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Ready to turn things around in the bedroom? We're talking reverse cowgirl, and trust us, there's a LOT more to this position than simply facing the other direction. Where do your legs go? How do you keep your partner from popping out? And what exactly is he supposed to be doing while you're up there? We're answering all your burning questions about Reverse Cowgirl, including a few you probably didn't even know you had. From finding your favorite angle to getting more clitoral stimulation, we're sharing the little adjustments that can make this position a whole lot more fun for both of you. In this episode, you'll hear: How to get into reverse cowgirl without accidentally kicking your partner in the face The simple pelvic tilt that can completely change how this position feels How to keep your partner from popping out, plus how to avoid accidentally bending his penis Why reverse cowgirl can be great for clitoral stimulation, especially if you're a little shy about touching yourself How to stay connected when you can't see each other's faces What the partner on the bottom can do with their hands to make things even better The pillow trick that makes reverse cowgirl more comfortable if you struggle with straddling. Whether reverse cowgirl is already in your regular rotation or you've been curious about giving it a go, you're about to discover some new ways to make this position feel REALLY good. Grab your partner, press play, and get ready to turn things around. Ready to add a few more favorites to your bedroom rotation? Reverse cowgirl is just the beginning, friends. If you're ready to explore new angles, discover what feels amazing for your bodies, and have a whole lot more fun together, Ultimate Sex Positions is for you. You'll get: 47 tastefully illustrated sex positions. Step-by-step instructions that show you how to get into each position, move together, and find what feels best. Tips and techniques for more pleasure, so you can experiment with different sensations and discover new favorites together. Whether you're feeling adventurous or just want to put a new spin on an old favorite, there's something in here for every couple. Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex Stay Connected Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your husband creates AI videos of the two of you having sex. You're only having sex four times a year. Or you tried a new position once, hated it, and have absolutely no interest in giving it another shot. Is this normal?! We're back with another round of Is This Normal?, where we answer your real-life sex and relationship questions and get into all the things you've been wondering about. And this week's questions are giving us PLENTY to talk about. We're unpacking some pretty interesting bedroom situations and sharing our thoughts on what's worth exploring, what deserves a conversation, and why your version of normal doesn't have to look like anyone else's. In this episode, you'll hear: Is it normal for your husband to create AI images and videos of the two of you having sex? What it means if you're only having sex four times a year, and whether there's a magic number couples should aim for What to do when your partner says she enjoys sex, but you're not convinced Whether it's okay to take a position or sex act off the table after one bad experience How to talk about trying something again when one partner is curious and the other isn't interested Some of these questions might sound familiar. Others might have you thinking, "Wait, people do that?!" Either way, you're going to want to hear our answers. Press play, then ask your partner which question surprised them the most. Ready to discover your next favorite position? One meh experience doesn’t mean you have to write off trying new things. And you definitely don’t have to retry something you didn’t enjoy. If you’re curious about what else might feel good, Ultimate Sex Positions gives you 47 positions to explore together, with clear instructions that take the guesswork out of trying something new. Inside, you’ll get: 47 illustrated sex positions, so you can see exactly what goes where Step-by-step instructions for getting into and out of each position Tips for moving together and finding your rhythm, so you can discover what works for your bodies You might find a new favorite, rediscover an old one, or have a really good time experimenting together. Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Would you kiss your partner after they went down on you? What would you do if your partner wasn't enjoying the sex you were having? And how would you handle it if weight gain started affecting your physical intimacy? Oh, we've got some opinions about these ones. It's time for another round of Am I the A*****e?, where we read your real-life relationship stories, unpack the bedroom disagreements, and give our verdicts on who's in the wrong. In this episode, you'll hear: The husband who loves going down on his wife, but has some very specific rules about what happens afterward Whether refusing to kiss your partner after oral sex is a reasonable boundary or a bedroom double standard How weight gain can affect physical intimacy, and what happens when partners disagree about it What to do when one partner isn't enjoying the sex they're having Our verdicts on each story, including where we agree, disagree, and think