Advertise on podcast: Song of the Dakini Tantras

You can’t imagine what it’s like. The desolation across continents,  across galaxies, across eons, and then there he was.  And he came in the deepest way, you know all his secrets  and then he looked right through me. He looked right past me,  as if I wasn’t even there. The shame and negation,  I struggle and strain to not give into it. I know this is what  I am here to free myself of, but it breaks me and of course it must.  I do my part, I keep my focus. I move my body. I raise the serpents pranic breath, pump the belly, make the sounds. I need your help  with all the rest, my angels and loved ones, sucking, pressing, soothing. My body is so fluid now, my tissues so open,  it can’t help but all come pouring out.  A healing blanket wrapped around my small form until all sadness departed, the cloak of Christ

I live in the pure land of Dewachen where everything is favorable  for my practice. conflicted emotions are strong,  prayers are passionate, dark laughing star people press close,  my beloved medicine husband holds the staff firmly.  The prayer rug is always open in my space, I live upon it. 10 Sephiroth spheres of the tree of life, seven luminous fields, seven alchemical centers, five focal points, four pure lands, three Jewels  When the throat and stomach tighten out of fear it is not the time  to take a sip of your tea. fear of seeing them together at that place,  fear of the negation from that image, of the grief, it is in my own mind  and I free it there. When is it inner guidance that arises through  self parts and when is it just dross clearing out? I take care when mind starts having a conversation with itself,  two sides of polarized duality having it out with each other.  The word, the Name, I make space for the Name  in the inner temple of my heart. Hallowed be thy Name

the explosive force for my awakening, for my Ascension, I experienced it with my lover. Can I bear it, let alone accomplish it, without him? Ferocity of the guru’s laughter.   I work with the energies, volcanic, galactic, I work with the demons of doubt, annihilating and oppressive. I release referencing to made-up images of other people together in their container, in their happiness, even if the images flash in my face at the store.  Suffering of comparative mind. Dead woman walking.  The yogas do not lie, I practice with devotion, my salvation.  I affirm my pleasure with the intimate other, deepening that groove, new pathways chiseled through stone.  Awareness is nadi, the container, the channels, awareness is bindu, mind, the drop of nectar, and we cultivate prana, the Shakti, to power the alchemy.  Physicality, the vow, and the magnetic attraction. The discipline and focus required to hold the components together can be considerable. I birth my heart’s hidden desires through weaving my dreams  with the invisible webs of the creative force I make myself a thing of Beauty and I offer, offer, offer my precious self. Ananda, Ananda, Sat Chit Ananda...

Affirming the body’s natural capacity to change not self into self,  to merge with the “other“ in the union so that it all becomes the whole. He is me and I am him. Psychotic break, which is just breakdown  of the habitual compartmentalization of the psyche. Grant me what I need this day in bread and mercy. Fear of the explosive force of the masculine, fear of harm caused  and potential for harm, grief and shame. We can raise the serpents with rhythmic respirations and melting release, gradual, ongoing,  as the Shakti builds. The need for the vow, to prevent harm caused.  Fears of invisible but powerful obstacles, of incapacity, of separation, thought forms of conditioning, negation and annihilation.  I cultivate myself with affirmation, for myself, my lover and beloved.  there is a pressure between the timeless me and the physical part of me in time, which creates an alchemical flow of magnetism,  the potentiality of the elevation of consciousness.  I focus my thoughts on the electrons of the desired physical outcome. Seals, closing the seal, opening the seal, cleansing seals to exorcise demons, seal it with a kiss, manifesting seal of Solomon, great Seal woman and consort . It is the Friday morning of a  holiday weekend, the mind wonders, and there is grief and frustration. When the sun and moon are in balance the illumination occurs.  We orbit around each other, Venus and earth, Figure 8 of balance, of Infinity, magnetic attraction, sealed with a kiss. Hochokan, hochokan, hochokan, coming, coming, coming...

