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A story about one really angry German dude, strippers, photography, and a whole lot of fake blood. Listen in as me and returning guest Devon flounder as we try to find a reason why this film exists. Written and directed by Nick Palumbo (Nutbag, Murder-Set-Pieces), the Christian Science Monitor (yes, you read that correctly) called the film "an interesting effort to make the ultimate horror movie," while Variety, The New York Times, Village Voice, and New York Post basically called it garbage. What is the truth? Well... 4 out of 5 dentists can't be wrong, can they? It tells the story of a psychotic Photographer, played with cartoonish zest by Sven Garrett (Days of Our Lives, The Young and the Restless, Dances with Werewolves), as he trolls around Las Vegas picking up strippers and prostitutes for photo sessions that end in rape, torture, and murder. That's about it. Oh, he is dating a woman named Charlotte, played by Valerie Baber (Emmanuelle: The Private Collection), whose younger sister Jade discovers the murderous truth of the Photographer. Okay, that's really it. Lot's of nudity, not great acting, oodles of fake blood. The film is currently available on DVD in R-rated and Director's Cut versions.

A story about cyborg space Jesus, corruption, environmentalism, and sisters who go into prostitution way too quickly. Listen in as me and Richard, our resident specialist in Breenism, discuss the technique, philosophy, and confounding style of this enchanting indie film. Written, directed, produced, and edited by REALTOR®-cum-auteur Neil Breen (Double Down, I Am Here.... Now, Fateful Findings, Pass Thru, Twisted Pair), this film has been called "unfocused and confusing" by Chicken Dynasty, while Marc Fusion likened it to "mind melting cinema." Look, finding legitimate reviews of this film was tough. Considering Breen has been wowing the indie circuit for years I am surprised. You know what, just Google "Neil Breen." It tells the story of a cosmic cyborg-like Jesus figure who comes to Earth in a s****y paperweight. Of course he chooses to land in Las Vegas and immediately laments the downfall of his "project," our species... the human species. From there he steals clothes and truck from a junkie couple, cruises around the Vegas Strip, befriends a dying old man in a wheel chair, has some sort of relationship with an environmentalist turned escort, and literally wipes away corruption in the form of crooked lobbyists and politicians. This film is batshit. Neil stopped selling it solo on his website, but you can find it at https://dvdlady.com/dvd/i-am-here-now-2009-starring-neil-breen-on-dvd/ (dvdlady.com).

A story about the dangers of science, government coverups, random skinny dipping, and a big f*****g Komodo dragon. Listen in as me and my guest, Joe, consider the finer points of gratuitous skinny dipping, huge Komodo scat, and infinite ammo. Directed by Jim Wynorski AKA Harold Blueberry AKA Sam Pepperman AKA Salvadore Ross AKA Jay Andrews (House on Hooter Hill, The Witches of Breastwick, The Hills Have Thighs), and written by Steve Latshaw (Planet Raptor, Megaconda, Invisible Dad), the Video Vacuum called the overall film "watchable, but inessential," while Dr. Gore's Movie Reviews said "the action scenes are tedious." Oy... What kinda movie did I pick? It tells the story of a band of thieves who find themselves stranded on a secret island populated by a small band of top secret researchers and one big ass Komodo dragon. As they join the scientists in a fight for survival, they find themselves battling Komodo-saliva-induced zombies and the US military. It's... definitely something. The film is currently available on IMDb TV, Tubi, and for rent or purchase on Amazon Prime Video. Check out Joe's podcast, That Was Disappointing..., here. Fine, fine... It's my podcast as well.

A story about revenge, nihilism, dizzying camera work, and notorious sequences. ***LISTENER DISCRETION IS ADVISED*** Listen in as me and my returning guest, Mike, talk through this polarizing work. Written and directed by Gaspar Noe (I Stand Alone, Into the Void, Love), Rolling Stone said the film was "artfully crafted" while the Wall Street Journal countered by calling it "almost literally unendurable." See? Polarizing. Told in reverse, it tells the story of a quest for revenge after Alex (portrayed by the incredible Monica Bellucci) is savagely raped and beaten. Her boyfriend Marcus (played by the fantastic Vincent Cassel) and her friend Pierre (Albert Dupontel) rush through some of the seedier side streets and back alleys of Paris in search of the vicious attacker, Le Tenia. The film is currently available on Amazon Prime, Tubi, Blu-ray, and DVD.

A story about 80's fashion, toxic relationships, peeing one's pants, and farts. Listen in as me and returning guest Dan take a pee-soaked, snot-strung stroll down memory lane with this horrific example of a "family film." Directed by Rod Amateau (Son of Hitler, Drive-In, Gilligan's Island) and written by Amateau and Linda Palmer (Legion of Fire: Killer Ants!, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie), TV Guide Magazine called the film "stunningly inept and totally reprehensible," and The Globe and Mail said "it is charmless, humorless, cynical and mean-minded." Man, oh man. Sure, I was a child when I used to watch this, but it can't be *that* bad... can it? Let's find out! It tells the story of a apparent 14-year-old orphan named Dodger (Mackenzie Astin, giving it his all) who lives/works for Captain Manzini (Anthony Newley, who brings some sense of grace to the proceedings), and is constantly bullied by a trio of twentysomething thugs. Tangerine (Katie Barberi), the girlfriend of ringleader Juice, finds herself kind of endeared to Dodger then flat out using him for clothing made by the titular oddball children. Captain Manzini has been keeping them captive in a garbage can in his store because that's what one does. Look, it doesn't make any sense, okay? But there is a State Home for the Ugly, really bad animatronic suits, and lots of farts. Be honest, that's why you're here, right? It's the farts. The film is currently available on Amazon Prime, DVD, and Blu-ray. Be sure to check out Dan's awesome podcast! You can find it at http://justonethingpodcast.com

A story about old friends and new, talking about making movies, unmotivated dolly shots, and even worse CGI than before. Listen in as me and returning Birdemic specialist, Dave, giggle and revel at this amazingly ridiculous sequel. We're back for more BIRDS! Written and directed by self-proclaimed auteur James Nguyen (Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Birdemic 2: The Resurrection, Julie and Jack), Movie Rewind said " if you liked the first movie for all its stupid, quirky charm, you’re bound to have a great time suffering through this one as well," and Splatter Critic said it's "terrible in countless ways, yet hard to condemn since it’s so unabashedly stupid." Yep. That about covers it. It tells the continuing story of Rod (Alan Bagh, back in action and swinging for the fences) and Nathalie (Whiney Moore, back like a good sport) as they continue their lives after the horrific events of the first film. Rod's buddy, Bill (fantastically wooden Thomas Favaloro), is a promising young director who needs cash for his passion project. Rich Rod signs on as long as his lady fair and his adopted son can be in the film. Random conversations about old Hollywood movies and the struggles of being and actor, writer, or director are highlighted. Finally the birds attack, cavepeople from the La Brea tar pits rise, and zombies show up. It is f*****g nuts. The film is currently available on Amazon Prime, Fear Factory, Tubi, Pluto TV, and DVD.

A story about young love, magical days, addictions, and no more books. Listen in as me and resident specialist in Breenism, Richard, as we plumb the depths of this strange and abstruse masterpiece. Written, directed, produced, and edited by master indie auteur Neil Breen (Double Down, I Am Here.... Now, Fateful Findings, Pass Thru, Twisted Pair), Screen Anarchy called the film "compelling in its pervasive oddness," and Indie Film Cafe said "never in history has $25.95 plus shipping and handling been more wisely spent!" With acclaim like that do you really need more reasons to see this? If so, did you know that Breen was also the accountant, craft service, special make-up effects, location manager, production designer, sound editor, lighting design, wardrobe, and set decorator for the film? This man's talent knows no bounds! It tells the story of Dylan (the head honcho, Breen), an author of one book and hacker of many government and corporate secrets, as he suffers a car accident that sets him on a collision course with his childhood love, Leah. Along the way magical things happen, he hacks more secrets, sees psychiatrists, people get murdered, hotdogs get knocked over, and lots of looooong pauses in dialogue are taken. Look, I cannot possibly do this film justice trying to explain it. See it in all it's glory for yourself. The film is currently available for rent or purchase Amazon Prime or Apple TV, and on DVD at https://www.fatefulfindings.biz/.

A story about rubber suit aliens, bad acting, Maryland accents, and a tiny police station. Listen in as me and returning guest, Kenny, set this interplanetary zoological disaster film under or microscopes. Written and directed by Maryland’s greatest unknown talent Don Dohler (Blood Massacre, Galaxy Invader, Nightbeast), the Bloody Pit of Horror called the film both “extremely cheap-looking, amateurishly acted, poorly edited and filled with continuity errors” but also said it was “a fun and charming no budget creature feature." Video Religion said "the movie is a significant example of no-budget filmmaking, not because it does an excellent job of hiding its shortcomings, but because it goes all out with what it does have.” That really sums up Don’s work. Might not have had much, but he swung for the fences with what he did. It tells the story of a small Maryland town that sees an alien spaceship crash. The occupants, a trio of deadly alien specimens, escape and begin to terrorize the town. Hope is found when a stranger shows up in town claiming to have tracked the crash. He hunts the aliens down and starts to gain the trust of those around him, but he too harbors a secret… The film is currently available on Amazon Prime Video, DVD, and Blu-Ray.

A story about guns, projections, reflections, and Sean Connery's body hair. Listen in as me and returning guest, Peter, become one with the Tabernacle and aim our kaleidoscopes at this trippy piece of 70s sci-fi. Written and directed by John Boorman (Deliverance, Exorcist II: The Heretic, Point Blank), Entertainment Weekly called the film "silly [and] impenetrable," while the New Yorker said it was "a glittering cultural trash pile." Man, even the "nicest" review from Entertainment Weekly was harsh. It tells the story of a future where man has separated in to small bands of immortal folks living in medieval-style villages with killer wifi and an omnipresent AI caretaker, and the rest of humanity has been left outside the walls to roam the lands as killers, rapists, and brutes. Hm... Kinda sounds like a commentary on the 1% or something... Anyway, the barbarians worship a floating stone head controlled by an aforementioned immortal. This faux religion is used to control the barbarians until one day, mustachioed Sean Connery sneaks aboard and is taken to where the immortals live. It just gets weirder and more colorful from there. The film is currently available on Prime Video for rent or purchase.

A story about a duck, a girl, inter-dimensional demons, and flirting with beastiality. Listen in as me and returning guest Dan settle in with a Duckweiser and thumb through that latest issue of Playduck as we revisit the first feature film about a Marvel character. Directed by Willard Huyck (Messiah of Evil, French Postcards, Best Defense), who also co-wrote the film with Gloria Katz (American Graffiti, More American Graffiti, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom), TV Guide Magazine called the film "a monumental waste of time" and the A.V. Club said it was "desperately unfunny." What the hell is wrong with these people? I think they saw a different film... I agree with Empire who said it was "a crazy comedy" and IGN who stated it was "fun to watch." Screw the haters! It tells the story of Howard T. Duck, a charismatic smartass anthropomorphic duck who is ripped from his planet, Duck World, and plopped down into the best area Cleveland, Ohio has to offer. He befriends struggling up-and-coming rocker Beverly (played by the electric Lea Thompson) who introduces him to her wannabe scientist friend Phil (Tim Robbins with full-tilt Nic Cage energy), and the two set about trying to return Howard to his home. Inter-dimensional demons and a zany turn by the talented, yet problematic, Jeffrey Jones keep this adventure firing on all cylinders. Let's not forget, there's a killer theme song. You can find the film on Amazon Prime Video for rent or purchase and on DVD and Blu-ray.

A story about assassinations, biochemical warfare, canned tuna, and... who the f**k knows. Listen in as me and returning guest Richard, our resident specialist in Breenism, revisit the film that started it all for indie auteur wunderkind Neil Breen. Written and directed by first-time filmmaker Neil Breen (Fateful Findings, I Am Here....Now, Pass Thru, Twisted Pair), Worst Movies Ever Made called the film "a real, honest-to-goodness chore to sit through," and Zeegrade Reviews doubled down themselves and said that Neil "[makes] Ed Wood look like Christopher Nolan." They aren't wrong. This movie is baaaaaaaaad. It tells the story of a "brilliant" hacker/secret operative/ex-fighter pilot who lives in his car, eats only can tuna (when not spilling it on his lap), and controls much of the world's satellites and systems from a couple s****y laptops and a Dish Network receiver c-clamped to his trunk. The love of his life was killed and now he is taking revenge by terrorizing the Las Vegas strip while also saving the Las Vegas strip...? I don't f*****g know. Watch it and if you figure it out email me. I'll send you a crisp $2 bill. The film is exceptionally hard to find. You might see it pop up on YouTube occasionally or might find an out of print DVD. I'd normally say you should try to get it, but this one is pretty bad.

A story about marital abuse, a dog named Shnoopsie, a friendly little fat goblin, and lack of color correction. Listen in as me and listener and first-time guest, Chris, chat about this little slice of indie film ambition. Directed by first-timer Chris Lee and written by first-timer Rosa Parnake, Film Threat called the film "as indie as it gets," while Tales of Terror said the film "has surprises up its sleeves that redeem the weaker moments." Did they watch the same film I did? It tells the story of Sara as she moves to a new home in the suburbs with her son, Sam, and her abusive husband and douchebag stepson, Danny and Danny Jr. respectively, only to find that there is a creature lurking about eating dogs and people. Their enigmatic and (questionably) Danish neighbor Elias pops in to provide some much needed exposition about the history and presence of the creature — a goblin. Danny gets drunk, Danny Jr. listens to death metal, Sam draws creepy things, and Sara tries to navigate it all. The film is currently available on Amazon Prime, Plex, and Tubi.