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Have you ever felt that you don’t quite fit in, without really knowing why? Andy Burrows felt that way from school into adulthood. He kept it to himself, struggled with his sense of identity and came to believe that perhaps this was simply how life felt. Sport gave him moments of relief, but entering a boxing gym in Belfast brought something different: the intense focus quietened his overthinking, while the people around him gave him a sense of belonging he had not experienced before. Andy talks about the importance of routine, camaraderie and having people who notice when you are absent. He explains why boxing is not inherently about violence or competition and how becoming a coach and helping younger people develop eventually meant more to him than his own fights and titles. His story offers a wider question for all of us: where do we find the activity, community or place that helps us feel more like ourselves?  We also discuss Here For You, the boxing programme he helped develop for healthcare workers in Nothern Ireland, and what someone can gain from a boxing club without ever stepping into the ring to fight.  Andy’s story is captured in Cornered, a compelling 15-minute documentary by Belfast filmmaker Will Craig, filmed at Canal Boxing Club in Lisburn, and shows Andy in his own world. He talks openly about how the training, the routine and above all the people at the club helped carry him through. It is not really a film about boxing. It is about finding your place and discovering what helps you keep going. Watch Cornered free on YouTube.

You’ve worked hard, built a career and done everything you're expected to do. Then you’re made redundant. Everyone says you’ll find something else, but what happens when every rejection leaves you questioning whether you have anything left to offer? Arun Kumar thought he’d finally made it: a director’s role, a new home and a young family. When redundancy came, his thoughts went straight to nursery fees, heating bills and the fear that he had failed his wife and children. Nobody had prepared him for this. His response was to work harder at finding another job until rewriting CVs, chasing recruiters and trying to become whoever employers wanted left him questioning his own identity and his role as a man.  Arun speaks honestly about the shame he hid, the resentment he felt at home and the point when losing his salary became confused with losing his worth. He shares what helped him interrupt that spiral, recognise the value he brought beyond a pay cheque and tackle difficult days one manageable step at a time. If redundancy has left you frightened, stuck or struggling to recognise yourself or someone you love is going through it, this conversation explores what can help when “just find another job” doesn’t begin to cover it.  Find out more about Arun, his book, UbU: Untitled by Unknown, and his approach to navigating these challenges at www.ubuobserver.com.

What happens when you lose the life you love—and discover that the freedom you’ve been chasing means something different from what you thought?  Mike Karame left a career in law to build a life he loved around horses, nature and adventure. For years, he felt he was where he belonged. Then his relationship with his father broke down, and he moved to Australia for a fresh start. Instead, his business collapsed. He lost his home and life savings, faced overwhelming debt and eventually found himself living in a caravan, cleaning toilets to get by. The contrast was hard to comprehend. How had he gone from flying over the Alps to feeling trapped, anxious and unable to sleep? And how could he find a way forward without getting his old life back? Mike joins me to talk about the choices, losses and unexpected lessons of a rollercoaster life. He shares what helped him through three years of trying to clear his debts, the support of his partner, and how he gradually found a sense of peace in circumstances he would never have chosen. We explore: Knowing when a life or career no longer feels right.Coping when starting again goes badly wrong.Questioning the childhood judgements that shape how you see yourself.Finding dignity in work others might dismiss.Making room for moments of calm while problems remain unresolved.Learning that losing what you have doesn’t make you worth less.Mike hasn’t returned to his former lifestyle. But his relationship with himself, and with what he needs to feel content, has changed. If you’re facing an unwanted change, comparing your life with how it used to be, or wondering how to begin again, there is plenty here to recognise. You can find out more about Mike and his memoir 'How to Lose a Life You Love' on his website https://mikekarame.com.