things get a little more complicated Think you already know who's in the wrong? You might change your mind once you hear the other side. Grab your partner, press play, and see if you agree with our verdicts. We have a feeling a few of these are going to spark some pretty interesting conversations. Want to give your partner a few more reasons to say, "Do that again"? Let's talk about putting those hands and mouths to VERY good use. The Ultimate Foreplay Guides give you step-by-step techniques for fingering, oral sex, handjobs, and blowjobs, with expert guidance on exactly how to touch, tease, and pleasure your partner. You'll get separate guides for vulvas and penises, packed with techniques you can practice, experiment with, and make your own. And who knows? You might just discover a new favorite move tonight. Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating. But for most couples, it’s anything but smooth. Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help! We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship. That means a lot of us are struggling with: 🚨 Feeling like one partner is always initiating while the other never does 🚨 Getting caught off guard and feeling pressured to have sex in the moment 🚨 Waiting until the end of the night, when you're both exhausted 🚨 Using "lazy" or unsexy initiation attempts (boob honks, anyone?) 🚨 Feeling like your partner only flirts when they want something Sound familiar? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re breaking down the most common mistakes couples make when initiating sex. 🔑 What You’ll Learn in This Episode: ✅ The #1 reason why most couples struggle with initiation ✅ Why timing matters just as much as how you initiate ✅ The major mistake that makes sex feel like a pop quiz, and what to do instead ✅ What to say (and what not to say) when initiating sex ✅ How to make your partner feel wanted instead of pressured And of course, we’re sharing our top tool to completely transform the way you initiate, so you and your partner can experience more connection, better intimacy, and yes… way more satisfying sex! Ready to stop guessing what actually works? The Art of Initiation helps you figure out how each of you actually likes sex to be initiated, so you can make getting things started feel a whole lot more fun (and a whole lot less awkward). You’ll uncover your Initiation Styles, figure out what makes each of you more open to getting turned on, and get 61 specific ways to initiate that you can actually try together. And right now, you can get instant lifetime access for just $49 (normally $89). GET THE ART OF INITIATION FOR $49 →https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation Sale ends Tuesday, October 6 at 11:59 pm PT. Stay Connected Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Would you tell your partner if their kink gave you the ick? What if their foreplay technique wasn't quite doing it for you? And is it normal for sex to be just okay most of the time? Oh, we've got some GOOD questions for you today. We're back with another round of Ask a Sex Therapist, answering the questions you've been sending us about sex, pleasure, and all those things you might be a little too embarrassed to ask out loud. From requesting spicy pics to navigating intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch, we're getting into the details with our favorite combination of honest conversations, practical advice, and a little TMI. In this episode, you'll hear: How to ask your wife for spicy pics in a way that feels fun for both of you What to do when your partner's kink gives you the ick How to navigate intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch Whether it's normal for sex to be average most of the time and mind-blowing only occasionally Why clitoral stimulation can sometimes feel so intense that it almost hurts How to tell your partner you want something different during foreplay without hurting their feelings Whether you've been wondering about one of these questions yourself or you're just here for the juicy details, you're going to love this conversation. And who knows? You might even pick up a new trick or two to try tonight. Ready to put some new moves in your foreplay repertoire? We've got your next favorite thing to do in bed. Actually, make that several. The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are packed with step-by-step techniques for fingering, oral sex, handjobs, and blowjobs, so you can discover new ways to touch, tease, and drive each other absolutely wild. You'll also get an entire section dedicated to navigating foreplay frustrations, including how to ask for what you want and give feedback that actually helps. Because the more you know about each other's pleasure, the more fun you get to have together. Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Stay Connected Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your conversations have turned into a running list of who's handling what, and your quality time is two people on one couch looking at two different screens. 