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Artificial intelligence is supposed to make life easier. Nobody mentioned turning police officers into frogs. In Heber City, Utah, a police department's new AI report-writing software accidentally incorporated dialogue from Disney's The Princess and the Frog, producing an official account in which an officer underwent a rather unexpected amphibious transformation. The technology worked beautifully. Reality was another matter. Meanwhile, a Canadian man returned his Avis rental car after a perfectly ordinary family vacation, only to receive a nearly $5,000 charge for allegedly driving 18,000 miles in one week. That's an average of 107 miles per hour, nonstop, for seven days. Apparently, Avis had invented a vehicle capable of bending the laws of physics. Customer service was somewhat less impressive. This week on The Shallow End, Jethro and Lindsay explore two spectacular examples of technology getting things confidently, expensively wrong. Because sometimes the most dangerous thing in the room is a computer that's absolutely certain it's right. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Shallow End Episode 231: Porch Pirate Karma and the Woman Who Declared War on Delivery Robots A porch pirate picks the wrong driveway, and a 78-year-old woman goes to war with the robots. Just another day in the shallow end of the gene pool. First, JG takes us to Mississauga, Ontario, where an attempted package theft becomes a spectacular exercise in instant karma. When a homeowner catches a would-be thief in the act, the suspect makes a desperate escape in his Toyota Yaris—only to back directly into a snowbank. What follows is seven glorious minutes of spinning tires, increasingly desperate decisions, and some surprisingly polite Canadian hospitality. And yes, the whole thing was caught on video. Then Lindsay introduces us to Carolyn Marvin, a retired university professor in Philadelphia who's taken a rather unusual stand against automation. Convinced that autonomous delivery robots are stealing jobs from human workers, she's decided to fight back by standing directly in their path. Her one-woman rebellion against what she calls "sidewalk cyborgs" has attracted police attention, sparked an online debate, and raised some wonderfully absurd questions about the First Amendment. Plus, a listener shares a genuinely terrifying lesson in firearm safety that could have ended very differently. From porch pirate fails and instant karma to delivery robots, bizarre arrests, and questionable decisions, it's another helping of real-life human foolishness served with the usual laughter, disbelief, and occasional good judgment. Welcome to The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth—where poor decisions make great stories. Got a spectacular lapse in judgment to share? Email us at [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A teenage robber walks into a convenience store on Christmas Eve, waves a gun around, and demands money. Unfortunately for him, the man behind the counter has a few surprises of his own. Meanwhile, a Wisconsin woman decides she's going to become a substitute teacher. No credentials. No authorization. No apparent interest in actually teaching. What could possibly go wrong? This week on The Shallow End, Jethro and Lindsay bring you two astonishing true stories of terrible decisions, spectacularly misplaced confidence, and consequences nobody saw coming. First, it's Christmas Eve 2017 in Leicester, England, where a cocky 17-year-old armed robber decides to terrorize a neighborhood convenience store just before closing time. What he doesn't know is that the store's owner, a father of two, happens to be a trained karate black belt. Within seconds, the would-be criminal discovers that threatening the wrong person can lead to a very long night on the floor of a grocery store. It's a spectacular case of instant karma, complete with flying potato chips, a desperate plea for mercy, and a Christmas miracle nobody ordered. Then, we head to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where a 23-year-old woman allegedly walks into her former high school and convinces administrators she's a substitute teacher. Once inside the classroom, her bizarre behavior leaves students stunned and parents furious. Racial insults, inappropriate questions, and an astonishing explanation for why she did it all turn this case of fake teacher impersonation into a serious school security scandal. Plus, a listener shares the unforgettable story of a backyard sword fight that went horribly wrong, proving once again that live weapons, amateur reenactments, and The Phantom of the Opera are not necessarily a winning combination. Armed robbery gone wrong. Instant karma. Fake teachers. Backyard sword fighting. It's another trip into the shallow end of the gene pool, where questionable judgment meets painfully predictable consequences. Join Jethro and Lindsay for The Shallow End, the comedy podcast celebrating real people making spectacularly bad decisions. Make good choices. Your life might depend on it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A bank robber disappears inside a 21-story apartment building while police close in. A short time later, he turns up badly injured in the basement—with the stolen cash still on him. His escape involved one of the worst plans in criminal history: a garbage chute, a 210-foot fall, and an astonishing amount of luck. Then, Polaroid was once one of America’s most innovative companies, transforming photography by letting people hold a picture in their hands just moments after taking it. So how did a company that dominated instant photography and generated billions in sales end up bankrupt just a decade later? Lindsay and Jethro trace the remarkable rise, spectacular fall, and unlikely resurrection of Polaroid—and the technology that nearly killed it before helping make it cool