Advertise on podcast: Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

How to help your child through exclusion without letting your own panic take over I've been a parent on both sides of friendship exclusion. I've had kids who were left out, and I've had other parents upset with me. And I know how hard it can be to watch your child struggle socially without letting your own emotions take over. Sometimes our kids move on from a friendship disappointment long before we do! My guest Andrea, founder of Strong Mom Strong Girl, knows what it's like when a child is deliberately pushed out of an established friend group. She now helps other mothers navigate these painful situations. Andrea and I make an important distinction between not being invited to everything (a normal part of life!) and being purposely dropped from a group. We also discuss why your child's friendship drama is not yours to "fix" in the way you might assume, even when it's affecting your own friendships, your sleep, and the atmosphere in your home. Andrea reminds parents: "What you can do is show up as the best version of yourself so that your child can borrow your peace rather than pick up on your panic." WE DISCUSS: Why having a friend group should NOT be the ultimate goal for our kids.The difference between ordinary disappointment, exclusion, and targeted mean behavior.Why Andrea advises against calling the other parents, even when you know them well.How our questions, facial expressions, and emotional reactions can make a difficult situation better or worse. Andrea is sharing only her first name, and this episode is audio-only, to protect her family's privacy. LINKS MENTIONED: Strong Mom Strong Girl on Instagram @strongmomstronggirlDear Nina Episode 180: “Mean Mom Culture, Relational Aggression, and Belonging vs. Inclusion” with Dr. Noelle Santorelli.Katherine Martinko's article, "The Problem With Group Chats," which encourages delaying children's participation in group chats, not just delaying social media.The NPR/Ira Glass story: About middle schoolers using the comments on NPR's Instagram posts to communicate with one another, sometimes because they weren't allowed to use social media.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Are we too quick to decide a friendship isn’t working? That’s the question running through this conversation with bestselling author and podcaster Melissa Radke. Melissa and I have both ended important friendships in ways we later regretted, and we spoke about what we wished we had done differently before deciding it was time to walk away. To quote Melissa, "Because a friendship can be hard without being wrong." We got into the things that can make people want to run from a friendship: jealousy, uneven effort, changing life circumstances, fear of rejection, and seeing a close friend become close with someone else. Are those signs that a friendship is ending, or are they just normal parts of having long-term relationships with imperfect people? We also talked about the friendship “tests” we give without telling the other person they’re being tested. Maybe you stop reaching out to see whether your friend will finally initiate. Maybe you say nothing about your birthday because you want to see if they remember. Instead of asking for what we need, we collect evidence. Melissa and I discussed what can happen when we give our friends a little more room, say what’s actually bothering us, and let them respond before we decide we already know how they feel. There are certainly friendships that need to end. But before we decide we’re done, it may be worth asking: Is this friendship truly wrong for me—or are we just going through something hard? LINKS MENTIONED: Melissa's recent friendship piece on Substack. Episode #34 of Dear Nina about my own friendship breakup (that I regretted) "Reconnecting with an Ex-Friend"Episode #210 of Dear Nina with that same friend. "A softer to way to think about friendships that faded"Melissa's booksMelissa on Instagram   MEET MELISSA RADKE:  Melissa Radke is a bestselling author, speaker, and media personality known for blending sharp humor with heartfelt honesty and Southern charm. She first gained national attention through her viral storytelling and memoir, Eat Cake. Be Brave., and is the author of Chicken-Fried Women: Friendship, Kinship, and the Women Who Made Us This Way, which celebrates the relationships that shape who we become. Through her writing, speaking, and podcasts, Chicken-Fried Women and The Radke Show, Melissa explores faith, friendship, women’s empowerment, and the beautifully imperfect parts of everyday life, connecting with audiences through her relatable stories, wit, and authenticity. Website | Instagram | Books | Podcast ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Dr. Miriam Kirmayer is back on Dear Nina, and this time we did something different: we each brought friendship questions the other person had not seen in advance. No prep. No polished answers. Just two people who think about friendship constantly digging into the kinds of questions that rarely have a clean yes-or-no answer. Dr. Miriam is a clinical psychologist and a well-known friendship researcher. She also now hosts the friendship podcast Two Peas on a Pod. WE GET INTO: What to do when two friends are fighting and you’re stuck in the middle. Can you really stay neutral, and how do you avoid becoming the go-between?“Friendship flings.” Why do some friendships get intense very quickly and then cool off just as fast? And when is that simply normal versus part of a larger pattern?The eternal reciprocity problem. If you’re always the one reaching out, does that actually mean your friend cares less? When a friend is great one-on-one but treats you differently in a group. We talk about teasing, exclusion, mixed signals, and what Dr. Miriam calls an “ambivalent friendship.”Why making plans is more complicated than it sounds. Reaching out, comparing calendars, choosing the place, making the reservation—sometimes one person is carrying more of that invisible work than anyone realizes. And finally, we turn the questions on ourselves: Does talking about friendship professionally make us self-conscious about our own friendships? LINKS MENTIONED: Previous Dear Nina episode with Dr. Miriam: #109: "Quiet Quitting a Friendship"Two Peas on a Pod episodes about friendship breakups. Part one and Part two.  MEET DR. MIRIAM KIRMAYER: Dr. Miriam Kirmayer is a clinical psychologist, leading friendship expert, and one of the most influential speakers on human connection and social support. See more about Dr. Miriam's courses, keynotes, articles and more at www.miriamkirmayer.com. Listen to the podcast: Two Peas on a Pod. Find Dr. Miriam on Instagram on @miriamkirmayer. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

When good intentions aren’t enough in a friendship What happens when you genuinely care about friends, but your behavior isn’t showing it? That’s the question at the center of my conversation with writer and podcaster Laura Tremaine, author of The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs and Share Your Stuff: I'll Go First. I’m bringing this episode back because Laura’s honesty about her own friendship missteps feels just as useful now as it did when we first recorded it. Laura realized that she had been relying on the history, chemistry, and closeness she felt with certain friends without doing enough to maintain those relationships as work, family, and other responsibilities increased. She wasn’t always texting back. She wasn’t checking in. And eventually, several friends cared enough about the friendships to tell her that it hurt. One of Laura’s biggest realizations was that there was a disconnect between what was in her heart and what her actions were communicating. She deeply valued these friends, but they couldn’t know that if she wasn’t showing it. So Laura did something surprisingly practical: she started putting friendship on her actual to-do list. WE DISCUSSED: Why friendship sometimes needs to be treated as something we intentionally maintain—not something that runs on autopilotThe difference between making a friend a priority and making friendship feel like a choreWhat to do when “I’m busy” or “I’m overwhelmed” starts becoming an excuse for behavior that’s hurting people we care aboutWhy responding to strangers online can sometimes feel easier than responding to the people closest to us (and why our friends might still take that personally)Paying attention to the particular ways our friends like to connectHow our ideas about boundaries and self-care can work against the relationships we say are important to us I especially love Laura’s emphasis on noticing—noticing what makes a particular friend feel cared for, noticing the patterns in our own behavior, and noticing when our intentions and our actions aren’t lining up. And no, this episode isn’t an argument that you have to answer every text immediately or be endlessly available. It’s about something much more basic: If you want the friendship, are you behaving like you want the friendship?   LINKS MENTIONED: Laura's books: The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs and Share Your Stuff: I'll Go First.  MEET LAURA TREMAINE Laura Tremaine is a writer and podcaster based in Los Angeles. She’s the author of two books about connection and friendship, is the co-host of the SLOW READ podcast, and she writes and hosts regular conversations on her Secret Stuff substack. You can usually find her on Instagram @Laura.Tremaine. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Dr. Marisa G. Franco is back on Dear Nina! This time we spoke about her new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, and how our sense of self-worth affects the friendships we build, keep, and sometimes struggle to trust. Marisa’s first book, Platonic, focused on how we create and maintain strong friendships. Worth goes a step further inward: What happens when the way we see ourselves makes it harder to believe that other people genuinely like us, value us, or want to be close to us? One of my favorite ideas from our conversation is Marisa’s argument that the goal isn’t to become perfectly secure. It’s to become secure-ish—aware of the anxious, avoidant, insecure parts of ourselves without pretending they’ve disappeared. We discussed: How old friendship hurts can become “open memories” that continue to shape new relationshipsWhy one painful rejection can make us expect rejection long after the original friendship is overHow low self-worth can sometimes look like not initiating, pulling away, rejecting compliments, or needing constant reassuranceWhen reassurance starts becoming exhausting for the friend who is constantly being asked to prove the friendshipWhy our assumptions about what friends think of us may say more about our own fears than about what’s actually happening Marisa shares the story of Esme, who carried one devastating friendship moment from middle school into adulthood and became afraid to initiate with people she genuinely wanted to know. We expand on Esme's story to talk about reciprocity, rejection, memory, and the possibility of changing the meaning we’ve attached to experiences from years ago. I also share one of my own “open memories” from college and what came up for me while working through one of Marisa’s exercises in the book. And we get into something I talk about often on this show: sometimes a friend’s lack of initiation really does mean something—and sometimes it doesn’t. Self-worth, fear of rejection, disorganization, and all kinds of other factors can sit underneath behavior we’re very quick to take personally. LINKS MENTIONED: Dr. Marisa G. Franco's previous episode on Dear Nina: "Telling Friends They've Let You Down"Buy Worth & PlatonicFind Marisa on Instagram @drmarisagfranco  MEET DR. MARISA G FRANCO An enlightening psychologist, international speaker, and New York Times bestselling author, Dr. Marisa G. Franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and authored the New York Times bestseller Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends and Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment. She writes about friendship for Psychology Today and has been a featured connection expert for major publications like The New York Times, The Telegraph, and Vice. She speaks on belonging at corporations, government agencies, non-profits, and universities. For tips on friendship, you can follow her on Instagram (DrMarisaGFranco), or go to her website, www.DrMarisaGFranco.com, where you can take a quiz to assess your strengths and weaknesses as a friend & reach out for speaking engagements. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Why human connection requires friction, empathy, and accountability. I have real concerns about AI, and one of my biggest is what happens when we start treating it like a person—especially a friend. My guest, Sarah Baldeo, is a neuroscientist and the author of 100 Ways to Future Proof Your Brain in the Age of AI. She has spent more than 20 years working at the intersection of neuroscience and artificial intelligence, so I wanted to bring some of my biggest worries about AI and human connection directly to her and I appreciated her treating my concerns with seriousness and respect. My biggest takeaway remains the same: we need to be very careful not to confuse something that can imitate human connection with the real thing. We discussed: What happens when we ask AI what to say to a grieving friend instead of working through our own empathyWhy AI can feel like the “perfect friend”—always available, agreeable, and unlikely to make us uncomfortable Why real friendship requires disagreement, reciprocity, boredom, and sometimes frictionThe risks of outsourcing too much of our emotional and cognitive processingWhy I’m especially concerned about teenagers growing up with generative AIHow Sarah believes AI can actually be used to challenge our thinking rather than replace itMy deep concern that we need to be very careful about confusing something that can imitate human connection with the real thing!   MEET SARAH BALDEO: Sarah Baldeo, PhD (c), Executive MBA, is a bestselling author, neuroscientist, AI futurist, TED speaker, and CEO of ID Quotient Advisory, whose work explores how artificial intelligence is reshaping human cognition, executive judgment, and leadership decision making and what that means for how we connect, trust, and relate to one another; she is also the world’s foremost doctoral researcher on AI and cognition. She is the author of 100 Ways to Future-Proof Your Brain in the Age of AI, and has been featured on CBC News, CTV, NBC, SiriusXM, and Yahoo Finance. A global keynote speaker with more than 1,300 appearances across North America and Europe, Sarah advises organizations on the future of human intelligence in the age of AI. Connect with her on Instagram and LinkedIn. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

I’ve spoken before on Dear Nina about neurodiversity and friendship with several fantastic guests, but I wanted to have a conversation that could speak both to parents raising neurodivergent kids and to neurodivergent adults navigating friendship themselves. Caroline Maguire is an internationally recognized expert in social-emotional learning, ADHD, coaching, and relationship development. She’s the author of Why Will No One Play With Me? and most recently, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults. We talked about encouraging friendship without forcing it, finding environments where connection comes more naturally, handling rejection, understanding the difference between an acquaintance and a friend, and taking those sometimes-awkward next steps that help a friendship grow. What I especially loved about Caroline’s approach is that friendship skills aren’t about becoming someone else. They’re about understanding yourself, building confidence, and finding the people who appreciate you as you are.  LINKS & RESOURCES: Caroline's book: Why Will No One Play With Me? and Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults.Caroline on Instagram @authorcarolinemEpisode #110. Neurodiversity and Friendships: Dr. James RichardsonEpisode #187: How ADHD Affects Adult Friendships--For People With ADHD and Their Friends: Cate Osborn and Erik Gude  MEET CAROLINE MAGUIRE: Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC is an internationally recognized expert in social-emotional learning, ADHD coaching, and relationship development. She is the author of the award-winning book, Why Will No One Play with Me? and FRIENDSHIP SKILLS FOR NEURODIVERGENT ADULTS (Balance Books), and hosts The ADHD Social Playbook podcast. An educator, coach, and sought-after speaker, Caroline developed a comprehensive Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training methodology that equips parents, clinicians, and educators with practical tools to build self-awareness, emotional regulation, social understanding, and meaningful relationships. As a neurodivergent person with ADHD, dyslexia, and learning disabilities, she brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Harlan Cohen on friendship, social courage, and finding places where you belong. Finding friendship—at any stage of life—requires the risk of hearing “no.” And that “no” rarely comes directly. That’s one of the ideas I dig into with Harlan Cohen, a New York Times bestselling author and founder of Best First Year, a college success coaching program for students and parents. So much of what Harlan teaches incoming college students and their parents applies just as much in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond. This episode was so popular last year that I was waiting for the right time to play it again. The week I'm dropping off child #2 at college is the right time for sure! If you’re starting over socially, hoping to expand your circle, or just tired of feeling bruised by the ups and downs of friendship, this one’s for you. We get into: Why taking risks and hearing “no” are simply part of friendship at every ageThe difference between an expectation and a requirement in friendshipWhat to do if you’re always the one initiating plans—a popular topic on Dear Nina, and Harlan’s answer was fantasticHarlan’s framework of "people, places, and patience"—and why we all need places where we’re accepted simply for showing up as ourselves, with no barrier to entryThe story of Harlan’s first college roommate and the twist he didn’t learn until 30 years later LINKS & RESOURCES: Harlan’s College Success Coaching Program Best First YearHarlan's episode with his freshman year roommateYou will love Harlan on Instagram and TikTok and YouTube!  MEET HARLAN COHEN: Harlan is the New York Times bestselling author of The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into In College and six other titles (over 1 million copies in print). His social media accounts have over 1.5 million followers and he hosts the popular podcast, The Harlan Cohen Podcast. He is the founder of Best First Year, a college success coaching program for students and parents. Harlan lives in Chicago, Illinois with his wife and three children.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Friend groups, exclusion, conflict, and the patterns we don’t always outgrow Some friendship habits start much earlier than we realize. The way we react to being left out, how much security we get from being part of a group, whether we avoid conflict, and even how willing we are to be vulnerable with friends can all have roots in our teen years. My guest Sheri Gazitt has spent more than 30 years working with teen girls and their parents. She’s the founder of Teen Wise and the author of Girl Drama Decoded: Empower Your Daughter Through The Ups & Downs of Girl Drama & Friendships. What struck me throughout our conversation is how easily the friendship issues she sees with teenagers translate to adult friendship. We spoke about the difference between being deliberately excluded and simply not being invited, why being part of a friend group isn’t always the same thing as having close friendships, and what Sheri calls creating “parallel friendships” instead of putting all of our social energy into one group. We also got very practical about conflict. Sheri shared a four-step approach to having a difficult conversation with a friend, including one step I especially appreciated: considering whether there’s any part of the situation you need to own yourself. And we talk about what can happen after friendship disappointments pile up. Sometimes the way we protect ourselves is by keeping future friendships at a safe, superficial distance without even realizing we’re doing it. This episode is useful whether you’re watching your own teenager navigate friendship or recognizing some very familiar patterns in your adult life. The good news is that these are skills—and we can keep getting better at them. MEET SHERI GAZITT Sheri Gazitt is an international friendship expert, speaker, and founder of Teen Wise. With over 30 years of experience and a background in counseling psychology, she’s helped thousands of girls navigate friendship struggles, social anxiety, and the emotional ups and downs of growing up. She’s the author of Girl Drama Decoded and supports moms through her Mom Wise Collective while also working directly with teen girls through private coaching. Coach Sheri is known for making complex social dynamics feel understandable and giving families practical ways to build confidence, connection, and healthier friendships. Find Sheri on Instagram @BeTeenWise and on Facebook. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Alcohol is so woven into social life that choosing not to drink can change how you spend time with friends, which invitations come your way, and what you begin to notice about the way you connect. My guest, Suzanne Warye is the author of The Sober Shift: An Empowering Exploration of Sobriety, Parenting, and the Joys of Alcohol-Free Living and the host of the popular podcast The Sober Mom Life. Suzanne's decision to stop drinking was not a “rock bottom” story. She could drink moderately, but she hated how much mental energy alcohol took up in her life as well as the after effects. Once Suzanne stopped drinking, she had to figure out what friendship and socializing looked like without it. In the episode Suzanne and I spoke honestly about the friendships that remained strong, the friendships that faded, and the hurt of being left off an invitation because someone assumes a sober friend would not want to come. We also discussed learning to sit through the first awkward minutes of a gathering without numbing your anxiety and why Suzanne’s standards for connection changed once alcohol was no longer the main event. We briefly chatted about THC drinks and gummies, phone use as another form of escape, and motherhood and “mommy wine culture.” And we talked about what happens when you start wanting your time with friends to feel more present and less "numb."   Past episodes related to this one: #17. Friendship and Sobriety: Jen Veralle #130: The Sober Curious Lifestyle and Your Friendships: Hallie Sawyer   Meet Suzanne: Suzanne Warye is a sobriety influencer and the host of the popular podcast The Sober Mom Life. Residing on the North Shore of Chicago with her husband and three kids, Suzanne spends most of her time reheating her coffee and rocking her “whole heart, half ass” parenting philosophy. Her new book THE SOBER SHIFT:  A Modern-Day Guide to Living an Abundant Sober Life is currently available in hardcover, audio and e-book and the paperback will be available on Sept 29, 2026. To connect follow her on Instagram @suzannewarye or visit www.thesobermomlife.com  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

I’m fresh off the "Dear Nina Live" event in Minneapolis to celebrate five years of the podcast. And after such a big week, I was ready to step away from my computer for a bit. So I said yes to mahjong (twice!), tennis, a walk, and time with friends. It was exactly the reset I was looking for, even though I'm WAY BEHIND on work now. This short episode is a reminder to get out from behind the texts, emails, memes, and endless to-do list and spend some time with your friends in person. Say yes when you can, or make the plan yourself, and remember that even a walk or a cup of coffee counts. It can be that simple--short and sweet.  And to everyone who came to the event in Minnesota--THANK YOU!  LINKS MENTIONED: Here's a 30-second reel of the live event in Minneapolis to celebrate 5 years of the podcast.My spot on Twin Cities Live! ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

To mark five years of making this podcast, I invited the person who has heard every episode, encouraged every new idea, and occasionally reminded me to follow my own friendship advice. Welcome to my husband, Bryan! Bryan hasn't been on Dear Nina since the first year! I brought him back to talk about what has surprised him after five years of listening to conversations about every aspect of friendship. He shared the theme he's been noticing beneath the friendship dilemmas: two people do not want the same type of friendship. We also talk about one of the messages Bryan has heard me repeat the most: If you want to see a friend, reach out. Don’t sit back, keep score, or “match their energy.” That doesn’t mean giving everyone the same amount of time or continuing to chase people who never respond. Bryan puts it another way: Go where the heat is. Pay attention to the people who are glad to hear from you and who return your efforts in their own way. We discuss:Why uneven desire is behind so many friendship questions that come my wayWhy Bryan believes “don’t wait” is some of the most useful advice from the showWhat to do instead of "matching someone else’s energy"Why electronic contact cannot fully replace phone calls and time togetherA past episode that changed how Bryan thinks about what we give to a friendshipThe friendship struggles I still have to work on myself!Why couple friendships work best when both partners help keep them goingHow Dear Nina grew from an advice column and listener letters into conversations with authors, researchers, therapists, and other friendship thinkers A special thank-you to my brother-in-law, Dave Dluger, who helped me produce and edit the earliest Dear Nina episodes and convinced me I could learn how to make a podcast. And thank you to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, who has become an essential part of nearly every podcast decision, guest conversation, and episode idea. Listeners: Thank you for rooting for this show, sharing episodes with friends, sending your questions, and talking with me about friendship for so many years. This podcast would not be here without you! Links mentioned:Episode #24: Maintaining Boundaries Without Damaging Your Friendships (with Bryan)Episode #37: The Benefits of Couple Friends (with Bryan)Episode #9. Friends Will Hang Out Without You: (with Taryn Kessel)Episode #73. I’m Just Not That Into This Friendship: (with Ruchi Koval)Episode #139: How to Start a Podcast ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Admissions counselor, Alexis White, on why 'fit over flex' should guide the college search The college search puts a lot of pressure on families to find the “best” school. But the highest-ranked school (the hyper-focus for many) is not necessarily the place where a particular student will be happiest, most successful, or most likely to find their people. My guest this week is Alexis White, an internationally recognized college admissions counselor, founder of A-List Tutoring Services and alexiscollegexpert.com, and host of the podcast Admit It with Alexis White. I love following Alexis online because she is candid, practical, and willing to say what many families need to hear: Choosing a college should be about “fit over flex.” Alexis walks me through the five factors she considers when helping a student build a college list: size, location, academic offerings, philosophy, and vibe. We talk about why those factors matter not only academically, but also for making friends, building community, and feeling at home. We also get into Greek life, competitive clubs, audition-based activities, and the reality that getting into a college does not guarantee getting into every community within it. What happens when a student expects to join a sorority, fraternity, business club, theater group, or sports team, but it does not work out? Alexis explains why students need more than one possible path to friendship and belonging. Alexis also offers an important reminder for parents: Grades and scores are only part of the picture. A student’s resilience, independence, willingness to try new things, and ability to handle discomfort may tell us just as much about where they will thrive. And because social media makes everyone else’s freshman year look effortless, we talk honestly about how awkward and difficult that first year can be, even at the “right” school. This episode will help families look beyond acceptance rates, rankings and prestige during the college search process!   LINKS: Find Alexis on Instagram @collegexpert and TikTok @collegexpert!Previous episodes of Alexis's podcast I especially liked: "College Rankings Don't Matter," "Brainwashed Into Choosing Your College"Previous college admissions episode on Dear Nina: Episode #112, "Navigating Friendships During the College Admissions Process" with Kate Proger, #177: The Myth of Instant College Friends with Dr. Janice McCabeHarlan Cohen on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship! Episde #143: "The Law of Rejection in Friendships", I brought up Gretchen Rubin several times in the episode, one of my favorite authors, podcasters, and thought leaders. Gretchen was my guest on episode #96.  Meet Alexis White: Alexis White is a Los Angeles–based college admissions consultant and the founder of A-List Admissions and Tutoring and Alexiscollegexpert.com. Alexis has spent more than two decades guiding students and families through college selection, applications, essays, testing, and the many decisions that come with the admissions process. She has appeared as a college admissions expert on CBS, ABC News and elsewhere. Alexis is also the host of the podcast Admit It! with Alexis White and she gives admissions advice on social media to many thousands of followers on Instagram @collegexpert and TikTok @collegexpert. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Group dynamics, feeling left out, and not waiting around for invitations We have all felt that sting of not being invited. You see the pictures, hear about the dinner, find out there's a group chat, there was a weekend away—and you were not included. It can hurt, even when we know intellectually that every gathering cannot include every person. And even though we do not personally want 15 people at every thing we do. This episode is a replay of a conversation I had with friendship educator Danielle Bayard Jackson, author of Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships and host of the Friend Forward podcast. Danielle has such a clear, honest way of talking about the harder parts of female friendship, and this topic needed her voice. Danielle and I spoke about why not being invited can feel so personal, why it sometimes has nothing to do with us, and why some gatherings are built around a specific purpose, convenience, shared history, or a smaller dynamic. We also get into the harder question: are there times when our own patterns make people less likely to include us? Maybe we often say no, cancel, talk about how busy we are, dominate the conversation, make people feel judged, stay glued to our phones, bring too much conflict into group settings, or make planning harder than it needs to be. This is not about blaming people for being left out. It's about giving ourselves choices beyond spiraling, assuming the worst, or waiting around to be chosen. In this episode, we discuss: Why being left out hurts at every ageWhy not every plan is meant to include every friendFriendship patterns that may be worth examiningHow to stop spiraling and start making plans yourself so you're not waiting for invitationsMy visit to Danielle's podcast, Friend Forward, "Picking Your People: Choosing the Right Friends to Prioritize and Pursue" Apple, Spotify  I'm SO grateful to Danielle for tackling this topic with me. It's a hard one—and she was exactly the right guest for it. Meet Danielle Bayard Jackson Danielle Bayard Jackson is a friendship educator, speaker, and author of Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships. She is the host of the Friend Forward podcast, the founder of Tell Public Relations, and the director of the Women’s Relational Health Institute, where she conducts research and creates training to support stronger female relationships. Find links for working with Danielle and all of her social media links at betterfemalefriendships.com. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

How age, loss, and experience can change the way we see friendships from the past This week I’m joined by one of my very best friends, Rebecca Kotok, a public school counselor in Maryland and one of the most popular guests in the history of Dear Nina. Rebecca was first on the show in episode 34, where we talked about our friendship breakup in our 20s and our reconciliation. This time, we’re talking about a different kind of friendship shift: the way approaching 50, loss, and life experiences can soften how we think about friendships that faded, old hurts, and the stories we’ve been carrying for years. This episode is not about ignoring bad behavior or letting every person back into your life. But Rebecca and I talk about the peace that can come from no longer needing to prosecute every old friendship case in your mind over and over again until the end of time.  We talked about: • Why friendship breakups and faded friendships can carry so much shame • How midlife can change the way we understand old friendship disappointments • Why some friendships fade without anyone being "the villain" • The difference between being right and being at peace • How grief and life experience can make us more generous toward other people • Why you don’t have to reconnect with someone to think about them more positively • How gratitude, reflection, and therapy can help if a softer, more positive mindset does not come naturally One of my favorite ideas from Rebecca was that she now attributes perceived slights much less to someone’s character and much more to what that person may have been carrying. That feels like a wiser and "softer" way to move through the world.  Previous episodes mentioned:Episode #34: The breakup and reconciliation (with Rebecca Kotok) Episode #125: The 10% Rule in Friendship and the Negativity Bias (with Ann Imig) ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO !! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify 📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina 🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events 🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes! 📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack ❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group 📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question 📪 email: [email protected] 🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!