44% of the couples we polled said they're in a rut right now too. So we built you a four-week plan, five minutes a day, plus the exact words to use if you're the one who has to bring it up. In this episode, you'll hear: The difference between a rut and a red flag The exact words to use when you're the one raising this, and how to keep it from landing like a complaint Why "we're just busy" is the most common reason couples end up here, and the part nobody questions The five-minute daily habit that starts week one, and why your brain needs the reps The weekend activity that only counts if it has zero practical value The hug-and-kiss math that resets both your nervous systems in under a minute Why week four is the one couples skip, and why skipping it is how you end up right back here A rut doesn't mean you picked the wrong person or that something's broken between you. It means life got loud, so press play with your partner and let this be the thing that starts the conversation. LINKS & RESOURCES 📝4-Week Relationship Reset PDF: your Companion Workbook for EPISODE 278:How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut: Your 4-Week Plan - https://free.vmtherapy.com/4-week-reset 👋The Art of Initiation: your guide to making initiation feel easier, sexier, and more satisfying https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation ✅Turn Me On: Your Initiation Style Guide: a free guide to discover your unique initiation style (and how to use it!) https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide Want the month after this one handled too? The Spark is our $9 a month membership for couples whose lives are full and whose relationship keeps sliding to the bottom of the list. Every month we deliver a fresh drop of ideas straight to you. The planning is done for you. The ideas show up, and the two of you pick whatever sounds fun. Small sparks, on a schedule. Enough momentum to keep you out of the rut you just climbed out of. Nine dollars a month. Less than a fancy coffee. Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every once in a while an orgasm hits you like a freight train, and you lie there afterward wondering what on earth that was and why you can't do it again. What if that wasn't luck? In this episode, you'll hear: Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets The four things about your orgasm you can actually change What your body does automatically the second an orgasm starts that's probably cutting it short Why the window for a second orgasm stays open longer than you think, and the one moment that closes it The truth about G-spot, cervical, and nipple orgasms, and why none of them outrank the clitoris What Vanessa found after twenty years of thinking she already knew everything about her own body What if your orgasm was only the beginning? Advanced Orgasm is our course for the woman who already orgasms reliably, on her own and with a partner, and is curious what else her body can do. It doesn't teach you how to orgasm. It teaches you how to shape what happens when you do. The four Amplifiers we walk through in this episode. Intensity, Duration, Frequency, and Pathway. Four levers you can pull, with the step-by-step for each one. You get to decide what kind of orgasm you have. Slow and drawn out tonight, enormous on Friday, two of them if that's the mood. A 30-day actually-try-it guarantee. Give it a fair shot, and if you haven't learned something that expands how you explore your own pleasure, we'll refund you. Lifetime access, including every upgrade we ever make to it. Check out Advanced Orgasm here: https://vmtherapy.com/advanced Not sure if it’s for you? If your orgasm only shows up under very particular conditions, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner, that's not a flaw. You're just at a different starting line. Start with Finishing School: https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort. So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and floss, and nothing seems to happen on its own anymore? In this episode, you'll hear: Why nothing sexy happens spontaneously after about six months, and what has to replace it The thing you have to clear out of the way before you can build desire at all Which of the four desire types you and your partner each are, and why it changes how you initiate How to flirt with someone you've been with for years without feeling ridiculous The compliment swap that makes it actually land, and what to say instead of "you're hot" Why initiating in the moment is already too late, and when to start instead What our community said gets them in the mood, from grey sweatpants to a longer than usual kiss in the kitchen Mentioned in this episode: Discover your initiation style here: https://vmtherapy.com/style Listen to Episode 251: What's Your Desire Type?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode251 Want to make sure the sex is worth craving? It's time to give and receive "I didn't know it could be that good" pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason. Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs. Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more. Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Think you've tried every position? Think again. Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies. 47 fully illustrated positions with step-by-step guidance for getting into, out of, and moving in each one. 17 pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything. Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex Stay Connected Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee. In this episode, you'll hear: Can you ask your partner to start initiating again after you spent years shutting them down? A monthly quota for sex: reasonable or red flag? Oral every single time: too much to ask or not a big deal? The b*****b stereotype most women believe, and what men actually told us in our foreplay survey Asking your partner to stop saying a word that gives you the ick, without shutting down the dirty talk entirely How to admit you've hated something in bed for years without making your partner feel terrible Is waking your partner up because you can't sleep crossing a line? Want to stop guessing and start feeling confident in your technique? It’s time to give and receive “I didn’t know it could be that good” pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason. Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs. Animated GIFs with tasteful illustrations that will help you become an expert at our hottest foreplay techniques. Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more. Exactly what to do before, during, and after orgasm to ensure a “my soul just left my body” experience. Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Stay Connected Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Oversized, ultra-plush, and completely built for your best summer days. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We recently shared a reel answering a question from a woman who didn’t orgasm during sex. The comments section turned into something we've never experienced in over ten years of doing this, including one accusation we still can't believe we had to respond to. In this episode, you'll hear: The one line in that reel that set the whole thing off The accusation that hurt more than anything we've ever been called online The ball of clay explanation that changes how you understand your own anatomy The percentage of women who actually orgasm from penetration alone (it's not what you've been told) The rule we have in our own sex life As promised in the episode, our Survivor's Guide is a free resource for survivors of sexual assault who want to reclaim their sex life. Grab it here: https://vmtherapy.com/survivors-guide-opt-in Finishing School is our orgasm course for women, and it starts exactly where this episode does, with understanding that you're not broken. Learn how your anatomy actually works Do the mindset work first, because that's what makes every technique after it land Get step by step practices for orgasming on your own and with a partner Learn how to create more sensation during intercourse instead of less Check out Finishing School here: https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm Stay Connected Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we're answering all your questions about trying new positions, from how to introduce something new when you've been together forever, to why switching things up can kill the mood, to the pillow trick that changes everything, plus how many positions you actually need for great sex. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: 🛏️ How to introduce new positions when you've been together forever ⭐ The most underrated position, and no, it's not missionary 🎬 Why switching out of missionary sometimes kills the mood 🍆 What to do when he goes soft during a transition 🛋️ The best pillow and furniture for better positions ⏱️ How long to give a position before deciding "nah, this isn't it" 🔢 How many positions you actually need in one session Use this episode to talk with your partner about what you'd actually love to try next. 💦 Think you've tried every position? Think again. Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies. 47 fully illustrated positions (5 new!) with step-by-step guidance 17 brand-new pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything Recommendations for what each position is best for, plus troubleshooting and aftercare Right now, get the whole guide and every bonus for just $49, half off the regular $97 The sale ends Monday, August 17, so don't wait. 👉🏻 Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Oversized, ultra-plush, and completely built for your best summer days. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s time for another episode of What Do Men Really Think About… and Xander’s back in the hot seat to answer your burning questions about preferences, fantasies, the death grip, and how to give better feedback in bed. Plus, we’re giving you questions to share with your partner to help you get on the same page and build your goals for your sex life! 💛 In this episode, you'll hear:  🔥 Do men actually prefer rough sex? 💬 The most misunderstood thing about men and sex 🕯️ How to use the 5 to 10 minutes right after sex for more connection 🗣️ Do men really want feedback in bed? 🍑 Reverse cowgirl, the view, and the butthole anxiety 💧 How men really feel about discharge and everything else your body does during sex 🔌 Do men get upset when you need a vibrator to orgasm? ❓ A round of quick fire preference questions to take home and ask your partner tonight 🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship every single month?  The Spark is our monthly membership for couples who want to keep intimacy alive without having to figure it all out on their own.  