again. Plus, a listener discovers that karma, bath towels, garage doors, and security cameras can be an especially unforgiving combination. It’s another trip into the wonderfully questionable side of human decision-making on The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, The Shallow End opens the mailbag—and apparently our listeners have been making questionable decisions all over the world. First, a listener in Germany discovers that noise-canceling earbuds work perhaps a little too well when a forgotten pot of rice bursts into flames. Then an innocent RV hookup mistake turns into one of the most horrifying sewage-related experiences ever submitted to the show. There are unfortunate names, childhood attempts to become part tiger shark, a geography lesson involving the surprising location of Alaska, and an encounter with poison ivy that ends with a very unusual doctor’s recommendation. But the centerpiece may be an Arizona hiking trip that becomes a master class in escalating bad decisions: an 80-pound backpack, brutal sunburn, an unfortunately placed tent, dozens of wasp stings, tequila, a mysterious bagel thief, a badly gashed foot, and some improvised wilderness surgery involving mint-flavored dental floss. It’s a special listener-mail edition of The Shallow End, proving once again that our audience doesn’t merely visit the shallow end. Some of you appear to have taken up permanent residence. Listen now—and please, make good choices. Your life might depend on it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some bad ideas take careful planning. Others apparently require a counterfeit money operation, Abraham Lincoln’s corpse, and absolutely no consideration for how much a lead-lined coffin weighs. This week on The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth, we travel back to 1876 for one of the strangest criminal schemes in American history: a gang of counterfeiters who decided the solution to their business problems was to steal Abraham Lincoln’s body and hold it for ransom. Unfortunately for them, their crew was crawling with government informants, their getaway plan had a few minor flaws, and even the Secret Service and Pinkerton detectives managed to make the night more chaotic than necessary. Then, we attend a Pittsburgh wedding reception where “for better or worse” gets put to the test almost immediately. A riverboat wedding, an allegedly handsy groom, a pregnant waitress, an angry boyfriend, an off-duty state trooper, a school board member, a shattered car window, and three arrests combine to create one unforgettable wedding night. Plus, a listener learns the hard way why garage doors, two-by-fours, and exposed nails should never be part of a DIY strategy. History proves it once again: people have been making questionable decisions for a very, very long time. The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth — where bad decisions make great stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A homesick teenager makes the worst travel decision in aviation history: in 1965, Brian Robson had friends nail him into a wooden crate and ship him from Australia toward Wales as air freight. When the crate is rerouted to Los Angeles—and turned upside down—his 36-hour plan becomes a horrifying four-day ordeal. Then, a legally blind, unlicensed Englishman with four bottles of wine in his system decides he absolutely must drive to Scotland. His navigation strategy? Follow the red taillights of a truck on the motorway… until he passes it. Two spectacularly bad plans. Two remarkably lucky endings. This is The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A stolen SUV chase in Florida takes an unexpected turn when a herd of dairy cows decides to assist law enforcement—herding a fleeing suspect straight toward the fence and into custody. Then, a solo sailor attempting to cross the Pacific from California to Hawaii loses his mast, fuel, navigation, and eventually his fresh water… yet somehow survives for more than six weeks using PVC pipe, kayak paddles, oatmeal, and sheer stubbornness. Plus: a listener’s lifelong, surprisingly consistent war with fire; a church mishap that looked suspiciously like an exorcism; and the deep-ocean phobia that makes even a cruise ship feel like a terrible idea. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A man drifts 23 miles into the Mediterranean on an inflatable mattress, armed with little more than a piece of wood and a wildly misplaced sense of confidence. Then, an aspiring bodybuilder develops an unconventional training regimen involving steroids, zero exercise and up to 24 beers a day—before wandering away from the competition to visit a pub. Plus, a listener learns why garage-door cables should never be cut with hedge clippers. It’s another collection of spectacularly poor decisions on this episode of The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A man goes looking for another drink and somehow ends up at the center of one of the most bizarre jewelry heists imaginable—complete with stolen construction equipment, a handful of gold, and possibly the least intimidating getaway vehicle in criminal history. Then, a woman in New Zealand suffers cardiac arrest in a supermarket parking lot and is miraculously revived by a passing stranger. But while paramedics are fighting to save her life, someone else is hard at work making sure she doesn’t escape the consequences of overstaying the 90-minute parking limit. Also, a listener shares an unforgettable story from his late uncle’s time as a Marine in Vietnam. It’s another collection of astonishingly poor decisions, bureaucratic absurdity, and the kind of true stories that could only be found in The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A stolen front-end loader leads Massachusetts police on the slowest “high-speed” chase in history—topping out at a blistering 15 miles per hour. Then, a Florida man escapes from a secure mental health facility using a stolen key card, locks the employees inside, and disappears for six days—despite already having 18 outstanding warrants. Schnebley and Toth dive into two true stories featuring heavy machinery, questionable security, one missing Croc, an aging Jeep, and the kind of decision-making that keeps The Shallow End fully stocked. Dive in—the water is still dangerously shallow. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A good alibi can keep you out of prison—unless it leads police directly to 84 packets of heroin. This week on The Shallow End, Jethro tells the story of a West Virginia bank robbery suspect who proved he was innocent by confessing to an entirely different crime. Then, Lindsay heads to Florida, where a man allegedly steals $7,000 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets and repeatedly returns to the scene of the crime to cash them. When that brilliant plan fails, his evening somehow gets even worse. Plus, a listener shares a painful lesson involving a fence-post driver, an emergency-room visit, and four staples to the head. Two true stories of criminal miscalculation, spectacularly bad decisions, and people who should have stopped several choices ago. Lifeguards Lindsay and Jethro are on duty, but the warning remains the same: stay out of the deep end. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some criminals spend months planning the perfect crime... then ruin everything with one unbelievably dumb mistake. This week on The Shallow End, Jethro and Schnebly dive into true stories of criminals who practically handed detectives the evidence. From Googling crime scenes and leaving phones behind to wearing GPS ankle monitors during burglaries, these are the real-life cases where the suspects solved the investigation for police. Then, a listener shares one of our favorite Shallow End stories ever: a first-time tandem skydive that goes spectacularly sideways after knocking the instructor unconscious thousands of feet above the ground. And finally, meet the Florida woman whose refusal to wait twenty minutes for a beer during an Uber ride allegedly escalated into one of the most ridiculous assault cases you'll ever hear. It's another trip into the shallow end of the human gene pool, where bad decisions, terrible timing, and astonishingly poor judgment are always on full display. In this episode: Criminals who accidentally created the evidence that convicted them How phones, Google searches, GPS trackers, and even smart refrigerators help solve crimes A tandem skydiving jump that almost became a disaster The bizarre Uber beer stabbing that could have been avoided by a little patience Plus, the usual stories, laughs, and questionable life choices you've come to expect from The Shallow End. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when criminals and thrill-seekers make spectacularly bad decisions? In this classic episode of The Shallow End, an 82-year-old grandmother in Rochester, New York, proves that appearances can be dangerously misleading when a late-night home invader discovers she's an award-winning champion powerlifter. Armed with whatever she can get her hands on, Willie Murphy delivers a lesson he'll never forget. Then, we head to Italy, where a tourist ignores warning signs, climbs a restricted trail on Mount Vesuvius, drops his phone into the crater... and decides it's worth risking his life to get it back. The result is a rescue operation, an arrest, and another reminder that social media isn't always worth the photo. Along the way, JG and Lindsay talk about Pompeii, the terrifying power of Vesuvius, selfie-related accidents, earthquake myths, and why making good decisions is harder than it should be. In this episode: Willie Murphy's incredible home invasion story The champion bodybuilder grandmother who fought back A Mount Vesuvius selfie gone horribly wrong The destruction of Pompeii and the volcano's ongoing danger Selfie accidents and the risks people take for social media Earthquake stories, myths, and near-disasters If you enjoy unbelievable true stories, strange news, dark humor, and people making astonishingly poor life choices, dive into The Shallow End. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on The Shallow End, one innocent armadillo proves that sometimes nature really does fight back. After a Texas homeowner decides the best way to deal with a wandering armadillo is with a .38 revolver, the laws of physics intervene in spectacular fashion, leaving him with a shattered jaw, a helicopter ride, and one of the strangest wildlife stories ever reported. Then it's off to Mississippi, where police stop a car creeping through town at an unusually slow speed—only to discover the driver is completely naked. What begins as an awkward traffic stop quickly spirals into an investigation involving marijuana, illegally modified firearms, multiple law enforcement agencies, and the timeless reminder that if you're going to break the law, breaking several at once is rarely the best strategy. Along the way, the boys swap stories about emergency room visits, stubborn pets, locked cars, and the kinds of everyday mishaps that somehow become family legends. It's another collection of bizarre true stories, spectacularly bad decisions, and the kind of real-life absurdity that proves you could never make this stuff up. In this episode: The Texas armadillo shooting that ricocheted into internet legend Why one bullet changed a homeowner's life forever A naked driver, marijuana, and illegal firearm modifications in Mississippi Listener stories involving dogs, locked vehicles, and accidental chaos True news, dark humor, and the wonderfully ridiculous side of everyday life If you love strange headlines, unbelievable true stories, odd news, and comedy podcasts that find the humor hiding in real life, dive into The Shallow End. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices