Advertise on podcast: Hope when there was none

When someone who has harmed you is released from jail or prison, it can bring back fear and uncertainty. You don't have to wait for something to happen before seeking support. Ask about available release notifications, review any protective orders, and consider creating a safety plan with a qualified advocate. You cannot control another person's choices, but you deserve information, support, and options. Find help and info here- National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠ Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizations Sexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠ Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠ Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠ Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

A Note About Law Enforcement, First Responders, and Domestic Violence Calls Domestic violence calls can be unpredictable and dangerous for law enforcement officers and first responders. When they arrive on scene, they may have limited information and must assess a situation where emotions are running high and safety is a concern. I have tremendous respect for those who respond to these difficult calls. I also want to acknowledge the survivor on the other side of that interaction. Someone experiencing abuse may be frightened, overwhelmed, or struggling to explain what has happened. Their emotions may be misunderstood, and a situation may initially appear to be a simple case of “he said, she said.” But domestic abuse is not always something we can fully understand by looking at one incident. There may be a history of intimidation, coercion, threats, or control that isn't immediately visible. My hope is that we can extend understanding to everyone involved while remembering the importance of listening carefully, gathering information, and considering the broader circumstances. We can recognize the risks first responders face while also ensuring that survivors have an opportunity to be heard without assumptions or judgment. Navigating law enforcement or the Department of Child Services can feel overwhelming when you're already dealing with abuse. You may be frightened, exhausted, or unsure what questions to ask. If you can, keep records, ask for explanations, and seek support from a qualified advocate. And remember: a survivor's circumstances can be complicated. Listen before you judge, and look at the whole picture. Find help and info here- National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠ Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizations Sexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠ Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠ Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠ Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

If you've been given the opportunity to provide a victim impact statement, remember this: you don't have to perform your pain. You don't have to cry, sound angry, or find perfect words to prove that what happened mattered. Your statement can simply reflect the impact on your life. How do you start? Share "Who, what, and when" the incident or incidents happened. Take your time. Pause if you need to take a break. Creating this may stir up all sorts of feelings. Your voice matters, and you deserve to understand your options. Stay safe and God bless, Mel Find help and info here- National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠ Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizations Sexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠ Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠ Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠ Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

Abuse within a family can involve threats, humiliation, physical harm, and financial control. It may also involve using family gatherings, children, or inheritance as leverage. You can love a family member and recognize that their behavior is negative. You can care about someone without giving them unlimited access to you. A hard part of family abuse can be the response from other family members. Some may not believe you. Others may insist that you reconcile or forgive and forget. If you need legal advice or need to talk with someone. Please reach out to a licensed professional, domestic abuse advocate, or law enforcement if you are in immediate danger. Tune into the Hope when there was none podcast for more on this and other topics. Find it on your favorite listening platform. Stay safe and God bless, Mel

Leaving an abusive relationship doesn't mean all the challenges are over. You may need to find housing, rebuild your finances, find employment, and help your children adjust all while processing what you've experienced. You don't have to rebuild your entire life overnight. Sometimes, progress is simply taking the next safe step. You are not behind, and you don't have to do it all alone. Find help and info here- National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠ Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizations Sexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠ Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠ Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠ Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

What does a toxic person look like? First of all this person may be someone in your family. Do you feel as though you are always to blame? Are you the Scapegoat?  Dealing with someone that is toxic can be draining. Here are some tips for dealing with someone that is toxic in today's episode. Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse. Here I will share my story and also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors. Find me here- https://linktr.ee/melindakunst Find help and info here-  National Domestic Violence Hotline- https://www.thehotline.org/  Safe Horizon- https://www.safehorizon.org/ https://www.domesticshelters.org/  https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help  https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/

Abuse can happen between anyone. Whether this is between you and a family member, friend or intimate partner. Answer me this: Do you make excuses for this persons poor behavior? Do you dread seeing them or feel exhausted with them or after seeing them? Is there always the same excuse for why they hurt you? Does this person say that "they" are the victim? If this person makes you cry, intimidates you, or hurts your feeling more than once a month this is a RED flag. More on today's episode.Stay safe and God bless! Find me here- ⁠https://linktr.ee/melindajkunst⁠ Find help and info here- National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠ Safe Horizon- ⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠ ⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠ ⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠ https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/international-domestic-violence-resources/ ⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizations Sexual Assault Hotline- ⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠ Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠ Suicide prevention- ⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠ Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453 National Center on Elder Abuse- ⁠https://ncea.acl.gov/suspectabuse#gsc.tab=0

What is Stockholm Syndrome? It's defined as feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim toward a captor. First coined after a hostage situation in 1973 by Criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot. On August 23, 1973, Jan-Erik Olsson attempted to rob the Normalmstorg bank and took four bank employees hostage. After the hostages’ were released, authorities found that they had developed strong emotional bonds towards those that held them hostage. They said they were treated kindly and weren't physically harmed. Similarly survivors of abuse may also do the same. A survivor may feel: - Helpless - Isolated - That they are unable to break free - Feel guilt for leaving or thinking of leaving What can you do? Find support through a licensed counselor or therapist for a diagnosis. You may need medication. Find safe housing and know you aren't alone. Do you relate to this? Please stay safe and God bless, Mel

So what are these? Stalking involves a pattern of unwanted behavior directed at someone that causes fear or significant distress. Depending on the circumstances and applicable laws, it can include repeatedly following someone, showing up unexpectedly, making unwanted contact, monitoring their activities, or using other people to keep tabs on them. Technology-facilitated abuse can include: Repeated calls, texts, emails, or messages from newly created accounts after being blocked. Tracking someone's location through phone settings, shared accounts, family-location apps, or vehicle tracking devices. Accessing email, social media, cloud storage, or other accounts without permission. If you believe you're being stalked or monitored through technology, there are steps that may help. What is safest will depend on your circumstances. Consider your immediate safety and if you are in danger please seek help from emergency services. Document the behavior if you can do so safely. Keep a record of dates, times, unwanted contact, threats, unexpected appearances, and other incidents. Preserve messages, emails, voicemails, screenshots, and relevant account notifications. Keep if you are safe to do so or give a trusted person. Review your digital safety by a tech professional. Know you are not alone. Stay safe and God bless, Mel

You finally leave the abuser. You survive the abuse and now you are trying best to navigate the court system with someone that is assigned to your case that doesn't know you, your kids, or your abuser. They get to see your abuser in all his or her glory looking calm, charming, a devoted parent, hardworking and maybe a pillar in the community/church. They see you at your lowest emotional. Crying, brain foggy, angry, struggling to form words, and seemingly unwilling to cooperate. Professionals need to look at all of the evidence. To help out your case. Ask your attorney, child services, the GAL or CASA what information you can provide to help as well as what restrictions are there. Remember, the GAL or CASA is not your personal advocate. They are there for the wellbeing of your child. Keep communication professional. Give the Cliffnotes version (short version). Include dates, actual words the child said about certain events. Don't put it in your words or add your thoughts on what they could have meant. Distinguish between what you personally witnessed, what your child told you, what another person reported, and what you suspect. Organize your notes so you can find them readily for court or if you are asked to present your information. You may not be entitled to every detail of an investigation, and the professional may be limited by court orders, confidentiality rules, or the scope of their appointment. Do not coach your child on what to tell a GAL, CASA, therapist, or judge. Do not rehearse answers or tell them that they must choose one parent over the other. Speak with a family-law attorney who understands domestic violence and custody matters, if you can access one. If you cannot afford an attorney, consider contacting local legal aid, a domestic violence advocacy organization, or a law school clinic to ask whether assistance is available. Availability and eligibility vary. Perhaps you feel your evidence has been overlooked. Perhaps something you said has been misunderstood. Perhaps the professional seems to accept the other parent's account without asking about information you believe is important. If you believe the GAL or CASA misheard you, didn't get all the information, or misunderstood you don't write an essay or blast them. Take a moment to compose your thoughts, breathe and identify the particular statement or conclusion you believe is inaccurate. Explain the factual correction. Provide the supporting information you have. Then state why the correction matters to your child or to the issue being considered. This process can be tough and you may feel as though you are on a roller coaster! I get it and understand! You deserve to be treated with dignity, even when people disagree with you. Your child deserves to have their experiences and needs considered carefully. If you believe your child is in immediate danger, seek emergency help. For ongoing concerns, consult the appropriate child-protection professionals, your attorney, or a qualified child therapist who understands family violence and court-involved cases. For help with domestic violence safety planning, you can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or visit TheHotline . org, when it is safe to do so.

