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Trevor has declared this a spider-free episode. It does not stay a spider-free episode. Carnival Tropicale opened for booking this week — the last Excel-class ship, arriving in Galveston in 2028, which gives Galveston two Excel ships and gives Carnival a reason to finally do something different. Tropicale drops BOLT entirely in favor of Sun Station Point, a new zone anchored by Carnival WaterWorks Ultra, a multi-level water park. (The first Ace-class ship, Carnival Destiny, comes after.) Meanwhile Royal Caribbean's Quantum of the Seas debuted a dramatic new cascading waterfall down the midship stairs on deck five, which was in fact a burst pipe in the men's room, and which they fixed quickly and quietly. Less funny for the people involved: Royal Caribbean cancelled a Serenade of the Seas Alaska sailing after guests had been aboard in Vancouver for three days without ever leaving port — full refund, 100% future cruise credit, and up to $400 in airfare. And Norwegian Aura, NCL's largest ship ever, caught fire during construction in Italy. More smoke than blaze, but the crew runs the depressing roll call of ships that have burned before her. Also: a man ran a marathon every single day of his Princess cruise — seven marathons, 186 miles, six hours for the Rome one because he kept stopping for photos — which the crew agrees is a crime against the entire concept of cruising. A viral video of a woman who paid $1,100 for her half of a $500 cruise, and the roommate who has now been located. Tim calls in from Australia with the real story on why Carnival Encounter can't get into Cairns, an open invitation for Trevor (and pointedly not the other two), and a Japan trip before his own sailing. Bobby writes in to ask what the warning label on Trevor's life would say. And Jen quietly passes two years on the show, making her the longest-running third wheel in cruising podcast history. Next week's episode comes to you raw, unedited, and possibly unhinged — the boys are on the Jubilee. 8 days to the Jubilee. 109 days to Jen's next cruise. 358 days to FRGC5 aboard Allure of the Seas. 🌐 cruisepodcastaways.com🎙️ Leave us a voice message: speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways👥 Join the Facebook group: "The Podcastaways"🛳️ FRGC5 — Yes, YOU are family. Cults can have families too! → cruisepodcastaways.com/frgc5📞 Book with Amanda Barmore / Have Luggage Will Travel: [email protected] | (318) 237-0998 | facebook.com/HaveLuggage.WillTravel.LLC Anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever.

Fifteen days out and the Golden Crew is fully unraveling. Tom is convinced Trevor and Jen are colluding against him, Jen discovers her Status Progress says "Red," and Trevor sets a 10:50 PM alarm for the first time in his adult life just to be first through online check-in. The new Carnival Rewards program went live and the internet lost its mind — Platinum members logging in to find zero points and a "Status Progress: Gold" banner, Diamonds wondering if they'd been demoted, and the crew works through what the screen actually means (spoiler: almost everyone is reading it wrong). What genuinely did go away: the loyalty gift and the past guest reunion party. On the plus side, the Carnival Mastercard now earns three points per dollar on most onboard purchases, credited at the end of each sailing — which Trevor calculates will make Megan Diamond entirely through spa treatments. In the news: Carnival Breeze traded some paint with the pier in Cozumel, leaving a dent, a dramatic video, and a narrator making it sound considerably worse than it was. Carnival Encounter dropped its Cairns call after the channel got too shallow to transit, affecting sailings in early September. And Carnival Dream is shuffling between piers 25 and 28 in Galveston due to port construction — worth knowing if you're parking. Also: a social post of someone taking a Carnival shot glass into a Royal Caribbean embarkation, which the crew agrees is a branding problem and also a doing-56-miles-an-hour problem; Java Blue's free breakfast sandwiches; a full referendum on the maple bacon donut; whether Faster to the Fun is worth $250; the peg-leg-and-rubber-ducky plan for a Talk Like a Pirate Day embarkation; and Trevor's cautionary tale about Pizza Ranch fried chicken and the 17 gas stations between Kansas and Oklahoma City. FRGC5 is officially on Royal Caribbean's Allure of the Seas. 15 days to FRGC4. 365 days to FRGC5. 116 days to the Panama Canal. 🌐 cruisepodcastaways.com🎙️ Leave us a voice message: speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways👥 Join the Facebook group: "The Podcastaways"🛳️ FRGC5 — Yes, YOU are family. Cults can have families too! → cruisepodcastaways.com/frgc5📞 Book with Amanda Barmore / Have Luggage Will Travel: [email protected] | (318) 237-0998 | facebook.com/HaveLuggage.WillTravel.LLC Anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever.