You may know Christian O’Connell’s voice from the Absolute Radio in the UK or his  eponymous breakfast show in Australia, but this conversation is about something many men find much harder than talking: admitting they’re struggling. The award-winning broadcaster and author joins me for an honest, insightful and often funny conversation about the pressures of midlife, feeling trapped by the person everyone expects you to be, and finding a way back to yourself.  Christian describes the panic attacks that left him unable to go on air, why he hid them for years, and his fear that opening up would make him look weak. He shares what changed when he finally sought help and how that experience led him to mentor other men navigating their own challenges. We explore why “Are you OK?” doesn’t always open a conversation, how to get beyond banter with your mates, and why being sensitive can be a strength. Christian also shares a simple “midlife inventory” to help you notice what drains you, what gives you energy, and where small changes could make a difference. Alongside reflections on his radio career in Britain and Australia, we discuss his new book, Unscript: The Radical Act of Being Yourself, and what it means to stop performing and connect more honestly with the people around you. If you’ve been saying “I’m fine” while feeling anything but, or wondering whether there’s more to life than meeting everyone else’s expectations, this episode will give you plenty to recognise — and reasons to feel hopeful. Find out more about Christian and Unscript: https://christianoconnell.com/

You might know when you want to retire. But what do you want your life to look like when you do? Long mornings, no commute, nobody telling you what to do. It sounds appealing. Yet work gives us more than we sometimes realise: people to talk to, a reason to get up, a sense of achievement and an answer to the question, “What do you do?” So what happens when all that changes? Chris Maduri joins me to explore the side of retirement we can easily overlook while counting down to our last day. We talk about feeling needed, losing touch with friends and interests, and why suddenly having all the time in the world can be surprisingly unsettling. And then there’s life at home. You may be looking forward to spending more time with your partner but have you talked about what being together every day will actually mean? We explore: • Who you are when your job title no longer introduces you. • How to build friendships when work stops providing them. • Sharing a home without losing your independence. • Trying something new without needing to be good at it. • Finding ways to contribute when you still have plenty to give. We also touch on money worries, but the question running through this conversation is bigger: what are you retiring to? Whether retirement is years away or you’re already wondering what comes next, listen for a different way to start planning: picture a week you’d genuinely enjoy living. Find out more about Chris: https://vibrantretirement.com/

Chaz Holesworth grew up in Kensington, Philadelphia, a neighbourhood gutted by poverty and an opioid crisis that hasn't let up since the 1980s. His father was a heroin addict for over 20 years. His mother, overwhelmed and unsupported, pulled the family into a fundamentalist born-again church that cut them off from the outside world, banned music and movies, and taught Chaz from age four that he was one sinful thought away from hell.  In this episode, Chaz talks about what it was like growing up in a condemned house with roaches and rats, dodging drug dealers and police raids on his own street, and how, underneath all of it, a stricter kind of damage was being done: guilt, fear, and an OCD compulsion to "cleanse" his own thoughts before he was allowed to pray.  We talk about the moment a random kid at an arcade played him R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion" and how that song, and the ones that came after, became the closest thing he had to a way out. We talk about his father's addiction, his own careful relationship with alcohol as an adult, the sister he lost to cancer, and the breakdown in his 20s; he says he still doesn't know how he survived.  Chaz has now written his story into a memoir series — Life and How to Live It — with each book named after an R.E.M. song. He talks candidly about why putting it on paper did what years of therapy couldn't, why he doesn't believe you get to "move past" your childhood so much as build a life alongside it, and what he'd say to anyone still carrying guilt for things that were never their fault to begin with.  This is a raw and honest conversation about poverty, religion, addiction, music, and what's left of a person once they've survived thier childhood trauma.  Find Chaz: Website: chazholesworthbooks.com Books: Life and How to Live It series, available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble  Content note: This conversation includes discussion of childhood trauma, poverty, heroin addiction, controlling religion, bereavement, OCD, suicidal thoughts and alcohol use.

In this episode, I do something I have never done before: I have my nails painted during the interview and agree to keep them that way for a week. My guest is Daniele Fiandaca, co-founder of Hard As Nails, a campaign inviting men to paint their nails to challenge some of the unwritten rules around masculinity, mental health and start conversations that might not otherwise happen. Even choosing the colour tells me something. Faced with several options, I instinctively reach for black because it feels the most “masculine”. I eventually settle on dark charcoal, but the question remains: why should four layers of nail polish feel like such a big deal? As Daniele files and paints my nails, we talk about the “man box”: the expectations that men should be strong, self-reliant, heterosexual, successful and in control. Those rules can seem harmless until they stop someone asking for help, admitting they are struggling or forming the close friendships they need. We also explore why having your nails painted can create an unexpectedly safe space for conversation. There is less eye contact, someone is holding your hand, and the usual barriers begin to come down. That leads us into a wider discussion about vulnerability, intimacy between male friends, the pressure to be the breadwinner and why so many men have people to socialise with but nobody they can really talk to. You will hear: How Hard As Nails began with a trip to a Harry Styles concert.Why wearing nail polish for a week matters more than simply having it applied.How the expectations placed on men can affect their mental health.Why male friendship often stops at banter.How community can help men who feel isolated.Why encouraging men to open up must be matched by somewhere safe to do it.At the end of the episode, I return to share what happened during my week with painted nails, how other people responded and whether the experience changed anything for me. Take part in Hard As Nails Hard As Nails is inviting thousands of men to paint their nails and wear them for one week this November. This is a national social experiment examining whether stepping outside one of the unwritten rules of masculinity can change attitudes, encourage more honest conversations and help men show up for the people around them. Taking part is straightforward. You complete a short anonymous assessment, have your nails painted, wear them for a week and then complete a follow-up assessment. You can visit a nail salon or ask your partner, daughter, friend or colleague to paint them. It might sound like a small thing. As I discovered, it feels rather different when you have to take your painted nails into meetings, onto the train, to the pub and through the rest of your everyday life. If you are a man wondering whether you would have the nerve to do it, this is your invitation. Sign up, choose your week in November and find out what the experience brings up for you. Join the experiment at hard-as-nails.com.  If you are struggling or experiencing suicidal thoughts, you can contact CALM on 0800 58 58 58, from 5pm to midnight every day, or visit the CALM website.

When was the last time you did something that made you feel slightly exposed, a little uncomfortable, but might just have opened up a whole new part of your life?  In this slightly different episode of Mid-Life Men, my guest is Dom Stichbury, founder and musical director of Chaps Choir, a London-based singing gang that's been bringing men together through music, performance and friendship since 2013.  And you don't have to think of yourself as a singer to get something from this conversation.  Dom started Chaps Choir after noticing how few younger men were involved in group singing. What began as an experiment attracted around 60 men on its first night and developed into something much bigger than a place to learn songs: a community where friendships form, confidence grows and men have permission to express parts of themselves they might keep hidden elsewhere.  Dom talks about why singing alongside other people can feel surprisingly powerful — particularly for men. There's vulnerability in simply using your voice in front of others, but also freedom in discovering that you don't have to be brilliant, polished or fearless to take part. As Dom explains, for some men just walking through the door of a choir is a significant step outside their comfort zone.  We explore why men need a wider range of places to meet than the traditional pub or football match; how a regular group can become an important anchor for someone feeling isolated; and why performing alongside your “gang” can create a powerful sense of achievement, self-confidence and belonging.  And this episode sounds different too. You'll hear three performances during the conversation, illustrating the extraordinary range of what a group of male voices can express — from power and energy to vulnerability and reflection:  Ole Laya Loila - a powerful piece inspired by the Sámi tradition of yoiking. To All The Boys by Adam Beattie - a vulnerable song about men hiding their feelings. Now Is Time — written by Dom around the urgency of taking action in our own lives and the wider world. Perhaps the most important message is for the man listening who thinks, I couldn't possibly do that.  Dom's advice is simple: find a group that feels right, ask questions if you're nervous and give it a go. You may discover that using your voice alongside other people gives you far more than you expected.  Look online to find your local inclusive singing groups, for example, through the Natural Voice Network in the UK, or to find out more about Dom and his work, visit his website: dominicstichbury.com.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of depression and suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, there are organisations you can call now. In the UK, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123. In the US, you can call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. In Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. As always, the advice is to speak to a GP or mental health professional.  Martin Pemberton became a professional footballer twice, achieving the ambition that had shaped his life from childhood. But when football ended, he lost far more than a career. The identity, purpose, routine and sense of belonging it had given him disappeared too, and he was unprepared for what followed.  Martin moved quickly into a new job, marriage and fatherhood, apparently getting on with life. Underneath, however, he was struggling. Over the following years, that unaddressed loss developed into anxiety, depression and thoughts of ending his life.  Martin believes that losing an important role can produce a form of grief, even when nobody has died. It can follow retirement, redundancy, divorce, a change in family life or any experience that leaves you wondering who you are now. Because men often feel they should be able to cope, that grief can become mixed with shame, isolation and a sense of failure.  In this honest and practical conversation, Martin explains how he began rejecting and abandoning himself without recognising what was happening. He also describes the difficult conversation that finally forced him to confront how he felt about himself and became the catalyst for his recovery.  We discuss:   Why losing a career or role can feel like a bereavement  The subtle signs that a man may be starting to abandon himself  Why pressure to provide can make change feel like personal failure  How childhood experiences can teach men that speaking up is unsafe  Why telling the wrong person can sometimes make things worse  The difference between accepting difficult feelings and giving in to them  Why outward success can still leave us feeling empty  How emotions can be treated as information rather than commands  A simple exercise for separating what you can control from what you cannot Martin also explores the idea behind his book, The Hollow Victory: why following the expected path – career, recognition, money, relationships and achievement – does not always produce the fulfilment we were promised. This episode is for anyone who appears to be coping but privately feels disconnected, dissatisfied or unsure who they are anymore. It offers a way to understand what may be happening beneath the surface and a small, practical first step towards finding a way forward. Find out more about Martin, his work and The Hollow Victory at Just 1 to 11 It Coaching.

Growing up with a single mother in a one-bedroom apartment on the French Riviera, Tom Papasian saw extraordinary wealth all around him but experienced a very different reality at home. As a young boy, he quietly decided that he would make enough money to ensure that neither he nor his mother ever felt financially vulnerable again. That decision shaped the next two decades of his life. Tom worked relentlessly, moved between countries and pursued one opportunity after another. Yet however much he earned or changed his circumstances, the sense of security he was chasing never quite arrived. This episode explores a form of dissatisfaction that can be difficult to explain: nothing has necessarily gone badly wrong, but the life you have worked hard to build no longer feels right. For Tom, it appeared as restlessness, an inability to tolerate boredom, Sunday dread, frustration with the people closest to him and a recurring urge to escape by changing jobs, starting something new or moving somewhere else. What makes this conversation different is that it is not a dramatic story of everything falling apart. It is about noticing the quieter signs before that happens and confronting the unsettling possibility that the identity which once motivated and protected you may now be holding you back. Tom talks candidly about having to grieve the person he had spent years becoming. He describes moving away from an identity built almost entirely around money, achievement and self-reliance and beginning to ask a different set of questions: What matters to me? What makes me feel alive? What comes naturally to me? And what kind of life do I actually want? Our conversation covers: why financial security does not always create an internal sense of safety;how boredom, anger and constant restlessness can point to something deeper;why changing jobs, locations or goals may not resolve the real problem;what it means to separate your identity from your work and achievements;how personal values can provide direction when you do not know what comes next;why changing course does not require rejecting everything you were before;how to explore a new direction while continuing to meet financial and family responsibilities;the importance of allowing uncertainty rather than immediately trying to fix or escape it.Tom also shares the practical reality of retraining over four years while working full-time, moving home and becoming a father. His story is not about abandoning responsibility to “follow your passion”. It is about gradually creating space for another part of yourself, and recognising that the qualities which helped you build your old life can also help you create what comes next. If you have ever thought, I should be satisfied, so why doesn’t this feel like enough? , this conversation may help you understand what that feeling is trying to tell you. Find out more about Tom at www.tompapasianpsychotherapy.com or you can contact him on LinkedIn.

Content note: This episode includes a frank discussion of depression, suicidal thoughts, a suicide attempt and psychiatric treatment. Please listen with care. If the issues raised affect you, speak to someone you trust or seek appropriate professional support.  From the outside, Ian Kinnery appeared to have everything: a successful business, financial security and the status he had worked relentlessly to achieve. Behind that success, however, he felt increasingly trapped by responsibility, financial pressure, a deteriorating marriage and the belief that he had to carry everything alone. In this candid conversation, Ian describes how that pressure gradually affected both his mental and physical health, culminating in an attempt to take his own life. He reflects on psychiatric treatment, ECT and the difficult period that followed, including returning to run his business while struggling with memory loss. His recovery did not come through a single breakthrough but slowly, through talking therapy, support from someone he trusted, allowing himself time to heal and learning to concentrate on what he could actually control. Ian’s experience will resonate beyond business owners. This is a conversation for anyone who feels overwhelmed by responsibility, unable to see a way out of their circumstances or lonely despite being surrounded by other people. Ian explains why loneliness is not simply about being alone but can come from being unable to tell anyone what is really happening inside. Listeners will hear: how ambition and self-reliance can gradually become damaging;why continuing to “push through” is not always the answer;how pressure can distort perspective and make every option appear closed;the importance of having someone in your corner before a crisis develops;why recovery often happens slowly rather than through one decisive moment;two practical exercises for regaining perspective: the circles of concern and influence, and keeping a daily record of small but meaningful wins.Ian now draws on his experience in his work with entrepreneurs and business leaders, helping them anticipate pressure, build their capacity and feel less alone.  Find out more about Ian at www.kinnery.co.uk.

Everything looked successful from the outside. A thriving business. A modern apartment. A career many people would envy. Yet behind closed doors, Lewis Hackney found himself standing on a balcony, overwhelmed by the urge to jump.  In this deeply honest conversation, Lewis shares the story behind that moment, what led him there, and why so many men silently find themselves questioning their purpose long before anyone else notices something is wrong.  Today, Lewis has transformed those experiences into a mission to help other men. He is the founder and host of the True Man Podcast, where he speaks with experts and everyday men about masculinity, mental health, purpose and practical ways to navigate life's challenges. As part of his own journey, he also set himself the extraordinary challenge of running 12 km every day for an entire year - a symbolic distance representing the number of men who die by suicide every day in the UK.   This isn't simply a conversation about mental health. It's about burnout, identity, success, modern masculinity and the quiet pressure many men carry every day. Lewis explains why the life we think we're supposed to build doesn't always bring fulfilment, how chasing someone else's definition of success can leave us feeling empty, and why recovery often begins with the smallest possible step rather than a dramatic life change.  Together we explore the expectations placed on men today, the growing pressures of modern masculinity, loneliness, resilience and Lewis' "Level Zero" approach - an accessible way of rebuilding when life feels overwhelming.  If you've ever felt disconnected from yourself, struggled after a setback, or wondered why success hasn't brought the happiness you expected, this conversation will feel painfully familiar.  It's a raw, honest and ultimately hopeful episode. A reminder that life doesn't become perfect but with the right tools, the right people and small consistent steps, it can become meaningful again.  If you'd like to find out more about Lewis, visit his website https://lewis.hackney.co/ and his podcast The Truuman Podcast can be found on all podcast channels and YouTube.

