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Chyrsalisbreak started out as a blog which I posted on Facebook. It was read by a few hundred people. They told me. You need to release this, in your own voice. So I am.Chrysalisbreak was written because it needed to be. After years of disordered eating where I swung from anorexia to bulimia and all the obsessive states in between, I decided I needed to simply tell the truth about all of it. I was no longer in the extremes of these disorders, but was sinking somewhere in the middle. Where I looked fine on the outside but suffered constantly from what my 'head' said. I was compartmentalized. I thought there were good parts and bad parts of myself. I believed my 'eating disorder' was somehow separate from me. I named her Lydia and I was trying to write her out of my life. I did end up writing things out of my life, however she was not one of them.

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Check latest episodes from Chrysalisbreak podcast

E9 Final Episode

2021/09/09

Introduction by audio engineer, Philip Millerberg about his experience collaborating on Chrysalisbreak, a project which was the catalyst for Own It SLC. This final episode also features my reflections on finishing a body of work which took 7 years to complete. An act of faith in so many ways, Chrysalisbreak was literally true to her title. I have broken out into an entirely new being. For those who are intrigued, Own It SLC is its own podcast and can be found on Spotify, Apple and our website: ownitslc.com

Episode 7

2021/03/25

How long does it take for the truth to settle in? This episode includes 3 unpublished entries. They were scary for me to write and scary to record. Even after I recorded them, I wasn't sure if I would release them. Now, years later, I am not scared.

Episode 4

2020/11/15

It has come to my attention that I talk entirely too much about my nursing breasts. I'm not going to apologize though. In this episode, my breasts are featured in a home-made Slave Leia costume, and an assortment of smallish bras.

Episode 2

2020/10/20

"Stay here and talk art with us Mom. I like it when you do that," Sophie says while painting in the living room. In this episode Pepper goes to the dentist wearing turquoise magic marker, as eye shadow. Kitty dies and we have a funeral. I ride the wave of a purge without purging. There is a story about a little bird called a swift, and some strange dialogue from the movie Girl Interrupted.

Chrysalisbreak Episode 1

2020/10/06

I'm just gonna write in first person here...episode 1 starts with an introduction where I reflect on what I heard while walking and listening to it one sunny morning. This writing is now 8 years old, and I want to share with you what it means to me now. I also introduce some of the characters in Chrysalisbreak. This story is both linear and interior. It is the back and forth of my domestic life with a husband and 3 kids, whom you will meet, and the inner voices. Among the loudest and nastiest, is the voice of Lydia.

Chrysalisbreak Teaser

2020/09/28

Chyrsalisbreak started out as a blog which I posted on Facebook. It was read by a few hundred people. They told me. You need to release this, in your own voice. So I am. Chrysalisbreak was written because it needed to be. After years of disordered eating where I swung from anorexia to bulimia and all the obsessive states in between, I decided I needed to simply tell the truth about all of it. I was no longer in the extremes of these disorders, but was sinking somewhere in the middle. Where I looked fine on the outside but suffered constantly from what my 'head' said. I was compartmentalized. I thought there were good parts and bad parts of myself. I believed my 'eating disorder' was somehow separate from me. I named her Lydia and I was trying to write her out of my life. I did end up writing things out of my life, however she was not one of them.

Episode 8

2021/07/28

A breakthrough from the imposter to the actual artist, and a prayer to the practice of writing. What happens when I eat Pringles for breakfast and find myself in the eerie desert of the absence of fear?

Episode 6

2021/01/05

If I have no dreams, no soul, how can I raise children who matter? The real question is, how can I raise children who matter to themselves? What does the word career really mean. I actually looked it up, here is the definition. I continue to learn about the adaptability of kids and dreams.

Episode 5

2020/11/25

Pepper teaches me about prayer, how to look out wide and bless all the horses. I have a dear friend. She is a fellow writer. From time to time we say to each other, ‘I’m still running parallel with you.’ Two horses. Necks straining. Into the wind. Also in this episode, Beckam stops nursing and I meet a new body.

Episode 3

2020/11/03

In order to remain clean and clear a lake must have inflow and outflow. Episode 3 elaborates on this meditation. It describes a binge, and a vital shifting of the way I pray. It is about skipping rocks, watching sunsets, rock climbing and my jump from the Corona Arch-swing in Moab