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Marriage coach Monica Tanner joins Ali to challenge the unwritten rulebook most of us absorbed about relationships without ever questioning it. Monica, the author of Bad Marriage Advice, breaks down why a lot of the advice well-meaning people pass down is not just unhelpful but actively working against us. The conversation covers why "never go to bed angry" is a recipe for sleep deprivation, what it actually means to teach your partner how to treat you, and why compromise is not always the goal. Ali also shares her own examples from her relationship with Skyline. In Updates, Ali reflects on her ongoing curly hair journey and an unexpected emotional realization it triggered, shares a story about a college situationship she had completely forgotten about, and celebrates two years with Skyline, including a special anniversary dinner. This week's Media Mention is "4 Styles of Cleaners" by Amanda Dodson (@nestingyourlife on TikTok), a framework for understanding where you and your partner fall on the tidy/cluttered and sanitized/natural spectrums, and why it matters more than you think for cohabitation. Where to find Monica: On Instagram @monitalksmarriage and at www.monicatanner.com. Grab Monica's book "Bad Marriage Advice: ​Debunking Myths That Will Make You Miserable and What To Do Instead" here: https://www.badmarriageadvice.com/get-the-book Timestamps: Monica joins us at around minute 29. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else, as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more, join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight. Thanks to this week’s partners: Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Amy Chan returns to the pod for an in-person recording with Ali, a conversation spurned from her own deep attachment work. The two chat about Amy’s new book Unsingle, where she leverages her personal experiences to help you identify your recurring patterns in relationships. The two get into why you keep choosing the same person in a different body (and how to actually change that), the mechanics of dating from first swipe to long-term commitment, and what healthy interdependence looks like. In Updates, Ali shares a packed couple of weeks including a Broadway show, an intentionally unplanned weekend with Skyline, and a healing curly hair journey that’s going swimmingly. This week's Media Mention is: "Portfolio Careers Are Meant for Generalists" from On Work by Shaina Anderson (Substack), shared by past guest Miriam Tinney on Instagram. Where to find Amy: On Instagram @missamychan, on TikTok @missamychan, at www.missamychan.com. Pre-Order Amy's book "Unsingle How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Lasts" Here: https://missamychan.com/unsingle/ Timestamps: Amy joins us at around minute 24. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This week, Ali sits down with Julia, a listener who shares her experience discovering that vaginal sex just doesn't work for her body. She walks through how that shaped her early dating experiences, including a two-and-a-half year situationship, and what it was like to tell her current partner. They get into why penetration isn't the gold standard of sex, how societal expectations create feelings of unworthiness, and what it looks like to build a full and satisfying sex life on your own terms. In Updates, Ali shares about her birthday week, including her first dry curly cut, a birthday party, and her mom being in town for all of it. This week's Media Mention is allll about the Summer House drama that’s unfolded over the last week, and specifically the racial dimension of the situation and what it reflects about the experience of dating as a Black woman. Vote on our 2027 FMH Travel destinations at https://tinyurl.com/fmh2027trips Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Relationship coach and author Meg Tuohey joins Ali to introduce her concept of the HeartPrint, the idea that each of us is as unique as our fingerprints in how we move through the world and relate to others. Meg breaks down why frameworks like attachment styles and love languages, while helpful, can only take us so far, and how real self-knowledge requires a deeper, more individualized kind of attunement. The conversation covers why we're drawn to familiar patterns in dating even when they don't serve us, what it actually looks like to move from awareness to change, and how the walls we've built to protect ourselves can be honored without letting them define our future. In Updates, Ali reflects on a birthday week that started with grief and ended with omakase, and shares what she's been sitting with as she turns 39. This week's Media Mention is The Love Drive podcast, hosted by friend of the pod Shaun Galanos, specifically his March 17th solo episode, "When Shit Hits the Fan." Trigger warning: Ali shares a personal experience with sexual assault at 49:00 - 55:00. Where to find Meg: On Instagram @megtuoheyofficial, on TikTok @megtuoheyofficial, at www.megantuohey.com and on her podcast Wisdom Stripes. Grab Meg's book "HeartPrint: Unlock the Wisdom of You Here: https://megantuohey.com/megan-book-heart-print/ Timestamps: Meg joins us at around minute 14. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Returning guest and Ali’s good friend Darcy is back on the pod, and they’re diving straight into the New York Times' crowdsourced list of 35 dating rules. Some of them? Genuinely solid. Some of them? Completely unhinged. And several of them directly contradict each other, which is so indicative of modern dating. Topics include how people treat servers, outsourcing your nervous system to a partner, paying on dates, the pacing of physical intimacy, whether you actually need to like someone's friends, and a $75 first-date filet mignon story. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali sits down with Ilana Dunn, host of Seeing Other People, for a conversation about the dating advice they both either ignored in the past or wish they’d taken sooner. They dig into the patterns that kept them stuck longer than necessary: from ignoring gut feelings and making excuses for bad behavior, to chasing potential over reality and performing chill they never actually felt. Listener submissions are woven throughout, and the conversation gets personal fast: secret relationships, toxic situationships, unreliable narrators, and the moment things finally felt different with the right person. In Updates, Ali reflects on a last-minute girls trip to Miami and shares a media mention - "The Friend Group Fallacy" from The Atlantic - written for anyone who has ever felt left out for not having a tight-knit crew of adult friends. Article linked here Where to find Ilana: On Instagram @seeingotherpeople, on TikTok @ilana.dunn, and on her podcast Seeing Other People. Timestamps: Ilana joins us at around minute 24. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We’ve got some amazing listener questions this week, and the thread running through all of them is a concept introduced in this week's Media Mention: high involvement, low attachment, inspired by a TikTok from @mother.of.a.dilemma. From there, she answers three listener questions: one from a man who freezes before sending a first message, one from a woman who only swipes right when she already knows what to say, and one from a listener who is spiraling after learning a recent date is now dating someone who looks like his ex. Ali also tackles a question from a listener in therapy who can see her people-pleasing patterns clearly but can't stop them in the moment yet. In Updates, Ali recaps the FMH five-year anniversary party (including some unexpected social anxiety), a secret date night at Chateau Royale and underground jazz club Smalls, and a truly small-world moment at a couples happy hour. Media Mention: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8QcdfWg/ Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

TW: This episode includes discussion of grief, loss, and suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. You can call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — they're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and it's free and confidential. This week, Ali is joined by a listener who opens up about grieving the loss of a partner and navigating life (and dating) while healing from deep trauma. She shares what helped her through the hardest years, how healing unfolded in non-linear ways, and what it’s been like to build a full life on the other side of grief. They explore what it really means to seek connection while carrying grief, the tension between moving forward and honoring loss, and how dating can feel especially complicated after partner loss. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Matchmaker Jackie Dorman joins Ali to break down the latest season of Love Is Blind through the lens of someone who has helped over 1,600 people get engaged or married. They dig into why the pod format rewards anxious attachment, what emotional over-functioning really looks like on screen, and how to tell the difference between genuine chemistry and chaos. Plus, couple-by-couple predictions on who actually makes it to the altar! In Updates, Ali had some very exciting shopping adventures with Skyline plus a fun triple date. And, we hear from Katy & Tony for one last Dating Diaries update with some serendipitous timing. This week’s Media Mention (aside from Love is Blind!) is a Youtube video on Patriarchal Bargaining by the Gender Equality Network, found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C82QxH4hWwM&t=19s Where to find Jackie: On Instagram @jackiedormanofficial, on TikTok @jackiedormanofficial, at www.jackiedorman.com. Pre-Order Jackie's book "Modern Dating Sucks: A Matchmaker's Guide to Finding Love in a Swipe-Left World" here: https://jackiedorman.com/mdsbook Timestamps: Jackie joins us at around minute 27. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dr. Paula Freedman-Diamond joins Ali to discuss people-pleasing and how it relates to control in dating and relationships. Paula, a therapist and author of Toxic Striving, breaks down how people-pleasing and rigid boundary-setting are two sides of the same coin: both are attempts to control outcomes and avoid uncomfortable feelings. The conversation explores how to identify when you're prioritizing external validation over your own values and what the middle ground looks like between being overly accommodating and overly rigid. Paula also shares insights on acceptance and commitment therapy, learning to hold your desires lightly while staying grounded in your values. In Updates, Ali shares a vulnerable conversation that originally aired on the Patreon about societal expectations around women's appearance. This week's Media Mention is: "The New Rules of Dating for Ambitious Women" from the Ambition 2.0 podcast (by Girlboss), featuring breakup expert and friend of the pod Amy Chan. Where to find Dr. Paula: On Instagram @mindfuldrpaula, on TikTok @mindfuldrpaula, at www.paulafreedmandiamond.com and www.humankindpsych.com. Grab Dr. Paula's Book "Toxic Striving" here: www.paulafreedmandiamond.com Timestamps: Dr. Paula joins us at around minute 33. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali is back with another Hot Topics episode, starting with listener updates and reflections sparked by a recent listener storytime and a past Hot Topics question. She then dives into your submitted questions, covering losing interest once the chase ends, making sense of mixed signals when someone’s words and actions don’t align, receiving vague “executive presence” feedback at work, and navigating early dating when planning and consistency feel off. In Updates, she is back from Mexico City and recapping her trip - including some brutal PMS symptoms that she’s still digging into and a very exciting plan made on the plane ride home. This week’s Media Mention is about letting your partner “fail” vs carrying the mental load and how to handle small misses without building resentment. The TikTok we discuss is on Tiktok, from @thisisapaigeturner