When we talk about domestic violence, we often focus on the adult survivor. We talk about leaving, finding somewhere safe to live, getting financial independence, navigating court, and rebuilding a life. Leaving an abusive relationship does not automatically mean that the effects of abuse end for the children. Children can be affected by domestic violence even when they are not physically assaulted themselves. They may hear arguments, witness intimidation, see a parent being frightened or humiliated, or recognize that one person in the household controls the other. They may try to protect a parent, hide in another room, distract a younger sibling, or stay unusually quiet because they believe that doing anything wrong could make the situation worse. Some children witness the abuse directly. Others experience the effects through changes in their home, routines, relationships, and sense of security, sometimes children are deliberately drawn into the conflict. An abusive parent may criticize the other parent in front of them, use them to carry messages, pressure them to reveal private information, or make them feel guilty for loving the other parent. Children should not have to become messengers, investigators, emotional caretakers, or referees in adult relationships. They deserve the opportunity to be children. They may love a parent who has behaved abusively. They may miss that parent. They may be angry, confused, relieved, or frightened. Pay attention to changes in behavior without assuming you know the cause. As an example, you may notice nightmares, stomachaches, headaches, difficulty concentrating, changes in school performance, or regression. These signs can have many causes. They do not automatically prove that abuse occurred, and a child who does not display them is not necessarily unaffected. Avoid repeatedly questioning them or suggesting answers. If the child describes possible abuse, seek guidance from an appropriate child-protection professional, law enforcement, or a qualified attorney about the next steps. If the child is in immediate danger, contact emergency services. A qualified child therapist with experience in domestic violence may also help assess what support the child needs. Some survivors are required to follow court-ordered parenting arrangements even when they believe the other parent is emotionally abusive or presents a danger. They may feel trapped between obeying an order and protecting their child. I strongly encourage parents in these circumstances to seek legal advice from an attorney familiar with domestic violence and custody matters. Explain the history of abuse, the current concerns, and any changes in the child's behavior. Keep factual records of relevant incidents and communications when safe. Ask what options exist for addressing safety concerns through the court, whether modifications or protective measures may be available, and what to do if an urgent situation arises. If you believe a child is in immediate danger, contact emergency services or the appropriate child-protection authority. Please don't blame yourself for the things you cannot control. You can create a safer environment in your own home. You can listen to your children. You can document concerns appropriately. You can seek professional guidance and make thoughtful decisions. Leaving an abusive relationship is an important step, but supporting the children afterward is part of the journey, too. They deserve safety, stability, and the opportunity to heal. If you or your child are facing immediate danger, contact emergency services. For help with domestic violence safety planning, you can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or visit TheHotline.org, when it is safe to do so.

Teen Dating Violence is when teens, usually ages about 12-18, experience dating relationships in which one partner exerts power and control over the other through physical, sexual, emotional, or stalking behavior. Because many teens are navigating their first relationships, they may not recognize that what is happening to them is abusive. They may think jealousy means love. They may believe that constant messages are proof that someone cares. They may feel that sharing passwords is simply what couples do. The partner may make cruel comments about the teenager's appearance, intelligence, body, sexuality, or abilities. They might ridicule them in private or embarrass them in front of classmates. If you’re a teen in a relationship where you feel afraid, controlled, watched, shamed, or hurt, you deserve better. They may be frightened to tell anyone because they believe their parents will take away their phone, forbid them from dating, or blame them for the situation. They may have seen this dynamic at home with their own parents so these actions seem "normal" for a relationship. Talk to teenagers about respect, consent, boundaries, privacy, and healthy disagreement. Help them understand that love is not ownership. We all deserve safety, respect, and a healthy love. If you are a teen reading this please reach out to a trusted adult, or call 1-800-799-SAFE. You don't have to go through this alone. Stay safe and God bless, Mel See less

Love bombing is a term used to describe overwhelming displays of affection, attention, praise, gifts, or promises that may be used to establish influence or control over another person. The concern arises when affection becomes a tool for creating obligation, accelerating commitment, or making someone feel that they owe the other person access, loyalty, sex, money, or control over their decisions. As an example, the gift that was presented as an expression of love becomes a debt you are expected to repay. The attention and affection changes once the person believes you are committed. Those compliments they showered you with in the beginning may become less frequent. The person may start criticizing your appearance, your friendships, or your decisions. Or that same person who once told you that you were perfect may now tell you that nobody else would want you. You may also feel embarrassed to tell anyone what's happening because your friends remember how happy you were at the beginning. As with the other things I have discussed over the past few weeks none of the things mentioned here can really make a diagnosis over or even prove their intentions are. No matter how hurtful they may seem. What is the patterns in the relationship? Can you make a decision without fear? Is there a negative reaction from this person? How do they react when you say, "No!"?What can you do? Put the brakes on making a commitment for now. Reevaluate the relationship "before" everything is set in stone. Take time to get to know the person if this is someone new. There's no need to rush into anything. Keep contact with your circle. Continue to do the things you love and enjoy. Keep yourself financial independent for the time being. Don't share passwords for banking, social media, your phone, etc... The thing is not to berate yourself for missing the signs or not trusting your gut. There is nothing wrong with liking positive attention, flattery, love, and gifts. Just remember that a healthy relationship doesn't require you to lose identity, lose your family, friends, or tank your credit rating. The question isn't how intensely someone loves you at the beginning. The question is whether you remain free to be yourself as the relationship grows. I hope this sheds a bit of light on this topic. Stay safe and God bless, Mel

On today's episode we are talking about something called "Baiting". It has nothing to do with fishing! Baiting is an informal term for provoking someone in an attempt to elicit a response. In an abusive relationship, that response may then be used to blame, discredit, intimidate, or manipulate the other person. Here's an example: A person repeatedly sends insulting messages late at night. You ask them to stop, but the messages continue. Eventually, you send an angry response. They take a screenshot of your message and show it to friends, relatives, or other people involved in the situation. Of course, the messages that came before yours are missing. Now, no one knows what caused your response. In situations involving separation or custody disputes, these interactions can feel particularly frightening because you may worry that your reactions will be used against you. When someone knows you well, they may know exactly which subjects cause you pain. They may know your fears, your insecurities, your past experiences, or the things you are most protective of. They may know how to make you feel misunderstood or how to bring you to tears. And when you have been dealing with repeated stress, even a relatively small provocation can feel like the last straw. What can you do? - Learn to recognize your own warning signs when emotions start to rise. - Pause before you respond. Take a deep breath. Drink some water or stop responding to the conversation if it's safe to do so. - Consider if the conversation needs to happen at all. If communication is necessary because of shared children, legal matters, work, or practical responsibilities, keep it focused on the issue at hand when that is safe and appropriate. For example, if a message contains several insults and one practical question about a scheduled exchange, you may be able to respond only to the necessary question. - Be careful not to ignore court orders, essential parenting responsibilities, or legal deadlines. If you are unsure how to manage communication, consult an attorney or advocate. - Consider keeping records. If the person repeatedly sends threatening or abusive messages, preserve the original communications when safe. Keep a paper trail of dates, times, and relevant context. If you are concerned about stalking, threats, or court proceedings, ask an advocate or attorney how to preserve information appropriately. Avoid editing evidence in a way that changes its meaning. Ask an attorney or domestic violence advocate on how you can preserve the evidence. - Please do not provoke someone in return to obtain evidence. - Practice responding rather than reacting when you have the opportunity. This doesn't mean suppressing your feelings or pretending everything is fine. Consider what response serves your actual needs. Remember, you do not have to attend every argument to which someone invites you. But you also do not have to risk your safety to walk away from one. Talk with an attorney or domestic violence advocate to ask for advice on how to respond appropriately if you feel someone is using this tactic. Stay safe and God bless, Mel Find help and info here- National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠ Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠ Sexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠ Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠ Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠ Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

Today's episode is not about vacuums I promise! I'm diving into something called, "Hoovering". It's when a person sucks you back into a relationship or into contact. This is used many times if you have left that relationship or set boundaries. It can look like a promise to change, getting counseling, coming clean, or finding religion. They may try to woo you back with gifts, flowers, or reminding you of loving past memories. They may recruit family and friends into the mix by sharing how much they changed and if they can help get you back. Promises are not the same as sustained change. Time will prove if they have changed. As an example: Are they doing what they said they would? Such as going to therapy? Involved in church? Stopped drinking/drugs? Gotten a stable job? What can you do? Take time to think, seek support, and consider what has actually happened over the course of the relationship. Remind yourself why you created distance in the first place. Talk with a domestic violence advocate or licensed counselor for advice and/or creating a safety plan. I know it may be hard but love, history, and hope do not erase the importance of your safety. Stay safe and God bless, Mel Find help and info here- National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠ Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizations Sexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠ Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠ Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠ Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)