Advertise on podcast: This Week in the Ancient Near East

In the late Middle Kingdom the daughters of King Hor were working out and getting buff. But were they kicking butts as warriors on the front line? Or maybe they were dad’s special hit squad? Either way they were a strong argument against consanguine marriage. With a shoutout to Cagney and Lacey!

The discovery of two big ritual bath complexes in Jerusalem right next to the Temple Mount has us asking questions. Where’s all the water coming from? Were there signs showing pilgrims where to line up? And who had the towel concession? With memories of immersions sacred and profane from yours truly!

The discovery in Iron Age Jerusalem of a mold for the heads of voluptuous Judean Pillar Figurines has us wondering, like, hello, idolatry? After all there are hundreds of these things. Or with a figure like that, is something else going on? Also, who does her hair? Wait, she has hair?    Hey, want to learn more? Check out this cool exhibit of JPFs!  https://laurmcco.github.io/judeanpillarfigurineexhibit/

A new excavation in northern Iraq at a site with the terrific name of Kurd Qaburstan has revealed evidence of siege warfare. But we sort of knew this already from the stele of King Dadusha of Eshnunna who said that he had conquered the site. In ten days. As always the destruction itself, bad for the locals, good for the archaeologists. But how big was it, really? Maybe the ten days thing wasn’t just Dadusha doing a bit.  With special shout outs to Steven Spielberg and a man called Creekmore!

A low budget art film recently came and went from the theaters. You may have heard of it, The Odyssey? What’s all the fuss about? Is it a deep if selective exploration of Homer’s difficult to understand text or a 21st century sword and sandals epic? Not surprisingly, our contestants disagree, this time in rather epic fashion.

A Roman mummy from the fabulously named site of Oxyrhynchus in Egypt has tested positive for the Iliad. But why put a snippet of Homer’s tale on a mummy, especially a fairly dull list of ships and places? Maybe it was to audition for a Christopher Nolan movie?

Iron Age Hazor sat in the middle of a complicated geo-political situation: Aram-Damascus to the north, the Phoenicians to the northwest, and Israel to the south. This made no difference to cows, who were taken to graze all over regardless of what the map said. Of course, they couldn’t read maps. Except maybe cow 5754. Suspicious. With a host of bovine reminiscences from your hosts!

The Assyrian king Sennacherib’s throne room depicted gruesome scenes of warfare and visitors got the message that he was not to be defied. But now it seems that at the end of all the scenes of siege, torture and exile, there’s Judean king Hezekiah, standing alone. So what’s the real message? You don’t want to be the star of an Assyrian relief.

New photographic techniques have shown that that walls in Pompeii were covered with graffiti, including pictures of gladiator fights, lewd poetry, and inscriptions in non-local languages like Safaitic. So sort of like New York City subways in the 1970s. Who says the past doesn’t repeat itself?

A new study suggests that Iron Age Judean grandparents lived on the ground floor. Sure, it’s not like they were going up and down the ladder to the roof. But did they get their own suites and hey hey stop that, that’s a cooking pot!

The discovery of an elephant bone in third century BCE Spain has us asking questions. Was the circus in town or was it a war elephant, like one of those Hannibal used to climb the Alps? But where did it come from and how did Carthaginians learn to drive them? After all, the trunk is in the front.

New research suggests that the painted designs on prehistoric Halafian pottery represent mathematical reasoning. If you count all the leaves and bushes, this tracks. What kind of crazy people count the leaves and bushes? Archaeologists, that’s who.

Did Mamluks mill sugar in the Beth Shean Valley of Israel using water powered mills? Do elites own industries creating tasty and addictive foodstuffs and foist the products on the unsuspecting? Talk about a sugar rush!

The discovery of opium residues in an Egyptian alabaster jar with the Achaemenid king Xerxes’ name on it has us wondering. How stoned were they in the past? Was that why the jar ended up at Yale? Talk about a legacy admission!

The lagoon off Tel Dor is filled with shipwrecks and wouldn’t you know it, new excavations have turned up three from the Iron Age. Our contestants talk about the finds, changing patterns of Mediterranean trade, and the problem of getting insurance. Iron Age maritime economies? Learn to swim.