Advertise on podcast: Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Knowing how to show up for a friend in grief can feel overwhelming. We want to say the right thing, we don’t want to make it worse—and too often, that fear leads to silence. This episode is about finding words that help, not harm, and about staying connected when a friend’s life has been turned upside down. In this conversation, I’m joined by grief coach and author Shelby Forsythia, whose work centers on helping people navigate loss of all kinds—not only death, but also divorce, diagnosis, estrangement, friendship breakups, and other life-altering transitions. Shelby has spent nearly a decade working with grieving people, and what she offers here is incredibly practical, compassionate, and grounding. Rather than focusing on endless lists of “what not to say,” Shelby shares language we can use—simple, human phrases that help friendships survive the hardest moments. Shelby's newest book, Of Course I'm Here Right Now: Three Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving, is written for the people who want to support grievers—friends, family members, coworkers, and anyone who finds themselves walking alongside someone in pain. IN THIS EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT: The three stories most grieving people tell themselves, and how to recognize which one your friend is living inWhy the loss of friendships after a major loss can be just as painful as the loss itselfHow to support someone without trying to fix or reframe their griefWhy saying the name of the person who died often feels comforting, not upsettingHow to show up for non-death grief, including divorce, estrangement, and friendship lossWhy it’s okay—and often necessary—to literally put “check in on my friend” in your calendar Meet Shelby: Shelby Forsythia (she/her) is a grief coach, three time author, and podcast host. In 2020, she founded Life After Loss Academy, an online course and community that has helped dozens of grievers grow and find their way after death, divorce, diagnosis, and other major life transitions. Following her mother’s death in 2013, Shelby began calling herself a “student of grief” and now devotes her days to reading, writing, and speaking about loss. Through a combination of mindfulness tools and intuitive, open-ended questions, she guides her clients to welcome grief as a teacher and create meaningful lives that honor and include the heartbreaks they’ve faced. Her work has been featured in Huffington Post, Bustle, and The Oprah Magazine. Find Shelby: Website | Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | TikTok   ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? **That’s probably here.** THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

This week’s episode is an expansion to last week’s conversation with Dr. Noelle Santorelli about relational aggression, belonging vs. inclusion, and “mean mom groups.” The focus this week shifts from spotting unhealthy dynamics to the next (very hard) question: What should you do after you realize you’ve been excluded by the people you thought were your friends? Bestselling author Amy Weatherly returns with a mix of empathy and tough love, reminding us that adult friendship is rarely cut-and-dry. Sometimes the table truly only held four for that event. And sometimes, those people simply aren’t your people. Either way, Amy’s message is clear: you have more power than you think. Together, Amy and I unpack the gray areas of adult friendship and how popular online memes can be contradictory (“There's always room for everyone!” vs. “Protect your peace!”). We discuss why group-chasing usually backfires and how to build connection one brave invitation at a time. In this episode, we talk about: Why adult friendship isn’t “everyone gets invited” the way it is in childhoodThe difference between "a bad heart" and a bad momentHow labeling people as “mean” or “toxic” can keep you stuckWhy it’s usually better to look for a friend, not a groupHow confidence (and self-reflection) changes everythingThe difficult reality: rejection is part of making friendsBuilding your own “table” instead of trying to squeeze into someone else’sAmy: “The secret to being liked is to like other people.”Amy: “Friendship will favor those who are bold enough to be rejected.”  Links Mentioned:  Last week’s episode (#180) with Dr. Noelle Santorelli on relational aggression and navigating exclusionA version of the Ashley Tisdale story on Today.comNina’s prior episode (#86) featuring Amy + JessAmy's “go where the love is” friendship poem Nina referenced, which can be found on Amy and Jess's Facebook group, Sister I am With You.Dr. Janice McCabe in the NYT on "friendship markets" Meet Amy Weatherly: Amy Weatherly is the co-founder with Jess Johnston of the viral page all about friendship, Sister, I Am with You. They coauthored the new book, Here For It and the Wall Street Journal bestseller I’ll Be There (But I’ll Be Wearing Sweatpants)  Find Sister I am With You on: Facebook, Instagram, and on their Website. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? **That’s probably here.** THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

