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I have a fascination with scratches. Not in a concerning way, but in a beautiful "I have feelings" type of way. I think scratches are ways for your body to show feelings that we may not want to accept or want to show. Our body's heal quickly. Our bodies are weird and beautiful. I hope that one day I can learn to love it unconditionally like it does with me. I hope you do to. Much love National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800- 273- TALK(8255) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP(4357)

Trigger Warning: Anxiety, depression, social anxiety, & suicidal thoughts I view my mental illness as people. They have their own personalities and I have different relationships with each of them. This is how I cope and understand myself. I wanted to approach this poem in a different way, so I decided instead of just talking about how it felt to live with them I wanted to describe them. I wanted to individualize them because they are all truly different. Mental illness is different for everyone and although you might relate with what I am saying your mind is different then mine and how I cope could be way different then how you cope. That is normal. The best thing to do is what helps you. Understanding how you are feeling and how to help yourself is the first step to respecting and putting yourself first. No matter how different you feel; remember that you are beautiful and strong. Much love National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800- 273- TALK(8255) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP(4357)

As crazy as it seems happiness can be overwhelming. When you begin to work on your mental illness and feel genuine happiness again it can get overwhelming. You almost start looking for the sadness again because it is what you are use to. This leading us to believe that we don't deserve it. We feel guilty for even having it because we feel that someone could have it. Do not ever feel bad for feeling happy. Just like anger, sadness, and guilt; you are allowed to feel. You are allowed to feel happy because you have worked for it. You have worked on yourself and that is one of the hardest things to do. Don't be afraid to give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it. Much love National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800- 273- TALK(8255) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP(4357)

"Is intense anxiety or fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in a social or performance situation." Or to me the fear of people. Being afraid of being judged is not something uncommon. We are all scared of being perceived a certain way or looked at differently. If you are different, dress different, or even say something different you are judged. For some, this is no problem. For others this is the most scariest thing. Leaving them scared to even leave their house. We will avoid any feeling of embarrassment even if that means not leaving the house or having someone else order our food. It is a problem that is gradually growing overtime because we feel the need to meet societies expectations. I want you to know that society expectations are too high. No matter what gender, race, or color you are, you are unique and special. Feel free to break societies expectations and be yourself. Live the life you want because at the end of the day the only person you have is yourself. Much Love National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800- 273- TALK(8255) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP(4357)

Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts The wonderful saying of "you will be ok." Everyone in their lifetime as been told this at least once. The intentions behind this saying is good, but the way it can be perceived can be the problem. With anything, especially considering mental health and illness, avoid just saying "you will be ok." This does not show enough support. Instead tell them that you are there for them. If you are not good with words just sit next to them. Let that person know that you are there to support them. Letting that person know you are aware of what they are feeling and that you will be beside them when needed will help them feel more comfortable in the situation they are in. Even if you don't know them; lend a helping hand. A little help goes a long way and could potentially save a life. Much love National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800- 273- TALK(8255)   National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP(4357) 

Trigger Warning: Suicide & Self Harm I use to have the suicide hotline in three places in my home. The kitchen, my bedroom, and my cellphone. When I first told my family I was considering suicide this was the first thing they did. It was late at night, I felt like I was dying, and I am on the phone with this number. On the other line was the most sweetest and comforting person I have ever meet. I know that is her job, but she was the first person that made me feel like I wasn't going insane. I wish I could say that after that time I was fixed. I wasn't. During the pandemic, I have considered calling this number multiple times. I never did because I was stubborn and thought I could fix everything myself. Don't do that! If you need help CALL THE NUMBER. Life gets hard and that's ok. Especially with mental illness it is exhausting. The constant battle with yourself is exhausting. Don't be afraid to take a step back, take a deep breath, and rest. Much love National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800- 273- TALK(8255)   National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP(4357)

I wrote this poem for one of my closest friends as a thank you for everything she does for me. I don't have many friends and she is possibly the longest friend I have. It is true that she is very special and truly one out of infinity. Without her honesty and advice I would not be the person I am today. I try my best to compare, but to be honest I can't. I am going to keep this short, but thank you!!! Much love to you and everyone who is listening National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800- 273- TALK(8255)   National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP(4357)

My idea for this poem was to express how hard somedays can be. It doesn't even have to be dealt with mental illness, but with life in general. We all have days that feel difficult and all we want to do is stay in bed. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. We still have work to do, places to go, and basic survival necessities. I told a friend about my idea for this poem and I asked if she wanted to help. She surprisingly accepted and she immediately started writing. Without her help I probably have never had anything to work off of or ideas to discuss. I thank you very much for helping me. Much Love National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800- 273- TALK(8255)   National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP(4357)

Trigger Warning: Depression & Suicide This is a poem about the thoughts behind depression. This is my personal experience with my depression, but it is different for everybody. Depression is more then being sad or staying in your room. It is known as the "silent killer." Depression has different ranges, but it doesn't matter how severe or not your depression is; your feelings are valid. If you are struggling reach out. Either it be a friend, a professional, or a person you trust, you matter. You are not a burden. You are valid. Remind yourself that. You are beautiful, strong, and take a moment to put yourself first. Much love 3 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800- 273- TALK(8255) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP(4357)                                                                           

This episode is an intro to what this podcast is all about. Why did I start it and my personal feelings on mental illness.