Two weeks in a row! Jen made it through a whole episode, mostly, and only got mad about the cruise she isn't going on. Trevor is one week from check-in, Tom did not post Flat Jen, and there are consequences coming for that. John Heald had to remind everyone on Facebook that crew members are not permitted to accept homemade food — sealed and packaged is fine, mystery Tupperware is not — and the crew debates whether this is a health-code thing or a those brownies were loaded thing. He also addressed the rumor about Guy's Burger Joint extending hours, which is currently a test on Carnival Conquest only. Princess is now charging for the Medallion to be mailed to you, though there's a free option at the terminal they'd prefer you forget. Carnival is partnering with Sneaker Impact to give the roughly 50,000 pairs of shoes guests leave behind each year to communities that need footwear — with worn-out pairs ground down and turned into yoga mats — which immediately becomes a plan to fill a backpack at Goodwill before the Jubilee. The hard news: a joint task force has removed dozens of crew members across multiple ships at U.S. ports of entry this year over child sexual abuse material found during device and quarter searches — 11 in Boston in August, 27 detained in San Diego earlier this year, and more in San Juan. Most were processed as immigration removals rather than federal charges, which raises real questions about how international crew are vetted through third-party labor agencies. We handle it straight. Also: a debarkation fight caught on what were almost certainly Meta glasses, filmed by someone simultaneously reading their credit card number aloud; guests stranded ashore in Cabo for three hours when a tropical storm shut down tendering; and a nine-day river cruise from Tulsa to Memphis launching in 2029 at $5,200 per person, which Trevor priced out at roughly five Carnival cruises. This week we also lost Dolly Parton and Tim Curry. Jen said it best. 23 days to FRGC4. 124 days to the Panama Canal. 🌐 cruisepodcastaways.com🎙️ Leave us a voice message: speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways👥 Join the Facebook group: "The Podcastaways"🛳️ FRGC5 — Yes, YOU are family. Cults can have families too! → cruisepodcastaways.com/frgc5📞 Book with Amanda Barmore / Have Luggage Will Travel: [email protected] | (318) 237-0998 | facebook.com/HaveLuggage.WillTravel.LLC Anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever.

Jen's back from jury duty, which she insists was more important than this show (it was), and she has strong opinions about a burrito in downtown Stockton. In her absence, Trevor and Tom recorded an episode with seven guests — John Heald, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, Dog the Bounty Hunter — and then refused to release it out of spite. You'll have to take their word for it. On the actual news desk: Princess is moving final payment on longer sailings from 90 days out to 120, with deposits climbing to $250 for standard staterooms ($500 per person on 10-plus-day sailings) and the cancellation schedule shifting so a 100% fee kicks in at 60 days instead of 30 — and the crew debates whether Carnival and Royal follow suit. Carnival's Elegant Night is being swapped for White Hot Night on select cruises of five days or less, which Tom explains and Trevor immediately makes weird. And on August 17th, Carnival Valor made an emergency maneuver on the Mississippi to avoid a cargo ship that had lost power in the channel — dumping water out of the pool at four in the morning and causing minor injuries. Unconfirmed reports suggest Vin Diesel was at the helm. Also discussed: a Miami jury finding Carnival 60% at fault and awarding $300,000 to a California nurse who was served 14 shots of tequila before falling down a staircase; the boys' weight loss check-in (22 pounds and 33 pounds, respectively); an office dog who became Trevor's best friend for the price of one piece of beef jerky; and Jesse's listener question about FRGC4 plans — cabanas at Celebration Key, and yes, embarkation day is Talk Like a Pirate Day, with the Galveston Pirate Festival the night before. Bring your colander. 31 days to FRGC4. 379 days to FRGC5. 🌐 cruisepodcastaways.com🎙️ Leave us a voice message: speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways👥 Join the Facebook group: "The Podcastaways"🛳️ FRGC5 — Yes, YOU are family. Cults can have families too! → cruisepodcastaways.com/frgc5📞 Book with Amanda Barmore / Have Luggage Will Travel: [email protected] | (318) 237-0998 | facebook.com/HaveLuggage.WillTravel.LLC Anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever.

Jen's back! After a Day One that ended with a Cartman GIF and a "screw you guys, I'm going home," the Golden Crew is finally three-strong again — and immediately gets distracted by Christmas trees in August, a heart-having cat named Flinty, and Trevor's alleged palace of multiple living rooms. Then, actual cruise news: Carnival Pride is testing Jotun's Hull Skater, a robot that crawls the ship's hull scraping off slime and barnacles (basically a Roomba with a job, and the crew has thoughts about adding a saw). Norwegian reveals Great Tides Water Park at Great Stirrup Cay — 19 water slides, the Caribbean's only four-person body slide, and Cliffside Cove with 10- and 15-foot jumps, welcoming its first guests September 4th. Bare Necessities brings the Big Nude Boat back to PortMiami in February 2027 aboard Norwegian Jewel: 11 days, zero tan lines, towels mandatory on all surfaces. And at Perfect Day at CocoCay, a forklift and a departing Wonder of the Seas had a disagreement that ended with a gangway at the bottom of the ocean — sparking a full business plan involving magnet fishing, retirement in Key West, and reselling gangways at a premium. Also: hook magnets are the real MVP of an Alaska cruise, and Alaska is somehow 80 degrees right now. 43 days to FRGC4. 393 days to FRGC5. 🌐 cruisepodcastaways.com👥 Join the Facebook group: "The Podcastaways"🛳️ FRGC5 — Yes, YOU are family. Cults can have families too! → cruisepodcastaways.com/frgc5📞 Book with Amanda Barmore / Have Luggage Will Travel: [email protected] | (318) 237-0998 | facebook.com/HaveLuggage.WillTravel.LLC Anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever.

The Golden Crew is back at full strength! Jen returns from two weeks on Kauai with a full scouting report on Puka Dog (verdict: not a sandwich, don't ask Thomas), Trevor discovers Peruvian food in DC and spends his trip pointing at monuments, and Tom... stayed home. Sorry, Bub. This week's main event: things you will NEVER hear a veteran cruiser say. "I wish they'd bring back the old muster drill." "That short line must be guest services." "I put my passport in my checked luggage." "That hot tub doesn't look like human soup." If any of these sound reasonable to you, this episode is your intervention. Plus: the infamous foot-scratching fork video passes 32 MILLION views (the offending utensil has reportedly been retired), Brando asks whether Netflix is secretly out to sink the cruise industry, Jesse asks if we book for the ship or the itinerary, and Jen tells the heroic saga of retrieving her phone from an airplane garbage bag. Gloves were involved. Vote on what YOU would've done in The Podcastaways Facebook group. FRGC5 is booking NOW — join us on Royal Caribbean's Allure of the Seas to Perfect Day at CocoCay, Cabo Rojo, Aruba, and Curaçao! Head to cruisepodcastaways.com, hit the FRGC5 banner for the itinerary, pricing, and Amanda's booking info, and lock in your room before rates climb. While you're there: leave us a voice or text message, catch cruise news, play Word-Aways, survive the Road Trip From Hates, and raise your very own Tom-agotchi. Whatever you do, do not feed it a burrito. Anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever.