This week I have a conversation with clinical psychologist Dr. Noelle Santorelli about belonging vs. (forced) inclusion, "mean mom" culture, and relational aggression. And guess what? I recorded this interview with Dr. Santorelli BEFORE the Ashley Tisdale “toxic mom group” article from The Cut was making its way around the internet. I had to re-record my intro to this episode because not addressing the article and the aftermath would have felt off considering our topic for this one.  In our discussion, Dr. Noelle and I spoke about what’s really going on when adult friendships start to feel like middle school. We unpack the difference between actual cruelty versus simply not wanting to be friends anymore (those are not the same thing), and why covert behavior is so confusing and painful to experience. Dr. Noelle gives language to things many of us have felt but can’t quite name. She also offers some much-needed reminders to pause, regulate, and stop assuming every social slight has one clear explanation. We talk about: What relational aggression actually is and how it sometimes shows up quietlyBackhanded compliments, hot-and-cold behavior, gossip, exclusion, and “strategic withholding”The difference between being included and truly belonging (and why forced inclusion often backfires) Friendship love bombing and why we should slow down in new friendships One line from this episode that really stuck with me: “Forced inclusion creates fragile belonging.” I also share a very real story about spiraling after getting no response in a group text—and how sometimes the answer isn’t “they’re being mean,” rather it's: “this wasn’t the right time, place, or audience.” My biggest takeaway: focus on patterns, not incidents, regulate before reacting, and ask yourself why you want into a group that might not actually feel safe or aligned. Links Mentioned: A version of the Ashley Tisdale story on Today.comDr. Santorelli's Mean Girl Mom Survival GuideJoin the Dear Nina Facebook Group Meet Dr. Noelle Santorelli: If you’ve ever found yourself deep in the drama of Mean Girls or Mean Girls in Motherhood (aka Mean Girl Moms), you’ve probably come across Dr. Noelle Santorelli on Instagram. A licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Santorelli has spent the past 14 years in private practice and holds a position of adjunct faculty at Emory School of Medicine in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. In her practice, she specializes in working with high-achieving women who’ve experienced early trauma or grew up in dysfunctional, toxic family environments—often with emotionally immature or narcissistic parents. She also has deep expertise in relational aggression across the lifespan, helping women navigate covert bullying from friends, family, and even the workplace. She helps break down the complexities of relational aggression, Mean Girl culture, and how to protect your peace in a world full of social landmines.  Find Dr. Santorelli on Instagram and TikTok at @drnoellesantorelli ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? **That’s probably here.** THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

For the first episode of 2026, I have my mom, Kathy Sackheim, in the studio for her 6th appearance on the podcast to help me answer a stack of listener questions straight from the Dear Nina inbox. We move quickly through a range of friendship dilemmas from listeners: milestone birthday expectationsuneven effortfriend group tensionan uncomfortable confrontationa group chat blowupreaching out after a long gap since the last hangoutand what to do when a friend’s choices leave you conflicted and/or burdened (We slightly disagreed about that last one!) My mom, at 80, brings decades of perspective and a refreshingly no-nonsense approach to friendship. We talk about being realistic without becoming resentful, staying nonjudgmental, knowing when to widen your circle instead of forcing a group dynamic to work, and why friends and romantic partners serve very different roles in our lives. This episode is thoughtful, candid, and practical—exactly what happens when I put a microphone in front of my mom and let her answer your questions honestly. PREVIOUS 5 EPISODES WITH MY MOM: Ep. #1. The Friend Who Will Only Text:Ep. #8. When Friends Ask Questions You Don’t Want to AnswerEp. #36. Widowhood and FriendshipEp. #50. How Friendships Change With Age, Overlooking Foibles, Dealing With Our Teens’ Friendships, and moreEp. #72. Grudges and Apologies in Friendships LINKED MENTIONED: Find the anonymous questions in the newsletter at dearnina.substack.comAsk an anonymous question The live episode in Chicago was Ep. #160Join the Dear Nina Facebook Group    ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? **That’s probably here.** THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

