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Evan and Melissa launch a new book club format, digging into the first three chapters of Amir Levine's Secure, the follow-up to Attached. In this episode: Taking the attachment quadrants on themselves — and why scoring "secure" doesn't always match how it feels in the momentRunning their own friendships through Levine's CARP framework (consistency, availability, responsiveness, reliability, predictability)SIMIs — the small, seemingly insignificant interactions that quietly shape the nervous systemThe Cyberball exclusion study, and what it reveals about co-parenting after divorceA boundary Melissa's built in her own recovery: understanding someone's backstory is their work to do, not a tool for explaining away their impact on youChapter markers: 00:00 Introduction to attachment styles and the book 'Secure' 05:34 Building secure attachment 08:32 Friendship and everyday connection 22:13 Exclusion, divorce, and co-parenting 36:09 Accountability and recovery Are you in NC and interested in scheduling a session with Evan or Melissa? Visit www.millercounseling.net to book your free consultation. Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

Virginia Gilbert has spent over two decades working with people in high-conflict divorces — she started this specialty after going through one herself and getting nothing but platitudes from therapists who didn't understand what she was dealing with. In this episode, Evan and Virginia get into: Why family court isn't built to solve real parenting disputes — and often makes conflict worseHow social media turned every ex into a "narcissist" or a "borderline"The difference between wanting to be understood and wanting someone to agree with youWhy conflict itself isn't the problem in a relationship — it's how you fightFamily estrangement and emotional cutoff, and what actually happens after "no contact"Running skills-based divorce support groups, and why men show up differently in group than the stereotypes suggestIf you've ever wanted to hand someone a diagnosis instead of doing the actual work, this one's for you. Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

We started with accountant rage. We ended at grief, the body, and a grandmother who was home. Melissa walks Evan through his first focusing session using the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model — Gene Gendlin's somatic framework for making meaning of what your body is already trying to tell you. What starts as frustration about cash flow lands somewhere much deeper. Then the conversation shifts to where the field is falling short — and the clients paying for it. In this episode: The Felt Sense Polyvagal Model and focusing — live, unscriptedCountertransference and when the therapist's stuff shows upSex offender treatment, TikTok moral panic, and clinical nuanceA woman fired from a jail job for having a nervous systemDunning-Kruger in the therapy field — and why it mattersWhy licensure and aptitude are not the same thingTwo licensed therapists. Unfiltered. No coaches. No pop psychology. No wellness rebrands. New episodes bi-weekly. Therapy practice links Evan Miller, LCAS, LCMHC  www.millercounseling.net Melissa Martin, LCMHC https://www.emdrtherapyworks.com Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

Evan sits down with Rhiana Holmes Turner for a sharp, honest conversation about therapist burnout, private practice, money, ADHD, recovery, and the culture of over-sacrifice in mental health. They talk about brain drain, disaster psychology, community mental health, performative social justice, and why helping people does not mean destroying yourself in the process. brain drain, disaster psychology, and why good intentions can still miss the pointtherapist burnout and the culture of self-sacrifice in mental healthwhy so many clinicians stay underpaid, overworked, and stuckprivate practice, private pay, and charging what your work is worththe overlap between ADHD, addiction, systems, and adaptationrecovery, shame, and how culture treats addiction differently than healingcriminalization, punishment, and why rehabilitation is more complicated than people want to admittherapist branding, authenticity, and the pressure to perform a professional identitywhat it looks like to stop over-identifying with struggle and actually build a lifeSend us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

In this episode, we unpack one of the most misunderstood dynamics in therapy: masking.We start with the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model and how somatic work helps clients notice real shifts in their nervous system. Then we get into what therapists often miss — clients who look “fine” in session but are shutting down outside the room. We cover: Why clients mask in therapy (often without realizing it)How therapists can misread progressDorsal vagal shutdown and what it actually looks likeWhen a memory is too big for the client’s current capacityWhy some people stay emotionally stuck for decadesHow blame can block real healingThe link between underdeveloped identity and addiction riskShort-form content, attention and ADHD brainsThe pressure to appear regulated in everyday lifeIf you’re a therapist, helper or someone trying to understand why change can feel harder than it “should,” this episode will give you a much deeper lens. Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

