Advertise on podcast: I'm Friends With You, Not Your Baby

The path of infertility, winding its way through IUI and IVF, can be a long and and lonely road. For former Martha Stewart event planner Jennifer Arkuss, there were moments of hope, and moments of hope dashed. She became pregnant with twins but lost them to miscarriage and a rare condition called Trisomy 13. Eventually she became pregnant. And pregnant again. But just as she was settling into life as a family of four, her mother was diagnosed with Stage Four Ovarian Cancer, and the rug was ripped from under her once again. And yet, to hear her tell it, there are elements of this journey, despite all of the pain, that she wouldn't trade. She is stronger and more resilient than she knew, her marriage is fireproof, and she believes all of it has made her a better mom than she would have been without these trials. If you're looking to hold on to hope, Jen's story is for you.

An authentic life that you don't need to defend. That's the goal of this tribe. And we're not going to get there by stopping those who come for us. We'll get there by not being bothered when they do. When your life doesn't look like others think it should...when we carry the shame of feeling like we don't measure up...when we're battered and bruised from the fight to move forward...it creates a hunger for validation and a heightened sensitivity to cruel comments. We can't change them, but we can change us. How does that begin? We may be tempted to shrink back or armor up, but the real work is looking at the areas that hurt, and ask ourselves why they do. Pain points to areas that need healing. My friend Amanda Carr and I have had several conversations around that. In this Bonus Episode, I'm letting you listen in on one of them. Amanda discusses co-dependency and its impact on the nervous system, about smashing her own limiting beliefs, and of absorbing the wisdom of people like Gabor Mate', Jay Shetty and Brene Brown. This discussion is far-reaching and may hit on points that deserve to be looked at more deeply. But for now, I'm sharing it with you because this musician and life coach offers so many pearls of wisdom that have helped her process her own pain, and I hope you find something here that will help you as well.

In Part 2 of her story, Life Coach Rachelle Indra is beginning again. Her adult life began by following a well-worn script: pursue the dream, meet the guy, have the kids. It ended with a plot twist. Now, she's helping others self-reflect and draw new boundaries to climb their "second mountain" and discover more fulfilling lives. Specializing in neuroscience, Rachelle helps clients break their limiting beliefs, people-pleasing, and co-dependency. Her goal is to help create new neuropathways, and find happiness no matter someone's circumstances. Whether you're single and looking, or childless and hoping, Rachelle shows us how to pull the best from the present even while waiting for the future. And she's not just saying it, she's living it herself. 

It's the stuff of fairytales; the big white dress, a Ritz Carlton wedding reception, a handsome groom... everything in place for the "Marriage & Carriage" happy ending. But what happens when the dream becomes a nightmare? With vulnerability and transparency, Life Coach Rachelle Indra shares a painful story that ultimately led to her life's calling. After two miscarriages and a marriage that ended in divorce, Rachelle found a new relationship that was ready-made for her, or so everyone thought. A perfect-on-paper guy and his two beautiful daughters set the stage for Rachelle to play the part of stepmother. But when it didn't work out, Rachelle found herself plunged into shame. In this Part One of her story, Rachelle shares the script she stuck to based on obligation and expectation. In the Part Two that follows, she shares how ripping up that script in favor of a re-write led to her living her authentic life and helping others to do the same.

Boston event planner Kelly Elizabeth Soule was asked by her closest friends to plan their baby showers...just as she suffered a miscarriage. But rather than bitterness and anger, Kelly overflows with grace and wisdom. Which isn't to say it didn't hurt. But she's talking about how she's healing, and whether her husband was any help...or dropped the emotional ball. And for the women who are too worn out and heartsick to attend yet another shower, Kelly delivers up some gems through her experienced insight.

Former Morning News Anchor Marissa Bailey wrote a letter describing the heartbreak she felt at losing friends to motherhood. Years later, and now a new mom herself, will her viewpoint have changed? Has she forgotten her former "otherhood"? Marissa shares the one thing women need to do to hold on to their relationships when their paths diverge, to protect against a friendship break-up. ...From 3am and closing down the club, to 3am and nursing, she's looking back at her former life and new one to offer some perspective.

Author and "World Childless Week" ambassador Kate Kaufmann lends her wisdom to women who are stopped dead in their tracks when asked, "So do you have kids?" Her book explores life when the answer is "No." After attempts to become pregnant through fertility treatment failed, the question about children once sent her running in tears. We talk about infertility and IVF, the childfree and childless, the friendships with moms and grandmothers that succeed or break-up, religious abuse, expectations, the pain of social media, grief, and healing using our "observer self." Faced with stereotypes; you'll never know true love, you'll have no legacy, you'll never be happy, Kate was forced to confront all "the scaries" to create a new, joyful, paradigm in her life. Now, the question of whether she has kids is an exciting launch point to Kate. But it's not all smooth sailing. Deep into living from a healed place, Kate shares how she was suddenly forced to confront an old wound...

Ours is a big tribe. We're childless or childfree, fur moms, not moms, or bonus moms, infertility warriors trying to conceive naturally or with NaPro, through IUI or IVF, don't want kids, or aren't sure what we want. So why do we feel so alone? Because no one is talking to us. And we can't say how we really feel. Risk cancel culture in our own family? No thank you. So we'll hold her baby when it hurts to, laugh off the questions about family planning, stare at our feet when the conversation becomes a parental debate over whether to mask kindergarteners. But also, we'll travel, we'll volunteer, we'll find fulfillment, we'll reflect and evolve and grow, we'll have spiritual awakenings, we'll plan an early retirement. When you don't have kids in a kid-centric world, yours will be an unpopular opinion. But we're talking about it anyway. In this roundtable discussion, I'm gathering my friends to hear their experiences; Sheila is an executive for a global software company, Amy is the sales and marketing VP for a food start-up company, and Ashley is a lifestyle television executive. Their stories are fun and funny and painful...and the makings of a great conversation to kick off "World Childless Week."

These are the stories that we don't share on social media.They can't be captured in a snapshot.Rings and weddings, bumps and babies play well online.But for us, there's quick caption to sum up the story. These are stories about choices, stories of a forced hand.... Of peace and pain...and back to peace again. Whether you're lingering in a place you love or homesick for a place you've never been, join me at a table where your hidden heart is heard. I'm host Elizabeth Hopkins. I'm Friends With You, Not Your Baby, is coming soon.