Fresh, doable ways to connect delivered every month, so you never run out of ideas Real guidance from a sex therapist and her very own regular dude Low pressure prompts and conversations that actually fit your real life Built for couples in any season, whether things feel stuck or you just want more of a good thing 💛 Stay Connected 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark  📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Cure. Cure Hydration just launched in Target, which I'm genuinely pumped about. I stocked up last week and the box is already half gone. So next time you're at Target, grab some! Use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're finally in bed together, but you can’t stop thinking about tomorrow's to-do list. We've all heard the advice to “just let go”. Stop thinking, stop controlling, lose yourself. But 80% of you tell us that you struggle to actually do that. So we're saying something a little controversial this week: "just let go" might be the worst sex advice out there. Listen in to learn what actually helps you feel present and connected to your partner during sex. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why "just let go" tends to backfire and pull you further into your head The real reasons your brain won't quiet down Why you'll never be perfectly present the whole time, and why that's actually OK The questions to ask yourself mid-distraction to spot what's really in the way A better goal to chase than "letting go” How your nervous system decides whether pleasure feels safe, and how to help it settle If you've ever laid there convinced something's wrong with you for not being able to switch off, nothing is. Your brain is doing exactly what brains do, and there's a kinder, more useful way in. The Spark is our $9/month membership for keeping playfulness, curiosity, and closeness alive when real life keeps getting in the way. If this episode hit home, it's the easiest place to start putting it into practice: Fresh prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered every month Built for real couples with real lives, not just the honeymoon phase Small, doable ways to stay connected and get out of your head together 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark Stay connected Follow us on Instagram at https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander. Get our weekly email at https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe. Loving the show? Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen, and leave a review to help more people find us. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Made from viscose from bamboo — breathable, soft, and built for summer. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We ran a poll and 67% of couples told us they feel more like roommates than partners. This week we're walking through our D.R.I.F.T. Framework: the 5 silent relationship killers that chip away at intimacy, plus the small shifts that bring you back to each other. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: The full D.R.I.F.T. Framework and why that 67% roommate stat lands so hard for so many couples 📱 How the average person's 144 daily phone checks can turn date night into two people scrolling side by side 🔁 When "who's grabbing the kids?" takes over and the deeper conversations start to disappear 😐 Why the absence of conflict isn't the same as closeness 🙏 The gratitude gap that lets resentment move in, and why appreciation is one of the biggest predictors of a happy marriage 🤝 How the "bristle reaction" kills everyday affection, and the 10-second reset that brings it back These might feel like small things, but over time they add up to real distance. The good news: once you can name them, you can start to shift them, together. 🕯️ Ready to swap the drift for a little more spark every month? The Spark is our monthly membership for couples who want to keep choosing each other on purpose, with low-pressure ways to stay close long after the credits roll on date night. Fresh ways to reconnect that you don't have to dream up yourself, so "fine" never gets the chance to settle in Simple, doable ideas that bring real conversation and everyday, non-sexual affection back into your week A monthly nudge to keep intimacy intentional, because connection takes intention, not mind-reading 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cure. Cure Hydration just launched in Target, which I'm genuinely pumped about. I stocked up last week and the box is already half gone. So next time you're at Target, grab some! Use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every couple has that one thing they’ll argue about until the end of time. TV in the bedroom. How to load the dishwasher. Can men and women just be friends? 👀 We asked our community to send us the disagreements they just can’t seem to settle with their partner, and today we’re weighing in as your official referees. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: 💋 Is oral foreplay or the main event? 🐾 If the pet falls asleep on your lap, are you officially off chore duty? 👀 Can men and women really be just friends? Our take. ✂️ Who gets the final say when it comes to grooming and body hair? 🕯️ Want more fun, flirting, and connection with your partner every single month? The Spark is our monthly membership full of playful, low-pressure ways to keep things exciting, no matter how different the two of you are. Fresh sweet & spicy date ideas, conversation starters, and intimacy prompts every month Simple ways to reconnect, even on your busiest weeks Something you can actually look forward to doing together without having to plan a thing 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices