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Hello mom who just might feel frustrated and guilty for feeling that way…  Today I’m talking to Jodi Kinasewitz about her story “Peace on Purpose” in our devotional book Unshakable Peace in an Unsteady World. Jodi is one of four co-authors, along with Jess Carey, Michelle Wilbert, and myself. Jodi lives in Mason, Ohio, with her husband of 20 years Matt, their four children, and their yellow lab, Max. She is a reading specialist and certified yoga instructor, passionate about leading Christian-inspired yoga classes, reading, and writing. She loves to travel with her family, and spends any time she can outdoors. Jodi has had several articles published with various Christian platforms including gritandvirtue.com, mommentor.org, makemeavailable.com, and she was published in Milk & Honey Women Devotional Journal, Volume 1. She started picking up more books and writing during the COVID shutdown. Find Jodi Kinasewitz on social media. Particularly during May, she is sharing posts that relate to mental health. Her desire is to end the stigma around mental health issues, raise the awareness, start talking about it. Like we pick up our phones. And we Jodi’s hope is by sharing her story of struggle through a season of anxiety and depression her writing will shine a light on the importance of mental health while pointing others to Jesus. Find out more about Jodi on Instagram @jkinasewitz, Facebook – Jodi Kinasewitz, and read more of her writing on her blog Living to Learn (jkinasewitz.wixsite.com/website). - Encouragement for writers or those thinking about writing - Jodi shares that she came through a pretty significant storm in 2017 and is now on the other side of it. So that was the basis of a lot of her writing. She shared it with friends and in social media posts. People said, “This is really good. Thanks for sharing. You should write a book.” She waved it off, then decided she loved to write and had a passion for it. So she joined Called Creatives with Lisa Whittle and Alli Worthington. That’s how we met. We were meeting regularly on zoom, talking, sharing life stories, and decided to do a devo on peace. She’s really excited about the book and I join her in being grateful for all the support we've gotten.   - Jodi shared her devotional Peace on Purpose – Underscoring Jodi’s encouragement to be intentional about seeking God. The anchor verse is Jeremiah 29:13 – “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.” When Jodi greeted her coworker cheerfully, though dripping wet from the pouring rain, the coworker asked, “How are you always so happy? Only you could come bouncing in here on a cold rainy Monday all smiles and chatty.” A little off guard, Jodi reflects, “What do I have working in my favor that my coworker or others I know don't have?” And she realizes, her morning routine benefits her in so many ways, along with exercise, plus giving herself enough time to ease into her day by not hitting the ground running. She has intentional quiet time with God. Prays, meditates, reads her Bible, and journals every single morning. She shares with her coworker the next morning, who mumbles, “Maybe I should give that a try.” Reflection Questions based on Jodi’ story Peace on Purpose 1. How will you take the time to be present with God? 2. When and where in your day will you plan to pursue Him and His peace with purpose?  4. What kind of peace have you experienced in your life when you have actively sought out Jesus?  5. What are some fears you currently have that need to be displaced with His peace? 

Hello mama who just might feel like she's a little sick of not getting help around the house.  I've written the devotional book called Unshakable Peace in an Unsteady World with three other co-authors. Jess Carey, Michelle Wilbert, and Jodi Kinasewitz. Today, Jess is with me. Jess Carey is an author. The book we co-wrote together is her second book. The first one is Chart a Course - Taking a Journey with God at the Helm. Jess is a wife of almost 16 years and has two middle schoolers - a 14-year-old and almost 13-year-old. She has a Golden Doodle Pearl and her mother-in- law lives with them - a new event. Jess says she has  all the interesting things you can pile into one home. One of the things I love about Jess is her clarity. I find it refreshing the way she talks about anger, which you’ll hear more about in our interview.  Jess chose to share her story Disarming Discontent.  As she puts it, “It's a story about sort of disarming a bomb internally in your own mindset. It's like a stick of dynamite has a long fuse. But boy, when you get to it, there's nothing you can do other than deconstruct the bomb or just let it go off. When we let the bomb go off, that actually stands to do some pretty good damage to our marriages, our kids. I have failed at this enough to know there is an alternative. Moms are going to fail. You are going to blow up sometimes. This is a personal story where it did go a different way. It gave me a little bit of a runway to build up until the next time I had to have this conversation.” - What it feels like as a working mom with kids capable of pitching in who comes home from a long day and everything is just as you left in the morning - dirty dishes in the sink, 1000 pairs of shoes kicked off haphazardly, clean clothes unfolded in their baskets.  - You’re tempted to lash out, but you know you have a choice. Jess calls to mind 2 Corinthians 13:11, “Finally, brothers, rejoice, aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace.”  - Rather than blowing up, Jess wept (don’t we blow up at times when we really want to cry?), “I actually was hurt by my family. It felt like they were so uncaring, entitled, even though that clearly wasn't their intention.” She continued, “Hey, you know, I just worked a really long day, I'm tired. You guys are sitting on the couch, playing video games, having leisure time, but I'm not afforded any of that.”  - Jess chose a sort of confession, transparency. The passage of Scripture came to pass, the God of peace was there, restoration came. My kids agreed to help me,  my husband aligned, and encouraged all of us to work as a team.  - It was a beautiful example of that Scripture coming to pass and also making that choice, to say I feel overwhelmed.  - As a family, other members of the family may have a 40-hour work schedule. Mom doesn't,. There's no end date. There's no vacation time. It’s ongoing all the time. “I need more help is essentially what I was telling them. I can't work 24 hours a day. Without assistance.  Disarming Discontent Reflection Questions 1. Is there someone you need to pursue restoration or peace with?  2. How would your situation change if you were able to freely express yourself calmly?  3. What would restoration with them look like?  4. What do you stand to lose if you don’t reconcile?

Hello mama - today I'm going to be talking about our new devotional Unshakable Peace in an Unsteady World with my friend and co-author Michelle Wilbert. Each story in our devotional journal starts with an anchor verse. Then we have the actual devotional story, reflection questions, a prayer, some journal pages, and some coloring pages, too.  Michele Wilbert has been married for almost 15 years to Brad. They have one son, live in California, and Michele and her husband run a business together. Michele is a writer and a Bible teacher. She’s really passionate about sharing with moms that you can use your gifts, no matter what season you're in. There's a way to use the gifts that God has given you right where you are.  Here’s Michele’s story starting with the anchor verse.  Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  were startled out of our pool-floating dreams. The flashing lights and piercing sounds chirped so loud in the store I couldn’t hear the cashier’s instructions. I looked around and everyone was holding their ears. The manager ran to the panel near the exit to shut it off, only she couldn’t. I looked over and suddenly the watermelon my son held now had become an anchor and weighed him down. I met his big blue eyes and looked straight in them and said, “You are okay. We are safe.” I waited for the watermelon to drop and shatter. His fingers were tightly clenched around it, his body shaking, and he began to breathe faster with each second. The alarm didn’t stop. I grabbed the tomatoes and chips and guided him out of the store. At last, inside the car, he desperately gasped for more air. As I loosened his fingers from his tight grasp on the watermelon, it only made the breathing worse and full panic set in. He needed something to hold onto to steady his breathing. What’s Stealing Your Peace? We placed two red ripe tomatoes, one large watermelon, and a bag of chips on the grocery store conveyor. We had all of our final ingredients for our first-day-of-summer picnic. As the cashier scanned the barcode and we heard the blip, it was music to our ears. The sound of summer beginning. The cashier handed me the receipt, and said, “Have a great day!” My son shouted, “BEST SUMMER EVER! Right, Mom?” We were ready to float all our cares away in the pool from the longest Covid, distance-learning, hybrid, back-to-school, part-time school year. All of a sudden, the fire alarm went off in the store, and we  Have you been ready to celebrate the really good things in your life when all of a sudden something threatens to steal your peace? Christ’s peace is contrary to anything this world offers. However, sometimes fear and lies can rob us of true peace. Oftentimes, the world will get us to believe our peace is at risk. Philippians 4:7 teaches us that the peace of God surpasses our understanding. It is deeper and richer than anything we can comprehend. This verse assures us that the insurmountable peace of God guards our hearts and minds. Not only is the Lord’s peace a prescription for our worries, fears, and troubled hearts, but it gives us hope that He is with us. Right there in the back of the car, we asked God for His help. He answered. I slowly began to unpeel the now looser gripped fingers. My boy released the watermelon into my hands and exhaled. He smiled the peaceful smile of a child who knows they are safe. Reflection Questions What is something stealing your peace currently? What steps can you take today to guard your heart and mind and remember Christ is with you? What is something you can hold onto to steady you? How can you ask God to help you let go of whatever it is that has a grip on you?

Hello mama who just might feel like you're overwhelmed with all the things on your to do list.  I've just recently written a devotional book Unshakable Peace in an Unsteady World with three co-authors, Michelle Wilbert, Jodi Kinasewitz, and Jess Carey.  I’m sharing with you one of my devotional stories about finding peace that as a mom, I think you're really going to relate to. Each devotional includes a Scripture, story, reflection questions, prayer, along with journaling and coloring pages.  In the next few weeks, I’ll be bringing my co-authors on MomVision to share their stories too. I hope they bring you a sense of peace, that you're not alone, and help you know where you can go for peace.  The story I’m sharing today is called When Your No Leads to Peace.  Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my inmost being;     you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;     your works are wonderful,     I know that full well. I was scurrying...running from activity to activity. Because of my schedule, I felt nearly breathless and a little hysterical much of the time. I brushed it off as “just a busy season,” knowing I couldn’t keep up this pace.  My kids, husband, church, ministry, kids’ teachers, friends needed me. I needed to put my head down, plow through, and just keep going...I didn’t really feel present no matter where I was. I couldn’t say no...could I? I mean this was all good stuff. I was showing up where I was needed, fulfilling my commitments. I was trying to be a good friend, be there for my kids and husband, and have some fun too.  “I’m too busy. I’m doing so much. I’m frazzled most of the time. But I’m doing good things. What can I possibly not do? I just don’t see a way out.” And she said, “Well, the good robs from the best.” (She was loosely quoting Oswald Chambers, who said, “The good is always the enemy of the best.”) Huh? What did that mean? As we discussed, I understood. If you’re a people-pleaser and you’d like to feel valuable, worthy, and approved of, you’ll likely say one (or two or three or more) too many yesses. I said way too many yesses, and they were robbing me of peace and joy. I was drained and depleted. It was time to learn to say no. Was this easy? No! Why? Because I had an underlying, unidentified problem. I was desperate to feel valuable. Deep down in the core of my being, I believed I had to earn love and approval by “doing.” I didn’t believe I was of value just because I existed...just because I was fearfully and wonderfully made by our good God, the creator Himself, though this is what He says. We are human beings...not human doings! Old habits ingrained in unhealthy beliefs die hard. It took me a long time – many cycles of overcommitting before I learned to say no.  Now, when I am asked to do something new, commit to a project, invited somewhere, I am in the habit of saying, “I’ll get back to you.” I must consider this one yes in the context of all my other yesses. I now often say, “No.” I am much more peaceful place than ever before. And guess what? I am still loved! Reflection Questions: 1. Do you say yes to too many commitments and end up feeling depleted?  2. If you struggle with believing you are fearfully and wonderfully made, why do you think that is?  3. What is at the root of saying yes too much...and lacking peace?  4. What is a no you need to consider?

Hey Mom who may not use the word peace to define family life… The first word that comes to my mind when thinking about the momlife is definitely not peace. Maybe chaos is a better word to describe momming. I was a bit surprised. I now know, it's okay. It's a fact of life with children and with family life.  On this episode of MomVision, I’m introducing you to my three co-authors on our recently released book Unshakable Peace in an Unsteady World.  Through this interview, we’re going to share some peace nuggets learned from life. Meet the Authors Jess Carey I live in Phoenix, with my husband of 16 years and two almost teenagers. The message I feel God often presses into my spirit is to encourage moms to realize their dreams and hopes are not put on hold in lieu of their children's. I'm about a sacrificial life for your kids for sure, but not at the expense of God's plans and purposes for your life.  Michele Wilber I live in California with my husband and I have one son who's 12. I'm a former foster parent. I'm truly passionate about seeing moms use their giftings exactly where they are. Trying to be the best schoolroom mom, sports mom, everything mom, causes a lot of stress. As we use our giftings and find comfort in doing that, we will have more peaceful homes. When I am not peaceful or things don’t go the way I’ve planned, that sets the tone for the rest of the house. Jodi Kinasewitz I live in Ohio, with my husband of 21 years, Matt. We have four kids. Our oldest is a freshman at the University of Tennessee, our son is a junior in high school, another daughter is a freshman, and another daughter is in seventh grade. I am a teacher. I did special education for 21 years and now am an elementary reading specialist. I'm a certified Christian-inspired yoga teacher. My message is the importance of moms keeping their mental health front of mind. I believe in sacrificing for our kids, but not white knuckling, controlling, managing the perfect schedule, the perfect birthday party, the guilt of being a working mom and not being able to do as much as I had hoped for my kids. All of that built up. I went through a difficult season of anxiety and depression. My message is God first, then family, and everything else will fall into place. And if things aren't in place, that's okay. Life will go on. Elise Daly Parker I've been married for 37 years to Chris Parker. We have four adult children. Lauren is 44, married with two our two grandbabies. Farrell is 33. Catie is 32 and married. And Amelia is 27. Grown and flown, they’re all over the place. I thought it was a lot simpler than it was to raise humans. I wasn't as good as it as I imagined. I tried to do it all. Of course, I failed, because we all know you can't do it all. I was the Yes mom. I'm also a MOPS mentor mom. My mission is called MomVision - savoring and not just surviving motherhood. When you get too busy, saying yes to things you’re not good at to please others, you end up scurrying and just trying to make it from one end of the day to the next. That is no way to live.  So what is something that has really shaken your peace?  Connect with us Jess Carey – JessicaCary.co, @Jess_CareyAZ Michele L Wilbert – MicheleLWilbert.com (coming soon), @MicheleLWilbert Jodi Kinasewitz - @Jkinasewitz, Website coming soon Elise Daly Parker – Elise Daly Parker, @EliseDalyParker

Do you ever think you’re not a good enough as a mom? Or maybe you even think you’re messing up your kids?  There’s a name for this – it’s called Mom Guilt.  Pretty much every mom suffers from this to some degree. How could we not? There is no playbook. Maybe as the kids have gotten older you sometimes lose it, yelling and screaming… Or your five-year-old’s separation anxiety has you thinking there is some kind of bonding issue you’ve caused. Or maybe you get overwhelmed by all the things you have to juggle.  I’ll stop there. But I can assure you, there are lots more opportunities for you to embrace mom guilt ahead.  Did you ever hear the term “monkey on your back”? It often refers to a burdensome problem or issue you just can’t shake…like if you had a monkey clinging to your back. Imagine this monkey on your back that you can’t shake, whispering things in your ear like,  “You’re a terrible mom!” “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you get it together?” “See…You say you want to stop screaming, but you blew it again today when Rebecca had her fit. You’ll never change!” Or the all encompassing “You’ve ruined your kids for life!” Yeah – that monkey on your back – it’s you. Maybe that was never you. Or maybe you’ve overcome this trash talking to yourself.  But I’m going to challenge you to pay attention to what you say to yourself when you feel like you’ve responded the wrong way, or you think your kids should be doing what their kids are doing, or you look at that insta post and wonder why your family isn’t always happy and stress-free?  What’s at the root of all this Mom Guilt?  You may be shoulding all over yourself. You should be or do this or that and you’re not.  Comparison, perfectionism, people-pleasing.  Lies, Stinkin’ Thinkin’, Fear, Doubts, Overwhelm, Dashed Expectations, Absolutes – never and always.  All of these contribute to Mom Guilt.  And can I tell you – Mom Guilt is a waste of time. You can waste precious energy stuck in the past, lamenting what you’ve done wrong, when you could put that limited store of energy toward the future and the changes you want to make.  So what can you do about Mom Guilt?  1. Pay Attention  What are you saying to yourself? What triggers your mom guilt? Fill in the blank – I feel like I’m not a good mom or I’m going to damage my kids when I _____________ because _________________. Make a list of your Mom Guilt triggers.  2. Determine What Matters Most to You Once you’ve got your list, determine what’s most important to you. What one thing will you choose to work on? Is a neat home a high priority? Look around, what’s the situation you deem a mess? How can you simplify the cleanup process or make it part of your day or even let it go a bit?  3. Trust Yourself!  There is no one-size-fits-all momming. And there is only one you. Be you. Use your gifts, values, beliefs to guide you to parent in a way that works for you.  4. Use Good Boundaries You can’t please everyone. Determine who’s most important, like your husband. Consider limiting exposure to those who make you doubt yourself. And speaking of limiting exposure, if social media is a trigger. Stop scrolling! You won’t miss a thing and you may be a lot happier.  5. Have a Trusted Circle of Friends Find a friend or two who is kind and encouraging. And be the friend you want to have.  If you can’t shake the mom guilt, get an accountability partner, consider a counselor, or hire a coach – there is absolutely no shame in this. We are not meant to navigate this momlife alone!

Hey Mama who wants to grow her friendships but doesn’t quite know how… Welcome to Part 4 of a Vision for Your Friendships. Today I’m sharing with you some of the ways I’ve been able to cultivate the relationships I truly want.  Friendship begins in the mind.  When I first became a stay-at-home mom, I imagined I would be automatically connected to all those moms I saw out for a stroll with each other and their kids. But it wasn’t that easy.  Even back then, before I knew what mindfulness was, I knew this line of thinking wasn’t going to get me anywhere.  Another way to get thoughts out of our minds is to journal. Just write down some of the thoughts you’re having about friendship. I had to shift my thinking so I was open to opportunities that didn’t fit my original picture of what I thought my mom friend life would look like. I started chatting with one mom who happened to show up at the park around the time I did. I invited her to my house that very first day! We became friends. This wasn’t the gaggle of moms I imagined. But she was my first mom friend.  I also pushed myself out of my rhythm and got to the park earlier a day or two a week. A couple of conversations led to a group of moms inviting me to their weekly playdates.  We have pictures of what the seasons of motherhood are going to look like. And in order to live a more satisfying life, to savor the season we’re in, we may have to adjust our picture.  Friendship gives us a sense of belonging, allows us to have adult conversations, support, wisdom, knowledge, chats that are honest, vulnerable, and authentic.  I’ve talked about what you can do to make connections when they’re not just happening organically in Episode 22. Listen to that episode for more details, but here’s a few ideas.  MOPS If you’ve got a child – from infant to preschooler, walk don’t run to the nearest MOPS group.  MOMS IN PRAYER If you’re a mom with school-age and beyond kids, this is an international group with local groups that pray for an hour a week for our children and their schools. A life-changer for me. There’s also MeetUps groups, Music Together, Mocha Moms, YMCA/YWCA, churches, synagogues, yoga studios, and more local groups. Google Mom Groups in my area.  If you have a group of friends or even acquaintances you can gather with, consider meeting regularly over a shared interest like a book or study or area in which you’d like to grow. I met with my Friday group for 20 years.  Here are the elements of this kind of group. 1. Commitment of One - Our group started because one woman felt called to host and make space in her home and calendar to host women every week for spiritual growth.  2. Commitment of at Least Some – Gather a core group of five or so women who are committed to meeting. We met most Fridays, from 1:00-3:00 pm before our school-age kids got home.  3. Agreed Upon Topic – Our group wanted Christian spiritual fellowship and growth.  Together, we decided what book or study we would dive into.  4. KISS Principle – Keep It Simple Sweetheart – Our hostess put out a setup for tea. There was no pressure to feed people. Brown bag lunches were welcome.  5. Community Mentality – All were welcome. All gatherings were strictly confidential. Most attendees were Christian, seekers were welcome.  If the idea of starting this kind of group is intimidating but you’d love to do it, reach out to me using the Contact Form in the show notes. I’d love to help. 

Hey Mama who desires to have more friends…or deeper, richer friendships…but is having a hard time with this right now.  What’s stopping you? Well, of course, COVID, and the patterns of life that have changed as a result have been stopping us, right? It’s been two years – that’s significant! We’ve lived differently than we were accustomed to. That’s over 730 days to adopt new habits, including NOT making plans with friends, NOT getting dressed, NOT putting on lipstick, and NOT feeling good when we walk out the door – maybe even feeling a little scared or fearful. It feels like a lot of effort.  But we really do need one another. Friendship, connection, support, discussion, laughter – all the elements of friendship – lead to a greater sense of well-being.  Take that first step and send the text or make the phone call. Once you’ve taken that step, take the next, and the next until you’re with a friend. Even if it feels a little uncomfortable at first, you’ll settle in and enjoy yourself.  In addition to COVID, there are other things that stop us from having the friendships we desire.  One thing is a Lack of Self-Confidence. We self-proclaim, “I don’t initiate friendship.” I held this belief for many years. Behind it was insecurity.  The truth is I lacked the confidence to make the first move. Loneliness resulted. I had to initiate friendship, because I couldn’t stand the feeling of isolation. I invited an acquaintance for coffee. It worked out really well! She was delighted I asked, and we struck became friends.  Another friendship-stopper is Comparison When we believe “she’s” got it altogether – dresses well, is a calm mom, her house is neat as a pin, she’s a great cook, her marriage appears perfect – then we feel inadequate, not enough, and therefore unable to be hospitable.  Whether it’s a full meal, a pot of soup, or a pizza night, have that gathering and use the KISS principle - Keep It Simple Sweetheart. Do what you do well…You be you!! The third thing that stops us from having the friendships we desire is Shame I loved my friends and I’m a pretty social being. Definitely an extrovert who finds connecting with people energizing. But I hesitated to have anyone over because I felt ashamed of my home.  I had a little conversation with God about this. That still small voice whispered, “How about a little gratitude? I have given you all that you need and more. Be thankful!” I found myself thinking, “Yeah, but…” I caught myself and it was a bit of a lightning bolt moment. I turned my complaints into gratitude. And this really did “open the door” to spontaneously invite friends over more readily.  So what’s your vision for friendship? Are you just looking to reconnect to one friend? Have a post-shutdown gathering at your home with couples? Or go out to dinner with your girlfriends? If self-confidence stops you from initiating, look in the mirror and say out loud, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” or even “I am a friendship initiator!” Do it afraid if you have to.  If comparison stops you, catch yourself and stop yourself. Figure out how to be authentically you and gather in a way that uses your gifts and makes you feel comfortable. And if shame is stopping you from being the welcoming host you want to be, look around you. What are you grateful for? Turn your complaints into thanks. Your warm smile will be the first thing your friends see when they walk in your door.  Friendship stuff can be challenging. Give yourself some grace and at the same time give yourself a little push to connect. You’ll be glad you did and so will the friends you’ve connected with. 

Hey Mama who may believe you’re the only lonely mom on the planet. If you’re a lonely mom, you’re not alone. 51% of moms report feeling lonely. The truth is, you have lots of company. Many moms feel just like you.  Before we dig into what you can do about Mom Loneliness, let’s explore Why you need mom friends. Your “why” will help you make adjustments in your life. Your why will help you take action steps even when you’ve got more than enough on your mom plate and might just feel like giving up.   Here are 5 Reasons Why You Need Good Mom Friends 1.  The MomLife can feel all consuming. Mom friends can help you feel like you again, like you have an identity beyond being a mom. 2.  When we have a mom friend or two, we have a sense of belonging. 3.  Other moms are a source of knowledge and support – whether we are caring for our firstborn baby or kids who have left the nest. 4.  Fellow moms help us get out of our own heads. When we gather, we have an opportunity to air out our thoughts, be honest, vulnerable, and authentic. 5. Mom friends infuse a little fun into our busy lives.  And by the way, all the whys above are not only why YOU need mom friends, but why THEY need you too.  So How can you make mom friends?  Well I suggest you start with a vision for what you want.  What do you need?Are you looking for a group? Just one friend you can have coffee with? Do you need some inspiration or motivation, something in common to share with other moms? Take a few minutes to really imagine what you want. Visualize – we can’t move toward something we can’t see or articulate. Close your eyes for a couple of minutes and imagine a friend scene or two. Who are you with? What are you doing? Are you in a coffee shop? Library? Class? Use your senses – breathe in the atmosphere. Notice the feelings, colors, scenes.  When you finish your visualization, write down what you observed. Want to take it one step further? Do a friend vision board. Put together words and pictures digitally that depict what you imagine as your ideal friend situation on Google Jamboard. Print it out and keep it in front of you.  Of course, you don’t have to do a visualization or vision board in order to make friends. But it is really important for us to know what it is we truly desire so when we fulfill that desire, we know it.  Once you’ve come up with an idea of what you’d like your friendships to look like, it’s time to talk about action. What can you actually do to make new friends? Well, here are some ideas.  1.  Look around you - Maybe there’s a neighbor, mom at drop-off, fellow churchgoer you see and wave to from time to time that could be a friend. Strike up a conversation.  2.  Check out local community bulletin boards online or in local libraries, churches, schools, gyms. Once you start looking, you’ll find there are events and happenings in your community you didn’t know about.  3.  Take a class or join a special interest group - running, pickleball, tennis, crafts, painting, writing. Once you’re involved, engage. Look for a friendly face and start up a conversation.  4.  Join a Moms In Prayer group (if you’re a prayer…or would like to be). This was a life-changer for me. This is a worldwide organization, with groups run locally by mothers who gather once a week for an hour of prayer for their children and schools.  5.  Be the mom you’re looking for and start a group of your own. 

Hey Mama who is tired of feeling lonely… One Harvard study reports 51% of moms with young children feel lonely. Because I was a young mom once and regularly talk to moms of young children, I know this season can be a lonely one.  Moms feel lonely for lots of valid reasons They are consumed with their children, which takes a lot of time and energy. It can feel awkward, scary, shameful, exhausting, embarrassing, needy - the list goes on – to be the one looking for friends.Developing relationships takes effort and our brains are wired (scientific fact) to seek safety and comfort – so we resist stepping out of our comfort zones. I hope you feel validated – if you feel lonely, you are not alone!  Here's a little story about how I overcame the hurdles of making friends when I became a mom.  Up until the time I became a mother, I always had situations – classrooms, ballfields, choir groups, workplaces – that naturally gathered me together with other people.  But then, suddenly, I was a stay-at-home mom. The first couple of months with a new baby, I stayed pretty close to home.  But eventually, I was ready to go to the park each day. Rumor had it that’s where all the moms were. And I was starting to feel isolated and lonely.  When I imagined mothering, part of my mental picture was to have a community of mom friends. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.  I had a really tough time getting out the door “on time.” Many moms got to the park between 8 – 9 am and by about 10 am were headed home for their baby’s first nap. As I entered the park, the moms would smile and wave as they exited the park.  And then it happened, I noticed one other mom was entering the park about the same time I was! Eureka – I had found her. A mom who was not a morning person just like me!! We became fast friends. Even our husbands liked one another.  But, I had to both change some of what I pictured and work on making my visions a reality.  Changing my vision meant I had to accept I wasn’t a perky morning mom and wasn’t the mom who had her baby on a strict 10 am nap schedule. But I was a mom who needed a friend and I wasn’t alone. Thank God for Andrea!! Making my vision of motherhood friendship a reality meant I had to work to develop what I really wanted. So, when I could, I got to the park a little earlier. I pushed out of my comfort zone and chatted with moms I didn’t know. And when a mom asked me to come to her house for coffee, I responded with a resounding, “yes!” What’s your vision for mom friendship?  Think back to when you imagined what motherhood friendships would look like.  Are your friendships what you imagined? Are you lonely? Would you like more friends, less? Closer friends, or maybe you’d like to pull back from a friend or two? On a scale of 1-10, one is a high level of satisfaction and 10 is low, what number would you give your current friendships? What one step can you take to move closer to your ideal picture of friendship? Invite a friend over for coffeeCall a friend to chat Attend a Bible study, book group, lecture to connect with new peopleGo to a park with the kids and meet the mom pushing her child on the swing next to youHow can you adjust your vision of friendships so you’re not feeling frustrated or disappointed? What can you let go of so you can appreciate what you have? If you’re feeling lonely, remember you’re not alone. There’s another equally lonely mom looking to connect with you. 

