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Today on the podcast we’re exploring Theo’s epic third grade trilogy: a threatening mother’s day card, morbid Thanksgiving thoughts, and one young white boy’s appropriation of MLK’s dream. We also discuss the symptoms of Gumditis, how to clickbait your secret sister story, and 100 different excuses to take your pants off. Also in this episode: “Not to critique your baby or anything but the memory might need to be better than that.”, Mozart, Lunchables, Capri Sun, Kid Cuisine, Walmart, mullets, ChatGPT, and Boy Scouts.

ATTENTION Please be advised that a new schedule will take effect at the beginning of April. The updated lineup is as follows: April 1 — Classic April Fools’ Day (no changes) April 2 — Visual gags and slapstick (NO WORDS) — tariffs optional April 3 — Life hacks April 4 — Computer viruses April 5 — Hide your outie belly buttons For additional details or clarification, please listen to this episode. Also in this episode: “It's belly button time!”, Patreon, Trump, Rome, AI, Shrimp Jesus, Chismas, Tom or Jim Day, Shazam, Star Spangled Banner, Olive Garden,  Papa John's, Applebee's, Little Mermaid, 3 Cowboys, JRR Tolkein, Durin, Oberlin, All Poetry, Bloody Mary, and the Hindenburg.

Local boy Ian (he’s David) joins local boys Tho, Joseph, and Daniel for a deep dive into the life of famous horse pervert, Sir Isaac Newton. Together, they encounter tadpoles, ghosts, Italy, and the dirty secret behind every movie ever made. But Karlheinz Stockhausen appears to teach humanity a revolutionary new way to breathe (butthole). Will they survive? For more about local boys, press play. Not sponsored by the Pentagon. Also in this episode: “Can I touch you? It's just to see if you're a ghost, nothing weird.”, Beth Saddler, 3 Cowboys, Shrek, Furries, Australian gastric brooding frogs, Italy, Airbnb, The Pentagon, Sir Isaac Newton, Die Hard, and Karlheinz Stockhausen.

We’re finally getting back to our core objective with this podcast: filling the internet with digital litter while it’s still legal! So relax, grab a drink, roll down the window, and throw it right on the street because this is an oops-all-litter episode! Get ready to fill your mind with half baked misinformation like how the immortal jellyfish works, how to manage your team like King Solomon, and how to conceptualize Schrödinger’s butthole! And if that’s not enough for you, we’re also rude to strangers on the internet! Also in this episode: “I like the rhythm, but not the words.”, Xbox Live, Pokémon, immortal jellyfish, Erwin Schrödinger, bestiality, allpoetry.com, Randall S, and Bad Jonny

Welcome to a poetic episode of Inside the Mind of a Child Genius - the show where dyslexic adults make fun of children! In this episode, join 3 poetry experts and Theo as we learn what sadness smells like, what anxious people think about all the time, and what’s actually scary about zombies (we’re worried about their mental health). We will regale in the tales of Theo’s composer group that’s either Marxist or MAGA (he doesn’t know, he wasn’t paying attention), and how he almost won a poetry competition that’s either a really big deal or a complete scam.  Also in this episode: “My teacher actually insisted that I do this assignment.”, “We’ve never seen anyone bust up like this!”, “If I'm not the messiah, maybe I’m a famous author!”, “Your thoughts are useless at the day’s prime.”, Pikachu, Pokémon, Ash Ketchum, Donald Trump, Karl Marx, rage rooms, diamante poetry, clerihew poetry, Klondike bars, China, Mr. Overbite, North Carolina, Poe Center for Health Education, Michael Caine, Bruce Wayne, Batman, Eminem, Edgar Allan Poe, sleeper agents, and The Walking Dead.

Today we’re joined by our resident spatial-relations expert: Cousin Ian. In this episode we’ll test his masterful knowledge of space and relations - starting with a fictional list of dragons that Theo drew and described as a child genius. Our intelligent discussion will lead to many interesting topics that teach you how to: Inflate a small man with compressed air Steal sugary bread from an insect-man with 700 greedy children Become an irresistible passenger to your Driver’s Ed teacher Swipe a hand kiss from a matriarch And stay tuned for a handy #DeathHack that will blow your mind! Also in this episode: “I would not call anything cake bread.”, “We should try making a lot of money.”, Paul Ryan, Tom from Myspace, Warheads, Wilt Chamberlain, Omegle, ChatGPT, Oberlin, Super Soaker, Kung Pow! Enter the Fist, Flaming Hot Cheetos, Sour Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, and Smashwords.

