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You know why you’re anxious in relationships. You can trace the patterns back to childhood. But when someone pulls away, you’re right back in that familiar place: “Please choose me. Please don’t leave.” Then another part of you says, “I hate that I need you this much.” This week, I’m joined by Ann Weiser Cornell, a worldwide authority on Focusing and co-developer of Inner Relationship Focusing, to explore why understanding your attachment wounds doesn’t always change what happens when they’re triggered—and how to begin building a different relationship with the parts of you that are hurting. Ann shares her own journey with alcohol addiction and how Inner Relationship Focusing helped her change her relationship with herself. We also explore what it means to meet your feelings with compassionate presence, including the inner conflict between desperately wanting love and feeling ashamed of needing it. Together, we discuss:• How early experiences of love and emotional safety can shape adult relationship patterns.• The longing underneath thoughts like “I’ll never be loved.”• Why one part of you can crave closeness while another struggles to trust it.• How “I should be over this” affects your relationship with your wounded parts.• What Inner Relationship Focusing looks like in practice.• How to begin making room for yourself—and for love—without forcing your feelings to change. Ann is the bestselling author of The Power of Focusing and co-author of Untangling: How You Can Transform What’s Impossibly Stuck. She has taught Focusing in more than 20 countries over the past 30 years. If you’re tired of understanding your patterns but still feeling caught in them, this conversation offers a compassionate place to begin. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call https://www.instagram.com/focusingresources/ https://focusingresources.com/welcome-to-focusing-resources/?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAcGRvZgJzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA85MzY2MTk3NDMzOTI0NTkAAacFsDLV5wKT_A99DeMTsQzzCW4q6Ww1sAK4lpQQxeEabh5XfkGwUPfghVkvmg_aem_0DJcDSyVF3Wes5Cu1QfFGA Check out The Anxiety Recovery Podcast's Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/theanxietyrecoverypodcast/Check out Valerie's Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

You know something needs to change. But what if you regret it? What if the people you love think you’re making a mistake? And how are you supposed to trust yourself when decisions you felt so sure about haven’t worked out before? This week, relationship coach Travis Ambrose joins me to explore how to trust yourself when you don’t know what’s next. From relationships to career changes and starting over, we talk about navigating life’s pivots and uncertainty, finding your authentic voice, and moving forward when there’s no guarantee. We get into: • Recognizing when it’s time to change direction, even when nothing is obviously wrong• Making decisions when your fears, your own judgment, and everyone else’s opinions get tangled together• Rebuilding self trust after choices you’ve labeled “wrong”• Exploring who you are beyond other people’s expectations• Connecting with your inner child and rediscovering what you love• The Artist’s Way and using three morning pages for self discovery• Working with your inner critic and connecting with Self through parts work• The role of faith in self trust and finding peace in uncertainty If you’re craving a new chapter but feel terrified to take the first step, this conversation offers space to explore what’s calling you forward and how to begin trusting yourself along the way. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie's Mental health/business page here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Connect with & follow the anxiety recovery podcast with more clips of the show on Instagram here https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Connect with Travis on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/travisambrosecoach/ https://www.travisambrose.com/ https://open.spotify.com/episode/0aqLi5twZA3Bixh0clTnGV?si=361c6d914425456f

Have you ever held back what you REALLY wanted to say because you were afraid someone wouldn’t like you anymore? Or had someone say no to your offer and immediately thought, “What am I doing wrong? Am I charging too much? Maybe I’m just not good at this.” Oof. That fear of not being chosen can show up in your business just as much as it does in your relationships. 😅 In this episode, I’m talking with Human Design business mentor Jackie Smythe about understanding yourself, trusting your body, and the fear that comes up when you let people see who you actually are. Jackie shares how learning about her Human Design changed her life and business, helped her recognize that her previous marriage no longer felt aligned, and eventually led her from Pennsylvania to Tulum, Mexico. We talk about what Human Design is, what Jackie describes as your soul’s language and blueprint, the “not self” theme for each type, and how to find your strategy and authority. And we get into the questions that come up when you’re putting yourself out there: Does your sales approach actually need to change, or did that interaction bring up something painful? What does selling as yourself even LOOK like? What happens when you stop trying so hard to be chosen and start trusting the way you naturally connect with people? We also talk about projectors and the need for recognition, speaking your truth, and being afraid that the real you might be “too much” for someone. If you’ve ever watered yourself down to keep a relationship or tried to figure out who you need to be to make someone buy, you’re going to want to hear this one. ❤️ If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call https://www.instagram.com/iamjackiesmythe/ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ignite-your-voice/id1665751181https://theblueprint.mykajabi.com/the-2027-club?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAcGRvZgRzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAwyNTYyODEwNDA1NTgAAacYF2RJTEJJRDnoOWEiSh89WtG7KlaCTk5OYl5GaB1Y-6Pp8Q6K_GaKslLW1g_aem_0GokHdQftkoZHYGLF0R7yw&utm_id=97760_v0_s00_e0_tv6_a1dennh2b48xa5 Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Follow the new Instagram account for The Anxiety Recovery Podcast for more clips from the show here:https://www.instagram.com/theanxietyrecoverypodcast/

Why do you sometimes keep eating when you’re already physically full? And how can you feel okay about your body one day, then hate what you see in the mirror the next, even though nothing has changed? This week, I’m joined by Stephanie Mara, MA, Somatic Nutritional Counselor, creator of Somatic Eating®, and host of the Satiated Podcast, to explore the connections between binge eating, emotional eating, body image, anxious attachment, and your nervous system. Stephanie shares her experience with IBS and what shifted when she began listening to her body differently. Together, we talk about how early experiences of being cared for can shape our relationship with food, how different nervous system states affect eating and body image, and why shame can make these patterns harder to untangle. We also explore feeling physically full without feeling satisfied, how food can become a source of comfort and safety, and unlearning diet culture when its rules still live in your head. Stephanie explains titration and how to reconnect with your body at a pace you can tolerate, including finding joy in that connection, even when it feels far away. One of my favorite moments was our conversation about “of course.” Of course you wanted comfort. Of course you reached for something that helped. That understanding opens up a different conversation than “What’s wrong with me?” If you’re exhausted from fighting with food or waiting for your body to change before you can feel good in it, this episode is for you. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together here: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Stephanie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_stephaniemara/ Check out Stephanie's Somatic Eating Program here: https://somaticeating.com/ Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Check out the new anxiety recovery podcast instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/theanxietyrecoverypodcast/

Why is it SO easy to flirt with someone you don’t really care about, but the second you actually like someone, suddenly you forget how to be a human? 😂 In this episode, I’m joined by Benjamin Camras, aka The Flirt Coach, to break down how to ACTUALLY flirt without performing, overthinking every interaction, or making your entire dating experience about one question: “Do they like me?” Because when you struggle with dating anxiety or anxious attachment, attraction can feel incredibly high stakes. You’re analyzing their texts, replaying the date in your head, wondering if you were too much, looking for signs they’re pulling away, and trying to figure out exactly what to say or do to keep them interested. But what if flirting isn’t about convincing someone to like you? What if it’s simply about becoming comfortable expressing attraction, creating connection, and staying curious about whether YOU actually like them? Benjamin breaks down what people misunderstand about flirting, why anxiety can kill our natural ability to connect, and the actual anatomy of good flirting, from eye contact, teasing, compliments and physical attraction to creating emotional, spiritual and energetic connection. We also get into how flirting differs across cultures, whether flirting can be learned if you’ve always considered yourself awkward or “bad at dating,” masculine/feminine energetics during dating + how those dynamics can look different within LGBTQIA+ relationships. If you’ve ever left a date thinking, “Did they like me? Was I awkward? Did I say too much? Why haven’t they texted me?” Then this episode is for you. In this episode, we get into: ✨ Why you suddenly forget how to flirt when you ACTUALLY like someone ✨ How dating anxiety and anxious attachment interfere with attraction and connection ✨ The biggest misconception people have about flirting ✨ How to stop obsessing over “Do they like me?” and start asking “Do I like THEM?” ✨ How to flirt if you feel awkward, shy, anxious or terrified of rejection ✨ Eye contact, teasing, compliments, touch and other ways we create chemistry ✨ Emotional, spiritual, energetic and physical ways of connecting w/someone ✨ Why flirting can look completely different across cultures ✨ Masculine and feminine energy in dating, courtship and LGBTQIA+ relationships How to heal the fear of rejection and the fear of uncertainty in early stages of datingFlirting doesn’t have to be a performance designed to make someone want you. Sometimes it’s simply having the courage to say, “I’m attracted to you. I’m going to let you see that. And I don’t need to know exactly what happens next.” If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: ⁠https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call⁠ Connect with Benjamin on Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/p/DWFFiVZk8jj/⁠ Follow Benjamin's podcast here: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/3Ti023cM762SVaQOZrdWlv?si=dd2c0f32a18046dd⁠ Check out Benjamin's products/1:1 here:⁠https://stan.store/benjamincamras?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAcGRvZgJleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA85MzY2MTk3NDMzOTI0NTkAAafWP1g89CSX1XN-_QGtPHgEcKAD_SB8MUodbtwMlkruinxpJo30N4Qheo23oA_aem_O2j3FSLm8xQvgRE4XnBwjA⁠

What happens when you meet a friend and your body recognizes them before your mind can understand why? In this episode, Reiki practitioner and art teacher Ashley McCabe takes us into the exact moment she met the person she describes as “the other half of her soul.” She shares the psychic sensations, immediate knowing, and synchronicities that made this friendship feel like she was meeting her soul in another body. We explore how disconnected Ashley felt from her own soul before meeting this person and how that disconnection had been showing up in her relationships, creativity, body, and everyday life. She reveals what she saw in this friend that felt like looking directly at herself, what the connection cracked open inside her, and the first parts of her old life that began falling apart afterward. Ashley opens up about her Kundalini awakening, Saturn return, cycle syncing, communication through dreams, and the strange synchronicities that appeared throughout this chapter of her life. We also discuss the book Journey of Souls, the veil of the in between, psychic sensations, and the possibility that some connections reach far beyond what we can logically explain. But how do you know whether an intense connection is truly soul-deep or actually a trauma bond? Ashley shares how she began discerning the difference, what it cost her to remain disconnected from herself, and whether she ever confused the person who awakened her with the source of the awakening. We talk about the fear of losing the person who reflected you back to yourself, and the fear that without them, you might also lose the version of yourself they helped you discover. Ashley shares the first signs that your soul may be trying to redirect your life, why that redirection can require you to outgrow people, and how Reiki can help you hear your own truth beneath fear, conditioning, and other people’s expectations. Ultimately, Ashley realized that this friendship hadn’t given her a soul. It had reflected her own soul back to her. Do we meet “our soul in another body” so we can keep that person forever, or so we can finally recognize who we have been all along? If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Ashley on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ashleysartapothecary/ Connect with Ashley on Tik tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ashleysartapothecary4 Check out Ashley's website and products here: https://www.ashleysartapothecary.com/?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAcGRvZgJleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA85MzY2MTk3NDMzOTI0NTkAAaclkuPPZZRTl20vWdmYYtBiQ1t0KS8YNkmEEpNFWIIES1LY4SXOhS1Ksiv3jg_aem_xU7BdtLUqWUcrtNP_7Uxog https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

What if the anxiety, overwhelm, emotional intensity, and difficulty dealing with uncertainty you’ve been struggling with are actually connected to ADHD? In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by Theresa Lear Levine to unpack what ADHD can really look like in adult women, especially the symptoms that often get overlooked, misunderstood, or mistaken for anxiety. We talk about why so many women go years without realizing they have ADHD, what emotional dysregulation can feel like from the inside, and why understanding your ADHD intellectually doesn’t always mean you know what to do when your nervous system becomes overwhelmed. Theresa also shares her own experience with ADHD and the struggles happening behind the scenes before she understood what was going on. We dive into: The misunderstood signs of ADHD in adult womenWhy ADHD in women is so often missedADHD vs. anxiety and where the two overlapWhat ADHD can look like emotionallyWhy uncertainty can feel so difficult with ADHDShame, overwhelm, and learning to give yourself more graceWhat happens in the body during emotional dysregulationThe role of the nervous system in working with ADHDHow Theresa uses EFT/tapping in her workWhat emotional regulation can realistically look like when you have ADHDIf you’ve ever wondered, “Is this anxiety, or could I have ADHD?” or you understand your patterns but still struggle to change what happens when you’re overwhelmed, this conversation will give you a completely different way to understand what may be happening underneath the surface. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Join Theresa's Skool Community here: https://www.skool.com/@theresalearlevine Connect with Theresa on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/theresalearlevine/

Why does the thought of someone leaving feel so unbearable, even when you KNOW you’ll be okay? In this episode, Sarah Shiffman interviews me about what’s actually happening underneath the fear of abandonment and anxious attachment, and why understanding your patterns intellectually often isn’t enough to change them. We dive into how fear of abandonment gets stored in the nervous system, why your body can react to distance, rejection, or someone pulling away like it’s a genuine threat, and how somatic work can help you build the capacity to feel safe even when you don’t have reassurance from someone else. We talk about: • Why fear of abandonment can feel so intense in your body • The connection between anxious attachment and nervous system dysregulation • Why you can understand WHY you’re triggered and still struggle to change the pattern • How Brainspotting can help you process attachment wounds at a deeper level • Using breathwork and nervous system regulation to build more capacity for difficult emotions • Adult self anchoring and learning to access the part of you that knows, “I can handle this” • How protector parts develop and what can happen when you begin to unmask what they’re actually protecting • Pendulation and learning to move between discomfort and safety instead of becoming consumed by an emotion • Why healing isn’t about never getting triggered again, but changing your relationship with your triggers • What it can actually look like to heal the fear of abandonment and begin feeling more secure within yourself If you’ve ever felt like someone pulling away sends your entire nervous system into panic, found yourself obsessing over whether someone is going to leave, or wondered why all the self-awareness in the world hasn’t made your anxious attachment disappear, this episode is for you. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Connect with Sarah on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/youloveandyoulearn/

What if the voice in your head telling you that you need to do more, be better, or try harder isn’t actually helping you grow? In this episode, I’m joined by Mariana Durante for a vulnerable conversation about the inner critic, self-criticism, shame, and learning how to build a more compassionate relationship with yourself. We unpack what the inner critic actually sounds like in everyday life — and how easily self-criticism can disguise itself as ambition, high standards, self-awareness, or simply “wanting to be better.” We also dive into what happens when you spend years feeling like you’re never quite good enough, how the way you speak to yourself can influence your relationships and what you tolerate from other people, and what you may miss out on when so much of your life is spent trying to prove your worth. Mariana opens up about her own relationship with her inner critic, what it looked like at its worst, what she’s had to learn to forgive herself for, and what changed when she began developing a healthier relationship with herself. We also talk about: How to recognize when your inner critic is running the showThe difference between healthy ambition and self-criticismWhy being hard on yourself doesn’t necessarily help you become betterHow years of self-criticism can shape the way you see yourselfHow your relationship with yourself impacts your relationships with othersWhat to do when you find yourself in a shame spiralHow to practice self-compassion when you don’t believe the kind things you’re telling yourself yetHow to work WITH your inner critic instead of letting it control youWhat a healthy inner voice actually sounds likeHow to stop making decisions from “I’m not enough”Where to begin if you’re exhausted from constantly criticizing yourselfIf you’ve spent years feeling like you need to fix yourself, prove yourself, or become a better version of yourself before you’re finally allowed to feel good enough, this conversation is for you. Because healing isn’t just about changing the way you think about yourself, it’s about changing the relationship you have with the person you spend every single day with: you. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Why do so many people say they want healthy love… yet keep ending up in the same painful relationship patterns? In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I'm joined by Livia Rismondo and Nathan Francis for an honest conversation about the psychology of self-sabotage in relationships. We explore why so many people unconsciously push away healthy love, chase emotionally unavailable partners, and repeat the same dating patterns—even when they desperately want something different. Together, we unpack what self-sabotage actually looks like beneath the surface, why fear can disguise itself as intuition, and how anxious attachment, subconscious conditioning, and a lack of inner freedom shape the way we show up in love. We also share personal stories of recognizing our own relationship patterns, discuss the habits that create lasting emotional change, and explore what it truly means to date from your highest self rather than from old survival patterns. In this episode, we discuss: Why you keep repeating the same relationship patterns with different peopleThe psychology behind self-sabotage in dating and relationshipsHow anxious attachment influences who you're attracted toThe difference between intuition and fearWhy healthy relationships can sometimes feel uncomfortableSigns you're repeating a subconscious pattern instead of choosing love consciouslyHow lacking inner freedom affects your relationshipsThe role of healthy habits in creating emotional healingHow to stop sabotaging healthy love and build secure relationshipsWhat it looks like to date from your highest self instead of your woundsHow to stop unhealthy / negative habits If you've ever found yourself asking, "Why do I keep ending up in the same relationship?" or "Why do I push away the love I say I want?" This episode will help you understand what's really happening beneath the surface and give you practical insights to begin breaking the cycle. Whether you're healing anxious attachment, recovering from toxic relationships, or learning how to create healthy, secure love, this conversation will leave you with a deeper understanding of yourself and a clearer path forward.Listen to Valerie on Nathan's podcast and we talked more about healing your anxious attachment style here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2rz6kS4uhFSDWwysYti5nF?si=hxsdE3SxRpmaGlRQmm79kQ Listen to Valerie on Livia's Podcast - Healing Anxious Attachment and Setting Boundaries as a People Pleaser: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4NUzBinhBLYaiC3obr7dyz?si=sMdFvkrWQCG1BLgbSuA0AA

Have you ever felt like you've always been anxious? Not because of one breakup or one traumatic event, but as long as you can remember, almost like you've "always been this way"? In this episode, I sit down with Haile Tanner, Family Constellation Facilitator, nervous system coach & emotional processing practitioner, to explore how anxious attachment, chronic anxiety, and repeating life patterns may be rooted in something much deeper than your own experiences. We dive into the world of Family Constellation Therapy, generational trauma, and legacy burdens, the unconscious emotional burdens that can be passed through families from one generation to the next. Together, we explore how these inherited patterns can shape your relationships, self-worth, anxiety, and even the way you experience love. Haile shares how Family Constellations invite us to ask a powerful question: "Is this actually mine?" We discuss why some people feel like they're carrying an invisible weight they can't explain, why the same relationship, emotional, financial, or health patterns often repeat across generations, and how healing can begin when you finally put down a burden that was never yours to carry. I also share my own experience of healing inherited family patterns through somatic therapy and how releasing ancestral burdens created shifts that years of insight alone never did. In one of the most vulnerable parts of our conversation, Haile also shares her personal journey of healing after two abortions and how Family Constellation Therapy helped her process grief, reconnect with herself, and find healing in a way she never expected. If you've spent years trying to heal your anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, or chronic anxiety but still feel like something deeper is keeping you stuck, this conversation offers a powerful new lens for understanding your healing journey. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to subscribe to The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear that they may not be broken, they may simply be carrying something that was never theirs to begin with. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Listen to the podcast Val was mentioning about how she healed ancestral trauma through brainspotting with the Developer of Brainspotting - David Grand: https://open.spotify.com/episode/67Ky3uoNceomDC1stdT59R?si=930245b9da314ea3 Listen to the podcast Val was mentioning about how she healed the Fear of Being Jewish with Ari Kantor here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0nzOvzFkZzpkI6dpGQXv8e?si=6f0c95adf20a4485 Join Haile's Anxious To Secure Challenge here: https://stan.store/HealingwithHaile/p/secure-by-summer-challenge Connect with Haile on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithhaile/?hl=en Connect with Haile on Tik tok here: https://www.tiktok.com/@healingwithhaile Connect with Haile on Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/@HealingwithHaile Check out Haile's Website here: Anxiousattachmentstyle.com

In this episode, I sit down with registered dietitian Alex Long to have an honest conversation about what it's really like to live with avoidant attachment & what it took for her to become more securely attached. Alex shares what relationships felt like in her body before healing, the fears that kept her emotionally distant, and why avoidantly attached people often care deeply but don't know how to stay close. We also talk about the turning points after her divorce that changed everything, how solo travel helped her build trust in herself, and why healing self-worth goes far beyond affirmations and positive thinking. We also discuss: ❤️‍🩹 What avoidant attachment actually feels like beneath the surface ❤️‍🩹 The hidden fears that drive emotional distance and withdrawal ❤️‍🩹 Why avoidantly attached people often crave connection more than they admit ❤️‍🩹 The patterns Alex had to stop repeating before real healing could begin ❤️‍🩹 How learning to trust herself transformed the way she showed up in relationships ❤️‍🩹 The practices that helped her tolerate intimacy instead of running from it ❤️‍🩹 What healing self-worth actually looked like beyond affirmations and positive thinking ❤️‍🩹 How becoming more securely attached changed the way she chooses relationships today Whether you're avoidantly attached yourself or you're trying to better understand someone you love, this conversation offers an honest, compassionate look at what healing avoidant attachment can actually look like & why lasting change is possible. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Connect with Alex on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/alex.undefined_/If you enjoyed this conversation, be sure to check out Alex's first appearance on the podcast: Healing your anxious attachment to your body, food, & Health: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2z1MjuuiaD9Lt3jcbdNlUm?si=yxB8RJNuTJiRP6NGSnGYlg Listen to me on Alex's podcast - The truth about your attachment: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5zhG37lvxm9pfUicS4neDM?si=4hBTJwDbSlqPaL1sRxfRkA

What if your fear of abandonment, people pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, or attraction to emotionally unavailable partners didn't start in your adult relationships... but in the family you grew up in? In this episode, I'm joined by Andrea Ashley, host of The Adult Child Podcast, for a raw and honest conversation about growing up in a dysfunctional family, healing from childhood emotional wounds, and breaking the patterns that quietly follow so many of us into adulthood. Andrea opens up about her experience growing up with addiction in her family, the impact it had on her nervous system and relationships, her journey to sobriety, and what it took to stop carrying the weight of everyone else's emotions. Together, we unpack why so many adult children become chronic people pleasers, caretakers, and fixers, why healthy relationships can feel unfamiliar, and the heartbreaking grief that often comes with realizing your parents may never become the parents you needed. In this episode, we discuss: ❤️‍🩹 What growing up in a dysfunctional family actually looks like (even if your childhood seemed "normal") ❤️‍🩹 The subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect that often go unnoticed ❤️‍🩹 Why adult children struggle with people pleasing, perfectionism, and feeling responsible for everyone else ❤️‍🩹 How dysfunctional family dynamics shape fear of abandonment and romantic relationships ❤️‍🩹 The connection between addiction, family roles, and survival patterns ❤️‍🩹 Why setting boundaries with family can feel so uncomfortable ❤️‍🩹 The grief of accepting your parents may never change ❤️‍🩹 Practical ways to begin healing your nervous system after a dysfunctional childhood If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "Maybe I'm just too sensitive," "Why do I always put everyone else first?" or "Why do I keep repeating the same relationship patterns?" this conversation will help you understand where those patterns came from and, more importantly, how to begin healing them. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Connect with Andrea on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adultchildpod/ Listen to Andrea's podcast episode featuring Valerie Wired for Abandonment: How Somatic Work Heals what Talk Therapy can't w/Valerie Rubin: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7GUy0N6LJq4tAZLuZgZTqi?si=Ft0UL4hMQ2-l1ChbqFrQmw Join Andrea's Healing Community here: https://theshitshow.mn.co/?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGn6iWE_Vg3B9abvwzjF3vD5go3oAQ_GZgtnzfKt8WxTEi4UW9CJ9en-MH2EAY_aem_8lwcE0CpcQBfuBUWmrLWrw

Why do some people constantly fear abandonment, need reassurance, or struggle to regulate their emotions? Why are anxiety and ADHD becoming more common? And how much of it can be traced back to our earliest relationships? In this episode, I sit down with child psychoanalyst Erica Komisar to explore how our earliest attachment experiences shape the way we relate to ourselves and others for the rest of our lives. We talk about why emotional regulation begins long before children have words, how chronic stress in infancy can impact the developing nervous system, and why many adults struggling in relationships today may actually be carrying unmet attachment needs from their earliest years. We also dive into some of today's biggest parenting debates, including sleep training, the unique roles of mothers and fathers, the importance of community in raising children, and what the research says about building secure attachment from the very beginning. Erica shares why love alone isn't always enough to create secure attachment, how children can be deeply loved and still develop insecure attachment, and why healing our own emotional wounds before becoming parents matters more than we often realize. We also discuss:• The foundations of secure attachment and emotional regulation• Why attachment trauma isn't always healed through insight alone• Generational patterns of anxiety and depression• The sensitivity gene and why some children are more vulnerable to stress• ADHD through the lens of chronic stress and nervous system development• Preverbal trauma and how it shows up in adult relationships• The signs of unmet attachment needs in adulthood• Why abandonment can feel life-threatening for some people• What secure attachment looks like in adult relationships• Practical ways parents can foster resilience, emotional regulation, and secure attachment in the first three years of life Whether you're trying to heal your own anxious attachment, better understand your childhood, or become the kind of parent who helps your child feel deeply safe, this conversation is filled with research-backed insights that can change the way you see both yourself and the people you love. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Connect with Erica by checking out her website: ericakomisar.com

In this episode, I sat down with artist and Shadow Mapping creator Kirstin Mitchell for a conversation about anxiety, uncertainty, and the parts of ourselves we spend so much energy trying to avoid. We talked about the fear of running out of money, why conflict can feel so threatening to the nervous system, and why anxious minds become so attached to certainty and control. We explored how our relationship with the unknown often has less to do with what's actually happening in the present and more to do with what our bodies learned was unsafe long ago. We also dove into the role of somatic healing, creativity, art, and expression in helping us process emotions that words alone often can't reach. I shared my own experience of returning home to Ohio to spend time with family and the unexpected emotions that surfaced during that transition, the grief, uncertainty, identity shifts, and the uncomfortable in-between that so many of us try to rush ourselves through. If you've ever felt like your anxiety needs answers before it can let you rest, if conflict feels bigger than it "should," or if uncertainty makes you feel like you're losing your footing, this conversation is for you. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ https://www.instagram.com/kirstinmitchell/