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The full book in paperback, hard cover and eBook available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/ The audiobook is available on our website: https://www.codependentmind.com/ It is also on Amazon, Spotify and most other places where audiobooks are sold.   Me, You & Us  Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship As described in this podcast, for years I struggled in romantic relationships—trapped in people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, and emotional disconnection. I didn’t know how to set boundaries, communicate honestly, or feel safe being myself. Like many people with a history of codependency or relational trauma, I was stuck in survival mode—longing for intimacy but afraid to be truly seen. This book is both a relationship memoir and a healing guide—an honest, compassionate look at how I learned to show up differently in love. Through personal storytelling and psychological insight, I explore the relationship tools that transformed my life: empathy, vulnerability, boundaries, communication, emotional co-regulation, and more. These are the tools that helped me move from dysfunction to connection—from trauma bonds to the emotionally safe, interdependent marriage I now share with Stephanie. Available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/ Contact us at: https://www.codependentmind.com/me-you-and-us  

The full book in paperback, hard cover and eBook available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/ The audiobook is available on our website: https://www.codependentmind.com/ It is also on Amazon, Spotify and most other places where audiobooks are sold. We end the book, and this season, with a discussion of gratitude. This chapter and the first chapter of the book will remain available on the podcast indefinitely. The rest of the chapters will be removed. The audiobook is available on most audio platforms and from our website. The paperback and the eBook is available on Amazon. https://www.codependentmind.com/ Thank you for rating and reviewing the podcast and the book. It helps others find us.  Use this link to review the book on Amazon - https://amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1  

In Season 7, we return to the theme of Season 4 with episodes that focus on relationships. What are some of the tools, concepts and practices that we feel keep our connection strong and loving? Our newest book, Me, You & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship draws from this Season and from Season 4.  It is available now on Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6KCKNT In this episode, we discuss a tool that is not generally applied to relationships - the Lean Startup Methodology (https://theleanstartup.com/principles). People with codependent habits often get in to relationships very quickly and then spend an enormous amount of time and energy 'making the relationship work.' Applying Lean Startup encourages us to redirect that energy into answering the question - 'should this relationship exist?' We discuss how to start your relationships in a Lean way and how we use the methodology in our lives. Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  00:04:03 The Lean Startup Methodology 00:08:41 Minimum Viable Products 00:11:49 Starting a relationship Lean 00:15:44 Dating Lean 00:19:55 Using Lean Startup to make life decisions Thank you for listening!  

Experiencing relational trauma and subsequent relationship disorders, whether codependency, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, BPD can make empathy challenging. Not that the feelings aren't there, but often the empathetic system is so wounded that it is difficult to stay in a place of empathetic responsiveness. But empathy is a critical tool in forming and maintaining intimate relationships. In this episode we discuss the role of empathy in our relationship, Brian's experience with empathetic woundedness and how he overcame them.  00:00:37 What are we calling 'empathy' 00:01:46 The empathetic system 00:05:12 Empathy and interpersonal disorders 00:09:33 Empathetic system malfunctions 00:17:43 Empathy as a relationship tool 00:21:50 Empathetic responsiveness Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

Have you've been told or have you told yourself that 'relationships take work' as a reason to accept behaviours or a relationship that is not serving your needs? This season is about relationship tools, but we shouldn't use these tools to make a relationship work that isn't serving us. So what does 'work' mean in the to the context of a loving, healthy relationship? Brian and Stephanie discuss in the to the context of their relationship.  In this episode: 00:01:56 Relationship Work in Childhood 00:06:53 Conscious Attachment - Autonomy and Mutuality 00:13:14 Mutuality 00:17:25 Categories of Relationship Work Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.  Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind  Email: [email protected]

Curiosity is an important tool for doing the relationship work of fostering understanding and deepening connection. In this episode we discuss  the transformative power of curiosity, drawing on philosophical insights and evolutionary psychology. We explore how Brian's curiosity was stifled—both by external influences, like critical relationships, and internal struggles, such as fear and disassociation. By recognizing these patterns, he has learned to shift from a defensive posture to an active pursuit of knowledge and emotional exploration which has been critical for our relationship. In this episode: 00:01:44 What is Curiosity and Where Does it Come From? 00:11:14 Curiosity and Trauma 00:16:34 What Does Curiosity Feel Like 00:21:58 Curiosity in Romantic Relationships Season 4 - #1 Codependency and Relationships: Intimacy (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6b19fbb8/s4-1-codependency-and-relationships-intimacy) Season 4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us) Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.  Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind  Email: [email protected]    

In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V Relationship tools are neither good nor bad on their own. In this episode we talk about three tools that are pervasive in relationships marked by codependency - lying, resentment and defensiveness. These were Brian's go-to tools in Brian's relationship toolbox. He learned how to use them very early in childhood in order to neutralize relationship threats. As an adult, however, they have not served him well and using them in our relationship caused a lot of damage.  Mentioned in this episode: Season 4, episode 4: Trust (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6db6d080/s4-4-codependency-and-relationships-trust) Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  00:02:46 Lying as a Core Codependent Behavior 00:04:55 Lying in Childhood 00:10:10 Narcissistic Lying vs Codependent Lying 00:12:30 Lying in Toxic Relationships 00:19:14 Lying, Resentment and Defensiveness in our Relationship 00:29:28 Relationship Work Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps other find us.  You can reach us at: codependentmind.com    

Building on the last episode's discussion of lying, we talk about how to act less like a lawyer and more like a detective when trying to answer the question "am I being codependent?" 00:00:28 Am I Being Codependent? 00:04:49 Inner Lawyers 00:09:58 Codependency Detective Work 00:12:00 A Case Study 00:21:42 Evidence for Codependency 00:29:06 Case Study #2 Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us.  You can reach us at: codependentmind.com

If lying forms the basis of codependency then the antidote must be telling the truth. Unfortunately it is not that simple (or that easy!) In this episode we discuss the powerful tool that is the truth and how to learn to wield it safely and effectively.  Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us.  Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  00:04:09 Lying vs Truth Telling 00:08:39 What is Truth 00:11:07 'Telling it like it is' 00:14:45 Full Disclosure 00:16:49 How and When - Motivation and Effect You can reach us at: codependentmind.com

In this episode we discuss the importance of self knowledge in relationships - what it is, what happens in its absence, how to get it and how it functions.  00:02:22 Codependency as self erasure 00:05:47 Examples of lack of self knowledge 00:09:32 Consequences and shame 00:12:11 Shame relief 00:15:05 The codependency framework 00:20:15 Asking questions You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.  

Boundaries are an expression of the distinction between me and you. Understanding and respecting that distinction is critical when setting up a relationship structure that will be stable and supportive for both people in the long run. For those of us who experienced relational trauma as children, developing an understanding of ourselves as separate, autonomous beings can be compromised right from the start. Codependency, borderline personality disorder, narcissism, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, dependency, all involve a struggle to acknowledge and respect personal boundaries. In this episode, we review we review the concept of boundaries, understanding it as a stand-in for self-protection and self-respect. We then go on to discuss how to use the metaphor of boundaries to create a relationship in which both parties are respected and protected.  Mentioned in this episode: S3 - #1 Beyond Codependency - Boundaries https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6d942938/s3-1-beyond-codependency-boundaries S4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us No Man is an Island - John Donne   00:01:56 The Metaphor of Boundaries 00:06:34 Protecting Boundaries 00:09:20 Respecting Boundaries 00:21:52 Entitlement 00:25:25 Boundaries in Relationship 00:38:22 Examples of Relationship Boundaries You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

As discussed in a previous episode, Brian used money to fuel his codependent habits. Healing from codependency also involved developing a new understanding of the role money plays in his life and his relationship. In this episode, we discuss what kind of tool money is and what challenges and opportunities it presents.  In this episode: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (Wikipedia) 00:01:01 Financial Codependency 00:04:42 Financial Dependency 00:07:56 The Tool of Money 00:10:45 What is Money for? 00:22:33 The Monetary Value of Relationships 00:32:27 Questions to Ask Before You Spend You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Be grateful! We are told that at various points on our lives as was to cure numerous ails in our lives and in the world. In this episode, we talk about what gratitude can and cannot to for your relationships.   Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.     

Can you tell the difference between a genuine apology and apology theater? In this episode, we discuss to tool of apology - how narcissists use it, how Brian used it codependently and how to use it authentically to make long lasting repairs to relationships.  00:02:30 Apology Theater 00:03:20 Narcissistic Apologizing 00:07:19 DARVO 00:13:09 Codependent Apologizing 00:19:12 Authentic Apologizing 00:20:32 Empathetic Repair You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Brian spent most of his life being 'conflict avoidant' at least that is how he understood it. Really the powerlessness and shame that underlied his codependency meant that any interpersonal conflict felt existentially threatening. In this episode we discuss how to approach conflict differently such that it functions as a tool for learning and connection rather than destruction. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.   Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.