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After betrayal, one of the questions we hear most often is, "How do I convince my spouse that I'll never do it again?" We understand that question because we've been there. But here's the hard truth. You can't convince your spouse to trust you again just because you say the right things or make the right promises. Rebuilding trust takes time, consistency, honesty, and a willingness to take full responsibility for the hurt you've caused. In this episode, we're sharing what we learned through our own journey of rebuilding trust after infidelity. We'll talk about why defensiveness and excuses only make things worse, why you can't rush your spouse's healing, and what it really looks like to begin earning back trust that's been broken. If you're struggling to rebuild trust in your marriage, we hope this conversation encourages you and reminds you that while trust can't be demanded, it can be rebuilt. CONNECT WITH THE REDEEMED MARRIAGE Visit our website to learn more about our marriage coaching, mentoring community, marriage intensives, and other resources to help you build a stronger marriage. Website: https://www.theredeemedmarriage.com WATCH US ON YOUTUBE Watch the video version of this episode and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more conversations about marriage, healing, and redemption. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theredeemedmarriage

What happens when you're committed to your marriage, but you just don't feel that attraction anymore? Maybe you've been hurt by betrayal. Maybe you've slowly drifted apart over the years. Or maybe life has just changed, and the feelings you once had seem to be gone. In this episode, we're talking about something that a lot of couples struggle with but don't always want to admit. What do you do when the spark is gone? Can those feelings actually come back? We talk about why love is so much more than a feeling and how spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy all work together in a healthy marriage. We also share why rebuilding attraction doesn't usually start in the bedroom. It starts with the heart. If you're in a season where you feel disconnected from your spouse, we want to encourage you. Just because you don't feel the way you once did doesn't mean those feelings can't return. There is hope, but rebuilding that connection takes time, intentionality, and a willingness to love even when the feelings aren't there. CONNECT WITH THE REDEEMED MARRIAGE We believe there is hope for every marriage, and we'd love to help you take the next step! Need help with your marriage? We offer marriage coaching, a mentoring community, and marriage intensives for couples who are ready to work toward healing and restoration. Learn more about our ministry and available resources: https://www.theredeemedmarriage.com Watch us on YouTube! You can watch the video version of our podcast and find more encouragement for your marriage. We'd love for you to subscribe! https://www.youtube.com/@theredeemedmarriage If this episode encouraged you, we'd love for you to share it with someone who might need a little hope today. And don't forget to follow the podcast so you never miss an episode!

This week, we're talking about one of the most difficult parts of healing after betrayal: learning to forgive yourself. A question we recently received from a listener reminded us just how many people struggle with the guilt and shame of their past decisions. We know firsthand how easy it is to get stuck in the mistakes of our past and allow guilt and shame to keep us from moving forward. But how do we begin to forgive ourselves when we can't change what we've done? In this episode, we share from our own experiences, talk about how the enemy uses guilt and shame to keep us stuck, and discuss what it looks like to accept God's grace and begin walking in the freedom He offers. If you're struggling to forgive yourself, we hope this conversation reminds you that your past doesn't have to define your future and that God's grace is bigger than your greatest mistake. Visit The Redeemed Marriage website Watch and subscribe on YouTube

We’re back from an incredible week in Montana where we had the opportunity to spend time with four couples at our Redeemed Marriage retreat. And once again, we were reminded of something we see all the time in marriage: so many couples are struggling with things they believe no one else would understand. It’s easy to look around and assume everyone else is doing better than you are. So we keep things hidden. We put on a good face, protect our reputation, and convince ourselves that no one needs to know what is really happening behind closed doors. But the longer we hide, the more isolated we become. In this episode, we talk about the loneliness that can exist inside a marriage and why healing often requires letting other people in. You don’t have to tell everyone everything, but you do need safe people who know the real story. Because one of the most freeing things you can discover in a difficult season of marriage is that you’re not the only one. Visit The Redeemed Marriage website Subscribe to our YouTube channel