here: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8HGQsxu/ Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This week, Ali hosts Anna Lecat for a conversation that reframes conflict as a powerful tool for connection rather than something to avoid. Together, the two unpack why so many of us fear uncomfortable conversations (especially in dating) and how that fear can quietly sabotage intimacy. Throughout the episode, they’re exploring how to recognize meaningful early dating conflicts, communicate needs without blowing things up, and tell the difference between discomfort that leads to growth and misalignment that won’t work long-term. If you’ve ever worried that bringing something up might “ruin” a connection, this episode offers practical, grounding ways to approach conflict with more confidence, presence, and care. In Updates, Ali chats about the recent NYC snowstorm, a fun concert outing with friends (plus a successful concert presale for later this year!), plus looks forward to a trip to Mexico City with Skyline this week. She also updates on podcast planning for this year and how she’s thinking about various segments as the pod evolves. This week’s Media Mention is the podcast Good Hang with Amy Poehler, especially her January 20th episode with Jennifer Lawrence. We’re celebrating five years of the pod next month!! Join Ali on Saturday, February 28th, 8pm at The Folly NYC. RSVP at https://tinyurl.com/fmh5years for free entry and access to Ali’s first come-first serve bar tab. And Patrons - check out the Patreon for early entry info! Can’t wait to see you there. Where to find Anna: On Instagram @anna_lecat, on TikTok @anna.lecat, at www.annalecat.com. Grab Anna's Book: "Loving Conflict: Creating Collaboration Where Others See Division" Here. Timestamps: Anna joins us at around minute 28. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Bilt Rewards: Take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/fmh Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This week, Ali sits down with veteran matchmaker April Beyer (who has 25+ years in the industry!) to unpack why dating feels harder than ever and how to make it more human again. They talk about letting go of attachment to outcomes, loosening rigid “criteria,” and why going on more dates can actually lead to love faster than waiting for the perfect match. April breaks down her idea of “relatability” as the real driver of chemistry, and shares practical ways to create connection on a first date without overperforming. Plus, tips for avoiding burnout and showing up as your full self from the very beginning. In Updates, Ali is coming off of January’s surprise date night, which was also Skyline’s birthday! She also chats about an upcoming vacation plus an exciting shopping trip in the near future. We’re celebrating five years of the pod next month!! Join Ali on Saturday, February 28th, 8pm at The Folly NYC. RSVP at https://tinyurl.com/fmh5years for free entry and access to Ali’s first come-first serve bar tab. And Patrons - check out the Patreon for early entry info! Can’t wait to see you there. Where to find April: On Instagram @levelconnections and at www.levelconnections.com. Timestamps: April joins us at around minute 23. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ali sits down with FMH listener Allison for a storytime episode all about building a relationship that works for you, even if it breaks societal norms. Allison shares what it was like feeling like a late bloomer as she navigated finding her now-partner in her late 30’s. From dating a divorced dad with two kids to navigating mismatched timelines around moving in, engagement, and merging lives, Allison walks through how they used curiosity, therapy, and a lot of real conversations to get on the same page without defaulting to what relationships are “supposed” to look like. It’s a refreshing reminder that commitment can be real, secure, and deeply intentional even when your relationship doesn’t look traditional. In Updates, we’re celebrating five years of the pod next month!! Join Ali on Saturday, February 28th, 8pm at The Folly NYC. RSVP at https://tinyurl.com/fmh5years for free entry and access to Ali’s first come-first serve bar tab. And Patrons - check out the Patreon for early entry info! Can’t wait to see you there. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Armoire: Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/FMH Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!   Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Did you ever think that improv could apply to dating? Repeat guest Miriam Katz is back this week, a fun, hands-on conversation about how to feel lighter, more confident, and more authentic on dates…using improv! They talk about tone and enthusiasm, how to practice presence in low-pressure everyday moments, and why “being good” is not the goal if you’re trying to connect like a real human. Ali flips the usual script and lets Miriam run a few playful prompts to demonstrate how loosening up and staying curious can pull you out of performance mode and into actual connection - especially when nerves start to spike. This interactive episode features tools you can use before dates, interviews, and any situation that triggers self-consciousness. And ps: FMH The Pod is now on Youtube so you can see these exercises in action! But first, we hear from Tony and Katy in Dating Diaries as Tony navigates an energy shift with someone new and Katie shares a promising update ahead of a fourth (!) date. Where to find Miriam: On Instagram @theexappealpodcast, on TikTok @exappeal, at www.miriamkatz.com. Timestamps: Miriam joins us at around minute 22. Ask questions, make a Storytime submission, or give feedback here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhpodqs If you'd like to hear Ali’s personal updates before everyone else as well as exclusive episodes every week, ad-free listening, monthly lives, and more…join FMH on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . Thanks to this week’s partners: Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy