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★★★★★

4.9

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Why you keep picking the same fights. Why you feel so needy or so smothered. Let's talk about why your relationships play out the way they do, and what you can actually do about it. I’m your host, Annalisa Bahadur. I have a psychology degree, I’m a coach, and most importantly, I’ve been in the trenches. I used to have major anxious attachment. I know what it's like to feel that constant anxiety, to need reassurance, to feel like the relationship is always on the brink of collapse. But I did the work to move toward secure. And I’m now almost five years into a happy, stable relationship with a recovering avoidant. I’m not talking theory from a textbook. I’m talking about what actually worked for me and my clients. This podcast is about attachment theory, stripped down to the basics. No fluff, no fancy language. Just straight talk about how your early wiring affects your adult relationships. In each episode, we break down the four attachment styles - Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant. We'll look at how they show up in your dating life, your friendships, and even at work. You'll hear real stories and get practical steps you can use right now. We focus on two main tools: empathy and boundaries. Empathy to understand why you and the people you love act the way they do.Boundaries to protect your own energy and stop cycles of drama and hurt. This isn't about blaming your parents or your exes. It's about giving you a roadmap to better relationships. You'll learn how to identify your patterns, communicate what you really need, and build connections that feel solid, not stressful. If you're tired of the same old problems and you're ready for real change, you're in the right place. Bonus- every Thursday you'll have a chance to listen in on real people as they share their struggles as I coach them through their challenges. Each individual has agreed to have these session recorded using a pseudonym, and aired for your benefit.

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Check latest episodes from Decoding Attachment Styles podcast

Red & Green Flags First 90 Days Of Dating

2026/02/02

I wish someone had told me this when I first started dating. I made so many mistakes that landed me in some questionable relationships. The tips I share here has helped me choose a partner I enjoy life with. I'm breaking down the red flags to look out for, the green ones to pay attention to, the pace to move at so you don't end up with someone who blindsides you. This would help if you've been dating someone for a while or if you're now getting into the dating work. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

Long Distance Romance With Avoidant Attached

2026/01/29

What happens when you've been in a long distance romance with an avoidant attached person and it feels intense even if you've just met a handful of times? You want answers... What is happening here? Can this be anything more? Why do they ghost me and return? As Sarah shares her stories, we try to find her answers that would soothe her troubles heart. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

How To Move On After Being Blindsided - Pre-recorded Session

2026/01/23

What happens when you have been friends for what seems like forever - you lose each other and find each other and in your older years decide to date but then to be blindsided by the avoidants pull away??? Sarah shares her journey through friendship to falling in love with her friend and then the heartbreaking pulling away that started a journey into examining her anxious attachment style and healing. This is for you if you've ever been confused about your relationship going great and then suddenly coming to a halt. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

Breaking the Protest-Withdrawal Cycle Between Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic

2026/01/19

Social media will tell you that anxious-avoidant relationships are doomed. That avoidants are narcissists. That anxious people are just codependent. I'm here to tell you that's oversimplified BS that keeps people stuck. In this episode, I'm breaking down the anxious-avoidant dynamic with the nuance it actually deserves. After healing my own anxious attachment and being in a relationship with someone who's fearful-avoidant and has been actively working in therapy for over three years, I've learned that this isn't about finding a villain - it's about two nervous systems trying to feel safe in completely different ways. We're covering: The protest-withdrawal cycle: what it actually looks like and why it happens4 damaging myths social media spreads about this dynamic (and why they're wrong)What secure attachment would actually do in these moments - not as theory, but as a real, usable frameworkHow to hold both empathy AND boundaries at the same timeThe real questions to ask yourself if you're in this cycle right nowWhy "just stop chasing" and "just communicate better" aren't solutions -they're oversimplificationsThis episode doesn't tell you to leave or stay. It gives you the tools to make that decision from a grounded, informed place. Because you deserve relationships that feel secure, and you're capable of creating that - but only if you're willing to do your own work. Whether you're anxious, avoidant, or watching this pattern play out in your relationship, this one's for you. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

What To Do When A Partner Breaks-Up With You

2026/01/16

Annalisa answers followers questions. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

Why Boundaries Work For Short Periods With Avoidants And How To Sustain them. Pre-recorded Session

2026/01/15

What happens when someone who is working on their attachment style meets with an avoidant attached style person who may not be working on their healing - they set boundaries. How does that work out? Listen to this podcast as Sarah explains the hot and too heavy too soon dynamics of her relationship, setting boundaries and what happened next. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

"My Ex Moved On Like I Never Existed." Let's talk about it...

2026/01/05

You probably went through a breakup and was left wondering how your ex could appear like you never existed. This episode helps you to appreciate and understand what might be going on in the mind of your avoidant attached ex just after breakup - in case you're wondering - how can they move on as quickly, how can the stay away from texting you, how can they date so soon... And please don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It sure helps this episode get to others who need it. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

Avoidants Discard People When They Get Too Close

2025/12/29

Let's unpack one of social media's most pervasive attachment theory takes: the idea that avoidants coldly "discard" people the moment intimacy develops. But what if this narrative is not only oversimplified - it's actively harmful? In this episode, we explore how reducing complex human behavior to viral soundbites can pathologize normal relationship struggles, create self-fulfilling prophecies, and prevent the very understanding that leads to secure relationships. Whether you identify as avoidant, have loved someone who does, or you're just tired of armchair psychology taking over your feed, this episode will challenge what you think you know about attachment styles. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

"Why Was He Chasing Me, Then Suddenly Pulled Away?" - Pre-recorded Session

2025/12/26

An avoidant shares her confusion at being heavily pursued by a man she didn't know, only to start appreciating the attention before he started to pull away. In this episode we discuss why avoidants are careful when entering new relationships, how they process relationships that just ended and what signs they are looking for as they enter into a new relationship. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

Healing and Understanding Avoidant Attachment

2025/12/22

One of the most sought after answers in our time right now is how to manage a relationship with an Avoidant Attached person and, what is really going on in their minds. This episode helps an Avoidant Attached person understand themselves better, as well as starter healing journey. It also helps those who are interested in understanding and appreciating their avoidant attached friends and partner better. Drop a comment and let me know how this particular episode changed your perspective. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

FA Came In Strong and Started To Back- Peddle - Prerecorded Session

2025/12/11

Many anxious and secure attached persons have dated avoidant attached persons who seemed really ready for a long term committed relationships until.... things got heavy. Many were left confused at their behaviours as some avoidant back-peddled, withdrew, seem to gaslight or altogether ghosted. In this episode, one of my guests shares her distress in trying to navigate her relationships as she tries to learn about her ex's behaviours, and her own. Give this a listen if you want to feel seen and validated while gaining some insights into the mind (and actions) of an avoidant attached person. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

How To Hold Avoidants Accountable

2025/12/08

Many of us believe that holding an avoidant accountable means talking to them like they are an idiot and we are their parent. How many of us liked it when our parents, or anyone in authority held us accountable? No one! We revelled and worse, you ignore and avoided as much as we could. Yes- my anxious attached friends. Even you did that. Most people are online telling us that we need to hold avoidant attached persons accountable and that is true. However, what we think is "holding them accountable" is actually coming across to them as "control." Let's sort out this messy issue but highlight what we think is an ultimatum, what the avoidant hears and how we can do "accountability" right. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

Physical Intimacy After Breakup But They Still Work Together- Prerecorded Session

2025/12/04

At first, he was open to communicating about their needs. He seemed keen on trying to be better. They were great together - both feeling safe to be vulnerable for the first time, then something changed. He started to feel pressured and needed space. She gave him that space only to have a conversation later that confused her. Join me as I discussed with Sarah what are some of the red flags she might be missing right now and how she can navigate working with someone she is no longer in a relationship with but also hopes to get back together with...someday. What does she need to do differently should they get back together. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

Why Holidays Are Overwhelming for Avoidants and What to Do

2025/11/24

Ever feels like your avoidant partner never wants to do anything during the holidays? Avoidant attached persons can have a love/hate relationship with holidays and it had everything to do with their attachment styles. As an anxious attached partner, you probably love the holidays - getting the perfect presents, planning get-togethers and meals, involving your partner in everything... While on the other hand, your avoidant partner wants to do anything (crawl on a hole) but be a part of what they see as too much. This episodes dives into why the avoidant attached partner wants to hide from the holidays, your friends and most of their own people. We share five things avoidant attached persons don't want during the holidays and what you can do to help them feel more relaxed - and get them involved. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

Stuck in a Situationship? How Your Attachment Style Makes Breakups So Hard

2025/11/20

She thought everything was fine. Then, he dropped a bombshell/ “I'm not sure I'm in love with you anymore.” Trying to be understanding, she gave him an easy out. She said, “It's okay if we need to break up.” But he wouldn't take it. He was confused. He wanted to keep trying. And just like that, they were trapped in a exhausting cycle of push-and-pull-a classic anxious-avoidant trap-until he finally ended it for good. Now, she's left heartbroken and overthinking everything. She's asking all the classic questions: How do I get over a breakup when I still have feelings?What does it mean when he says he loves me but isn't in love with me?Why do I keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners?Is there any chance of getting back together?If this story hits home, you're not alone. These painful patterns often point directly to our attachment styles. In this recorded session, we sit down with Sarah to understand her anxious attachment style and how it showed up in her relationship. We'll break down- The hidden signs of an anxious attachment style.How fear of abandonment can accidentally sabotage your love life.Practical steps for healing a broken heart and creating secure attachment.How to stop the cycle of on-again, off-again relationships and learn how to move forward for good. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

Podcast reviews

Read Decoding Attachment Styles podcast reviews

4.9 out of 5

37 reviews

★★★★★

nicksbeauty 2025/02/20

Wow I was so touched and enlightened by this podcast

I just heard again about attachment styles got into it it is very emotional, I seem to be from what I heard and read that i am anxious style and a ver...

★★★★★

NatalieVCapra 2023/06/29

Extremely informative and applicable

Even though I am a mental health therapist myself I’m also a human being that needs to be reminded from time to time how the people I love and myself ...

★★★★★

MallowM 2023/06/07

New perspective

I started to learn about attachment styles just recently because of painful and confusing relationship I had. Learning about my and my partner’s attac...

★★★★★

Band12345 2023/03/28

So grateful for Annalisa’s Insight!

Annalisa Bahadur is one of the most emotionally intelligent person I have ever spoken to. I am currently only 21 years old but she has ALWAYS validate...

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