Regan returns from sabbatical to introduce her new book, "Understanding Communication and Relationships and Autism," and shares how her clinical and personal experiences shaped it. She explains that many relational conflicts come from different nervous systems interpreting the same moment differently, offers real-life examples, and invites listeners to shift from blame to curiosity, revelation, and practical strategies for stronger relationships. Understanding Autism Book Series Autism in the Adult website