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Nicolas Cage plays Captain McVay. Sneaky ships, sneaky subs, sneaky sharks. Sailors are adrift after a devastating attack by the Japanese, and only Thomas Jane’s legendary ‘stache can find them in time.

Nicolas Cage plays Gary. When God commands you to capture Osama Bin Laden, you have no choice but to pack your katana and infiltrate a foreign land. The hunt is on!

Nicolas Cage plays John. A mother and daughter's lives are left in pieces after a brutal assault. And when the whole town turns their back on them, it's up to one man to exact justice — Niagara Falls justice.

Nicolas Cage plays Brent. There's something strange going on in the neighborhood — parent's are slaughtering their kids. Sometimes that involves summoning the most powerful open-palmed smack of destruction known to man.

Nicolas Cage plays Noah. Well guys, it finally happened. One of us is a boob and watched the wrong movie. Thankfully, David salvages the episode with a vivid retelling of the plot.

Nicolas Cage plays Red. In the Shadow Mountains, evil makes a blood pact with demons, love is turned to ash, and an axe of vengeance is forged. In short, this film rules.

Nicolas Cage plays Ray. Their marriage is on the outs, and the balm for their damaged souls is to buy a motel in the desert. She takes drugs, he learns about dominatrixes and a pig takes a swim.

Nicolas Cage plays Mike. A veteran cop and his son in law take a kid on a ride along when some mean mercenary men rob a bank. It's a good thing he's going to retire soon and his partner's young wife is pregnant — it's gonna be fine.

Nicolas Cage plays Joe. A lonely trucker falls into a steamy affair with a death-touched mother and her comatose daughter. Also, his dead wife possesses the daughter and there's lots of choking involved.

Nicolas Cage plays Frank. He’s fresh out of prison and ready for some quality time with his boy. But first, there’s some beefy revenge that needs doin’.

Nicolas Cage plays Nathan. Lovecraftian rocks are falling from the sky, a family sticks together, and something's wrong with the alpacas. Tommy Chong is also there.

Nicolas Cage plays The Cook. The cocaine shipments are light and a sex-crazed Morpheus is dealing on the side — someone's about to get roasted.