It’s the annual end-of-year wrap-up, and my assistant producer Rebekah Jacobs is back for a behind-the-scenes look at what landed with listeners in 2025 and why. The themes we keep coming back to on Dear Nina aren’t “college friends” or “mom friends” or “work friends.” It’s all of the above and more. The need to be chosen, to belong, to be wanted, and the sting when we don’t feel it—this is ageless and timeless. HIGHLIGHTS:  We reveal the top 5 cities and top 5 counties where you’re listening to Dear Nina.The top 5 episodes of 2025 and why we think they resonated.We reflect on the hardest and easiest 2025 Friendship Challenges (which we’re officially retiring!)And we talk about our biggest moments of the year—including the Chicago live show—and what's coming up in 2026. LINKS MENTIONED: Episodes Highlighted as Top of 2025 Ep. 143 — The Law of Rejection in Friendships (with Harlan Cohen)Ep. 146 — Tolerate Uncertainty & Stop the Overthinking Spiral (with Dr. Jackie Henry)Ep. 132 — The Four Types of Connection (with Dr. Adam Dorsay)Ep. 148 — Tricky Friendship Etiquette for the Modern Digital Age (with Daniel Post Senning of the Emily Post Institute)Ep. 151 — Myths Around Adult Friendships (with Jazzmyn Proctor of The Visibility Standard Podcast) Other Dear Nina Episodes Mentioned Ep. 160 — Live Show in Chicago (The final poem I read was from author Amy Weatherly of “Sister, I am With You.” It can be found on their Facebook page, here. You can also hear Amy and Jess on Dear Nina, episode #86.)Ep. 172 — What BEACHES Gets Right About Friendship The Dear Nina Friendship Challenges The 12 friendship challenges  MEET REBEKAH JACOBS: Rebekah Jacobs is the assistant producer of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship and a writing professor who lives in Bethesda, Maryland, with her husband and three kids. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? **That’s probably here.** THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

Finding Your People in College Takes Longer Than You Think. At some schools its even a structural problem. As students come home between semesters, some parents might be worried about kids who haven't "found their people" yet. But it's so normal for friendships to take time to form! And even when it feels like "everyone else has a group," those groups often continue to change.  I spoke to Dr. Janice McCabe an associate professor of sociology at Dartmouth College, the President of the Sociology of Education Association, and the author of two books: Making, Keeping, and Losing Friends: How Campuses Shape College Students Networks and Connecting in College: How Friendship Networks Matter for Academic and Social Success, about why friendship feels easy for some students and painfully hard for others.  We dig into the idea of friendship markets—when they’re open, when they’re closed, and how to recognize the difference. We also talk about why clinging to the first friends you meet can actually make things harder and why the structures a school puts in place (the way dorms are organized or the types of orientation activities offered) can make a big difference in those early months. We also discussed the three common friendship network styles Dr. McCabe highlights in her research. More than anything, this episode is a reminder that friendship is a process and that there is always another opportunity ahead to meet new people, even when it feels like everyone is settled in their groups. Links mentioned: Making, Keeping, and Losing Friends: How Campuses Shape College Students Networks Connecting in College: How Friendship Networks Matter for Academic and Social Success Episode #112: Navigating Friendships During College Admissions with guest Kate ProgerEpisode #115: "Use the Freshmen Energy Trick to Make New Friends as an Adult" Meet Dr. Janice McCabe: Dr. Janice McCabe is an associate professor of sociology and women’s, gender, and sexuality studies and the Allen House Professor at Dartmouth College. She teaches courses on the sociology of gender, youth, education, social problems, and research methods at Dartmouth. Dr. McCabe is the President of the Sociology of Education Association (SEA). Her books, Making, Keeping, and Losing Friends: How Campuses Shape College Students Networks (University of Chicago Press, 2025) and Connecting in College: How Friendship Networks Matter for Academic and Social Success (University of Chicago Press, 2016), focus on friendship networks and identities during college and into young adulthood. She is interested in how gender, race/ethnicity, and social class operate as social identities and how they shape social networks. Her research has been covered, among other places, in the Washington Post, Time magazine; NPR, New York Magazine, and the Boston Globe.  Connect with Dr. McCabe on LinkedIn. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