Want to dramatically change your marriage for good? It takes just one word... Hey Mama who just may find this one word has miraculous powers… There is tremendous power in our words. The Bible has plenty to say about this. Here is just one example.  Proverbs 18:21 in The Message says, “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” In my 37 years of marriage, I have used my words to build up my husband, to express my love, to soothe, understand, clarify, build our relationship.  But I have also used my words as weapons of destruction. I have used my words to hurt my husband. I have used my words to accuse my husband.  And that’s where this one little word comes in.  With this one word shift you can: Go from feeling dismissed to being heardStop shutting down conversations between you and your husband through blame and shame and open up better lines of communicationTake more ownership and feel more empowered through clearer communicationWhat’s this one word?  “I”! Often, throughout the course of a day, we communicate by using “you” statements, especially with our husbands. The person on the receiving end of these “you” statements often feels accused and defensive because we are putting the blame on them for both the actions they’ve taken and the feelings we have as a result. When we use “I” statements, we instead take responsibility for our feelings and make room for compassion and understanding from the person we’re talking to. One morning recently, my husband got out of bed very early. He flung back the covers, leaving me without the cocoon of my blanket.  When I got downstairs, I blurted out,  “Hon, why do you always fling the covers off our bed every morning when I’m still sleeping? You woke me up before my alarm went off!” His response? He looked up a little wide-eyed at my early morning intensity.  “Yeah…sorry. I don’t do it every day.” “Well actually you do. You’ve done it every day this week. You throw off the covers and because I’m freezing, it wakes me up…and then I can’t get back to sleep.” “Oh…okay. Sorry. I’ll try to remember that.” There’s a bit of a chill in the air, because Chris has shut down. He doesn’t want to deal with my accusations and his defense is minimal response.  Now if I decide instead to use “I” instead of “you,” this conversation could go in a whole different direction.  “Hon, I woke up to a cold blast of air this morning because the covers came off me when you got out of bed. My alarm doesn’t go off till 7 am and I really feel better with that extra hour of sleep.” “Oh…really? I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to wake you up.” “Yeah, it’s okay. You know me and my sleep…can you just make sure the covers are still on as you slip out of bed?” “Of course. I’ll be more careful. Sorry – I’m sure that wasn’t the best way to wake up.” “Thanks!” That simple shift in communication went from dividing us to building a bridge of understanding and willingness to do better. This wasn’t a critical situation, but it was a good opportunity to practice “I” statements.  I’ve got another example on the MomVision podcast.  Remember, we can’t experience the romance, love, and sex we desire, if we don’t have an idea or vision of what that means. Most of us want better, more loving communication. “I” statements are one specific step we can take to move toward that goal. As we improve our communication, intimacy builds, and sex is one essential element of intimacy. 

Hey Mama who may be delighted that we’re going to talk about sex…or may want to avoid the topic entirely… Happy Month of Love continues. We’ve been talking about love, romance, and sex – I suppose we could refer to these as spicy topics as my dear friend calls them!! Episode 17 was about Why Accepting, Knowing, and Loving Yourself Is the Place to Start.  Then in Episode 18, we talked about what it means to have an intentional marriage.  Having a vision for our sex life stems from having an idea, a mental picture, clarity about what it is we desire for our relationship with our spouse. And if you determine how, meaning what action you will take to move toward your ideal love, romance, and sex life, then you have an intentional marriage.  Today, I’m talking about some more practical steps that will help you have the marriage you desire - love, romance, and sex are all a part of that. There’s so much talk about how often is often enough, for example. Well, here are my suggestions on how to determine the answer to that question and a few more related to intimacy in your marriage 1. Have an honest conversation. Ask questions like, “How are we feeling about our sex life? Is there something we need to do or do more of in or out of the bedroom to make our sexual life more fulfilling? What are our needs? How can we communicate more clearly about sex? Is intimacy frequent enough (often one partner has a need for more frequency and, contrary to popular belief, it’s not always the man!)? 2. Set some mutually agreeable ground rules. Through your conversations about sex discussed above, explore preferences. Determine together how often is often enough, how you can make sure sex happen, what you are comfortable and not comfortable with.  3. Put sex on the calendar. Many couples experience such levels of exhaustion and depletion in the middle of raising little ones, they need this agreed-upon method of ensuring an active sex life. When we started putting sex on the calendar, it seemed so unromantic. As we got more into a sexual rhythm that worked for both of us, the calendar became a sign of anticipation.  4. Your sex life is YOUR sex life. No statistics, what others are doing, comparisons, myths, or ideas about “the right way to have a good healthy sex life” determine your levels of fulfillment and satisfaction. This is about you and your partner.  5. Ever hear “Sex begins in the kitchen”? Well what that means is sex, attraction, romance does not just happen as soon as you close the bedroom door. Foreplay is action or behavior that precedes an event. It can be kindness, doing the dishes, having a nice family meal, a gentle touch, a knowing look, flowers. Foreplay can be a cuddle on the couch, laughter, date night.  Oh and here’s a BONUS – Get a lock on your bedroom door!! I really didn’t want our kids walking in on me and my husband. A simple solution, put a hook and eye latch on the inside of your door. You’re welcome:) For many of us, just starting the conversation around sex and intimacy will make all the difference. Those conversations will help you formulate an idea, a vision, a picture of what your ideal sex life looks like. Remember, if we aim for nothing, we’ll hit it every time. A conversation about your sex life will be the first step in moving toward the love, romance, and sex life of your dreams.