We’re back with Part 2 of our 30 Years, 30 Lessons series, sharing more of the things three decades of marriage have taught us along the way. Just like last week, these aren’t perfectly packaged marriage principles. They’re lessons we’ve learned by actually living them, and some of them we definitely learned the hard way. We talk about admitting when you’re wrong, why adding “but” to an apology usually ruins it, learning to respect your spouse’s feelings even when you don’t understand them, and what resentment and keeping score can slowly do to a marriage. We also get into some of the deeper lessons our own story has taught us about boundaries, forgiveness, rebuilding trust, communication, and walking through the different seasons of marriage together. Thirty years hasn’t taught us how to have a perfect marriage. But it has taught us a lot about grace, growth, choosing each other, and continuing to show up even when marriage gets hard. Visit The Redeemed Marriage website Subscribe to our YouTube channel

After 30 years of marriage, we’ve learned a few things along the way—some the easy way and plenty the hard way. In this first episode of a two-part series, we’re sharing 30 lessons from our 30 years of marriage. We talk about expectations, why keeping score never works, learning to accept the ways your spouse is different from you, the importance of our words and affection, and why being right isn’t nearly as important as we sometimes think it is. These aren’t lessons we learned from a marriage book or a class. They’ve come from actually living life together for three decades—the good seasons, the hard seasons, the mistakes, the laughter, and everything in between. We definitely don’t have marriage figured out, but after 30 years, there are some things we know now that we wish we had understood a whole lot earlier. This is Part 1 of 30 Years, 30 Lessons. Visit our website: https://www.theredeemedmarriage.com/ Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@theredeemedmarriage

How long should you keep talking about a betrayal after it’s over? At some point, are you supposed to stop bringing it up and move on? In this episode, we talk about something we’re still learning 15 years into our own story. For the betrayed spouse, the memories and pain of betrayal don’t just disappear. Sometimes talking about it isn’t about trying to punish your spouse or make them fix something. It’s simply wanting reassurance that they haven’t forgotten what you went through and that they still understand why certain things hurt. But there’s another side to the conversation too. The spouse who was unfaithful may not think about the affair nearly as often, and when they do, what surfaces may be shame, guilt, and regret. Those feelings matter too, even though they can sometimes feel difficult or even unfair to talk about. We share some of what we’ve learned from our own marriage and the conversations we continue to have about betrayal, reassurance, shame, vulnerability, and healing. Maybe the goal isn’t to finally reach a point where you never talk about the affair again. Maybe the goal is learning how to talk about it in a way that brings you closer instead of keeping you stuck. Learn more about The Redeemed Marriage at https://www.theredeemedmarriage.com And be sure to visit our YouTube channel to watch our latest videos https://www.youtube.com/@TheRedeemedMarriage

College football is back—and if you know us, you know that’s a pretty big deal in our house! But what happens when the thing you love isn’t something your spouse cares about at all? This week, we’re talking about how to handle different interests in marriage. Whether it’s football, hunting, golf, shopping, TV shows, travel, or something else, we don’t have to love all the same things to have a great marriage. But we do believe there’s something powerful about taking an interest in what makes your spouse light up. We share a little about how we’ve learned this in our own marriage, what we’re discovering now that we’re empty nesters, and why giving each other freedom to enjoy separate interests is just as important as finding things we genuinely enjoy together. We also talk about compromise, avoiding resentment, and why friendship really does matter so much in a healthy marriage. And yes, there’s plenty of football talk along the way—including what our new daughter-in-law has taught us about loving what somebody else loves simply because you love them. You don’t have to share every hobby. You don’t have to spend every free minute together. But you can choose to step into your spouse’s world—and sometimes that small step can make a much bigger difference than you realize. Learn more about The Redeemed Marriage at https://www.theredeemedmarriage.com And be sure to visit our YouTube channel to watch our latest videos—including our Coach’s Film Room football parody about getting your marriage ready for game day: https://www.youtube.com/@TheRedeemedMarriage

There are three dates we talk about often in our story: August 23, when Heather confessed. August 26, when everything became public. And September 2, when something finally changed inside of her. In this episode, we talk about those ten days between confession and what we now recognize as true brokenness. What does it actually mean to be broken over your sin? How is that different from being sorry, ashamed, or simply wanting the consequences to go away? And what finally changed for Heather when she stopped trying to control the outcome and completely surrendered to God? We also talk about Rusty’s role during those early days and why encouragement matters when you begin to see real change in your spouse. Restoration didn’t happen for us in ten days, and it certainly didn’t happen overnight. What began during those ten days has become a 15-year journey of surrender, obedience, healing, and God continuing to change both of us. If you’re praying for your spouse to change—or you’re the one desperately wanting to change but wondering why you keep falling back into the same patterns—we hope our story reminds you that real transformation is possible. God is still in the business of redeeming broken things. Visit The Redeemed Marriage website Subscribe to our YouTube channel

August 23, 2011, is a date we will never forget. It was the night Heather confessed her affair, and in a matter of moments, everything about our marriage and our future seemed to change. For years afterward, August 23 carried a weight of its own. As the date approached, the memories would come back: the conversation, the shock, the pain, and the days that followed. But today, 15 years later, August 23 doesn't feel the same. In this episode, we talk honestly about what those early anniversaries were like, how we learned to communicate about the emotions surrounding this date, and why we eventually decided we weren't going to allow one painful day on the calendar to continue having power over our marriage. We can't change what happened on August 23, 2011. But God has completely changed what that date means to us. What was once a reminder of betrayal has become a reminder of redemption. What once represented everything that was broken now reminds us of everything God has restored. If you have a date on the calendar that still carries pain—a discovery day, a confession, an anniversary, or simply a day you wish you could forget—we hope our story reminds you that the way that date feels today doesn't have to be the way it feels forever. Healing is possible. Redemption is possible. And the darkest chapter of your story does not have to be the final one. Subscribe to our YouTube channel Visit our website

As we get closer to the 15th anniversary of Heather’s confession, we’ve been thinking about a question we’re not sure we’ve ever really talked about before: What would our marriage look like today if the affair had never happened? It’s a strange question, because obviously we would never wish for the pain, betrayal, and brokenness that came with that season. But we also know what God has done in our marriage through it. We honestly believe we would probably still be married today. We were both committed to marriage and probably would have stayed together no matter what. But we’re not sure we would have been happy. We may have spent the rest of our lives being good roommates, raising our kids, going to church, doing all the right things on the outside, while never really dealing with what was happening underneath the surface. The affair forced everything into the light. In this episode, we talk about some of the things we can see now that we couldn’t see then. Heather shares how much of her focus in marriage had become about what Rusty could do for her and how God began teaching her to serve differently. Rusty talks about realizing that even some of the “good husband” things he was doing were tied to insecurity and wanting affirmation. Now, 15 years later and entering the empty-nest years, one of the things we’re most grateful for is pretty simple: we genuinely like being together. We hate what happened after 15 years of marriage. But we’re incredibly grateful that God didn’t waste it. He used the hardest season of our lives to expose what was broken, strip away the masks, and teach us what it looks like to actually know…and be known by…each other. If your marriage looks fine on the outside but you know there’s distance underneath, we hope this conversation challenges you not to wait for a crisis before you go deeper. Visit our website Subscribe to our YouTube channel

Can You Affair-Proof Your Marriage? Is it actually possible to affair-proof your marriage? We know better than most that no marriage is completely immune to temptation or failure. After all, Adam and Eve lived in a perfect world and still found a way to mess things up. But we also believe there are things we can do to protect our marriages and make it much harder for the enemy to gain a foothold. In this episode, we talk about some of the things we believe matter most, beginning with our individual relationships with the Lord. Heather shares honestly about what happened in her own life before the affair and how it wasn't one huge decision that suddenly took her somewhere she never expected to go. It was a series of small compromises. Little decisions that didn't seem "that bad." Moments when she heard the Holy Spirit prompting her and chose not to listen. Over time, those small compromises became much bigger ones. We also talk about why we believe so strongly in boundaries, including some that other people may think are extreme. For us, boundaries aren't about living scared that something might happen. They're about protecting something that is incredibly valuable to us. And protecting your marriage is about more than avoiding an affair. We talk about communication, serving one another, physical intimacy, and continuing to build the kind of connection that makes your marriage healthy and strong. We can't promise that following a list of rules will guarantee that your marriage will never experience betrayal. But we do believe there are things you can intentionally do to guard your heart, protect your marriage, and build the kind of relationship you both want. We learned some of these lessons the hard way. Our hope is that maybe you won't have to. Visit The Redeemed Marriage: https://www.theredeemedmarriage.com Watch The Redeemed Marriage on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheRedeemedMarriage

This week we're sharing one of the most meaningful nights of our lives. As we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary, we got a surprise when we walked into a room filled with the people God has used to help write our story. Some were there on our wedding day. Others came into our lives after Heather's affair fifteen years ago. All of them have played a part in reminding us that redemption was never something we were meant to walk through alone. During the evening, we shared a comment someone recently left on our YouTube channel: “Not all heroes wear capes.” That simple sentence perfectly captured how we feel about the people in that room. They prayed for us. They challenged us. They encouraged us. They stayed when our marriage was messy. They became the hands and feet of Jesus during one of the hardest seasons of our lives.  Others in the room only know us as a redeemed couple, but they encourage us and our ministry daily. A few of them were even there because we have journeyed with them through their own marriage redemption story. In this episode, we reflect on that unforgettable night, the incredible gift of community, and why every couple needs people who are willing to stand with them through both the celebrations and the struggles. Looking around that room, we couldn't help but realize that our anniversary wasn't just a celebration of thirty years of marriage. It was a celebration of God's faithfulness—and of the heroes He placed along the way. Visit our website Watch on YouTube

This week marks our 30th wedding anniversary, and as we look back, we realize something that still amazes us: we've now spent exactly half of our marriage before Heather's confession…and half of it after. In this episode, we reflect on those two very different seasons of our marriage and why the last 15 years have been so different from the first. We talk about how our relationship changed when we stopped expecting each other to be the source of our happiness and learned to find our identity and security in Christ instead. We also share what we wish we could go back and tell ourselves during those dark days in the summer of 2011, when we had no idea what was about to happen. If you're walking through a difficult season in your own marriage, our hope is that this conversation reminds you that your story isn't finished. We're incredibly grateful we chose to fight for our marriage, and we're thankful for the life God has built over these last 30 years—one that neither of us could have imagined back then. Visit The Redeemed Marriage website Subscribe to The Redeemed Marriage YouTube channel

Last week we began a conversation about restoring intimacy after betrayal. This week we're taking it a step further by talking about one of the hardest parts of healing: the mental images, triggers, and memories that can make the marriage bed feel anything but safe. We know this struggle because we've lived it. In this episode, we share what helped us navigate those difficult moments, why the betrayed spouse has to set the pace, and how the unfaithful spouse can respond with patience, humility, and compassion instead of pressure or frustration. We also talk about the hope we've found through Christ. The enemy would love nothing more than to convince you that this part of your marriage can never be restored. We don't believe that's true. Healing takes time, and every couple's journey is different, but we believe God can redeem every part of your marriage, including your intimacy. If you've ever wondered whether the marriage bed can truly be restored after betrayal, we hope this conversation gives you hope and practical encouragement for the road ahead. Visit The Redeemed Marriage website Subscribe to our YouTube channel