This week’s episode is a bonus! I’m sharing a conversation from when I was a guest on Dr. Adam Dorsay’s podcast, SuperPsyched. I don’t usually repost my own guest interviews, but I’m starting to sprinkle them in the feed because when I’m not the host, different things come out. Different angles. Different stories. Perhaps an even more direct way to discuss making and keeping friends. This interview was one of my favorites! Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist and executive coach in Silicon Valley, and he’s also the author of the book, SuperPsyched. You’ll hear pretty quickly why I loved talking with him. In this conversation, we get into the real-life, practical stuff! THE HIGHLIGHTS: How to make plansNot chasing friend groupsThe power of phone callsTo tease or not to tease?The middle path between "breaking up" and staying friendsAssuming the bestMismatched energy in friendshipsWhat “reciprocity” does (and does not) meanWhat to do when a friend never asks about youThe mindset shift that makes friendship feel less exhausting and more empowering LINKS MENTIONED: Dr. Adam's episode on Dear Nina where HE was the guest: Ep. #132: "The Four Types of Connection"Dr. Adam's book!The SuperPsyched Podcast MORE ABOUT DR. ADAM DORSAY Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist and executive coach in Silicon Valley where he serves high-achieving adults (including professionals, executives, entrepreneurs, and professional athletes). Adam is the host SuperPsyched, an award-winning podcast with over 200 episodes available on all platforms. He has given two highly regarded TEDx Talks: one about men and their emotions and the other about friendship in adulthood and his book on the topic of the four ways people connect is available on October 1, 2024. Beyond his private practice, Adam is a resiliency expert who co-created an international program for Facebook’s Online Safety employees for several years. He now serves as the resiliency consultant to DigitalOcean and has frequent requests from the media for interviews. He has provided keynotes and trainings to multiple corporations and organizations, including Microsoft, Linkedin, and the California Psychological Association. He is happily married, the father of young boys, and he has a hypoallergenic 33-pound Australian Labradoodle therapy dog named Raffi, who lives at his home and works at his office. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

I’m finally tackling a topic I’ve been wanting to cover for a long time: how divorce affects our friendships. Today's episode addresses both sides of this question--whether you’re the one going through a divorce or you’re watching a friend go through it. Either way, the social fallout can feel confusing, lonely, and awkward. I’m joined by Hope Lutz Firsel, a women’s life coach who specializes in divorce. Hope has seen every version of this experience up close. She’s guided countless women through the emotional, logistical, and social upheaval of ending a marriage, and she’s been through it herself. Hope understands how divorce doesn’t just end a partnership—it shakes up an entire social world. In our conversation, we talk about the surprising grief that comes with losing not just a spouse but the life you imagined, the routines you relied on, and the community that once felt automatic. Hope explains why some friendships tighten instantly while others slip away, and how to tell the difference between a situational friendship and the kind that’s meant to evolve with you. We also get honest about why friends sometimes pull back and how to communicate what you actually need. If you’re navigating a divorce, if someone you love is, or if you simply want to be a steadier friend during someone else’s big life change, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and a grounded understanding of what this shift really feels like. MEET HOPE: Hope Lutz Firsel is a women’s life coach and divorce specialist who draws on her expertise in organizational change to help women navigate the emotional, financial, and logistical complexities of divorce—and rebuild their lives afterward with resilience, confidence, and grace. Having faced infertility, cancer, and divorce after an 18-year marriage, Hope brings deep empathy, clarity, and powerful mindset tools such as Rapid Resolution Therapy to help women rediscover their authentic selves and create fulfilling lives beyond divorce. Through her one-on-one coaching, group programs, workshops, and collaborations with family law professionals, Hope fosters safe, supportive spaces where women can heal, grow, and regain a sense of purpose. She frequently partners with divorce attorneys to educate and empower clients through webinars and community events. Based in Boca Raton, Florida, Hope works with clients nationwide and has helped countless women transform adversity into strength and self-assurance. Find Hope on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

The final friendship challenge of the year is to write one friend a real letter. This was inspired by the novel I'm currently reading and loving--The Correspondent by Virginia Evans. Yes, it can be typed and even sent via email. But this NOT a text saying, “I hope you’re well" or "I miss you." Write an honest, thoughtful note saying: Here’s why you matter to me. . . OrI keep thinking about the time you . . . My year was better because you . . . I’m grateful for the way you. . . This memory still sticks with me because . . .  It can be one paragraph, but it should be from the heart.  If you’ve been following the challenges, this is the perfect finale. If you’re new, it’s a surprisingly easy way to deepen one friendship right now. This challenge doesn’t require making plans, arranging childcare, or leaving the house. This is all about a few sincere sentences that could make someone’s entire year. I also did a super-speed recap of all eleven previous challenges. So if you missed a few, you’ll catch up in minutes. And you’ll hear why I'm retiring the challenges for next year. (Not the podcast, just the challenges.) Make sure to visit me and fellow Dear Nina listeners in the Facebook Group or on my Substack newsletter to let us know you completed the task. Mentioned in this episode: Find all previous Dear Nina Friendship Challenges here.The Correspondent by Virginia EvansFind me at the Dear Nina Facebook group to report on what you did this month to bring some joy to a friend! ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

I'm thrilled to welcome Dr. Ben Rein, neuroscientist and author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection. We discuss what friendship does to your brain and why loneliness is SO damaging over time. We cover why introverts still need connection (just in smaller “doses”), why ghosting and quiet quitting in friendships can land so harshly, what’s really behind jealousy when friends succeed, (plus how to override it), and the science of that instant “friendship chemistry” when you click with someone new. Dr. Rein also shares simple, practical ways to make others feel seen and ideas for being more intentional about your social life. This all for the sake of your mental and physical health. Don't miss this one! HIGHLIGHTS: Why all human brains—including introvert brains—need some social interaction, and how to figure out your “right dose.”How digital communication dulls empathy and makes ghosting and quiet quitting easier.Why being ignored or canceled on hits so hard at the neurological level.The real reason jealousy shows up between friends and how to override it.What’s happening in the brain when you instantly “click” with someone.How small, consistent social habits protect long-term physical and mental health.Simple behaviors that make you more likable and help others feel seen.Why repairing strained friendships is good for your well-being, not just your social life.  LINKS: Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection by Dr. Ben ReinI found one extroversion/introversion scale from Psychology Today. Ben’s introvert–extrovert self-assessment can be found as a pdf of the audiobook wherever you get your audiobooks or inside the book. You can also enter your email address here on his site and receive a copy.Find Ben on Instagram and TikTok @dr.benrein and at many other places, all linked on his website, benrein.com.  MEET DR. BEN REIN: Ben Rein, PhD is an award-winning neuroscientist, author, and science communicator. He serves as the Chief Science Officer of the Mind Science Foundation, an Adjunct Lecturer at Stanford University, and a Clinical Assistant Professor at SUNY Buffalo. He has published over 20 peer-reviewed papers on the neuroscience of social behavior, and is the author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection. Rein also shares educational neuroscience videos on social media to an audience of more than 1 million followers, and has been featured on Entertainment Tonight, Good Morning America and 75+ podcasts including StarTalk with Neil DeGrasse Tyson. His science communication efforts have been recognized with awards from the National Academies of Science, the Society for Neuroscience, and elsewhere. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

The Real Work Behind Lifelong Friendship This week I’m joined by two women who accidentally went viral on social media, but they've been doing the real work of close friendship for over four decades. I'm a BIG fan and begged them to let me examine their friendship on the show. Meet Jenn Sherman (who you might know from Peloton) and Pam “Sunny” Sunshine who are the best friends behind the popular @sunnyandjenn accounts on TikTok and Instagram. Jenn and Pam's story is fun (truly wild TikTok origin included), but the real gold is how they’ve stayed close through many stages of life—college, moves, careers, parenting, vacations, losses, and now a shared business. If you’ve ever wondered why some friendships last and others quietly fade, this episode is packed with answers you can use with old friends and new friends alike. HIGHLIGHTS FROM OUR CONVERSATION: Why “luck” isn’t enough for close friendship — The role of effort, showing up, and consistency.Proximity matters — How living close (or “close enough”) keeps friendships alive. When making NEW friends, keep this in mind! Scheduling is everything — Coffee dates, beach days, girls’ trips: it's all about the calendar.The 200-hour rule — How friendships actually deepen over accumulated time.Cheering, not competing — Celebrating your friends' wins without jealousy.Handling conflict early — Sunny’s “lumpy rug” rule and why resentment ruins trust. Plus some other great "Sunnyisms."New friends later in life — Why it’s never too late for a deep connection.The viral TikTok moment — How a random street interview changed everything and a business was born. LINKS MENTIONED: Follow @sunnyandjenn on TikTok and Instagram Jenn on Peloton (if you’re a rider, you already know)Lindsay Pinchuk's Dear FoundHer community Sunny & Jenn's live show! Tickets for the December show in Aventura, Florida are here. The Beaches episode of Dear Nina where two psychology professors join me and producer, Rebekah Jacobs, to analyze CC Bloom and Hillary Whitney's friendship. MEET JENN SHERMAN AND PAM SUNSHINE: Sunny and Jenn are lifelong best friends turned content creators, sharing their journey with audiences on Instagram and TikTok. Friends for more than 40 years, they bring humor, honesty, and heart to everything they do — from wellness and midlife shifts to the everyday moments of friendship. Their platforms celebrate living authentically, laughing often, and reminding people that the best parts of life are meant to be shared. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

You've arrived at the best academic nerd-out ever on the movie Beaches. Find out why CC Bloom and Hillary Whitney's instant friendship chemistry, breakups and makeups, and tear-jerker ending still wrecks us (in the best way). Is there something we can still learn in 2025 about making, keeping, and losing friends from this late 80s film? Absolutely. And professors of psychology agree! My assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, and I were thrilled to dissect Beaches and its timeless lessons on friendship with psychology professors Paul Eastwick of UC Davis and Eli Finkel of Northwestern University. Paul and Eli are also the dream team behind the Love Factually podcast, where they explain what our favorite romantic films get right--and wrong--about the science of romance. For this episode of Dear Nina, they turned that laser focus to friendship instead.  We examined CC & Hillary's iconic bond through research on conflict, jealousy, apologies, complementary roles, the “soulmate” mindset, and more. We laughed a lot too!  Yes, we quote the department store fight. Yes, we talk about "Wind Beneath My Wings" and other unforgettable songs from the film. Yes, Rebekah wore a Bette + Barbara t-shirt. It’s peak friendship content with genuine lessons for your adult friendships. Don't miss this one!  HIGHLIGHTS: What Beaches gets right about how close friends actually operate.Why the first apology flopped, what finally worked, and how to apologize like a grown-up.The “best friend” myth, challenged: You don’t need a single ride-or-die to have a rich friendship life.Do opposites attract? That's not backed by relationship science, but roles do emerge in most relationships.Why “I’ll hire a nurse” isn’t the same as “I’ll take care of you,” and how responsiveness deepens bonds.Anger is often a mask for hurt; naming the deeper feeling opens the door to repair.Forgiveness lands when both people agree a “debt” exists. Your romantic partner as your "best friend" might not be the best idea. How your beliefs about soulmates influences they way you're willing to work things out (or not)."Transformation of motivation" was a new term to Rebekah and to me, and we loved it. You'll have to listen to learn more!  LINKS MENTIONED: The Love Factually podcast, hosted by Paul and EliThe White Lotus/Dear Nina episode where Nina and Rebekah discuss the friendship trioListen to the Beaches soundtrack on Spotify  MEET THE PROFESSORS: Eli Finkel is a Professor of Psychology and Management at Northwestern University. He is the author of The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, the founding co-director of the Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement, and the co-host of the Love Factually podcast. Paul Eastwick is a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and author of the forthcoming book Bonded by Evolution. His research and writing has been featured in outlets like The New York Times, The Atlantic, NPR, and Scientific American Mind, and he is a co-host of Love Factually MEET REBEKAH JACOBS: Rebekah Jacobs is the assistant producer of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship and a writing professor who lives in Bethesda, Maryland, with her husband and three kids.    ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

