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This inspiration for this podcast actually came from a Mass I attended.  During the Mass, the priest said that if Moses were alive today he would be considered an "influencer". He went on to tell the parishioners that we could all be influencers for good in the lives of those around us, not just on social media.  In this podcast, I explore how posts on social media affect us.  I discuss my own presence on social media. Lastly,  I talk about how we can all be influencers for good in the lives of children and in our daily/work lives.  To begin, I use the example of the loss of my dog, Nica, to show how sharing on social media can be a healthy form of expression.  I'm not above needing support and sympathy, but I think it's important to be clear and direct with our messages and captions online.  I don't think we should use our shares to be manipulative or to draw negativity. It's important to keep it real and balanced.  Our relationships with kids, direct or indirectly can be a great opportunity to influence for good. Through divorce, even after our kids have seen us struggle, we can be examples of strength, resilience, humanity, and grace. We can show them how to make responsible choices, take the high road, be amicable, and pull ourselves together.  We can BE their emotional support person and not use THEM as our emotional support.  If you don't have your own children, you can still have such great impact when you have genuine interest in them- what they're up to and how they're feeling. You can influence kids just by being a good listener. Your image alone can influence for good. You can emit positivity just by projecting happiness, care, and concern. I share examples from my career of times that I used my job as a pharmaceutical rep as an "influencer" to spread joy.  There were many years when I felt as though my job didn't matter.  I was overlooked and viewed more as a delivery person than an intelligent, skilled professional who brought value to a clinic.  I shifted my mindset from feeling worthless to using my presence in the clinics as a platform to grow relationships, listen to other's stories, and share happiness with them.  We can use brief, public interactions with strangers as an opportunity to be influencers for good. I share an example of a conversation I had with a young guy at a checkout at a local store. If we just open up and give a little, we can impact so many lives. Work environments are a huge part of our lives and they're not always positive . When your work environment is negative, you can choose to go against the grain by shedding a positive light and by not allowing yourself to be pulled down by negativity.  Our work environments are ever-changing and you can even be a catalyst for good by simply being positive. When your influence spreads to others,  that's when the game changes. Support the show

The phrase "Emotionally Slutty" is from a Sex and the City episode... Carrie Bradshaw says, "I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty." In this episode, I talk about the habit some of us are in of giving it up too early... You know, sharing intimate details of our lives with people we don't know very well. I share with you why I think it is both a blessing and a curse that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I also tell a story of how this played out on a date I went on one time. Lastly, I share some tips and ideas on dos/donts from a dating coach perspective and vulnerability in communication, in general.  I believe my ability to share a lot of myself with others freely is a gift of mine. Has it also bitten me in the ass more than once? Yes! I think I'm vulnerable in conversation because I want others to be vulnerable with me. I appreciate deep, thoughtful, conversation over small talk any day.  The so-called dating experts (as well as licensed professionals in therapy/psychology) tell us that these more revealing conversations should be reserved for later in a relationship as trust is built. However, most of us bond over common ground... Often, we end up talking about our marriages, divorces, or we get triggered by something that leads to conversation about our pasts. We also talk about the common ground of dating & how challenging it can be. I've found myself swapping online dating stories many times while on a date. I think this is all very normal and we shouldn't beat ourselves up when it happens. Next, I share intimate details of how I received a text message recently from a guy I had gone on one date with right after my separation in spring of 2020.  He shared with me a backhanded compliment that he thought I was growing in my divorce journey after having revealed too much too soon about my divorces on our date. As it turns out, I thought he talked an awful lot about his divorce! Perspective is everything and we're all learning here. Herein lies the difference from a good date and a friendship date where we bond over divorce and being single... When there's sexual attraction, chemistry, giddy feelings, we don't talk about this stuff! When there's a spark, the conversation has NOTHING to do with the negative stuff of our pasts or our exes. I'm a "relationship person".  I care about people I get to know in my personal life as well as my professional life. I recently learned some communication skills from a group called The Black Swan Group. The skills were originally developed for hostage negotiations but can be used in sales or in everyday life. I give some examples of using what they call, Labels & Mirrors, to learn more about the other person and to get the other person to open up .  At the end of the day, I still believe vulnerability begets vulnerability. Being Emotionally Slutty isn't for everyone... Not everyone appreciates deep, thought-provoking, intimate conversations. Some people judge me and think I'm inappropriate or too vulnerable. That's ok! They're just not my people. Support the show