Kalachakra is a compassionate appearance of a wisdom consciousness, realizing the emptiness of inherent existence, whose nature is great bliss.  oh my Creator, what is to become of me? I know not.  Oh my God, I burn in the depths of my being and grieve in my heart. Am I not loved and protected by you, my God? How am I to walk upright in my dignity when there is so much suffering of mind and soul?  show me your face, my beloved. The demons of doubt, and the aching of my soul torment me, that it is so challenging to cultivate the ferocious intensity of the inner union, that I feel alone and unloved, friends scarce and family so far away, that the one I long for in form who walks the Earth has cut completely from me and invests his time and energy in another, that my offerings feel unwanted, ignored or torn down, though they are not! Rise up, oh my heart, be not cast down.  The divine plan is laid out holographically,   decreed in the heavens.  All is in readiness.   blue HUNG in my heart, red AH  at my throat, white OM in the expanse of the bliss swirl between my eyebrows. I touch, I bless, the water from a conch shell, exaltations of mind, speech and body dissolve therein. obstructions purified,  predispositions accumulated from beginningless time relieved.

Holy Mother beneath my feet, in my heart, I spread my fingers and toes upon your body, warm stone, we breathe, we bless Holy Father in the sky, grandfather sun and cloud people, my star families through the blue Stargate in my heart, we breathe, we bless,  Holy Child that I am, birthed in my heart, innocent and pure,  all my desires laid bare, we breathe, we bless, I know myself to be a cherished holy child of the Creator   with my life unfolding according to generous grace,  I surrender all obstacles to my fulfillment now,  I am blessed with joy and merciful compassion, so be it how long does it take to touch a tree? standing figure 8 unites Medicine Wheels of Earth and Sky, all things  in creation simply want to fulfill the purpose for which they are created...

I remove the thorns, I remove the spear that I used to pierce the Christ on his way stumbling up the hill with the cross, the pointed beak of hatred that pierces the head, the face, the mind,  the nails piercing the hands and feet. I confess, I atone,  whatever it takes, I am the Master returning  many lifetimes to atone and it is done. The lovemaking is the atonement,  the union, there is nothing else. The karma is not punishment.  It is training ground. your sins are forgiven, the lama is pleased.  do it in memory of me. Stigmata of the crucifixion, hands and feet, entry and exit points. the lotus of the mouth. the lotus of the yoni,  the mouth of the sphincter, contact points of inside and outside,  sense organs, we purify the elements with water, the aggregates  with a crown upon the head, the activities with the name.   There is a brown leaf suspended in mid air. it is still a full month  before the beginning of autumn but it is already busting out of the gate. Your heart is broken and my heart is broken, let’s sit together.  this catch in my mind, do it with me, but he does it with her. Little birdie, bobble head,  there’s a feather sticking out above your beak.  Take care, beloved, stay close, it is dark in the valley of death,  our shared breath the vow, but suddenly you are gone and I am gone, faces, reflections, no longer existing as separate, the two become One...

There are new names of God ,  new seals manifesting,  the seals of the Star Orchid Dakini, new sounds, new songs,  never before heard, do not doubt, but the demons doubt  and they want to destroy from their agony.  Homage to the body of the unborn primordial wisdom Dakini .  I shed my outer power to travel down into the underworld  illuminated by my heart’s desire, the fire of my inner passion,  hand-in-hand and face-to-face with my beloved, we make the vow. I am a Magdalene initiate, my lover is near, we look, we show, revealing emotion, open me with your touch, my magnetic floor, activation of the power, the sexual alchemies, beyond compare The nature of consciousness is bliss, great seal woman and consort.  The safety that I need to be able to drop into practice  can only be found through practice.  I did not particularly enjoy being out in the pre-Dawn cold and dark  on the Tor of Avalon at the winter solstice waiting for the sun to rise. Dead woman walking. The erotic nature of a man’s nipples,  he takes his shirt off so readily, even in public.  Without birth is the body of the dakini. Without ceasing is the speech of the dakini. Without delusion is the mind of the dakini...

I accept the suchness of suffering, allowing it to be as it is,  my heart of compassion vast enough to embrace it  and enough space for it to relax and dissolve back into the Light and emptiness it truly is. We are the ancient ones, returned to create a holy temple in which heaven and earth can touch, embrace and merge. The desire for enlightenment, so he will approve. The lama said, some years ago, it would be good if you could let go of your desire for him. that means my entire ego structure, my entire separate self.  The Buddha avoided looking at the face of his wife in his mind  so that he could pass into enlightenment. How dare you!  But he has a buddy. Yeshua the master passed into his awakening with the help of his beloved. We are the wisdom keepers, the guardians of the light languages,  the stone libraries and the names of God. Oh ancient ones,  we cherish the yearning,  I still my mind to let my prayers spill forth  in the thaw of warming moons, released from their crystalline form by secret sounds, as they emerge from the Dreamtime.   Peace, Be Still, and know that I Am God...

I can slow my vital signs, I know how to play dead. I can visualize, open myself to whole vistas, magical stories, is this fantasy? The white linen pants have pockets that can hold your rings  while you wash your hands. it is safe to sweat now.  I am reborn into this body, innocent heart, or maybe born  for the first time, into these tissues and desires and myriad sensations. beloveds, walk with me, press close, in this bardo of becoming,  bardo of death at the airport on my way to my daughter’s wedding . How will I be with this new body and new life?  fresh out of the womb, tender out of the chrysalis.  I did not realize the extent of my motivation by disdain and aversion, look at me, look with me, my sins are forgiven, the lama is pleased. She is his buddy . Strange to not actually be on the earth at the moment, as I am in the sky, in the atmosphere, not quite in outer space I have come as the fire-crystal in the land of darkness,  allow the waterfall, I focus my mind on Shiva, he cannot resist...

I practice with the sacred marriage, I am the bride, I am the Christ,  we make the vow, we practice in the marriage bed,  I am in the sacred marriage with you and all of life, step into it, unconditional love, truth, forgiveness, and freedom.  the way must be made clear through honesty and pure intention. Nadi, prana and bindu, container, energy, and substance.  The discipline required of an alchemist to hold all three elements together long enough for an alchemical reaction to occur can be considerable. pairs of red and white drops in special places, 2 sets. Leaves are not flower petals, although they may be brightly colored. even a good communication must be let go of,  after a time the message no longer applies.  there is a moment when the sun slants down low in the sky  that it reaches right into the womb of the mother,  softly caressing her innards. I place my offering inside and there I find a love note. Little squeaky one flew right by me in the forest twice,  at first just behind the tail feathers of mama and then alone.  some brown, some stripes, bless your sweet life.  I raise up high, I press down low, I offer, offer, offer,  we prostate upon the earth, we undulate in the lovemaking,  we offer, offer, offer...

embodiment of the heart sutra,  through Grace, through emotional honesty  The blessed lady Buddha transcendent Wisdom heart Sutra.  I want, I need, I feel. The sound is the bridge, the song,  the medicine song, the love song, the pounding drumming song,  the song of highest destiny for all of earth’s children, the lullaby,  the serpentine song of the ripe lotus, entorchment and penetration.  Only in duality do needs conflict with each other. We stay  real on the relative, and we practice drenching in the union,  letting it drip into manifestation.  You said you know the human mind,  I try to refrain from letting mind assess me, others and situations  with its divisive and suspicious nature, and sometimes fail. Honesty with the level of attunement that we share.  The low side and the high side, bring it all into consciousness and then there's choice, choose her or choose me, lying to her, lying to me. Your sins are forgiven, the lama is pleased. The four causes of finding a rebirth in the pure land of Dewachen :  to know of it, aspire to rebirth there, and beseech the Dharmakaya lama Amitabha; pure motivation, out of compassion for all beings;  the accumulation of merit through the seven branch offering; dedication of the merit...

