Advertise on podcast: Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

What if the part of you that you keep trying to change is actually the part of you that most needs to be understood? You can know your patterns, understand where they came from and have plenty of self-awareness, yet still find yourself repeating the same cycles. Because insight is only one part of the story. Sometimes, the deeper work is learning to listen to what lives beneath the pattern. This week, I’m joined by therapist and spiritual guide Laurie Nouchka, for a conversation about the parts of ourselves we often try to fix, silence or move beyond, and what becomes possible when we meet them with curiosity instead. Laurie shares how a painful breakup at 25 shaped her relationships for years, the unexpected path that took her from life drawing and yoga to Internal Family Systems therapy, and what she’s learnt about distinguishing intuition from fear. We talk about the wisdom held in the body, the ways our nervous system can keep us living from old stories, and what it really means to trust ourselves again. It’s a conversation about going beneath the surface, meeting the parts of ourselves we’ve spent years trying to outrun, and creating enough space to hear what they’ve been trying to tell us. Because we can’t think our way out of what we haven’t yet allowed ourselves to feel. Episode chapters: 01:13 Meet Laurie and Her Daily Rituals 09:12 The Photo: Smiling Through a Painful Breakup 14:07 Fear of Being Alone and the “I’m Not Enough” Story 19:09 From Life Drawing in Melbourne to Yoga 24:58 Discovering Internal Family Systems 27:32 What IFS Is and How Our Parts Protect Us 33:38 Why We Run From Discomfort 38:04 Creating Safety in the Nervous System 42:49 Trusting Your Intuition Versus Fear 47:04 Nature as a Go-To Practice 49:32 A Celebration of Life and Death 55:10 Laurie’s Three Non-Negotiables Connect with Laurie through the links below: Instagram: @laurienoucka Website: www.laurienouchka.com Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Retreats The Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out More The Embodied Woman 5 Day Retreat | April 21 - 25, 2027 | Find Out More Courage To Heal: Childhood Trauma Retreat | June 14 - 21, 2027 Email [email protected] for more information A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email [email protected] for more information Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Jason Dobbie, a chef of 26 years who got sober while still running professional kitchens. Sobriety, though, did not answer the question underneath it all: who am I? Eight years on, Jason leads a community of more than 750 people working through that same question, and he joins Ash to unpack what it actually took to rebuild a sense of self from the ground up. Jason and Ash talk about quitting marijuana years after quitting alcohol, the moment a spiritual awakening cracked his life wide open, and the discomfort of becoming a different person. He shares how learning to put himself first, speak his truth and trust his intuition eventually led him to walk away from a lucrative head chef job for a life built on purpose and alignment. It is a conversation about the long, often unglamorous work of self-discovery, and a reminder that sobriety is only ever the beginning of finding out who you really are. Episode chapters: 00:08 Meet Jason: 26 Years a Chef, 750 People in Community 01:02 Building a Community From a Meditation Group 02:43 A Day in Jason’s Life Now 04:13 Where His Drive Really Comes From 06:02 The Photo: Successful on the Outside, Empty on the Inside 08:52 Quitting Weed After 25 Years 10:43 The Veil Effect of Weed and Alcohol 12:07 Why He Finally Quit Drinking 14:34 Free Health Care, Group Therapy and Finding Meditation 18:18 A Shared Story of Spiritual Awakening 20:43 Sober but Lost: Who Am I Now 22:13 The Turning Point at the Mirror 26:39 Learning to Put Himself First 30:52 The Body Signal That Pointed Him Toward a New Career 38:09 Reframing Meditation as Just Paying Attention 44:26 Jason’s Three Non-Negotiables Connect with Jason here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jason.dobbie/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jason.dobbie Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Retreats The Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out More The Embodied Woman 5 Day Retreat | April 21 - 25, 2027 | Find Out More Courage To Heal: Childhood Trauma Retreat | June 14 - 21, 2027 Email [email protected] for more information A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email [email protected] for more information Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this solo episode, Ash reflects on a recent trip to the