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A couple of beers, one old song, and suddenly I’m right back in the headspace that kicked off Manchester Madness. But before I even set foot in the UK, there’s a pretty big blind spot in this story that I need to own. This isn’t just my story. It’s also the story of a woman who got pulled into the chaos of my untreated, untamed Borderline Personality Disorder — and wore far more of the emotional fallout than anyone should have had to carry. I rewind to the lead-up to my student exchange, the Manchester Metropolitan University group chat, and the bigger, louder version of myself I started creating online. Then a psychology student goes from being “someone interesting” to, somehow, “the one”, before we’d even met. Looking back, the warning signs were everywhere: idealisation, obsession disguised as purpose, intense attachment and a desperate need for connection that I simply didn’t understand at the time. I also unpack what BPD felt like from the inside, while being brutally honest about some of the more cringe-inducing parts of this story. Because if I’m going to tell Manchester Madness properly, I can’t polish the uncomfortable bits or pretend my mental health only affected me. This is where the story really begins. -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

I didn’t plan to record again so soon, but the last chat about Manchester lit something up that I couldn’t ignore. After I stop talking, I’m back walking Newcastle Beach, doing that familiar late-night scan of the stars and asking the same old question: why am I still alone? The unsettling part is that life looks different now and I’ve done so much work on myself, yet the feeling lands in the same place. I get into a word I missed last time: insight. Awareness is noticing what’s happening, but insight is understanding why it happens and what it costs. With more insight, therapy tools, and hard-earned stability, I’m not the “perfect” version of me, but I am a better version. That’s why it stings when Avril Lavigne pops up on my playlist and the emotional flashback hits. The soundtrack changes, the years pass, and still the relationship questions follow me from the beach to the highway. Then I lay out the big metaphor: my life as a car that used to be powerful but unreliable, with gremlins that could make it blow up. Over time the engineers (me, plus treatment and effort) fixed the faults. The 2026 model is solid, resilient, and ready, but it feels like nobody’s buying, like the market has moved on to a different life stage. If you’ve ever felt the frustration of mental health recovery not delivering the one thing you want most, you’ll understand the punch-in-the-guts honesty here -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

A six-month university semester to study in Manchester, United Kingdom was supposed to be the adventure of a lifetime. Looking back, it became the dividing line between thinking I was coping and realising there was a hell of a lot more going on in my head than anxiety and depression alone. Walking along Newcastle Beach (like so many times before), I kick off Manchester Madness, a three-part series looking back at one of the most chaotic and important periods of my life. Part 1 is the build-up: disengaging from uni, drifting through life without much direction, and then suddenly having this huge adventure on the horizon. Manchester became more than a student exchange trip. In my head, it was going to be the place where I beat social anxiety, became confident, found myself and maybe even found love. For a while, I felt almost invincible. But underneath it all were patterns I didn't yet have names for — intense relationships, intrusive thoughts, jealousy, emotional instability and behaviours I would later understand very differently. This is the story before everything went off the rails. Before the diagnoses. Before I understood what was happening to me. And before Manchester changed everything. -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

CONTENT WARNING: Themes of suicidaility and drug use   Back in Newcastle for the weekend, I jump in the car and let the city tell the story. We drive past the places that shaped me, from the University of Newcastle and the pressure of honours, to the Mater Hospital where survival became the priority. It's a raw, real-time reflection on what it's like returning to the streets that forged you. Along the way I talk about living with ADHD, autism and borderline personality disorder, and how that mix can fuel loneliness, validation seeking and the feeling of never quite being enough. I also unpack the reality of drugs and alcohol, not as a way to have fun, but as a way so many people try to cope, function and simply make it through the day. We finish down at the beaches where I used to do some of my deepest thinking, reflecting on social anxiety, recovery, and the strange feeling of loving your hometown while knowing you had to leave it to survive. If this episode resonates with you, I'd love it if you subscribed, left a rating, and shared it with someone who might need to hear it. -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Anxiety doesn’t always show up when something goes wrong. Sometimes it hits hardest when nothing’s happening at all. Sitting in the bunk at Ravensworth (Hunter Valley) with the UHF crackling and a two-hour wait ahead of me, my brain starts running wild, replaying mistakes that haven’t happened, imagining consequences, and convincing me they’re inevitable. In this episode I talk about catastrophising—that classic anxiety trap where your mind treats imagined disasters as reality. I explain why logic and CBT can help me realise there’s no evidence for what I’m fearing, but often don’t switch off the physical anxiety. When the situation is a one out of ten but your anxiety is sitting at a nine, that mismatch can make an ordinary workday feel unbearable. I also share one coping strategy that genuinely helps me: borrowing confidence from people I admire. Whether it’s listening to someone like Stone Cold Steve Austin or reminding myself how they'd approach the situation, it can be enough to interrupt the spiral and keep moving forward. If you're living with anxiety, depression, or both, I hope this episode reminds you that you're not alone. If it resonates, I'd really appreciate you subscribing, leaving a rating, and sharing it with someone who might need to hear it. -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Why is it so hard to do things that should be easy? In this episode, I unpack a pattern that has followed me for as long as I can remember: putting off even the simplest tasks until they build into a mountain of overwhelm. From shaving and grocery shopping to university commitments, podcast episodes and launching Resilient Roadways, I explore what happens when ADHD and Generalised Anxiety Disorder collide. For me, anxiety isn't something that appears only during stressful moments. It's a constant companion. A handbrake that never fully releases. I talk about living in freeze mode, the exhausting cycle of avoidance and panic, and the frustration of knowing exactly what needs to be done while feeling unable to do it. Along the way, I reflect on trucking life, the challenge of finding balance, why anxiety follows me even into some of the greatest moments of my life, and how these struggles continue to shape the purpose I'm pursuing through mental health advocacy. If you've ever looked at a simple task and felt completely overwhelmed, this episode is for you. -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Driving through Newcastle in the rain, I found myself asking the question I hate considering after recording: what if being honest does more harm than good? This episode is about loneliness, uncertainty, and the fear that some parts of life might never happen the way you imagined. I talk about living between Newcastle and Wodonga, long days in trucks, coming home exhausted, and wondering whether relationships, family and friendships are realistic goals for me, or whether my life is taking a different path. A path that’s clearly defined and (hopefully) attainable, but missing so much. I reflect on the realities of battling Autism, BPD, OCD, ADHD, bipolar II, anxiety, depression and the rest. How therapy and my obsessive efforts to understand myself have worked, and yet the strange paradox that insight can definitely help, but too much insight can trap you in your own head. And how this hyper awareness of my thoughts, emotions and behaviours has hindered me so much, yet helped immeasurably as well. Finally I explain how I’m re-collaborating the podcast, and returning to episodes focused on the science of psychology, different therapeutic approaches and interventions, the academic research and what it can tell us about human behaviour, as well as further exploration of my past and the moments that have shaped who I am today. That means more Discharge Papers, more Psych Ward Stories, My Journal entries and episodes of those pivotal moments that explain so much of today. -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

The highway is supposed to be quiet, but my mind never is. On a 9pm drive from Newcastle down the Hume Highway (M31) toward Wodonga, I record another Highway Confessions and let you sit in the passenger seat that is usually empty. What starts as my favourite coping strategy for complex mental health quickly turns into the kind of deep thinking that can feel like standing too close to a fire, warm at first, then painful when you cannot pull away. I talk honestly about loneliness, being single, and the fear that life will end with a list of regrets. From there I go straight into mortality and death anxiety, the stuff many people can filter out but I cannot. I share what it is like to carry those thoughts while trying to live a normal life, and why stress and mood can make the same themes feel heavier on some nights than others. There is light in it too. I push back against the spiral with something real: meaning and purpose. I am going for my dream in trucking, and even when the job scares me, it is proof that I am not sitting still. Along the way I reflect on gratitude, mindfulness, positive psychology, and the spiritual questions that show up under the stars, including memories of my grandparents and thoughts about my dad. If you have ever felt stuck in your head, this one will feel uncomfortably familiar in the best way. Subscribe to “The Dysregulated Podcast”, share it with a mate who needs it, and leave a review so more people who live with mental illness can find honest stories like this. -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Six weeks into my new job and it’s been one long stretch of anxiety. I’m recording this on the Hume Highway, driving between Newcastle and Wodonga, finally explaining why I’ve gone quiet. I’ve thrown myself into learning truckin’ properly—Road Ranger gearboxes, reversing semi trailers, using the dogs annd chains. And the pressure? Relentless. This episode dives into what it’s like starting from zero while your head is working against you. Perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and an inner critic that turns small corrections into “proof” you’re failing. I break down the two anxiety streams driving it all—performance anxiety, and the fear of not belonging. Underneath it all is my meaning and purpose. This isn’t just a job, it’s tied to Resilient Roadways and something bigger. My vision. And it’s that meaning and purpose that keeps me going. But, it also raises the stakes. If I can pull this off? My legacy is assured. But if I fail, my very existence could be on the line once again.  -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

After years focused on mental health, I’ve made the call to return to the transport industry. To try and live out my dream, but with a new sense of purpose.   In this episode, I unpack why; the pull of the highway, the reality of stepping back into an environment that still makes me anxious, and what it means to start again from the ground up. There’s no polished blueprint here yet, just an honest look at where I’m at and what I’m stepping into. More importantly, this is the beginning of something bigger. I’m not leaving mental health advocacy and research behind — I’m bringing it with me, with the goal of connecting lived experience, psychology, and the realities of life on the road in a way that actually makes sense for the people doing the job. And if I can do that? Then hopefully the mental health of those in the industry will may be lifted.  -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

It’s 2:40am on the highway, driving home to Newcastle. No planning or preparation with this one — just the road and all my mind has been contending with. The same obsessions, the same questions. But tonight? It’s gone up a gear. I get into the deep stuff, the thoughts that have followed me for years — why do bad things happen to good people? — and where that leads: loneliness, relationships, and life back in transport. The fact that we all are carrying our own burdens, fighting our own battles. While I grapple in real time the injustice of it all. When it seems the world is asleep, my mind goes to work. Trying to solve the why, even though I know the answers are beyond my reach…. -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Some days are flat. The milestones drift. The questions feel heavier than they should. In this episode, I talk honestly about pressing pause on romance and pouring that energy into purpose — advocacy, community, and building work that actually fits the season I’m in. We unpack life with multiple diagnoses — generalised anxiety, social anxiety, OCD, ADHD, autism, BPD, bipolar II — without turning identity into a checklist. Dysregulated Daily is my way of showing the real picture: the wins, the losses, and the long grey in between. Because when crisis hits, people don’t need perfect answers. They need someone to sit beside them. Go to ED. Wait the hours. Support beats speeches every time. Trust me. I dig into stigma — especially around Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, and Schizoaffective disorder — and why research needs to be translated into something human, usable, and real. With one in five Australians facing a diagnosable mental health condition, making care clearer and more navigable isn’t optional. It’s urgent. And it's in the public best interest. I don’t have everything figured out. God, I am trying hard to figure it out though, But I’m steady on the mission. If this episode resonates, follow Dysregulated Daily, on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube share it with someone who needs it, and leave a rating so these conversations can reach further. And best of all? I got that little dopamine hit. So thank you! -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Ever felt calmer in a roaring stadium than a quiet supermarket? In this episode, I unpack the strange maths of social anxiety and autism — and why a packed night at McDonald Jones Stadium can feel safer than a fluorescent aisle at Coles. I walk you through hyper-vigilance, sensory overload, and the stories my brain spins when I’m late, lost, or convinced someone’s in “my” seat. And underneath it all? Love. Love for the Newcastle Knights, for red and blue, and for the city that built me. We talk social batteries — how sleep and solitude recharge them, but not always in time for kickoff. When that battery’s low, catastrophising creeps in fast. Small unknowns become full-blown internal conflict scenes. But there’s a second battery too: passion. Identity. Ritual. Loyalty. The chants, the banter, the stubborn belief the ref needs a reminder about the offside rule. Sometimes it’s magic. Sometimes I’m completely cooked by halftime. Both are true. I also share the story behind my Pride of the Hunter banner — why it fires me up, why people look for it on TV, and why part of me still worries I’m in the way. If you live with anxiety or sensory sensitivity, you’ll recognise the push-pull of doing what you love while your nervous system screams no. The takeaways? Anchor to values. Accept the nerves. Convert adrenaline into purpose. And plan recovery like it matters — because it absolutely does. -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Right, picture this. It’s 2:30am. I’ve been bounced off half of Sydney’s motorways on the way back from Albury-Wodonga, the NSW/VIC border, and I’m talking myself through a full-blown panic attack because, well, everyone else is asleep. Zzzz Today started as a quick meet and greet and hit top gear — strapping freight, riding in an Kenworth and remembering why I love the transport industry so much. I’m trying to build something that brings trucking and mental health together… and for most of the day, I felt real purpose and inspired. Then, I hit Sydney.  First, the M7 shuts. No biggie, I keep on truckin’. Then, NorthConnex shuts. Just my luck.  Roadworks everywhere. Detours through the back roads of the big smoke. Sleep? Not likely tonight.   Now I’m picturing myself fronting up to an 8:30am meeting at the University, then a filmed interview I’ve been looking forward to all week, and an advisory group meeting (yep, big day) running on fumes — and the inner critic is LOUD. The anxiety is like THUNDER. Here comes the wave of dread. I just need to get back to Newcastle.  Perfection or nothing. Don’t stumble. You can’t afford it. The stakes are too high   So I go back to basics: name what I can see, breathe longer out than in, loosen the grip, label the task instead of the monster. The goal isn’t to get rid of fear at 3am — it’s to keep pointing northwards while it’s yelling at you. By the time I get home, the panic’s still there… but it’s smaller. And it’s not driving anymore. Thank God, neither am I. Now to sleep, I’ve got a big day coming up!  -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Borderline Personality Disorder has a habit of sending me down to the beach, to ask the big questions about life. To try and think my way through its distortion of my reality. Just like the waves in front of me, this time the memories have come flooding in. In this episode I’m sitting on the sand at Bar Beach, where I revisit some of the hardest truths that I can only now accept, about love and relationships. Newcastle holds some very difficult memories of my battle with BPD (and the rest) but now I can look back from a much healthier and resilient standpoint. In this episode I talk about the “switch” that flipped so often, from idealisation to complete distrust. The damage caused  when my system was overloaded with obsessive intrusive thoughts, uncontrollable ruminations, and the guilt that followed when I finally saw everything clearly again. This isn’t a redemption arc. Not yet anyway. It’s a completely honest and very real look at how relationships (and people) get caught in destructive BPD tornadoes — and what it took for me to break the pattern. I share thoughts on what helped me slow the spiral, repair my heart and soul after complete emotional rupture, and forge a version of myself that doesn’t need to test every bond to feel safe. That can trust, and be the partner I am meant to be. Even if I haven’t yet had the chance to be in a relationship and be that person since… The good news? BPD has been proven to be at the mercy of therapy and treatment, and it can be silenced and rendered unable to continue its destructive ways. Progress is certainly possible, as shown in the research consistently— even if it’s messy, non-linear, and at times painful and uncomfortable (but worth it, trust me). If you’ve ever felt love drown under a surging wave of negative emotion, this one will feel familiar. Borderline Personality Disorder is complex and often overwhelming. It distorts reality and pretends to be your friend. But it can be managed effectively. Unfortunately, it can be too late to save what should have been an amazing future with somebody special. And that’s the reality I now try to understand and accept. And I find myself again, sitting at the beach, late at night, with just my thoughts and memories… -- Follow The Dysregulated Podcast: Instagram – @elliot.t.waters Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel) Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience. Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.