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Most of us want to be loved, and most of us quietly suspect that if people really knew us, they wouldn't. In this episode, the third of four continuing Chapter 6 of Curt Thompson's The Soul of Shame, we can look at why the parts of us we hide most are the parts that most need to be known, why being loved without being known never quite satisfies, and what it means for someone to stay. I'll use research on perceived responsiveness, secret-keeping, attachment, and emotionally focused couples therapy, and I'll leave you with a practice this week for letting one small, true thing be seen by someone you trust.

I say in the podcast that this is episode 299 - it's not; it's episode 300. When someone we love goes quiet, hides, or pulls away, most of us do one of two things. We try to fix it, or we confront it. In this episode, the second of maybe four continuing Chapter 6 of Curt Thompson's The Soul of Shame, I look at a third option he finds in the oldest hide-and-seek story we have: a question instead of a verdict. I'll talk about why the search for someone who is hiding so often backfires, what research on rupture and repair says about getting it right, why exposure is genuinely risky and how to be wise about it, and a simple practice for checking in on someone who has gone quiet, including yourself.

This podcast is a conversation at the dinner table with my kids, spouses, and friends. It's unpolished and, depending on how the Riverside Podcast Platform mutes background noise, could be very noisy. I hope you enjoy it. If you have questions or ideas to continue this podcast, feel free to leave them in the comments on Spotify, or email them to: [email protected]

We tend to treat feeling vulnerable as a sign that something has gone wrong. In this episode, the first of a few more from Chapter 6 of Curt Thompson's The Soul of Shame, let's look at the opposite idea: that vulnerability isn't a flaw in the design, it's part of the design. I'll walk through what research on human evolution, the brain, and creative teams says about why we were never built to go it alone, why creating anything at all requires exposure, and how Thompson reads the oldest creation story as saying the same thing. You'll leave with a simple weeklong practice for sorting your moments of exposure into "something's wrong with me" and "I'm just human."

Join me this week for a gentle meditation to support all the parents, grandparents, and caregivers out there. Give yourself 25 minutes and a little love - because taking care of others is hard, and you are crushing it. Reach out if you want to know more about the January parenting group.

Join me this week as we continue the discussion about shame. In this episode, I'll talk about why shame doesn't get better by staying hidden — it gets worse. I'm covering Chapter 6 of Curt Thompson's The Soul of Shame, where he says the fix for shame is vulnerability. I'll explain what that actually means, and why hiding a hard feeling doesn't make it go away. We will also talk about why being really good at things can secretly be a way of hiding, why your body reacts to being truly seen almost like it's in danger, and why letting yourself be known is both scary and one of the best things you can do for yourself. There is something for everyone in this little ditty. Thanks for joining me.

We are about halfway through the parenting group, Raising Connected Kids, and I thought I'd provide an update. It's going well. I will offer it again in January. As a reminder, you don't have to be local because there is a Zoom option. I've still got other topics to cover, and I haven't forgotten them, so stay tuned.

This is part 2 of the discussion on shame in our faith communities. In this episode, I discuss the healing part: community, confession, forgiveness, prayer, and meditation practices all work to heal shame that may have come to you through your faith tradition. Faith traditions can hurt and heal. This podcast is a good resource for understanding this idea.

This is part 1 of 2, and this week I talk about how faith can be one of the places shame hides deepest — and one of the places it heals most completely. In this episode, I'm looking honestly at how religious teaching can sometimes turn "I made a mistake" into "I am fundamentally broken," and how the same traditions that can wound us also carry some of the oldest tools we have for healing shame: grace, confession, forgiveness, prayer, and contemplative practice. Whether you hold a strong faith, a complicated one, or none at all, this episode connects those old practices to the same research we've been talking about.

Let's meditate. This is not a meditation about NPD. It is a practice about the ordinary, everyday ways that all of us protect our vulnerable places with something hard. So, let's get curious about the armor.

Welcome back to In Sanity: A Piece of Mind. Last episode, I talked about the gap between who someone is and who they need to believe they are, and how narcissism is really a wall built around that gap, not an excess of self-love. In this episode, we will start there. Today I'm going deeper into what the actual clinical picture of NPD looks like, what the research says about shame specifically inside that diagnosis, where it actually comes from developmentally, and how you protect yourself from narcissistic behavior without needing to dehumanize the person behind it. My hope is you leave this episode able to hold empathy and a boundary at the same time. **This podcast does not address physical abuse in any way. If you are in a relationship where there is abuse, please seek professional help**

Welcome back to In Sanity: A Piece of Mind. I this episode, going to talk about shame and the narcissist. Most of us picture someone loud — bragging, taking over every conversation, never admitting they're wrong. But narcissism isn't loving yourself too much. It's the opposite. It's what a person builds when they can't stand to look at the real, ordinary version of themselves. Narcissism is the cope used when someone can't tolerate the gap between their real, ordinary, flawed self, and the fantasy self they have created, and need to believe is real. We will discuss two types of narcissism and how they operate from the same egocentric premise. Join me this week, take a good hard look at yourself, and see if you can't diagnose a bit of narcissism in your own life.

A little break from shame this week. I have started my own business and would like to share the new brand, and tell you about some new groups and services I will be providing. Beginning on September 1, 2026, I will be offering a parenting group. This week's podcast discusses the specific things that you will learn in each of the six weeks, and why it matters. Check out the link below to see the flyer, and use the QR code or the register link to claim your seat. After registration, you will hear from me with further details. Mental Refinery Therapy and Coaching Raising Connected Kids, Toddler through Teen

***UPDATED TO INCLUDE PARENTING GROUP INFORMATION*** ***UPDATED AGAIN**** The link at the bottom of the description now works and takes you to the current version of my website. Additionally, you can find the website directly by clicking on this link: mentalrefinery At the end of this week's podcast, I announce a parenting group that I am running beginning September 1st. It will run Tuesdays from 7:00 - 8:30 for 6 weeks. Registration deadline is August 25. For my details check out the flyer linked below. ___________________ This is a great episode. I answer a couple more listener questions, and then have a fun, interesting conversation about shame with my daughters. The intention was to work through some examples of shame behaviors; which they did, and so much more. In this episode you will see real vulnerability, accountability and nuance as we discuss shame and how it has affected our lives. Raising Connected Kids, Toddler Through TeenA 6-week parenting group with Stephanie Snuffer, M.Ed, CMHC Dates: Tuesdays, 6 weeks, starting September 1Time: 7:00 – 8:30 PMFormat: In-person or Zoom — 10 in-person seats, 6 virtual seatsLocation: Mental Refinery, 11075 S. State St., Bldg. 25, Sandy, UT 84070For: Parents of kids toddler through age 18 (beginner-friendly) Cost: $675/person or $900/couple — due in full at registrationRegistration deadline: August 25 Weekly topics: Foundations & ValuesAttachmentBehavior & Nervous SystemBoundariesInner Child WorkRepair & IntegrationContact: (801) 692-3391 · [email protected] · thementalrefinery.com Raising Connected Kids Parenting Group

Welcome back to In Sanity: A Piece of Mind. In this episode, I'm responding to more of your questions and feedback from recent episodes, because these questions and comments are worth discussing together. Then I'm digging deeper into shame itself and discussing a few old things and a few new things. Healthy shame is the kind that keeps you aligned with your own values — it's a signal, not a verdict. Unhealthy shame is the kind that convinces you something is wrong with who you are, not just what you did. I'll walk through how that shows up in daily life and in parenting, and how to start noticing your own personal triggers before they run the show. I'll also talk about why self-kindness matters so much here — treating yourself the way you'd treat a good friend, not the way your inner critic wants to. I'm drawing on Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion and common humanity, plus what we know about the neuroscience of change: how repeated, mindful practice actually builds new neural pathways over time. My hope is you walk away with something practical — a way to catch shame in the moment and respond to it differently. [email protected] Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion — https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-The-Proven-Powerful-Happiness/dp/0143120359Kristin Neff, Mindful Self-Compassion — https://self-compassion.org/