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Where is your rage? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

Someone warned me not to write about Body Keeps the Score. So I wrote about Jung and white supremacy instead. Maybe next time I'll write about Bessel. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

When will you be against it? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

a s****y meditation This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

What fictions do we need to tell ourselves in order to stay asleep? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

on clarity This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

on the architecture of domination This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

Mum's squirts. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

Some people want to use you, Others want to be used by you. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

I had a double-shot macchiato this morning. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

Letter to my unborn. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

What if whiteness isn’t something possessed, but something performed—an anxious choreography of refusal, projection, and idealization? What if its power lies not in strength, but in its compulsive need to survive critique, to erase debt, to never owe? This essay does not ask whether whiteness is real—it asks how it defends itself, and what that defense costs everyone else. Beneath its smooth gestures of tolerance and knowledge lies something more brittle, more volatile: a structure that cannot bear asymmetry, and will do anything to avoid gratitude. What happens when we name that structure—not as identity, but as symptom? What opens when we read whiteness not morally, but psychoanalytically—not to accuse, but to unmask? You may feel disoriented. That’s the point. Keep going. The rupture is the threshold. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

moving through the quiet rituals of hospital life—moisturizing mama's skin, watching my baba massage through pain, painfully. wrestling with memory, detachment, and the strange intimacy of care. a meditation on love, loss, and time in transit. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

Attachment Theory is no longer just a theory—it’s an economy. A brand. A currency. And like any economy, it thrives on belief. On confidence. On your continued sense of lack. Because the moment you heal, the market collapses. Security isn’t the goal. It’s the product. The metric of compliance. An emotional credit score. And like all systems of control—capitalism, empire, white supremacy—it thrives by convincing you that the problem is you. That the work is yours alone to do. That before you can challenge the world, you must first make yourself whole. But what if the sickness was never yours to begin with? What if the sickness is the system? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe

A sharp intake of breath. A pause, imperceptible but charged. The illusion of neutrality fractures, and something unseen is forced into view. A skull measured, a law passed, a room recalibrated. Racism is always someone else’s problem—until it isn’t. Until it is measured, but only on terms that absolve. Until it moves, shifting probability, collapsing into sight at the moment of impact. What if racism is not a question of guilt, but of wavefunctions? What if it is not a moral stain, but a quantum haze? What happens when we stop asking if it exists and start asking where it will move next? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ayoto.substack.com/subscribe