This month’s friendship challenge is all about generosity, but not the kind that empties your wallet or the type that requires a special occasion like a birthday or holiday gift. Think thoughtfulness and the joy of letting friends know you're thinking of them for no reason whatsoever. It's generosity of time and spirit merely to show friends they matter to you. A small gesture can leave a big impact. In this short episode, I share a few stories of simple, meaningful gestures from friends that have stayed with me for years. Some of those gestures were in the form of an expected gift (like a novel or cookbook) and others were simply an offer to be there on an emotional day, sending a “this made me think of you” text, or sharing a photo or meme that made me smile. All the examples inspired me to do the same over the years. Doing something unexpected for a friend is the easiest challenge yet. Well, maybe writing your friends' birthdays in your calendar for April was even easier, but this one is up there. Whether you’re gifting a cookbook, sharing a poem, or sending a funny meme, this challenge is about reminding your friends that you’re thinking of them, not because you have to, but because you want to. AND, make sure to visit me and fellow Dear Nina listeners in the Facebook Group or on my Substack newsletter to let us know what you did or plan to do. Let's share ideas! As always, if this episode made you smile or inspired you, share it with a friend, leave a review, or post it to your story. That small act of generosity fits the challenge perfectly. :) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Find all previous Dear Nina Friendship Challenges here. Episode 170: "The Friend Who Really Sees You." This was my conversation with poet Hannah Rosenberg about friendship and her book SameCookbooks mentioned: Robyn sent Peas, Love, & Carrots. Julie sent Vegan At Times.Find me at the Dear Nina Facebook group to report on what you did this month to bring some joy to a friend!   ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

"This made me think of you." Is there anything more delightful to hear from a friend? These are the words often written between friends when someone shares one of Hannah Rosenberg's (always viral!) poems from Instagram. And the incredible Hannah Rosenberg is my guest on Dear Nina. I was so excited to meet the woman behind the words I've been sharing in my own Instagram stories for years.  Hannah is the author of the poetry collection, Same, from St. Martin's Press, and her work about friendship, motherhood, and everyday life has made thousands of people online say or write “same” in the comments or when they share her work. Together Hannah and I dive into what it actually means to feel seen, and how to make your friends feel seen. Hannah reads some of her most-shared friendship poems. There are tears (the good kind). And it’s a warm, genuine conversation about connection, vulnerability, and the friendships that quietly save us. Topics we cover: The meaning behind “Same” and how it became a viral poetry movementWhy adult friendship deserves real rituals and recognitionHow to bridge distance and stay close when life changesThe difference between being comforting and being dismissiveFriendship poems that say what we all feel but can’t quite expressPoems & passages mentioned “When I Needed My Friends” “Group Text”“Home (for Katie)”  “Marriage of Friends”  MEET HANNAH ROSENBERG: Hannah Rosenberg is a poet whose work has been shared widely online, and she has been featured in publications serving women and parents like Darling and In Kind. She lives in the greater Philadelphia area with her husband and daughter, who often find themselves as the subjects of her poems. You can find her work on Instagram @hannahrowrites. Learn more at hannahrowrites.com ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!

Want a social gathering for making new friends or deepening friendships that’s not a book club, not mahjong, not a cooking club, not pickleball—just high-level, soul-filling conversation? Enter "the salon." Linda-Marie Barrett, author of Creating a Salon: The Magic of Conversations that Matter, shows us exactly how to plan a modern salon: who to invite (and who not to), how to set a clear purpose, what to do about dominant talkers, and why ending well matters as much as beginning well. If this episode nudges you to start a salon, tell me how it goes. What did you try? What surprised you? What will you tweak next time? All the ways to find me are in the link below. What we cover What a salon is (and isn’t): an intentional, guided conversation on a themeWhy salons help friendship: they deepen bonds and create new ones by giving everyone structured airtime.Hosting with with authority and kindness: Linda-Marie and I talk timers, bells, and how to intervene when someone is taking over to make sure everyone in the group has a chance to participate.Designing the experience: purpose, people, place, ground rules, accessibility, potluck flow, parking and a thoughtful way close the evening.Trouble spots: late arrivals, phones on the table, oversharing, and the art of the one-on-one follow-up.A complete sample format of a salon you can lift for your first salon. MEET LINDA-MARIE BARRETT: Linda-Marie Barrett is a writer, editor, and executive director of the Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA). Before that, she was at Malaprop’s Bookstore/Cafe, where she wore many hats, including events manager and founder and host of a book club that continues today, Women In Lively Discussion or WILD. She has been hosting her Black Swan Salon since 2017 and has no plans to ever stop. She lives with her husband, writer and blogger Jon Mayes, in Asheville, North Carolina. Find her on Facebook and Instagram.    ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR: Learn more and apply at https://sahaquest.com/ To dedicate a week of Dear Nina TO YOUR FRIEND, get in touch with Nina at [email protected]!