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Check latest episodes from How Not To Suck At Divorce podcast

189. When Your Divorcing Spouse Is Still Trying to Control You ( It’s Hurting Your Case)

2026/02/06

If your ex is still controlling you and you keep reacting, explaining, or trying to keep the peace… you might be actively hurting your legal case without even realizing it. Because here’s the thing: divorce doesn’t cure controlling behavior—it often exposes it. And control doesn’t always look loud. Sometimes it looks “polite.” Sometimes it looks like silence. Sometimes it looks like a thousand tiny moments that make your stomach drop. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian Andrea Rappaport break down what control looks like after separation, why it escalates, and the legal + emotional action steps to shut it down. And yes—there’s also a story involving a tambourine, a fire-lit “happiness class,” and a man casually threatening everyone with a tombstone. (Welcome to the show.) What You’ll Learn in This Episode✅ How control shows up during divorce (even when it’s not obvious)Morgan explains that control can look like: Financial control: “I’ll pay when I feel like it,” monitoring spending, moving goalpostsMicromanaging parenting and second-guessing everything you doWeaponized silence / delayed responses to make you spiralMaking you feel like you need permission for decisions you don’t need permission for“Polite” manipulation disguised as “concern for the kids” Why control often escalates after separationAndrea explains the psychology: when someone loses access and power, they often pull harder—because control is how they regulate their discomfort. The dangerous legal issue most people miss: “splitting”Morgan explains how controlling behavior can drive a wedge between you and your attorney—making you doubt your lawyer, hold back details, or get pulled into the ex’s narrative. That’s not just stressful. It can derail your strategy and cost you serious money. The communication trap that keeps you stuckIf your nervous system is hijacked every time they text you, you’ll default to the old pattern: ReactingOver-explainingTrying to smooth things overTrying to get them to “understand” Which gives them exactly what they want: access. The Tools That Help You Stop the Control1) Tighten the structure (legally + logistically)Morgan explains why vague agreements don’t work with controlling people. Example of vague: “reasonable communication.” Problem: “reasonable” becomes a playground for manipulation. 2) Reduce accessBecause (say it with us): control fades when access fades. That may mean: limiting communicationusing a parenting appnot responding to baitpushing...

188. Top Divorce Regrets (and What to Do Instead)

2026/01/30

Rushing a divorce can cost you money, leverage, and peace—especially if you’re dating, listening to family “advice,” or skipping the right experts. In this episode, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport break down the most common divorce regrets and the smart, strategic moves to avoid them. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan and Andrea unpack the most common divorce regrets they see over and over again: the ones that quietly cost you money, complicate custody, drag out the process, and make you look back thinking… why did I do that? Get real divorce advice your lawyer may be too polite to share. We break down unpopular divorce opinions and practical divorce tips that can save you thousands of dollars in legal fees, reduce stress, and help you avoid costly mistakes. How Not to Suck at Divorce is the divorce podcast for people who want clarity, strategy, and support From rushing because you’ve moved on romantically, to letting your dad become your “legal strategist,” to skipping experts like OurFamilyWizard because you’re trying to save money—this is your highlight reel of what not to do (and what to do instead). And yes… Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie make an appearance. Because apparently six marriages is one way to earn a PhD in divorce. In this episode, we cover:The #1 regret: rushing your divorce and leaving money on the tableWhy “I want to be divorced by March” can backfire fastHow outdated financials and an old balance sheet can cost you thousandsWhy your new partner should not be part of the divorce “mischigas”The danger of letting family and friends influence legal decisionsHow well-meaning parents can accidentally run up your legal billWhen outside experts (forensic accountants, co-parenting tools, therapists) actually save you moneyWhy trying to “cheap out” can lead to a future court nightmareThe difference between fighting for what matters vs. fighting over balsamic vinegarHow to decide what’s worth it (and what’s just ego, fear, or control) Key Takeaways (Quick & Skimmable)1) Don’t rush the process and leave money on the tableWhen you’re desperate to be done, you cut corners. That’s how people sign agreements with missing details, outdated account values, or unclear parenting language—then regret it later. Do this instead: Ask your attorney if your timeline is realistic, and if it is—map the steps from A to Z. 2) Don’t bring your new relationship into your divorce chaosYour new person may mean well, but they are not your lawyer—and emotionally, it can start poisoning the relationship fast. Do this instead: Process the divorce with your therapist, your support system, and your attorney—not your new partner. 3) Don’t let non-lawyers steer legal decisionsEven smart, loving parents can unintentionally derail the strategy—especially when they aren’t in the day-to-day “trenches” of your case. Do