Welcome to the grand finale of Theo’s Fifth Grade Year in Review! In this episode, we follow the heartwarming story of three unlikely animal friends: Daniel, Theo, and Joseph as they are dipped in mud, guilt-tripped by Girl Scouts, beefed by a famous rapper, and saddled with predatory loans as children. Will they overcome all odds to be memorialized on TikTok with Ed Sheeran music, or will they be doomed to an eternity of hanging out with the Manning brothers? Tune in to find out! Also in this episode: “It looked like the Devil, but without his cheerful disposition!”, “Are you stressed? Only perpetually.”, “I moved to Scandinavia because I’m sad. Now I’m sad and in Scandinavia.”, HomeStar Runner, TikTok, Perfect by Ed Sheeran, YouTube, South Park, ASMR, Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Christianity, Catholicism, Minority Report, Presbyterian, Martin Luther, Girl Scouts, The Exorcist, CoPilot, Microsoft Word, Clippy, 3 Cowboys, Quest of the Dragon, SunTrust Bank, Kirby Kangaroo, Eli and Peyton Manning.

In this gripping episode of our true crime podcast, Theo’s unsettling no-teeth smile sparks a chilling conversation. Is he a psychopath or something? Turns out he isn’t, but join us as we explore questions like this and over 100 crimes - including crimes we’re committing while we record!  We delve into the bizarre concept of a mail hole, uncover the secrets of a man with a fake limp, and question Daniel’s motivation to hide while he does yard work. Prepare yourself for a disturbing look into the darker side of humanity, also Pokémon, Homestar Runner, Peasant’s Quest, and 3 Cowboys. Also in this episode: “You don’t want to hang out with the guy with a fake limp.”, “I knew you were having impure thoughts this whole time.”, “Don’t get too close or you might actually hear what I'm whispering.”, Serial, Charles Manson, Happy Face Killer, Twin Flames, Jesus, Catholicism, 10 Commandments, The Vatican, Harry Potter, Justin Timberlake, The Matrix, X2, Anger Management, American Pie, Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, R. Kelly, Jay Z, Cadillac, Radiolab, Fear Factor, Joe Rogan, and The Cosby Show.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to listen to us invent a new sport? Right, I didn’t think so, but you’re here now, so might as well! Let’s just say, things get pretty sticky (because of velcro, and magnetics, and stuff - nothing weird). While we were at it we also invented a new form of music - CPR Jazz - but you’ll need a professional basketball player, a dog, and a mini saxophone to pull it off. Of course, we also continue through Theo’s fifth grade review and today we learn that his school had a fight club, a bar, and an affinity for Chaucer.  Also in this episode: “That's jazz, baby - you miss 100% of the notes you don’t play.”, “He got my dad's name and I got my dad's tools name.”, “Harry only saved people for the house points.”, Charles Barkley, Charlie Parker, Goalball, Bitcoin, Catholicism, Mark Wahlberg, Walhburgers, Jesus, Harry Potter, Fight Club, Bing, Chaucer, and DARE.

The meaning of no recess is life that not fun. But this episode IS fun! We’re reading all about Theo’s masochistic, possibly Calvinist middle school which used gamified punishments and Schrodinger’s homework passes. We’re also giving you betting tips for the Super Bowl that already happened! Will the Nude Maids win? Can the Unicorns really beat the Dragons? Or will Peasant’s Academy rise to the top? Even though Daniel’s a time traveler, he’s not much help, since he’s recording this years after the NFL has disbanded. And remember, if you have any questions about alien vegetables, direct them to Neil Degrasse Tyson - just don’t expect a straight answer, because he’s drunk with power. Also in this episode: “Why dont you just guess how the universe works?”, “Sometimes even if you don’t have, you’ll get it.”, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Taylor Swift, the SuperBowl, the NFL, Green Bay Packers, HomeStar Runner, Peasant’s Quest, Star Wars, Chewbacca, Schrodinger, Calvinism, Catholicism, the Ten Commandments, Joe Biden, Donald Trump, Harry Potter, and Hogwarts.