I'm back! I'm on a journey of self- discovery right along with you! I'm 44 years old now and my daughter turns 17 at the end of the month. We've been on our own for about 3 years now. This skill of learning to write in pencil is something I've been working on for awhile. In this episode, I'm going to share some examples of how despite trying to write my own life's story with a sharpie, life has thrown curveballs time an time again to remind me I should be writing in pencil. I'm also going to try to convince myself and you guys that there's been no better time than now... single over 40 to keep an open mind and go with the flow.  I found inspiration for this podcast from my daily devotional written by Shauna Niequist called Savor.  My vision for my break from the podcast was one of tranquility. The reality though, is that the break has created anxiety.  There's never a perfect time to jump back in or take a leap of faith.  So, here I am, back with the podcast after my break that didn't really serve me well.  My first love at the age of 14 is a clear example of my own tendency to get ahead of myself and plan my life. I had a promise ring, names for our kids were chosen, and my engagement ring design was literally torn from a magazine. Then, life happened... again and again. For me, something that changed the course of my life more that anything else was death. I share the story of my cousin, Mandy's, death when we were both 18 and how it altered the course of my life.   Death upturns everything and I believe death and divorce (or break ups) evoke similar feelings. I think it's important to grieve our past relationships just as we grieve the loss of our loved ones in death. Sometimes divorce comes as a tragic surprise. For others, it's a long painful ending. Either way, it's painful and difficult.  Overcoming loss in divorce doesn't have to be strewn with negative feelings and guilt.  We can seek forgiveness, share life with positive people, learn through our dating experiences. We can choose to view our single status as an opportunity though. Personally, I find it thrilling that I have no idea what is ahead. Opportunities to be open-minded and excited about the unknown as singles over 40: Our careers- Maybe it's a great time to choose a different career path or continue our education. It's never too late!Creative Pursuits! Your life doesn't have to look any particular way. Nothing is holding you back. Use your extra time to try something new. Your desires and dreams are up to you to make happen!Future relationships/marriage - some of us have very strong feelings about what we will and not do in our future... I think we should avoid definitive statements like "I'll never get married again!" How do you know?! I think we should stay open hearted and open-minded about our romantic futures. Personally, I don't have an end game... I have NO idea if I'll fall in love or get married. I am open to anything though.Life can change on a dime. I've been approached by several different casting agents and directors to be on reality shows. They were all big wake up calls of just how quickly my life would change if I ended up on any of them. If you would've told me a year ago that I would be doing phone and zoom interviews for Hulu or HBO Max, I wouldn't believe you. That's a version of my life I could've never predicted. I share a story of a beautifully tragic love story of a friend of mine. It's a wonderful example of a second chance of love and exactly how unpredictable life can be.  Have faith and believe that your future holds great things. The unknown can be thrilling. Maybe just maybe you'll choose to follow my lead and for the first time in your life you'll be a visionary and a dreamer. Support the show

This episode is all about a fact of life... rejection. To begin, I discuss how the end of a significant relationship or marriage can feel like the ultimate rejection.  Sometimes these relationships end due to infidelity, growing apart, or choosing a vice over the relationship. I dive into how I experienced rejection throughout my two divorces. Rejection can also be less significant yet it still stings.  Examples of this type of rejection are when  we flirt in person or online and it is not reciprocated.  We may be ignored after following or DMing someone.  Likewise, Dating Apps can feel like a constant source of rejection when we are not matched, ignored, or ghosted. Sometimes we are rejected because the person we are interested in is unavailable or emotionally unavailable.  To make this point, I share a personal story from college.  I fell hard for a frat guy I was spending time with only to find out later he had a girlfriend.  Because I was young and naive (& a dumb ass) I wrote him a letter pleading for him to choose me despite my friend LaTonya's disapproval.  In the end, he ignored and rejected me.  He wasn't available!  Think about some of the rejections you've had in life.  Were some of them because the other person was in a relationship with someone else or emotionally unavailable? One of my girlfriends experienced rejection after meeting a man who seemed to be her perfect match.  Out of nowhere, a few weeks into their budding romance, he broke things off.  He told her he was more interested in another woman.  Understandably, this rejection made my gorgeous friend doubt her physical beauty because he preferred women with big boobs and long hair.  We are all prone to self doubt when someone chooses another over us., myself included. Let's all work on being confident in our self image and not let someone else's  preferences and choices have negative impacts on our self esteem... especially when they are shallow. Lastly, I share two rejection stories from my friends.  They are different stories but with a similar theme.  They both felt they were rejected because they didn't meet someone's social standards.  They were young but they weren't wealthy, educated, or accomplished as their suitors desired.  Their stories beg the question... Do we really want to know WHY we are rejected by someone OR is it enough to simply know that (for whatever reason) we are not what they're hoping for in a partner. Rejection is indeed a fact of life.  We are in this together! This unique time in our lives as singles later in life is complicated! Let's support and rally around our friends as we experience rejection.   Support the show

This episode is all about Catfishing on online dating sites.  In this episode, I discuss the Tinder Swindler, a popular Netflix documentary about a man who conned several women out of hundreds of thousands of dollars.  He called himself Simon Liviev and claimed to be the heir to the "king of diamonds".   After matching with a woman on Tinder, he would portray himself to be wealthy, intelligent, charming, and adoring.  Initially, he would wine and dine his targets. He spent a lot of money on them, as well as attention to earn their trust.  He was considerate, thoughtful, and sweet.  After a short amount of time, he would tell them he loved them and would entice them with a romantic vision of a beautiful future as husband and wife.   Once  he felt as though he had earned their trust, he would claim to be in a desperate and dangerous situation that required their financial help.  He would tell them his assets were frozen or he couldn't access his own fortune and he needed them to step in and rescue him.  While it's unlikely that most of us would ever encounter someone as masterful at manipulation as him online, fake profiles and catfishing are common.  In this episode, I share two examples of how my own image and likeness were shared on dating apps in an effort to manipulate people. The first example was shared with me by a woman who was using an app called Zoe in Oregon.  The woman using my photos claimed to be a freelance photographer.  The second example was shared with me by a man who was on the app Plenty of Fish in North Carolina. These are a few of the tips I share to help you avoid falling prey to catfishing: Be cautious of people who appear particularly alluring... Exotic lifestyles, unique and fancy jobs... Stuff that seems too good to be true.Often times Catfish will delete their dating profile soon after matching.The Catfish may be "active" and "online" an unusually high amount of time.They may ask you to talk through Google Voice or a different app- not using a normal phone numberThey may refuse to  FaceTime or Video ChatIf you search their name and cannot find them on social media, LinkedIn, or just by googling their name and location, as for more information.Be cautious if they delay a face to face visit or cancel on you.Unfortunately, these manipulative people prey on people who are new to social media and online dating.  If your gut is telling you something is off or someone seems to be too good to be true... listen.   Support the show

I'm often asked if I'm scared to grow old and die alone? My answer is always "NO!".  A huge source of my peacefulness and optimism for my future is my faith.   This is an inclusive podcast, so if you believe in any higher power, I hope it resonates with you too. I believe in love. I believe that God has chosen a compatible match for me. I am patient. I will not settle for a relationship that is not a good match.  That wouldn't be fair for either of us.  In this episode, I share how my faith has provided me with strength, hope, and courage throughout my divorce and time as a single person. I walk in faith every day and am never alone because God is always there. I challenge you to think about your faith and how it can transform your outlook on life.  I share a powerful story from my stepdad, Barry.  His story make a firm point that we must first find forgiveness, healing, and work on ourselves before we can be a good partner for someone else. Skipping this step will likely lead to more heartache for everyone involved. Admittedly, I've made plenty of bad decisions in life. I've made bad choices that have led to a lot of pain.  I'm still learning, seeking forgiveness, and developing myself into a better person. Lastly, I share another wise lesson from Barry about what he calls "The big lie".  "The big lie" is what we tell ourselves and others... "I'll be more fit. I'll be a better parent. I'll be more responsible with money. I'll be sober .... ONCE I'm in a relationship or IF I find a partner. I've lived this big lie and I bet a lot of you have too. I hope that this podcast makes you think.  I hope you examine how your faith can bring you more hope, more peace, and more optimism.  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/manshopping)

In this episode, my friend, Eric Reid, and I discuss the age old question... Can men & women be friends... just friends? Our topics of conversation include: When Harry met SallySiblingsLGBT+ Exes (itch scratched. But is it always? What about new relationship's feelings about it? Would you let a Friend tell you you can't have other friends?)Eric - Chicago - After heartbreak determined he could not (just) be friends with his ex girlfriend.Co-parents - How we've adapted to friendly / amicable rather than truly friendsHits you never see coming…New personality facets in your former spouse?“Castle in the sky” phenomenonFriendzoneCurrently: non-related  friends where there's never been any sexual attraction or tension either direction? Really, does it matter if they can be "just friends" if everyone's being honest and needs are met? Not every relationship will "turn romantic"/sexual even if there's attraction / sexual tension. Question you must ask yourself is, are we both ok with that?Personally, I'm a fan of that last paragraph above.   Maybe the underlying tension, if it does exist, is healthy and normal. I mean, isn't part of the fun of having friends of the opposite sex that the feelings are a bit different sometimes? Big THANKS to Eric for putting together our outline & steering this conversation!  Support the show

Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14 This is a special Valentine's Day Episode.  I'm sharing with you several different ways you can spend this holiday that is NOT just for lovers. If you're alone, with little kids or older children, or open to sharing Valentine's Day with a group, I'm sharing ideas of how you can look forward to, anticipate, and have fun with this most romantic holiday of the year. If you like the idea of spending Valentine's Day with others, I have a couple of ideas for you.  Inspired by Charlotte from Sex And The City, many years ago I hosted a party  similar to her "Trash or Treasure" party. I invited a diverse group of singles from 25-55 years old of all races, occupations, statuses of never married/divorced, parents/non-parents  to mix and mingle with other singles. I called it an Anti-Valentines Day party. The anti part was that absolutely no one married or in a relationship was invited. The party gave me an opportunity to anticipate,  prep, decorate, cook, and bake.  I allowed everyone to invite friends.  It was so fun watching the Facebook Event invites roll in.  It was exciting to connect with new singles.  At the party, my house was packed with a bunch of amazing people, food, a stocked bar, and an 80s Love Anthems CD playing. Looking back, it was my first attempt at helping other singles like me!  I think you should gather up singles in your area and get together at someone's house  or meet up at a restaurant or bar and celebrate too! You don't have to wait for a singles group to put an event together for you. Plan one something sociable and fun amongst your friends!       2. Last year, Lanie and I hosted a Galentine's Day Party at our house just for her and her friends. I made a balloon arch and made cute heart shaped food.  It was an opportunity for their girl gang to celebrate their friendship. It was adorable! This year, I'm going to show my love for just a few of my friends too. Adults upstairs and teens downstairs. We'll keep it simple with some flowers, decorations, and food.  I think Galentine's Day could be a night out dancing, a good old fashioned sleepover, or brunch. Think outside the box to make it happen! It takes effort and creativity sometimes to bring people together.  It's important!      3. How about some Malentine's Day ideas?!  Smoke cigars in a cigar lounge or out on your deck (Maybe just don't make it about Valentine's Day). Surround yourself with your friends! Play cards, watch sports, do your manly things... It's important for men to cultivate friendships too!     4. Ideas for Valentine's Day with KIDDOS:  Bake & Craft - Make Valentine's Day boxes, make a box of brownies or bake for a coach or teacher, family, friends, or neighbors. (Let all that you do be done in love.) Have kids pitch in on a family Valentine's Dinner - heart shaped pizzas.  I've also taken Lanie to some nice restaurants as my Valentine's Date.  You don't have to wait for someone else to ask you out!  Take yourself and your kids!    5. Spending Valentine's Day ALONE? Me too! Treat yourself to something special - a manicure, a message, a facial, relaxation. Show yourself some love! Buy yourself a gift. It's very gratifying. Maybe just give yourself a night off of no chores or productivity - get take out and binge Netflix. If you need to self indulge and have a pity party for one night... give yourself permission.  Love yourself a little harder. Let all that you do be done in love! Support the show

In this episode, I have a conversation with my friend, Licensed Clinical Therapist, Emma Wood, about narcissism, triangulation, and gas lighting.  I share experiences from my second marriage with Emma to gain a better understanding of these traits and behaviors as they relate to divorce and co-parenting.  Emma beautifully articulates: Why triangles form as a result of  conflict between two peopleWhy narcissists are prone to seek and thrive in triangulationHow triangulation affects children when put in the middle of two parentsWhat gas lighting isWhy people may use gas lighting as a manipulation tacticHow gas lighting makes a vulnerable or dependent person feelThe need to work on one's identityLastly, I share a  triumphant (silly!) story of confronting the person in my life who I consider to be a narcissist. It wasn't until I had separation from her and rebuilt my confidence that I had the courage to say anything to her face. Low and behold... without my ex husband relaying messages between us or a phone screen to hide behind, she was timid and silent! Oh how I wish I had communicated differently with her all of those years I was silenced! My hope is that as you make new friends and date, you will be cognizant of these personality disorders and manipulative behaviors so that you can make better choices than I did when faced by them.  I'm so grateful I know what flags to look for now and I AVOID the flags at all cost.  My daughter and I are enjoying a peaceful life and I won't risk disrupting that.  If you share life with someone similar to what we discuss in this podcast, my advice is that you seek tools, resources, and therapy to support you.   Emma's practice is Thalia Therapy and Wellness Centerlocated at the Saint Lukes Multispecialty Clinic- Mission Farms.  https://www.thaliacenter.com/ Support the show