187. Divorce Help. When the Other Side Won’t Respond: Motions to Compel, Subpoenas, and Strategy

2026/01/23

When your divorce is dragging because the other side won’t respond, it can feel like psychological warfare—especially when kids and money are on the line. In this episode, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport break down what’s actually happening when a divorce case stalls, how to tell the difference between normal delays and strategic stalling, and what to do next. You’ll learn the practical legal steps attorneys use to create structure—like mediation deadlines, motions to compel, subpoenas, depositions, and discovery strategies—plus the mindset shifts that keep you from spiraling and spending thousands of dollars reacting emotionally. Bottom line: when the time is right, get aggressive—because talk is cheap. Stalling is one of the most common (and most infuriating) divorce experiences, and it happens for a few big reasons: They don’t have their shit together (missing documents, incomplete financials, no affidavit, disorganized life)They think you’ll panic and settle cheap just to end the painIt’s a power play (silence = control, especially with high-conflict people)Their attorney is overwhelmed, under-resourced, or occasionally strategic (timing money events like bonuses, etc.) The good news: stalling isn’t a dead end. It’s a problem that can be solved with structure, strategy, and sometimes court pressure. The First Question to Ask Your LawyerBefore you go scorched earth, ask this exact question: “Is this delay normal… or is this strategic stalling?” Morgan explains that a good attorney can often tell you: whether the other lawyer is just chronically slow/unorganized, orwhether the other side is intentionally dragging things out to wear you down. These two scenarios require totally different responses. What Judges Respond To: Structure + DeadlinesStalled cases usually move when there’s something real on the calendar: court datesmotion hearingstrial datesmediations with firm deadlines Morgan’s most practical advice: If nothing is moving, push for a trial date. Even if the first date doesn’t “stick,” a real end date creates pressure—and pressure creates movement. Action Steps: What You Can Do When the Other Side Won’t Respond1) Stop guessing. Get clarity.Tell your attorney you’re frustrated and ask: Is this normal?What’s the standard timeline in this jurisdiction?What steps do we take in order if they don’t comply?At what point do we file something? This helps you avoid spending money “going aggressive” too early… only for the judge to give them another two...

186. Divorcing a “Narcissist”? What to Avoid So You Don’t Hurt Your Case

2026/01/16

If you’re saying “my ex is a narcissist”… listen first.If you’ve spent more than five minutes on TikTok, Reddit, or Instagram, you’ve seen it everywhere: “My co-parent is a narcissist.” And we get why that label feels validating. It gives your pain a name. But here’s the problem: labels don’t carry weight in court — behavior does. And when you lead with a diagnosis you can’t prove, you risk looking reactive, emotional, or unreliable in the one place where credibility matters most. In this episode, we’re joined by two powerhouse custody attorneys — Kristen Holstrom and Samantha McBride (the Custody Queens) — to explain what actually helps you win: specific facts, consistent documentation, strong boundaries, and a strategy that keeps you from getting pulled into emotional warfare. What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeWhy calling your ex a narcissist can backfire legally and emotionallyThe difference between traits vs. a true clinical diagnosis (and why it rarely shows up in court)What judges care about most in custody cases: co-parenting and facilitating the other parent’s relationshipHow to build a case using patterns, timelines, and evidenceWhy social media is forever (even if you delete it)How co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard can protect you and create documentation“Chess, not checkers”: how to stop reacting and start controlling your side of the streetWhy custody evaluations can go sideways when you show up with labels instead of facts Key Takeaways (AKA: The stuff that saves you money and sanity)1) Labels feel good. Evidence wins cases.Courts don’t decide custody based on “he’s a narcissist.” They decide based on what happened, how often, and how it impacts the children. 2) Your credibility is everything.If you sound like you’re diagnosing your ex, you may unintentionally look like the unstable one — especially in high-stakes settings like custody evaluations. 3) Social media can cost you custody time and settlement leverage.Posting, reposting, liking, or commenting on “narcissist” content can be used against you. Even deleted posts can come back via screenshots. 4) Boundaries are strategy — not weakness.Tools like OurFamilyWizard don’t mean you failed. They mean you’re building guardrails and a paper trail. 5) Power is preparation.When you’re organized, strategic, and documenting the right things, you get your power back. Action Steps (Do this after you finish the episode)Drop the label. Keep the facts. Replace “He’s a narcissist” with: “He missed 7 pickups in 30 days.”Build a timeline. Dates, times, missed exchanges, late pickups, medical info withheld, school info excluded.span class="ql-ui"...

185. The Emotional Rollercoaster of Divorce: How to Stop Letting Feelings Drive Your Decisions

2026/01/09

One minute you feel strong, clear-headed, and relieved… and the next you’re sobbing in your car wondering if you just destroyed your life. If you feel emotionally unrecognizable during divorce, you are not alone—and you’re not “doing it wrong.” In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian/marketing guru Andrea Rappaport break down the emotional rollercoaster of divorce—why it happens, why it’s normal, and how letting emotions drive decisions can create legal and financial consequences you can’t unwind. You’ll learn how to adopt emotional neutrality (without becoming emotionless), why realistic expectations protect your sanity, and the exact do’s and don’ts that help you stay grounded—especially when kids and co-parenting are involved. What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeWhy divorce triggers “emotional whiplash” (relief, guilt, rage, panic, regret—sometimes all at once)The difference between feelings vs. facts in divorce decision-makingWhy emotional highs aren’t the problem—expectations areWhy emotional lows don’t mean you’re making the wrong choiceWhat “emotional neutrality” actually means (and why it’s self-preservation)How to ask your attorney for realistic expectations and a Plan BThe biggest mistakes people make when they’re activated (and how to avoid them)Practical ways to regulate your nervous system and get off the rollercoaster (Practical Action Steps)If you’re in the early stages of divorce—or you’re already activated—here’s what Andrea and Morgan want you to do: ✅ 1) Adopt emotional neutrality “That meeting went well. Okay.”“That meeting didn’t go well. Okay.” Neutrality is not numbness. It means your feelings are not in charge. ✅ 2) Ask for realistic expectations (every time) When something goes well, ask your attorney: “What’s a realistic expectation from here?”“What if this strategy doesn’t work—what’s our Plan B?” ✅ 3) Don’t make permanent decisions in temporary emotional states Morgan’s legal rule: if you’re activated, you pause—not react. ✅ 4) Stabilize with routine Predictable routines regulate your nervous system when your life feels unpredictable. ✅ 5) Write it down—don’t react Journal the emotion, then bring it to your therapist (not your attorney). Your attorney is your legal guide—not your emotional support system. ✅ 6) Choose ONE safe person Avoid oversharing with people who escalate you (you know who you are, “Tina from the bar” 😅). ✅ 7) Use tools that reduce conflict Consider structured communication support

184. What to Do Before You File for Divorce: A Pre-Divorce Checklist to Get Organized and Avoid Costly Mistakes

2026/01/02

If you haven’t filed for divorce yet but you’re spiraling, crying, rage-texting, and panic Googling how to leave your spouse...this episode is your pre-divorce game plan. Andrea walks you through the “invisible work” that protects you before you file: creating a private email, organizing finances, understanding monthly expenses, regulating emotions, interviewing attorneys strategically, protecting kids from adult stress, and avoiding common mistakes that can cost you money (and peace). This is not about being sneaky—it’s about being smart. Key Topics CoveredWhat to do before you file for divorceHow to create a private email and start organizing information safelyThe pre-divorce financial lists you need (accounts, debts, passwords, credit score)Why tracking monthly expenses now saves you later (hello, financial affidavits)How to stay emotionally neutral and avoid the “high-high / low-low” spiralHow to interview attorneys and choose the right “business partner”What NOT to do before filing (spending changes, threats, escalating conflict)How to protect your kids (routines, boundaries, therapy support)Bonus: writing down your “why” and what you want on the other side Practical Pre-Divorce Action Steps (Checklist)Do these before you file: Create a new private email address (separate from anything your spouse can access).Start a Google Doc/Sheet to track:All known accounts (banking, retirement, investments, credit cards, loans)Unknowns you need to identify (accounts you suspect exist, balances you don’t know)Passwords/access issuesPull your credit score and document it.List all monthly expenses (mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance, subscriptions, kids’ expenses, activities, childcare).Interview at least 3 attorneys before hiring—choose strategy, not vibes.Keep household routines stable (especially if you have kids).Don’t threaten, don’t escalate, and don’t make sudden spending changes.Get a hobby/outlet (something healthy + consistent).Consider lining up a therapist for your kids if you expect the process to hit them hard.li...

183. When the Kids Aren't With You For Christmas (Divorce Support)

2025/12/24

Support and survival tools for one of the hardest days of divorce. “When the house is quiet, the feelings are loud.” If you’re facing Christmas (or any holiday) without your kids, this episode is your survival guide. Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill talk about one of the most painful parts of divorce: the first (or early) holidays when your children are with the other parent. The anxiety can start days in advance, and the empty-house silence can feel unbearable — but Morgan reminds listeners that this is usually a moment in time, not a sign that you made the wrong decision about divorce. You’ll hear real, practical tools for getting through the day hour-by-hour (doggy paddling counts), what not to do when you’re spiraling, and why “effective support” matters. You’ll also get tips for keeping conversations with your kids positive, avoiding emotional landmines, and making a plan that helps you survive the holiday — without shame, stalking your ex, or numbing yourself into oblivion. In This Episode, We CoverWhy holidays without your kids after divorce can feel like a crisis momentHow to tell the difference between grief and a “divorce decision”Why “two truths can coexist” (you can be doing the right thing and it can hurt)The best coping strategies for surviving Christmas without your childrenWhat not to do: social media spirals, isolating, stalking your ex, emotional decisionsWhy moving your body helps your mind calm down (“an exhausted body is a calm mind”)How to use community support (even anonymously) when you feel aloneHow to talk to your kids without making them feel responsible for your emotionsCo-parenting communication tools (and why OurFamilyWizard helps when rules aren’t followed)Morgan’s “Chad” story: how making a plan helped a parent survive the first Christmas aloneWhy leaving the house is the #1 non-negotiable tool (even a drive-through counts) Key Takeaways1) This is normal — it doesn’t mean you’re weakAndrea says it best: no amount of self-care candles fixes the fact that your kids aren’t here. Missing your children doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re hurting. 2) Don’t make big decisions in a holiday spiralMorgan sees clients question everything during the holidays — but she rarely sees people truly halt divorce because of it. These feelings are real, but they’re usually temporary. 3) Doggy paddling is still progressYou don’t have to “thrive” today. You just have to get through it. Hour-by-hour is allowed. Holiday Survival Plan (From the Episode)Here’s your breakdown, straight from Morgan + Andrea: ✅ 1. Move your body (or at least get moving)Walk outside if you canIf it’s cold: use a short YouTube workout videoIf...

182. Surviving Christmas When You Want a Divorce

2025/12/19

Why the holidays amplify doubts. What to do instead of panicking. If you're overwhelmed, exhausted, pretending you’re fine, or Googling “How to pretend I'm not miserable in my marriage and ruin Christmas?” this conversation is exactly what you need. December hits differently when your marriage feels heavy. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan and Andrea break down why the holidays can push you into emotional overdrive and why that does not automatically mean you need to file for divorce today. From understanding the difference between a crisis moment vs. a clarity moment, to learning the now-iconic Pantry Party Plan, this episode gives you practical strategies to stay grounded, calm, and emotionally safe during one of the most triggering months of the year. You’re Not Weak — You’re OverwhelmedAndrea and Morgan open the episode with a message so many listeners need to hear: You’re going to be okay. Holiday stress isn’t proof that your marriage suddenly collapsed — it’s proof that December is a pressure cooker. Friends. Traditions. Money. Kids. Expectations. Fake joy. Your nervous system is maxed out, and that’s normal. A crisis moment feels like: wanting to flee your househiding in the pantrycrying out of nowherefantasizing about driving away and not coming backpanic bubbling in your chest These moments do NOT require divorce decisions. A clarity moment feels like: “Yep… this marriage still doesn’t feel right.”annoyance, sadness, or distancenoticing repeating patternscalm recognition of misalignment Clarity = information Crisis = not the time to act This distinction alone saves listeners from major mistakes. December will give you a moment where you need to step away — mentally or physically. Andrea introduces the Pantry Party Plan, a simple, strategic grounding tool to stop panic from running the show. Step 1: Set a timer. 3 minutes → small wobble5–7 minutes → medium crisis10 minutes → major meltdown prevention Step 2: Exhale first. Panic makes it nearly impossible to breathe in. So start by pushing out all your air, then allow the inhale. Step 3: Add your mantra. Pick something that makes you laugh, relax, or feel powerful. Andrea’s? “Bitches ain’t shit.” Find one that works for YOU. 🧘‍♀️ Why December Makes Everything Feel WorseMorgan breaks down the legal + emotional side: Emotional triggers:holiday traditions when you're unhappyforced family timespan...

181. Not Ready to File for Divorce? What to Do Instead

2025/12/12

How to prepare, protect yourself, and move forward without rushing This episode is especially helpful if you’re searching for: How to prepare for divorce without filingEmotional separation before divorceHow to survive the holidays before divorceWhat is a silent divorce?How to tell your spouse you want a divorce (but not yet)Divorce timing strategyHow to protect kids during separation If you’re quietly planning your next chapter, this one is for you. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport dive deep into the concept of the silent divorce: the unofficial, emotional separation that happens when one or both partners know the marriage is ending, but they're not ready to officially file yet. If you're feeling emotionally checked out, unsure of timing, scared of disrupting the holidays, or stuck in a “limbo marriage,” this episode helps you understand what a silent divorce is, the signs you're in one, and most importantly : what to DO about it. Andrea and Morgan break down two scenarios: 1️⃣ When both spouses know divorce is coming but are waiting. 2️⃣ When only one spouse knows, and the other has no idea. You’ll hear practical guidance, emotional support, and legal strategy to help you prepare without panicking, protect your kids, and avoid major divorce mistakes. Plus, you’ll hear hysterical QuickBooks chaos, psychic readings on Oak Street, and a glamorous side quest to the Waldorf Astoria. Classic HNTSAD energy. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:✔ What a “silent divorce” actually isHow emotional withdrawal and parallel living become the early stage of divorce long before filing papers. ✔ Signs you’re in a silent divorce– Minimal communication – Loss of intimacy – Roommate vibes – Emotional loneliness – Avoidance of conflict – No partnership energy ✔ If both partners know divorce is comingDo this: Keep things predictableSet temporary boundaries (separate bedrooms, shared spaces, routines)Treat this time as preparation, not limbospan class="ql-ui"...

180. The Most Powerful Divorce Negotiation Tool You’re Not Using

2025/12/05

Why strategy, not emotion, wins negotiations. Emotions don’t win in divorce court — facts and strategy do. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, divorce attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian-turned-divorce-advocate Andrea Rappaport walk you through how to negotiate your divorce like a pro using their THINK framework: T – Take the emotion out of itH – Have realistic non-negotiablesI – Identify their pain pointsN – Negotiate from facts, not feelingsK – Keep your BATNA in mind (your best backup plan) If the idea of mediation, settlement conferences, or sitting across from your ex makes you want to hide in a hole, this episode is your game plan. You’ll learn how to work with your lawyer instead of against them, what’s actually realistic to ask for, how to use what you know about your ex as legal leverage, and why clinging to your emotions can cost you big money, time, and sanity. Whether you’re just starting your divorce, heading into mediation, or trying to wrap up a long, exhausting case, this episode will help you stay out of court if possible, save money, and make smarter decisions for you and your kids. In This Episode, We Cover: Why “facts win” in divorceHow emotions spiral, stories get twisted, and why judges and mediators care about documents, numbers, and timelines — not drama.T = Take the emotion out of itAndrea’s “Ziploc bag and freeze your feelings like a 2018 pot roast” strategyHow to notice when you’re triggered in mediation (hello, Brenda and Chad)What to say to your lawyer when you’re about to lose it — and when to zip it and let them speak for youH = Have realistic non-negotiablesThe difference between must-haves and nice-to-havesWhy “I want 100% custody” usually isn’t realisticHow to decide which holidays, financial terms, or parenting provisions are truly non-negotiableMorgan’s example of a client who refused to accept any end date on maintenance — and why that was realistic in her caseI = Identify their pain pointsHow to “play detective” and figure out what your ex really cares about (ego, money, reputation, time with kids, a specific property, etc.)span class="ql-ui"...

179. Hard Truths About Divorce No One Warns You About

2025/11/26

Hard truths that can save you time, money, and sanity. If you want the real truth about divorce, buckle up. In this episode, Andrea and Morgan deliver the unfiltered, uncomfortable, absolutely-necessary truths your lawyer wishes you understood…but might be too afraid to say directly. From how the legal system really works to why your expectations are sabotaging your sanity, this episode is the wake-up call you need if you’re navigating divorce, co-parenting, or even just preparing for that dreaded Thanksgiving dinner with your very opinionated family. This one is honest, hilarious, a little unhinged (hi Andrea), and packed with strategic guidance that will help you avoid major mistakes. What You’ll Learn in This Episode1. Nothing in divorce is “fair” — and why that mindset will destroy youThe legal system doesn’t care about fairness. It’s designed for equitable distribution, not emotional justice. 2. Stop expecting the legal system to deliver revengeMorgan breaks down why the courts aren’t built to punish your ex — even when you deeply (and correctly) feel they deserve it. 3. Lower your expectations, raise your strategyWhy your expectations are often unrealistic, what “the range” actually means in divorce outcomes, and how lowering your expectations protects your mental health and your wallet. 4. Know the law where you actually live (yes, geography matters)Andrea reminds listeners that different states = different standards. Don’t guess. Don’t Google. Ask your lawyer to explain what’s realistic where YOU live. 5. Stop focusing on your ex — focus on YOUYour ex won’t suddenly transform into a better human mid-divorce. (Brenda does not become Glinda.) Focus on your responses, your regulation, and your strategy. 6. Backseat drivers & Thanksgiving disastersHow to shut down intrusive family commentary (“That’s not fair!”) and exactly what to say at the holiday table when everyone wants details about your divorce. 7. Your kids will hurt — but they will be OKAndrea shares her own emotional story about her first Thanksgiving without her kids, and how focusing on what she could control changed everything. 8. Do NOT fire off emotional textsUse a communication app like OurFamilyWizard to protect yourself legally and emotionally — especially with the ToneMeter feature that stops you from sending something you’ll regret. Hard Truths from This EpisodeThe legal system is not designed to make you feel better.Your ex won’t change just because you’d like them to.Your attorney isn’t your therapist.Fairness is not a legal standard. Equitable is.Focusing on your ex keeps you stuck.You are responsible for asking your lawyer the right questions.Your expectations need to be realistic, not emotional. ⏱️ Timestamps00:00 — Hard truth:...

178. How Asking ‘WHY’ Can Change Your Divorce

2025/11/21

Making better decisions by understanding what really matters. If you’re in the middle of a divorce and constantly asking yourself “WHY is this happening?”, this episode is about to save you money, misery, and a whole lot of emotional tailspinning. This week, Andrea and Morgan dive deep into the question that can either move your divorce forward—or completely derail you: WHY. When is asking why strategic? And when is it a waste of attorney fees (or your sanity)? To help break it all down, we’re joined by Cary J. Mogerman, one of the most respected divorce attorneys in Missouri. Cary brings decades of experience, a wise-professor vibe, and a no-nonsense approach to helping clients understand the process clearly, calmly, and strategically. Cary J. Mogerman is one of the most highly regarded divorce lawyers in Missouri and wellknown to other top family law attorneys throughout the United States. He is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and in 2022, served as President of the national organization. He is a Diplomate of the American College of Family Trial Lawyers, an invitation-only assemblage limited to 100 members throughout the United States; Cary is a member of its executive committee. He is a Fellow of the International Academy of Family Lawyers. https://carmodymacdonald.com/people/cary-j-mogerman/ In this conversation, you’ll learn: Why “Why is this happening to me?” is a therapist question—not a lawyer questionHow to ask WHY in a way that strengthens your strategy, saves money, and reveals leverageWhy understanding your spouse’s emotional triggers can completely shift mediationThe one communication mistake clients make that drives lawyers insaneWhen your lawyer should break things down in plain languageWhy slowing down your responses (yes, YOU) will prevent disasterHow to stop burning money on the wrong kind of questionsWhy the legal process feels slow, confusing, and unfair—and what to do with thatHow to advocate for yourself without apologizing PLUS: Andrea reveals a HUGE co-parenting milestone (Shabbat dinner with the ex… yes, seriously), and Morgan talks through why listeners were so triggered by last week’s episode—and what that means for your own healing. This is the episode you NEED if you’re negotiating, mediating, litigating, co-parenting, or just trying to get through the day without rage-texting your ex or panic-emailing your lawyer. Key Takeaways1. Not All “Why” Questions Are Helpful“Why is this happening?” “Why is he acting like this?” “Why is she being crazy?” These are human questions—but not legal ones. They belong in therapy, not in your billable hours. 2. Strategic Why’s Are POWERFULWhy are we filing this motion? Why is this our mediation plan? Why is my ex reacting this strongly to ONE issue? These help your attorney build a smarter, more effective...

177. The Co-Parenting Secret That Changes Everything

2025/11/14

How one shift can reduce conflict and protect your kids. If the idea of “healthy co-parenting” makes you want to throw your phone, this episode is for you. Comedian Andrea Rappaport and powerhouse family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill sit down with co-parenting expert and bestselling author Jon Bassford, JD, MBA, CAE, whose real-life story of turning a hostile divorce into a functional, daily-communication co-parenting dynamic will shock you—in the best way. Jon's new book, The Co-Parenting Secret: It's Not About You, doesn't sugarcoat the difficulty or pretend everyone can be friends. Instead, it offers a revolutionary reframe: stop thinking about "my time" or "their time" and start thinking about your child's life. It challenges the toxic win/lose mindset and offers a new model: collaborative parenting focused on emotional safety, communication, and showing up for your kid every time. His message resonates with divorced, separated, dating-but-split, or any parents navigating two-home situations, because it's not about having a friendly ex or following a perfect plan. It's about making intentional choices that prioritize your kids above your own convenience, preferences, or pride. Jon is also a TEDx speaker, CEO of Lateral Solutions, and brings 20+ years of executive leadership to his work but this book isn't about applying business frameworks to family life. It's about the messy, honest journey of getting co-parenting right after getting it wrong. Jon didn’t start with unicorns and rainbows. There was resentment, trash-talking, incompatible living… the whole messy thing. But he learned the intentional steps that transform co-parenting from a battleground into actual teamwork. In this episode, we dig into what co-parenting looks like when it’s real, what to do when your ex refuses to cooperate, and why saying “Of course” instead of “Fine” could change literally everything. Whether you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, parallel-parenting with someone who refuses to meet you halfway, or just trying to not lose your mind over a simple schedule swap, you’ll walk away with mindset shifts, scripts, action steps, and legal strategy you can use TODAY. Key Takeaways1. Co-Parenting Doesn’t Start Perfect — It EvolvesJon and his ex did not get along at first. There was hostility, miscommunication, and resentment — just like what most people experience. Progress happens in baby steps, not giant leaps. 2. Saying “Of Course” Isn’t About Your Ex — It’s About YouYour instinct is to say “no.” That’s human. But dropping your guard and choosing calm over chaos immediately changes your internal state. Less spiraling, less anger, less anxiety. 3. Strategic Co-Parenting Helps You in CourtMorgan breaks down how tools like Our Family Wizard create evidence showing you are the reasonable parent. If a judge ever needs to get involved, this matters A LOT. 4. Letting Go Isn’t Weak — It’s SurvivalJon explains how resentment destroys your peace more than it punishes your ex. Letting go isn’t excusing behavior — it’s freeing yourself. 5. Your Why Keeps You GroundedCo-parenting gets easier when you know why you’re doing it: stability for your child, emotional peace for yourself, and a healthier long-term dynamic. Timestamps00:00 — Why “our natural reaction is to say no” 00:17 — Morgan explains the legal strategy behind saying “yes” 00:31 — What saying “of course” does for you 00:57 — Andrea on isolation during divorce 01:12 — Why connecting with community matters 01:27 —...

176. How the SUCK Acronym Changes Your Divorce

2025/11/07

A simple framework for smarter decisions when emotions run high This week, Morgan and Andrea flip the script and want you to SUCK at divorce. Yep, you read that right. Learn how to Set aside your feelings, Utilize experts, Calm your nervous system, and Know the facts: a game-changing framework that’ll help you make better decisions (and fewer expensive mistakes) during your divorce. From cortisol spikes to co-parenting apps, nervous-system hacks, and even Amazon finds that actually don’t suck, the girls cover it all ...with the perfect blend of legal insight, emotional honesty, and wine-soaked humor you’ve come to expect. 🧠 What You’ll LearnWhy your emotions are the worst business partners during divorce — and how to manage themHow to think like a CEO (even when you feel like a hot mess)When and how to actually use your divorce expertsSimple science-based tricks to calm your body in moments of panicHow to separate facts from feelings to protect your sanity (and your wallet) 🛠️ The SUCK FrameworkS – Set aside your feelings U – Utilize experts C – Calm your nervous system K – Know the facts (and stick to them) 🥂 Quote of the Week“Divorce is a marathon — or as Andrea would spell it, a Martha-thon"Timestamps: 05:01 – The Hulu Show That Made Us Cringe Andrea reviews All’s Fair — the all-female divorce firm drama starring Kim Kardashian — and the verdict? “It sucks.” (Which turns out to be the perfect segue…) 07:46 – Introducing the SUCK Acronym Morgan and Andrea unveil a new framework that will actually help you survive your divorce with your dignity intact: S – Set aside your feelings U – Utilize experts C – Calm your nervous system K – Know the facts (and stick to them) 09:02 – Step 1: Set Aside Your Feelings Morgan explains the science behind emotional flooding (hello, cortisol!) and how to think like a businessperson instead of a brokenhearted one. 10:34 – Andrea’s Advice for the Highly Emotional If you can’t be calm — pretend to be someone who can. Channel your inner TV badass (minus the tire-slashing). 11:35 – Step 2: Utilize Experts Morgan reminds listeners: you hired your experts for a reason. Don’t go rogue. 12:55 – Why Ignoring Your Attorney’s Advice Backfires Andrea walks through what happens when clients do the opposite of what their lawyer says — and how to avoid a legal disaster. 15:59 – Step 3: Calm Your Nervous System Andrea and Morgan dig into the physical side of stress. What happens in your body when your ex drops a bombshell — and how to get your calm back. 17:54 – Morgan’s “20-Minute Rule” for Freakouts She shares a practical strategy: take 20–30 minutes before responding to any major divorce news. No driving, no emailing, no rage-texting. 19:44 – Andrea’s Panic-Proof Toolkit The “panic attack queen of Chicago” shares her science-backed tricks: movement, cold...

175. The 3 Biggest Divorce Mistakes People Make at the End

2025/10/31

Why the finish line is the most dangerous phase You’re almost done… which is exactly when smart people make expensive mistakes. In this punchy, practical episode, Andrea and Morgan tackle “divorce senioritis”, that end-of-process urge to rush, stop reading, or pick last-minute fights, and lay out the three biggest mistakes people make in the final stretch of divorce (plus how to avoid them without losing your mind or your money). ✅ What You’ll Learn (Skimmable Takeaways)1.Don’t glaze over “small” document edits Tiny word shifts like “may / shall / will” can flip legal meaning.Action: Print the latest draft, run a Word Compare, read line-by-line for one quiet hour, and send your written questions to your attorney.Ask explicitly: “Do these changes affect any earlier documents (e.g., parenting or financial agreements)?” 2.Stop the 11th-hour nickel-and-diming Adding minor demands late (or “saving money” by not calling your lawyer) can drag negotiations and raise fees.Action: Bullet the 5–8 items bugging you; ask your lawyer:“Which of these have a realistic chance of success and are worth pushing to get us across the finish line?”Big picture > petty wins. 3.Prepare for the mixed emotions after finalization Relief, sadness, anticlimax—it’s normal to feel the opposite of what you expected.Action: Don’t over-schedule a celebration that day. Give yourself space to process, rest, and recalibrate. 🕒 Suggested Chapter Markers00:00 Senioritis is real: why the finish line is risky05:24 The urge to “just sign it” (and how that backfires)10:14 Compare feature, “may/shall/will,” and cross-document impacts16:40 Nickel-and-diming at the 11th hour (and how to reframe control)23:39 Read like a businessperson, not a broken heart25:39 The post-divorce emotional curve (why it’s anticlimactic)28:38 Don’t plan a blowout the day it finalizes—plan space33:12 Mini-game: Marry or Divorce? (PG-13 edition) Please rate our show! It means so much!! www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuck Join the private communities! a...

HB Mom 83 2026/01/03

Game changer!

I just wanted to say that I would be lost without you guys. Not only do you make me laugh, but you’ve given me crucial advice and the courage to navig...

burchtc80 2025/12/30

A Must Listen!

This podcast is amazing! Full of great information.

#courage 2025/12/30

Great Podcast!!

Love your podcast! Listen every night! Wish I would have found you years ago!! Still very helpful! Appreciate your honesty while addressing many diffe...

Soon to be an X 2025/10/30

So helpful

All the information given in the podcast is so helpful. I have learned to keep my cool and be proactive so I am ready for anything that comes my way. ...

DJJarvis 2025/09/16

A divorce lifeline

I’ve listened to a lot of divorce podcasts and keep coming back to this one. Andrea and Morgan’s personalities are the perfect combo to deliver the in...

SusanK120 2025/09/07

Must listen - action steps and laughs

The only podcast worth listening to in this space. You’ll have an action plan and feel less alone and like you’re hanging with friends.

Pop review 2 2025/09/06

This show is a life raft

This show provided so much valuable guidance, laughter, and support during such a difficult navigate time.

SunPrin08 2025/08/29

So useful!

I’ve been interested in family law for ever and I have gained so much knowledge about divorces from this podcast! I love it!

mucksnose 2025/08/25

1000% great

This podcast really helped me get in the right mindset for my divorce.

:):):):):)53 2025/08/18

Best Divorce Podcast!

I have already learned so much in just the few episodes I have listened too! Definitely the best divorce podcast out there. The hosts are hilarious!! ...

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