In this episode, join hosts Theo, Joseph, Daniel, and Seth as they delve into the intricate backstory of a shed’s origins and the chaotic contents of a box within. Along the way, you may learn how to place a minor curse on a collection of miscellaneous hardware, test out a new therapist, and even find your life’s purpose with a stack of doormats. We’ll delve deep into topics such as: writing a best selling book, coming up with great insults, and finally getting ChatGPT to love you. Tune in for an episode that promises to ignite your sense of wonder about what you could be doing if only you had an extra finger. Also in this episode: “Seth called it off! It’s not a no-nut-podcast anymore!”, “The joke is that there could be some sort of sexual relationship between computers.”, “You’re clinically incapable of yes, and!”, National Public Radio (NPR), Pinnochio, Joe Rogan, COVID-19, ChatGPT, Nirvana, The Beatles, St. Mary’s, Microsoft, FreeCell, Pusha T, Riddles.com, Warheads, Christianity, Batman, No Nut November, England, the Internet, Jenga, Christmas, the Heimlich Maneuver, and Yanni.

Are you into survival novels, portal science fiction, and Mary Poppins? Then we have the story for you! This episode includes tips for setting a world record, contacting Kevin Bacon, acing standardized writing tests, and beating level one of Crash Bandicoot. It also has classic ITMOACG gags like Theo’s harebrained schemes to skip a grade, gratuitous references to Pokemon, and at least one joke only translators can understand! Warning: You WILL get sick if you listen to this episode! Also in this episode: “These kids aren’t gonna dunk on me are they?”, “To get smashed in the face, go to page 5.”, “You didn’t have to use the word ‘locomotive’ at all.”, Guinness Book of World Records, Kevin Bacon, Appalachian Trail, Paul Bunyan, Snoopy, Peanuts, Mary Poppins, Pokemon, Crash Bandicoot, Nintendo Power, and COVID-19.

Seth is on the podcast, and he’s got a muffin to eat! He has also written several stories, and in this episode we discuss his premature and geographically confusing obituary as well as his gratitude for reality. This episode really has it all: butt wiping hacks, comedy that grows exponentially, cat pee rainbows, mystery jokes, and a lot of homophones. If you don’t think this episode is good, that doesn’t bother us at all. We actually didn’t really want it to be good or bad - or on the brink of being bad. We just wanted it to be like a normal episode. Also in this episode: “True power is in how sad you can make other people.”, “I want to stop crying, but I’m in so deep!”, “I’ll die later, pizza now!”, Pokemon, Power Rangers, Transformers, Shakespeare, Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson, Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkein, the Bible, Jesus, and Charlie Chaplin.

Comrades of the Glorious Collective! What do Obama, Dumbledore, and Joseph Stalin have in common? Why, they’re all honorable members of the Huffman’s Hall of Fame, of course! This episode is mostly about Comrade Stalin and his meteoric rise from peasant to propagandist. Along the way we’ll discuss aliens, pork bung, and terrorist cats. This episode description is free to use in any school library! Disclaimer: Stalin was a terrible person. Also in this episode: “I might go after your pork bung and seize power.”, “Are you just going to live the rest of your life with a wild cat in one of your rooms?”, “Really makes ya think.” - Theo “No it doesn't.” - Daniel, aliens, Harry Potter, Homestar Runner, Peasant’s Quest, Soviet Russia, King’s Academy, Superman, King Kong, Google, Vladimir Lenin, Lion King, Siberia, Guantanamo Bay, and the FBI.

Welcome back to another episode of your favorite misinformation-filled podcast! Well, maybe it’s not your favorite, but if that’s the case just consider this more misinformation. Today we’ll be lying to you about German folklore, how to wink, Latin America and much more! So grab Igor, your trusty Russian travel guide, and let’s go! Also in this episode: “Thank god Joseph’s not in class today”, Go-Gurt, National Geographic, Mexico City, Mexico, Kingston, Jamaica, Port-au-Prince, Haiti, Brasilia, Brazil, Russia, United State of America, Shrek, Golden Goose, 3 Cowboys, Nostradamus, Rasputin, Rumpelstiltskin, Czar Nicholas II, Covid-19, Martin Luthur, Catholicism, Buddhism, Protestantism, Walmart, and Vladimir Putin.