I remember walking this way before in suffering, lost in thought  and agony, habits of looking for the suffering, to try to recall it,  demons of doubt, my beloved Christ, we cleanse the seven seals  for each other, to cast out the demons. I remember  before the suffering, the pure, milky white substance that gives birth.  I remember my devotion and let it save me. I remember before that, when there was no devotion and there was no me, no one to save,  no separate self, and this is my salvation, dried brown grasses,  and a rustling movement along the side of the path. When there are demons in the body, everything feels uncomfortable and irritating.  I remember! I remember you. Magnetu, angel of truth, dark blue,  and laughing with a space between your front teeth.  I remember peace and forgiveness with a slice of pizza in my stomach, all flour and cheese and tomato sauce. spiderwebs trembling  under the touch of the setting sun.  Al-uzza , Fatimah, razbah, Johannes, Noah, dancing wind.  Hathor star nation, come to me through my emotional body.  my beloved, my beloved, the emotional body of God.  we melt the bindus into seed essence through our union,  they flow through channels and impregnate the Mandalas.  I bring my consciousness to my cosmic presence,  facilitating ascension through my physical aspects. through this  co-creative unity, each initiation brings me to greater self mastery, portals into the great mystery.  Be summoned, enter, become fused with,  be pleased, and become of the same taste...

I am the throne, I am the one ascending the throne  to worship  the divinity of the holy human being that I am.  I am the ark of the covenant containing the great mysteries  and miracles of Sofia Christ light. I bow at the altar in devotion. The paradox of the absolute vow is that it’s not necessary,  there is no one to make the vow  and there is no one to make the vow to. Thank you loved ones, you tend to me in my initiation ,  anointed and rubbed by the goddess,  lying on the crystal stone altar, sucking and wringing out  old black things from my body, and then we rest in the field together, the field of Grace, the codes awakened in my mind and cells. My psyche is fractured, core wound of agony splayed open  Illusion of defeat, of impossible dream the body is hemorrhaging, but already dead, I find him way inside  like a boil of pus, like a precious gem, way inside,  from our many journeys together, the way I took him in so deeply  this time around, over almost a decade. Splayed open  and clamped down tight, wavering between the two,  we let it be rhythmic respirations. My Dakini sisters, we travel  to the 10 directions with our long-life arrows, adorned with silk ribbons,  to hook back my life force. thank you, sisters, we do this together, breathing back vital essence and affirmation into the dead body.  we travel into the subtle dimensions of the skin and the womb,  my orchid sisters accompany, thank you beauties.  My Magdalene brothers hold the space, protectors in every location, and on every petal, safety of the Mandala itself,  precious guru rise up through the lotus in my heart  We sanctify and clarify, and the joke is  that we are already sacred and clear, but it is no joke,  we must go through this process to bring the vehicle on board.  And then we dissolve it, we cut through. my body. heart, and soul are held within the loving and protective energy of the cloak of Christ consciousness...

Warm sesame oil with cloves rubbed into the hands and feet,  points of contact with form, with the Earth,  Warm sesame oil with cloves rubbed into the top of the head,  point of contact with the sky,  press then rub, press then rub, sensuality of longing,  longing for the daughter that I just left Dakini angels of the La, hooking back the life force,  from the up and down and the eight Cardinal directions,  long life Arrow with ribbons of the five colors and five elements,  we retrieve my umbilical cord from the star where I left it,  the star the fetus chose, instead of the womb of my beloved mother of flesh and blood, her terrible suffering too disturbing.  We retrieve the leaking energies from the disempowered  thought forms of the Astral realms, Gathering back parts  of my heart and soul from people, places and things, like horcruxes,  not dissipated through curses and evil intent,  but through the breaking apart of self through trauma I could not bear. My dakini angel helpers arise from the union in my heart,  hayagriva and vajravarahi, the Christ and his bride, that would be me.  we retrieve parts of myself back from my lover‘s body,  his armpit, his beard and that spot inside his groin  that I like to smell. It is painful, but they’re just confused attachments, death of one kind but not the other Awareness in its essence has never existed as anything whatsoever  and thus entails no proliferation or resolution,  it is consciousness settled in its own place...