Guest Elizabeth Morrison is a licensed therapist, MS, LPC, in Texas, that specializes in treating Neurodivergent individuals. We talk through what’s happening as mental health language goes mainstream: it’s helping more people seek support, but it’s also creating confusion, oversimplification, and “pop psychology” that gets repeated as fact. We unpack what neurodivergence and neurodivergent actually mean, why traits aren’t the same thing as diagnoses, and how real clinical work depends on nuance, context, and felt safety. The conversation also zooms out to schools and families, exploring how kids’ behavior often reflects unmet needs, overstimulation, and a lack of support rather than “badness.” Why social media spreads both awareness and misinformation about mental healthNeurodivergence vs. neurodivergent vs. neuroinclusive (and why the labels matter)Bottom-up vs. top-down processing and how that changes therapy approachesCommon neurodivergent presentations discussed: autism, ADHD, OCD (and the broader spectrum)Stimming and fidgets as regulation tools, not “bad habits”Burnout, dopamine/energy drain, and why everyday tasks can cost more for ND brainsThe difference between having traits and meeting diagnostic criteria (clinical significance)Limits of assessments: masking, self-awareness gaps, and the nuance tests can missMedication basics: what it should and shouldn’t do, and when to revisit dosage/prescriptionsSchool systems, missed support, and why behavior is often communicationPractical parenting ideas: reducing demands after school and asking better questionsHow family patterns repeat across generations and how therapy helps revise the “old contract”Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

Welcome back our guest Sandra Killebrew, a therapist specializing in high-conflict couples therapy in Seattle, WA. This episode dives into the messy, magical work of being a therapist. We unpack what happens when clients come in with chaos—blame throwers in hand—and how playfulness, props, and presence can shift the energy in the room. From adolescent therapy and couples work to private pay dilemmas and therapist boundaries, we explore the art of staying human while holding space. Topics include: The “blame thrower” metaphor and how to manage chaotic energyUsing props and playfulness to disarm resistance and build trustWorking with teens: safety, attunement, and how to not take the baitCouples therapy, contempt, and staying grounded in the stormTherapist self-awareness: when over-identifying does more harm than goodNavigating private pay vs. insurance expectationsWhat happens when clients want therapy to “fix” someone elseThe loneliness of solo practice and the beauty of professional communityEnergetic integrity: how we show up when the room feels offSend us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

Welcome our guest, Rhiana Holmes Turner, LPC, LAC, is a licensed mental health professional and Approved Clinical Supervisor based in Denver, Colorado, with multi-state licensure across Colorado, Florida, Texas, and Kansas. She has expertise in trauma-informed, care and a career spanning community advocacy, international mental health work, and psychopharmacology education, Turner brings a unique lens to this raw and resonant conversation. In this episode of Tell Me About Your Mother, Evan and Rhiana open up about their work with some of the most misunderstood populations — from genocide survivors in Cambodia to clients who have committed murder. The discussion explores what it means to show up authentically as a therapist, the projections therapists carry, and the radical empathy required to do the work well. Topics include: Working with genocide survivors in Cambodia and unintentional publicationNarrative therapy and reintegration between victims and perpetratorsCoercion, moral ambiguity, and the psychology of violenceTreating clients who have killed someone — and confronting therapist biasRejection-prevention behaviors and shame in clinical relationshipsBlank slate therapists vs. authenticity and immediacyAttachment dynamics, regulation, and what actually makes couples therapy workThe universal human need to feel loved, accepted, and safe — even for therapistsSend us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

In this raw and wide-ranging episode of Tell Me About Your Mother, Evan and Melissa explore what it means to be a therapist, parent, and human being—flawed, opinionated, and under pressure to perform. From setting boundaries on the soccer field to navigating adolescent risk-taking and drug use, the conversation covers the deep discomfort of losing control, the power of regulation, and the dangers of sanitized professionalism. Topics include: Why regulating yourself is the most powerful parenting moveThe limits of behavioral control in adolescenceThe dark side of data, AI, and digital permanenceWhy therapists shouldn’t have to apologize for being humanSelf-diagnosis trends and the loss of clinical nuanceWhether you’re a clinician, a parent, or just someone trying not to lose it in public—this episode is your permission slip. Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

In this fiery and insightful episode of Tell Me About Your Mother: Evan and Melissa respond to the backlash after their viral EMDR TikTok clip (24k+ views).They clarify what EMDR is actually doing in the brain—hint: it’s not magic or hypnosis.The hosts tackle common misunderstandings about working memory theory, bilateral stimulation, and exposure therapy.Evan shares a powerful campfire story involving a dysregulated parent and shame spirals.Melissa explores how trauma theory intersects with parenting, cultural expectations, and body image.Together, they reflect on the ethical tightrope therapists walk when navigating social situations with clinical awareness.Whether you’re a therapist, client, or just trauma-curious—this episode blends science, snark, and soul in classic TMAYM fashion. Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

In this episode, we dive into a fresh look at EMDR therapy and how new research reframes it as “working memory therapy.” We explore the cultural differences in how trauma and sexuality are discussed in clinical training, the challenges of certification in our field, and the ways client conversations about sex, cursing, and honesty become litmus tests for therapeutic trust. Along the way, we swap stories on therapy frustrations, parenting young adults, and how history and culture shape our work as clinicians. The hidden costs of certifications and ROI in therapy careers How Dutch researchers approach EMDR and trauma treatment differently Why EMDR might be better understood as “working memory therapy” Cultural contrasts: bluntness about sex/trauma in Dutch trainings vs U.S. squeamishness Therapy rapport: clients opening up about sex and cursing as signs of safety Parenting struggles: guiding a 20-year-old through clutter, college, and career choices Therapy frustrations: reflections clients resist, accountability, and ego defenses Books and history: Comanche Nation, whitewashed history, and cultural imperialism Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

Sandra Killebrew is a high-conflict couple therapist with a boutique private practice in Tacoma, WA. She offers therapy intensives for couples in addition to weekly therapy. She likes to get on her soapbox about excellence in therapy, boundaries, telling the truth, even when it hurts, and is not afraid to say f**k. She hosts networking groups in Tacoma & Seattle and is on the board of the International Experiential Dynamic Therapy Association. Guest intro: Sandra’s unique style—therapy intensives, strong boundaries, focus on truth-telling, and comfort with conflict.Silence in therapy: Why awkward pauses can disarm clients and reveal vulnerability.Public scandal discussion: Reflections on power, privilege, and societal judgment (cancel culture parallels).Therapist self-disclosure & marketing: Debate over labeling as a “Christian therapist” and how identity marketing affects client expectations.Client boundary issues: Stories of invasive consultation questions (“Are you married?” / “Do you believe in God?”) and how they reflect couple dynamics.High-acuity training: How early experience with high-crisis clients shapes private practice work.Couples therapy dynamics: Why consultations often feel like stepping into a “war zone” and how to hold boundaries.Toxic industry norms: Discussion of underqualified providers and the importance of skilled clinical work.Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

Evan shares a personal story from a therapy group where power and bias were misusedHow therapists can be abusive — even to other therapistsThe danger of bringing personal values, beliefs, or shame agendas into the therapy roomWhy opacity (not transparency) can be safer and more ethical for clientsReader bias and how it distorts perception in clinical workThe myth of sexuality as a binary on/off switchThe shame response and how it gets used as a tool of controlWhy many men feel disempowered in therapyConcerns about therapists vetting clients based on values, appearance, or assumptionsQuestions around what “aggressive therapy” really means and who defines itReflections on transference, group process, and emotional safetyReminder: Therapy is the client’s space, not the therapist’s platformSend us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

Evan and Melissa do a brief review of the Netflix show "Adolescence," mostly focusing on the third episode and the intervention strategies of the Forensic Psychologist.  Foresensic Psychologist began with rapport building and quickly shifted to a more authoritarian/contrarian relational toneMelissa, wha are poop puppets? Truth seeking is not rapport building or importantForensic Psychologist becomes dysregulated, fails to co-regulate with clientThe emotional experience of women when male clients become "apish"Social media groups and their confirmation biasesMom taking responsibility for regulating her husband and implicitly teaching her daughter of a woman's role in the home Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]

The Gloria videos (therapy session videos from the 1960s)Working with the adult selfPsychogenic seizuresWe are NOT neurologists Social contagions Conversion disorder Wim Hoff breathingClients finding stability and discontinuing therapy prior to deep change Co-regulation Podcast mentions: "Hysteria" and "Harvey Speaks." Send us Fan Mail Support the show Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]