On this podcast, I typically focus on light subjects and keep things positive and fun around being single and dating.  However, I think it's important to keep in mind we can't be happy and healthy singles if we haven't learned from our past.  In this episode, I share many stories of narcissism and triangulation I encountered during my second marriage.   As I am still learning and healing from divorce, I know many of you are too.  I tried to record in a way to relate to the challenges of co-parenting with difficult people.  If you've never done life with someone toxic, you'll get a lot of insights on what to look for and avoid as you date. To begin, I share several real examples of narcissist traits I recognized in my husband's first wife: Obsessive ControlManipulation/LyingPortraying a clean public imagePrivate emotionally abusive behavior Public displays of charity and gift giving for adoration & praise of others Golden ChildTriangulation in CommunicationMy reactions and responses to these behaviors were not always polite. I broke a few times throughout the years and did not always "take the high road".  I  scoffed, glared, rolled my eyes, and on a couple of occasions, I yelled.  Although I went to therapy throughout my marriage, I never developed the tools to intervene or advocate for my stepdaughters in a way that would bring lasting change. I hope that this podcast helps those of you in a similar situation.   If you've never done life with someone toxic, you'll get a lot of insights into traits to watch out for and avoid as you date and enter into relationships.  We can all learn from my mistakes together!  In Ep 40 (Pt 2), my friend, Emma Wood, a Licensed Clinical Therapist, does a magnificent job of clinically explaining Narcissism, Triangulation, and Gas Lighting.  Support the show

They say we are the sum of who we surround ourselves with. In this episode, I examine who I have surrounded myself with throughout my life and how they impact me and I encourage you to do the same.   It's pretty well accepted that teens' peer groups impact them even more than their families, so I begin by talking about childhood friends and experiences. I invite you to take a trip down memory lane with me to think back on your middle school/junior high and high school friends and cliques you were a part of.  How did those kids and shared experiences shape and impact you? For the most part, we cannot choose our family members, but we can choose the amount of time we spend with them and how we communicate with them.  I share an example of a friend of mine who has a very verbally and emotionally abusive sister.  My friend has made the difficult decision to limit her contact in order to protect her own feelings and to guard against the anxiety, anger, and stressful situations her sister creates. I also discuss my own work/career/industry friendships. I have been very fortunate to develop close friendships with a lot of people I've worked with throughout my career.  My industry friends have supported and encouraged each other's career development and have been there for each other personally too.  I have a big appreciation for people who want to see one another succeed and who add some humor and fun to my work life. Some of my male co-workers have shaped my belief that men and women can indeed JUST be friends. I share many examples of my diversified friendships.   I have friends I've made in different cities I've lived in and different neighborhoods within Kansas City. I have neighbor friends, mom friends, and single parent friends.  I have friends who make me laugh, challenge me, and pray for me. I think it's important to surround ourselves with people who are different than us and think differently too. Take my friend's advice! She says we should diversify our friendships like we diversify our financial portfolio.  Be friends with people who are different than you! I couldn't agree more! Support the show

I mean, after the past two years, how are we supposed to feel as we enter 2022?  For those of us who are single and dating during a pandemic, newly separated or maybe divorced for years, approaching this new year can seem extra challenging and overwhelming.  For me, I feel clueless and at a loss but I'm entering this year cautiously optimistic.  In this episode, I begin by discussing  a Reece Witherspoon/Ina Garten Instagram Post that has actually gone viral since I recorded. It's a great example of exactly how I'm feeling as we embark on 2022. On one hand, I like the idea of setting goals and creating new hablts (a la Reece Witherspoon).  On the other hand, I find comfort in savoring guilty pleasures and overindulging just a bit longer (a la Ina Garten).   I discuss the dichotomy of these two different approaches to New Years resolutions.  I don't think there is a "right" way to feel or plan for our year ahead. You do you. Grant yourself some grace. If you're already a goal setting high achiever don't pile on too much.  If you need a kick in the pants, set some goals! Do what serves you best! I provide some ideas such as: Choosing a Word or Theme for the YearUsing word/journal prompts from Pinterest/blogs to set  Personal &/or Dating Goals OR If you'd rather not, you can just use them as a type of Mad Libs game to play with your friends :)Small daily habits to reward ourselves and to help us to stay optimistic and perservere Whatever approach you're taking in planning ahead for the new year, I hope you'll take it easy on yourself and have some fun with it. Even though life is hard and unpredictable, I think it is such a  beautiful journey when we focus on the good and laugh together along the way. Cheers to great adventure in 2022 ! Support the show