Jen has abandoned us for a surfing tournament in Hawaii (allegedly), so Trevor and Tom hold "auditions" for her replacement — and in walks Brando of PB&J Travels, the second man Trevor has legally exchanged vows with at sea. Shaq was there in spirit. This week: Royal Caribbean wants YOU to name its new Discovery Class ship, and we regret to inform them that Shippy McShipface of the Seas is inevitable. Galveston drops a 107-page study on its cruise terminal expansion — 3.9 million cruisers expected in 2026 and a 2028 target. Then Brando takes us aboard the Carnival Venezia out of New York for entry-level Alaska (a.k.a. Canada): Saint John, Halifax, lobster rolls, beaver tails, Titanic history, and a mysterious seaweed candy nobody in Nova Scotia has heard of. Final rating: a strong two out of ten, would sail again. Plus: the eternal quest to sleep overnight on the Serenity Deck, the Konami code's disappointing casino performance, New York vs. Chicago pizza, and the Golden Crew's shocking FRGC5 announcement — they're DRIVING to Florida. Ready to book a cruise (or any vacation) with someone who rates trips two out of ten and means it lovingly? Hit up Brando at PB&J Travels: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579037905228 or [email protected] Visit cruisepodcastaways.com to leave us a voice or text message (it's like SpeakPipe, but we can actually say the name), read the lore, catch cruise news, and play the games — first person past level three of Pier Runners wins our respect. And come hang out in The Podcastaways Facebook group. It's active. Everyone nod. Anything you do or say on a ship will remain foreve

The Golden Crew has company this week — Amanda and Josh Barmore join us to officially unveil FRGC5! We're sailing Royal Caribbean's Allure of the Seas in September 2027 to Perfect Day at CocoCay, the brand-new Cabo Rojo in the Dominican Republic, Aruba, and Curaçao. Yes, we're taking Jen back to the desert. Along the way: Amanda and Josh explain how MSC Yacht Club turned them into people who say "gen pop" unironically, Trevor gets dangerously invested in a secret chicken sandwich, the legend of Hurricane Gale resurfaces, we crown the best pizza at sea, and Tim from Australia — a man who lives in the future and still won't give up the Powerball numbers — demands Trevor's report from Taylor Swift's wedding. Ready to book FRGC5? Hit the FRGC5 banner at cruisepodcastaways.com for the itinerary, pricing, and Amanda's booking info. $500 deposits your room — and the rates only go up from here. Leave us a message at speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways (or try the shiny new Ask Us page on the website), and come hang out in The Podcastaways Facebook group. Anything you do or say on a ship will remain on youtube forever.

The Golden Crew is back and dangerously patriotic for a Fourth of July special. Trevor, Tom, and Jenn open with holiday plans that range from "community band concert, then maybe the casino" to "stay home and make sure the neighbors don't burn the house down," before digging into what Carnival's got cooking for America's birthday: seven ships meeting up near Celebration Key for a celebration at sea, patriotic deck parties, and the full America 250 program running all week. We break down Carnival's new Milestone rewards — 5,000 points at 50 days, 10,000 and a gift every 100 after that, plus a coin that apparently has nowhere to go now that the coin pusher machines have vanished from the fleet. Then Jenn brings a genuinely heavy one: Royal Caribbean's Ovation of the Seas and the endangered pregnant fin whale it struck off Alaska, and what the speed questions could mean going forward. Plus a full stack of SpeakPipes — Tim checks in from Australia (twice), a listener needs kid-friendly port picks for a February sailing with a 5- and 7-year-old, and someone's after everything Aruba. Spoiler: it's a desert with a beach and a suspicious amount of cactus. Got a question, a hot take, or a cruise story? Leave us a voicemail at speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways and we'll play it on the show. Come hang out in our Facebook group, The Podcastaways, where the party never really slows down. And remember: anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever.

Trevor and Jenn hold down the fort solo this week — and yes, we noticed it's quiet. #WheresThomas? He's off visiting family, reporting in dutifully from each Buc-ee's along the way (a sacred roadside service to one's country, apparently). We get into the Great Buc-ee's Sameness, the FGGC road trip that "disintegrated into madness," and why no two Golden Crew members should ever be trusted with a steering wheel again. On the news front: Carnival's rolling out a fleet-wide "Frightfully Fun" Halloween event, kicking off aboard Carnival Illuminosa out of San Francisco on Sept 20 and haunting the rest of the fleet through October 31. Trevor walks through what a Halloween cruise is actually like (bring the costume, leave the prop guns at home). Then it's hurricane season — John Heald shared Carnival's behind-the-scenes look at the Fleet Operations Center in Miami, the NASA-looking command room tracking all 29 ships. TL;DR: if your port gets moved, it's for your protection, so go get a complimentary soft serve and relax. (As always, verify any Heald content against his real, verified Facebook page — there's a known impostor account out there.) Plus: a wild post-debarkation brawl at Port Miami off the Carnival Conquest that landed 16 passengers on the do-not-sail list, a hard-won cruise tip involving the Carnival melting cake (ask for peanut butter, thank us later), a moment of silence for the dearly departed Blue Iguana banana cream pie, and a SpeakPipe from Mikayla in Maine that cut off at the most dramatic possible moment — twice. We're choosing to believe she named her firstborn after us. 🎙️ Leave us a message: speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways (link in the description — you don't have to type all that)👥 Join the conversation in our Facebook group: The Podcastaways Anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever — on the YouTubes.

This week the Golden Crew assembles to pay tribute to a legend: after nearly 40 years with Carnival, John Heald is stepping back from full-time Facebook duty, and we are Very Emotionally Normal about it. We honor the man the only way we know how — by spending 45 minutes on summer camp, a cult tangent, the new Carnival loyalty cards (now in portrait mode, truly groundbreaking), and a SpeakPipe from Jesse, who listened to us, started his own podcast, and is now openly plotting to steal Jenn for a spin-off. The betrayal. The drama. Also aboard: a genuinely wild brawl at the Nassau port, cruise director musical chairs, the eternal horror of Lido iced tea, and Trevor flexing his Faster to the Fun purchase like an absolute elitist. It's basically a Seinfeld episode about cruising. Sorry, John — you deserved better, but we love you, and yes, we left a square open for you right here. Leave us a SpeakPipe: speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastawaysJoin the cruise cult over on Facebook: The Podcastaways 100 days to FRGC4. Anything that happens on the ship stays on YouTube.

The Golden Crew is back from a short hiatus — read: Tom turned 50 and somehow scored a birthday video from Mick Foley himself (all thanks to Jenn, naturally). We kick things off with a brand-new game Madison cooked up: A Free Cruise, But… Trevor, Tom, and Jenn each get their fate dealt, and before it's over Jenn has adopted an emotional-support seagull named Patricia and Tom is doing the nine-deck bathroom climb forty times. Play it yourself at games.section29.com and tell us what outcome you got. On the actual news front: Half Moon Cay is now RelaxAway Half Moon Cay, complete with a brand-new pier (open as of June 1), a tram around the island, and bars one through six waiting on you — assuming the pier's short enough to stagger back from. We also dig into the Carnival data breach that hit six million people (800,000 of them Texans, and somehow not Trevor, who is furious he can't join the class action), plus word that Christine Duffy will be aboard the next FSS sailing in February 2027. We take a more serious turn to talk about a young woman who lost her legs on a Carnival-approved excursion — a heartbreaking story, and a real reminder to vet your excursions, read the reviews, and never assume "booked through the cruise line" means risk-free. (Credit to cruiseradio.net for the reporting.) Then it's straight back to the chaos: a Reddit legend who swallowed a diamond to smuggle it off the island, an "Entitlement of the Seas" cruise hack that absolutely does not work, and a Weekend at Bernie's tangent we accept no legal responsibility for. Plus a Speak Pipe from Brando, who's sailing out of New York to Canada on the Venezia — on purpose, this time. Leave us a Speak Pipe at speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways and join the crew in our Facebook group (search The Podcastaways). If you made it to the end of this one — congratulations, you survived the show. Print your badge.

Two weeks away and the Golden Crew comes back swinging — through some technical chaos that briefly ejected Tom from his own show (we're fine, he's fine, the audio's mostly fine). 🚢 On this episode: Mexico shuts the door on Royal Caribbean's "Perfect Day Mexico" in Costa Maya, and Trevor delivers a Spanish-language performance so cursed it should've been the lawsuit. Speaking of lawsuits — the Havana Docks case against Carnival, Royal Caribbean, Norwegian & MSC (correction noted, Future Trevor came to the rescue!). Costa's now charging a 60-pound cleaning fee for sneaking buffet food back to your room, so Tom's revealing his armpit-transport technique. Barcelona's doubling port fees, and we break down how it stacks up against Greece, Hawaii & friends. Plus: Princess demagnetized the medallions and Jenn's Thanos gauntlet dreams are DUST. Tim from Australia checks in via Speakpipe (still no Powerball luck, mate), Jenn's mom is skipping the birthday barbecue, and Tom unveils his airtight plan to keep Mama Kennedy on the ship at Celebration Key. Sisters, lean in. 🎤 Got something to say? Leave us a voicemail: speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways👥 Join the chaos in our Facebook group: search "The Podcastaways" Remember — anything that happens on the ship stays on YouTube. 🛳️

The Golden Crew is BACK after a week off (sorry Tom, your mom's move was worth it) and we are loaded down with cruise news, speakpipe love, and one very questionable tattoo conversation. First up — Tom's mom has officially landed in Tulsa, which means Tom is now headed to Dallas because apparently you CAN have too much of a good thing. He's got 60 days, a two-bedroom apartment, and presumably no noisy ceiling fan to sit under (yet). Then we get into the heavy stuff. There's a real situation unfolding aboard the M/V Hondius near Cape Verde — three deaths, multiple severe illnesses, and a hantavirus outbreak that's sent even the responding doctor home sick. Trevor breaks down what we know so far (this is developing, so things may have changed by the time you hear this), and Tom reminds everyone that the Black Plague WAS, in fact, transmitted by mice. Educational AND terrifying. The Kennedy household hantavirus deterrent system (a cat) was also very vocal during this segment. In happier-ish news, Carnival's VIFP terms of service are changing September 1st, and Trevor has STRONG feelings about the folks out there opting out as a protest. Spoiler: opt in. Trust us. Don't slam the door on Papa Carnival just because you're mad. Also, MSC, if you're listening, we are absolutely available. Tom is officially considering a Margaritaville tattoo, and we need your help. Send your tattoo suggestions to our Facebook page — clean OR dirty, Madison doesn't care — and Madison (that's me, hi 👋) will whip up AI images of Tom rocking your suggested ink. Bonus points if anyone can finally convince Trevor to commit to that Harry Potter lightning bolt he's been threatening for years. THREE speakpipes this week! Tim returns with more "Powerball numbers" (Trevor is still convinced he violated the temporal prime directive), Brando is BACK after a long absence with a 1992 Powerball number that'll definitely still work, and Catherine swung by for our 5-year anniversary love (and to gently confirm that no, Trevor, The Notebook is not a time travel movie). It's about letters. In a mailbox. Through normal mail. We close out with the new Carnival dinner menu (pork chops 3 of 7 nights — Trevor is THRIVING), an appetizer-sized portion of ribs and mac and cheese spotted on John's FFS cruise that has us questioning what "appetizer" even means anymore, and the FRGC4 countdown clock ticking down to 135 days. 🎤 Got something to say? Leave us a speakpipe at speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways — link in the description. Tattoo suggestions, cruise stories, conspiracy theories about Tim, we want it all. Join us over on Facebook in The Podcastaways group, and remember — anything that happens on the ship stays on YouTube. You are unique, you are special, and you are loved. ⚓

Five years and 200+ episodes in, Trevor, Tom, and Jen pull up the very first episode of the show and put their original cruise tips on trial. Which ones still hold up? Which ones aged like milk? Spoiler: "turn your phone on airplane mode" is still solid advice, and yes, you should still skip the $30 souvenir drink cup. Along the way: a heads-up that Chichén Itzá is no longer allowing backpacks (effective April 21st), Tim drops this week's Powerball numbers from the future via Speakpipe and confirms Masala Tiger is still on the Splendor, and a tangent about turning Princess medallions into an Infinity Gauntlet that frankly deserves its own episode. Whether you're a brand-new cruiser looking for the basics or a longtime listener who wants to laugh at how baby-faced Tom used to be, this one's for you. 📱 Leave us a voice message: speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways👥 Join the silliness on Facebook — search "The Podcastaways Remember: you're unique, you're special, and you are loved.