Gold Coast, where she spent five nights at a wellness retreat, not as a facilitator but as a guest. Away from Wi-Fi and her usual pace of life, she unpacks five lessons that surfaced in the stillness. From remembering to trust the wisdom of her body, to rereading an old favourite book and discovering how much she herself had changed, there were plenty of downloads she wanted to share. Ash also discusses the importance of balancing mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health rather than over focusing on just one or two, and how you can achieve this without creating more overwhelm. This is a reflective, practical episode about what it looks like to actually slow down, listen inward, and trust the shifts that quietly ask to be made. Episode chapters: 00:00 Retreat Announcement 01:13 Coming Back From Eden Retreat 03:38 A Life of Bookends: Regulated Mornings, Full Steam Days 08:18 Choosing Your Own Adventure at Eden 10:39 Trusting the Body Over the Aura Ring 15:09 The Nervous System Check and the 99th Percentile Surprise 17:23 Hearing the Whisper to Step Back From Teaching 21:59 Saying Yes and Watching Life Respond 24:12 Rereading The Untethered Soul Years Later 28:53 Releasing a Resentment Through Energy, Not Defense 31:10 The Joy of Talking to Strangers 33:32 The Four Pillars of Health 43:01 A New Offering Coming in January Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Retreats The Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out More The Embodied Woman 5 Day Retreat | April 21 - 25, 2027 | Find Out More Courage To Heal: Childhood Trauma Retreat | June 14 - 21, 2027 Email [email protected] for more information A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email [email protected] for more information Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week Ash sits down with Dave McGrath, a 47 year old carpenter and father who recently celebrated three years of sobriety. For a period of about nine months before rehab, Dave was living out of his car, seeing his daughter once every month or two, and losing himself completely to what he calls the alcoholic insanity. His rock bottom came in a friend's garage, staring at an extension ladder and a rope, before something in him snapped awake enough to call a rehab. In this raw and honest conversation, Dave takes Ash through the chaos of early sobriety attempts that did not stick, the shame of losing contact with his family and his daughter, and the strangers along the way who quietly helped him find his footing, including a chance encounter on a footpath that led him to treatment. He also opens up about an unexpected and profound spiritual awakening in a church that changed the course of his recovery, and what it has taken to rebuild trust with the people he hurt along the way. This is a story about hope, redemption and never giving up. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Dave McGrath 03:21 The Photo: A Visitation Day With His Daughter 04:16 The Unmanageability of Alcoholic Insanity 05:55 The First Drink as a Child 09:30 Hating Who He Saw in the Mirror 10:41 The Craving He Could Never Control 15:14 Failed Attempts and Dry Spells 18:52 Cold Water Plunges at 2am 19:33 Rock Bottom: The Rope in the Garage 21:31 A Stranger on the Street Who Showed Him the Way 23:21 A Daughter Waiting at the Window 26:03 From Dry Drunk to Actually Working the Program 44:51 A Spiritual Awakening at Church 47:57 Daily Conscious Contact and Letting Go of Rage 50:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Retreats The Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out More The Embodied Woman 5 Day Retreat | April 21 - 25, 2027 | Find Out More A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email [email protected] for more information Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Megan Ashton, founder of Unity Breathwork and a leading voice for raising safety standards in the breathwork industry. Megan spent most of her adult life escaping herself, first through alcohol and bulimia as a teenager, then later through constant travel that let her outrun her feelings entirely. It took a devastating breakup, and a breathwork session in Bali, for her to finally crack open decades of unprocessed grief, so that she could start the long journey of finding a way back to herself. In this conversation, Megan and Ash unpack what conscious connected breathwork actually is, why it so often brings up trauma the body has been holding for years, and what it means to build a practice around genuine safety rather than chasing catharsis. Megan speaks candidly about the childhood wounds that shaped her patterns of numbing, the importance of proper preparation and integration when facilitating breathwork, and her mission to make this kind of healing as accessible and understood as yoga. This conversation invites you to think about acknowledging the feelings you’ve spent a lifetime avoiding. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Megan Ashton 05:24 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Nicaragua 07:32 Travel as an Escape Strategy 09:33 A Sensitive Childhood and the First Time She Numbed Out 11:17 The Slow Slide Into Bulimia 12:59 The Breakup That Broke Everything Open 19:57 Trying Everything Before Breathwork 20:27 The Bali Session That Changed Her Life 22:17 Discovering Her Mission in Conscious Connected Breathwork 24:07 What Conscious Connected Breathwork Actually Is 27:08 A Year of Crying: What Processing Really Looks Like 28:07 Letting Go of Expectations in the Practice 00:18 Why Safety in Breathwork Matters So Much 02:28 The Risk of Retraumatisation Without Proper Preparation 04:33 Grounding and Integration After a Session 18:11 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Megan through the links below: Website: (https://unitybreathwork.com/) Breathwork Facilitator Training page: (https://unitybreathwork.com/breathwork-facilitator-training/) Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/unitybreathwork/) Retreats:(https://unitybreathwork.com/breathwork-retreat/) Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Retreats The Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out More The Embodied Woman 5 Day Retreat | April 21 - 25, 2027 | Find Out More A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email [email protected] for more information. Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Tully Johns, a Melbourne based health coach who spent close to fifteen years working as a zookeeper before turning to helping people. For most of three decades, Tully carried the effects of childhood sexual abuse without a name for it, showing up instead as depression, anxiety, and eventually a PTSD diagnosis. It was only in his forties, after his brother came forward with his own memories and pursued a case against their father, that Tully began to understand what he himself had survived. In this conversation, Tully shares what it was like to process decades of trauma later in life, the stretch of days he could not get out of bed that became his turning point, and the small, unglamorous practices that slowly rebuilt his life from the ground up. He and Ash talk about connection, letting people in, and what it means to parent well after having none of that modelled for you. This is a tender and deeply honest conversation about healing on your own timeline and choosing, every day, not to be defined by what happened to you. Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of child sexual abuse, please listen with care. Support services have been included in the episode show notes.  Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Tully Johns 06:33 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 07:00 Discovering the Abuse: A Four Year Old's Burden 14:11 His Brother's Case and the Public Fallout 18:13 Forty Years to Process What Happened 26:03 Finding Escape and Purpose Through Animals 32:05 The Catabasis: Hitting a Wall as a Stay at Home Dad 36:17 The Fake Smile That Started the Rebuild 38:16 One Word Journaling and Small Daily Wins 40:58 Movement as Medicine 45:57 Self Compassion Alongside Discipline 49:06 Reparenting the Four Year Old Within 53:01 Why Connection Changes Everything 01:00:40 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Tully using the links below:  Rebuild Body & Mind with Tully: https://www.skool.com/rebuild-with-tully-5411/abouttullyjohns.comRecovering From Childhood Trauma - How I got my life back: https://youtu.be/r0BwXJvU59QInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/tullyjohns/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61581593417290Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@tullyjohns Support Services If this episode has brought anything up for you, support is available: Blue Knot Helpline provides specialist support for adult survivors of childhood trauma and abuse. Call 1300 657 380.1800RESPECT provides free, confidential counselling and support for anyone impacted by sexual violence. Call 1800 737 732 or text 0458 737 732, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.Bravehearts provides information and support relating specifically to child sexual abuse. Call 1800 272 831, Monday to Friday, 8:30am to 4:30pm AEST.Lifeline provides crisis support 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Call 13 11 14. Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Retreats The Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out More A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027  Email [email protected] for more information Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Suzi Raleigh, a recovery advocate and budding author who is now 32 years sober. Suzi started drinking at 13, was misdiagnosed for years with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and survived multiple psychiatric hospitalisations and several near death experiences before her father encouraged her to try 12 Step Recovery in 1993. She has not had a drink since. In this conversation, Suzi shares what it was like to live with a loneliness she calls the ache, the moment her drinking finally stopped being explained away by mental illness, and how discovering codependency twelve years into sobriety changed the entire trajectory of her recovery. She and Ash explore what it really means to be a recovering rescuer, the boundaries work that continues decades in, and the unique approach Suzi now teaches through her upcoming book, naming, taming and nurturing the different inner personalities that drive addiction and codependency. It is a warm, funny and wise conversation about what it looks like to keep growing long after the drinking stops. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Suzi Raleigh 06:09 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 07:25 Growing Up in a Pub and the First Drink at Thirteen 10:19 The Ache: Naming the Loneliness Underneath 12:04 The First Hospitalisation and Years of Misdiagnosis 23:04 Her Father's Suggestion and the First AA Meeting 25:01 What the First Twelve Months of Sobriety Looked Like 27:06 Becoming a Recovering Rescuer 28:48 Discovering Codependency at Twelve Years Sober 30:11 High Functioning Codependency and the Auto-Fix Reflex 37:21 Marrying a Man Twenty Years Sober and Growing Together 42:57 Naming the Inner Characters: Suzy the Floozy and Beyond 01:00:39 Reclaiming Little Tootie and Becoming Her Own Best Friend 01:05:25 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life You can connect with Suzi on her Tik Tok or reach out via email - [email protected]  Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Retreats The Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out More A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027  Email [email protected] for more information Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Support Services If this conversation has brought anything up for you, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Support is always available. You can reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for mental health support and guidance, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 for free counselling. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Katrina Loewe, a mum of three boys who lived 47 years in internal chaos before a spiritual awakening turned her life around. On the outside, Katrina had everything, a beautiful family, a beautiful home, and a life many would envy. On the inside, she was drowning in perfectionism, shame she had carried since her teens, and a growing disconnection from herself that eventually led her through four hospitalisations in the space of nine and a half weeks. Katrina shares what it was like to hit a point where nothing external could fix her anymore, the moment she finally reached out for real help, and how meditation, connection, and a complete willingness to change gave her a life she had never known was possible. She talks openly about perfectionism, people pleasing, the shame of being away from her children while seeking treatment, and what it means to finally feel at peace in your own life. This is a moving conversation about what transformation can look like when it has nothing to do with rock bottom in the traditional sense, and everything to do with finally coming home to yourself. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Katrina Loewe 05:14 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 08:52 A Wholesome Childhood and the First Signs of Not Fitting In 13:14 A Difficult Family Holiday and Years of Carrying Shame 26:20 Becoming a Stepmum, IVF, and Chasing "I'll Be Happy When" 30:52 Suffocating Behind a Perfect Life 33:22 Losing Her Father and the Grief She Never Processed 36:43 The Trip Around Australia and the Start of the Unravelling 38:04 When Drinking Crept In 40:53 Four Hospitals in Nine and a Half Weeks 46:13 The Instagram Post That Changed Everything 51:20 What Her Relationship with Alcohol Looks Like Today 57:19 Releasing the Shame and Living Without Apology 01:00:16 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Upcoming Retreats: The Embodied Woman | Gold Coast | April 21 - 25, 2027 A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email [email protected] for more details! Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Fresh from running her retreat in Bali, Ash is back with another solo episode exploring  why so many of us feel disconnected from ourselves, and how a simple daily spiritual practice can help us step off the hamster wheel and come back to what truly matters. Inspired from the practices she was sharing on retreat, Ash shares what sadhana really means, the difference between filling your life with more things to do and creating practices that genuinely support you, and how meditation, pranayama, breathwork, yoga and stillness can become part of your everyday life. Ash also takes you behind the scenes of the retreat, from temple visits and Agni Hotra to kirtan, floating sound healing, sauna, cold plunges and the power of sisterhood. She reflects on how sobriety and recovery opened the door to a life she once could not have imagined, and why she now considers facilitating retreats her dream job. This episode is for anyone who feels exhausted from constantly doing, achieving or performing, yet still feels as though something is missing. You do not need to attend a retreat or completely overhaul your life to begin. Transformation can start with ten quiet minutes, one honest question or a single practice that brings you back to yourself each day. Ash also shares details of her upcoming retreats in Bali, Melbourne and the Gold Coast, including the newly announced A Sacred Return retreat in 2027. Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Sanjay, a father in recovery who has been sober for 21 years. Born in Uganda, raised in London and now living in Melbourne, Sanjay grew up watching his father drink before taking his own first drink at fifteen. He spent the next two decades chasing that initial feeling through alcohol, drugs and gambling, while his life quietly unravelled behind the scenes. In this conversation, Sanjay shares the unexpected moment a psychiatrist broke through every wall he had built, what it took to finally surrender, and why getting sober was only the beginning. He opens up about losing his father to alcoholism, navigating divorce without returning to old behaviours, and the role yoga and spirituality have played in helping him continue to grow. But the real secret to Sanjay’s 21 years of sobriety has been getting out of himself. Through service, connection and giving back to the recovery community, he has found a sense of purpose that has carried him through every season of life. This is a warm and honest conversation about why sobriety cannot be sustained in isolation, and how helping others may be one of the most powerful ways we help ourselves. Episode chapters: 00:08 Introducing Sanjay 04:39 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in London 07:48 Growing Up: A Father's Drinking and Life on Eggshells 10:49 A Refugee Identity and the Feeling of Not Belonging 13:07 The First Drink at Fifteen and Why He Loved It 17:15 Chasing the Feeling: Rave Culture, Drugs and Excess 19:37 When the Consequences Started to Show Up 23:57 Rock Bottom: Isolated, Broke and Calling Crisis Lines at 2am 26:22 The Health Insurance Letter and the Road to the Priory 29:02 The Psychiatrist Who Saw a Little Boy 31:06 Surrender Day: January 13, 2005 36:50 What Happened Inside the Priory 38:12 Building the Foundation: Big Book Recovery and Service 52:43 Whack-a-Mole: What Comes Up When You Put the Drink Down 56:47 Yoga, Chanting and the Practices That Quieten the Noise 59:35 What Recovery Looks Like 21 Years In Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Dr. Edith Shiro, a clinical psychologist and author who has spent more than three decades working with trauma survivors, refugees, and communities navigating profound adversity. She is also the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors and Syrian refugees, and that lived experience sits at the heart of everything she does. In this conversation, Dr. Shiro and Ash explore what trauma really means, how it shows up in perfectionism, people pleasing, dissociation, and addiction, and why so many people move through life not realising they are carrying wounds at all.  Dr. Shiro also touches on her five-stage framework for post-traumatic growth, including the science behind why spirituality changes the brain and how individuals can transform their pain into purpose.  We will all experience trauma in some form. This conversation is about what you choose to do with it, and whether you allow it to define you. Episode chapters: 00:22 Introducing Dr. Edith Shiro 02:03 What Trauma Really Means 03:35 Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn 06:32 Minimizing Trauma: When You Don't Think You Qualify 07:56 Micro Traumas and How They Accumulate Over Time 10:22 Dissociation: The Protective Tool That Keeps Us Stuck 13:25 The Invisible Armor and the Emptiness Underneath 17:41 The Universal Wounds: Shame, Rejection, and Not Belonging 20:53 The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Book and the Title 23:06 Why Two People Can Experience the Same Trauma So Differently 27:47 Intergenerational Trauma and the Science of Epigenetics 29:29 Becoming the Intergenerational Alchemist 30:52 Radical Acceptance: The Hardest and Most Essential First Step 31:43 The Parallel Between Stage One and Step One 36:21 Why We Lie: Fear, Shame, and the Double Life 39:10 Why Spirituality Is Essential for Post-Traumatic Growth 41:45 Turning Pain into Purpose 45:55 Dr. Edith's Own Spiritual Practice 49:25 There Is Hope and There Is a Way Out Connect with Dr. Edith below: Instagram  Website Linkedin The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Path to Posttraumatic Growth by Dr. Edith Shiro Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Mark Purser, a yoga teacher, meditation guide, and founder of the Yogic Meditation Institute, based in Byron Bay. With over 20 years of study across almost every major yoga tradition, Mark brings a rare depth of knowledge to his teaching. But behind all of that wisdom is a story of years spent swinging between intense spiritual practice and alcohol, trying to find a way out that didn't involve fully surrendering. In this conversation, Mark shares the moment his last drink became his last, alone in a national park on his birthday with no phone reception and a choice to make. He and Ash explore the relationship between yoga philosophy and 12-step recovery, the power of stillness as a daily practice, and why Yoga Nidra remains the one tool he would never give up. This is a conversation for anyone looking to understand what it really takes to build a life rooted in meaning, community, and presence. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Mark Purser 03:29 Life in Byron Bay: Surfing, Tango, and Sadhana 07:04 How Tango Became a Moving Meditation 10:00 Scent of a Woman and the Seed That Was Planted 12:07 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Byron Bay 15:15 Yoga Without the Inner Work 18:31 The Tango Class, the Pub, and the Night It All Unravelled 21:28 Being a Dad and the Shame of a Blackout 26:29 The Last Drink: Alone in the Bush on His Birthday 29:44 Choosing Sydney Over the Pub 31:49 The Balance Between Horror and Hope 33:05 A Cousin 35 Years Sober and the Power of Living Proof 35:29 Why Ash Resisted AA and What Changed 37:13 The Gift of Desperation 45:00 Where Yoga Philosophy and the 12 Steps Meet 51:48 Why He Still Needs Help After 15 Years 53:44 The Stillness Practice and Why It Changes Everything 57:45 Yoga Nidra: The One Tool He Would Never Give Up 59:39 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Mark below: www.bambooyogabyron.com  Instagram Podcast: The Gentle Revolution Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Getting sober gave Alexandra McRobert more than freedom from alcohol, it gave her the clarity to explore who she truly was. Despite having dated men and previously being married to a man, it was during a deep meditation that Alex came to the life changing realisation that she was a lesbian. Alexandra is a yoga teacher, author, and founder of the Mindful Life Practice and Mindful Bali Yoga School. She got sober in 2019 after years of drinking her way through life in the Middle East, where securing her next drink had quietly become the centre of everything she did. In this conversation, Alexandra shares how sobriety created space for her sexuality to unfold, the assault that cracked her life open and propelled her to build the yoga shala she had always dreamed of, and why she created the sober community she wished had existed when she needed it most. Alexandra and Ash also explore the profound overlap between yoga philosophy and the 12 Steps, and what becomes possible when you stop numbing long enough to hear the truth of who you are. TW: This episode contains discussion of assault. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Alexandra McRobert 03:09 Life in Ubud: Yoga, Pilates and Kirtan 04:34 How Bali Called Her In 06:19 A Marriage That Lasted Two Months 09:08 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Morocco 11:42 When Alcohol Consumes Everything 13:08 The Rock Bottom in a Classroom in Abu Dhabi 16:12 Deciding to Get Sober on the Plane Home 18:00 Getting Sober Without Traditional 12-Step Access 19:54 Finding Community Through an Online Sobriety Group 22:35 How COVID Gave Birth to Sober Girls Yoga 24:02 Why Yoga and Sobriety Are the Same Thing 26:23 The Yoga Sutras and the 12 Steps 28:19 Ahimsa and Satya: Love Everyone and Tell the Truth 30:07 Building a Life and a Business in Bali 32:00 Being Drugged and Assaulted: The Turning Point 34:33 Building the Shala and Starting Kirtan 36:11 Trusting the Universe Over the Plan 38:19 How Alcohol Shaped Her Relationships and Marriage 40:19 Coming Out as Queer 43:11 The Vipassana That Changed Everything 51:48 Kirtan, Meditation, and Moving Through Self-Hatred 55:45 Craniosacral Therapy and What the Body Holds 58:01 What Daily Life Rooted in Presence Looks Like 01:02:13 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Alexandra below: Check out Alexandra’s Substack here.  Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week, Shannan Walsh, lived in the grip of addiction for 18 years. It took her from alcohol and drugs to crime, prison, homelessness and a relationship that nearly cost her life. Eventually, she reached a point where there was nowhere left to run. In this raw conversation, Shannan shares what it took to survive, get sober and rebuild her life from the ground up. She speaks about motherhood, violence, shame, spirituality and the slow work of learning to trust herself again. Shannan’s story is confronting, but it is also a hopeful reminder that recovery is possible.  TW: This episode contains discussion of family violence and suicide.  Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Shannan Walsh 03:23 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 04:39 A Life Built Around the Drink 07:06 What Shannon Was Like Before Alcohol 08:05 Early Depression and the Hole in the Soul 09:51 When Drugs Entered the Picture 11:00 Ecstasy, Meth, and the Escalation of Addiction 13:22 Crime, Violence, and Running on Rage 18:07 Where Did That Anger Come From? 18:34 Withdrawal, Seizures, and Drinking Against Her Will 20:07 Coming Out of Prison and Falling Pregnant 22:08 Trying to Do the Normal Thing 27:46 The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 29:59 The Day Intuition Saved Her Children's Lives 33:22 The Attempted Attack and the Fire 35:32 Homeless, in Court, and Holding It Together 39:22 The Verdict and the Aftermath 41:15 The Spiritual Awakening That Cracked Her Open 43:51 Morning Routines, Journaling, and the Small Things That Built Her Back 45:00 12 Step Meetings, Sober Apps, and Finding Community 47:02 Studying Addiction and Training to Be a Counselor 47:55 Navigating Cravings Through Strength Training and Presence 50:52 Sitting with the Discomfort of Sobriety 56:05 Feeling Behind and Finding Her Place 57:20 How the Embodied Woman Retreat Restored Her Faith in Women 59:16 Spiritual Practices That Keep Her Connected 01:02:03 Learning to Pray and Finding a Higher Power 01:04:13 Emotional Regulation and the Biggest Shift of All 01:06:00 Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and the Journey Home 01:07:00 The Gift of Being Present with Her Children 01:10:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannantayla/ Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does rock bottom really feel like? How do you find your purpose, build a life that keeps you grounded, and learn to trust that even your hardest experiences are leading you somewhere? In this latest “Ask Me Anything” episode, Ash answers six deeply personal questions about sobriety, spirituality, friendship, marriage, purpose and the practices that continue to shape her life. From the moment everything changed on Valentine’s Day 2020 to the words she wishes she could offer her younger self, Ash shares the truth behind who she is today, what she has learnt along the way, and why she no longer believes life is happening to her, but for her. If you’re on your own transformation journey, or navigating the messy middle between who you were and who you’re becoming, this episode is for you.  Episode chapters: 00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement 01:13 Welcome and a Wintery Melbourne Morning 03:31 Q1: The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 08:10 Entering Rehab and Learning to Sit with Discomfort 12:42 Finding Hope in 12-Step Recovery 15:09 Why Ash Stays Sober Today 17:31 Q2: Finding Purpose After Leaving the Corporate World 19:56 How Sobriety, Meditation, Breathwork, and Yoga Revealed Her Path 22:16 Q3: Daily Practices That Have Had the Biggest Impact 24:36 Readings, Journaling, Two-Way Prayer, and Gratitude 27:02 Movement as an Act of Self-Love 29:25 The Power of Monthly Breathwork 31:37 Q4: How Sobriety Changed Friendships, Relationships, and Marriage 33:51 Letting Go of Old Social Scenes 36:12 Building a Healthy, Sober Partnership 38:37 Q5: The Biggest Lesson Learned Through Adversity 41:01 Q6: What Would You Tell Your Younger Self? 43:29 A Letter to Little Ash Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.