Most of us assume antidepressants are there to help. For many people, they do. But for Erik Peers, the experience was very different. In this deeply personal conversation, Erik shares how he was prescribed antidepressants during a stressful period in his life, despite believing he wasn't depressed. What followed was nearly ten years of medication, repeated attempts to stop, severe withdrawal, and a growing realisation that the treatment he trusted was actually keeping him trapped. Today, Erik helps others who are trying to safely come off psychiatric medication, and in this episode he explains what happened to him, what he wishes he'd known, and why he believes people should be fully informed before starting treatment. This is Erik's story. It isn't an argument against antidepressants, which many people say have helped them. It's an honest conversation about another experience that deserves to be heard. In this episode, we discuss: Why Erik says he was prescribed antidepressants when he didn't think he needed them. The horrific withdrawal symptoms that he experienced time and time again.  How medication affected his work, relationships and family life. Why he believes dependency on antidepressants isn't talked about enough. His long journey to come off medication. What he learned about recovery, lifestyle and emotional wellbeing. The advice he gives to anyone questioning whether their medication is right for them. You can contact Erik and find out more about his work by visiting his website www.erikpeers.com.  Please note: This episode reflects Erik's personal experience and opinions. If you're taking antidepressants or other psychiatric medication, never stop taking them without first speaking to your doctor or another qualified healthcare professional.

From the outside, many of the men Alfie Ruffell knew looked like they were doing just fine. They were working, laughing with their mates and getting on with life. But behind the smiles, some were carrying struggles no one else could see. Several of them would later take their own lives.  After experiencing his own breakdown and losing close friends to suicide, Alfie realised that awareness alone isn't enough. The real challenge is reaching the men who never say they're struggling in the first place. In this conversation we explore why so many men stay silent, what finally pushed Alfie to ask for help, and why he believes the current approach to men's mental health often misses those who are most at risk. Rather than offering easy answers, Alfie shares the practical lessons he's learned through building Speak and working with men in one of the UK's toughest industries: construction. We also discuss recovery, accountability, community, the importance of being heard, and why small changes can become the first steps towards rebuilding a life. In this episode you'll learn: Why outward success can hide overwhelming internal pressure. Why many men never tell anyone they're struggling. What Alfie learned from losing friends to suicide. How speaking openly changed the course of his own life. Why trust, not just awareness, is essential before many men will ask for help. What genuine recovery can look like beyond simply getting through the day. Small practical steps that can help when life feels overwhelming. If you've ever wondered why some men never reach out, or if you've ever found yourself pretending everything is fine when it isn't, this conversation offers insight, hope and a reminder that no one has to carry everything alone. If you'd like to learn more about Alfie and Speak, visit the website https://speak-uk.com, where you'll find practical mental health support, resources, information about campaigns and how to join the SPEAK community.

What do men really talk about when they're together? In this special crossover episode, I'm joined by the four hosts - Sean, Aaron, Mike and Niall - of the Friends in Low Places (FILP) podcast to have a candid conversation about topics they never thought they'd discuss. What follows is an honest, funny and surprisingly open conversation about the things men often avoid discussing - even with their closest friends. We explore why so many men find it difficult to open up, the unwritten rules of male friendship, and what happens when someone finally admits they're struggling. Along the way we talk about mental health, vulnerability, identity, relationships, getting older, and why the conversations that matter most are often the ones that never happen. There are plenty of laughs, a healthy dose of self-deprecating humour, and some thoughtful reflections on what it means to be a man in midlife. This isn't about having all the answers, it's about creating the kind of conversation many of us wish happened more often. Whether you're navigating your own midlife journey or simply curious about what men are really thinking, this episode offers a refreshing reminder that none of us are as alone as we sometimes feel. In this episode we discuss: Why men often keep their struggles to themselves.The role of humour in male friendships.Mental health and emotional honesty.The pressures and expectations placed on men.Why talking openly can strengthen friendships rather than weaken them.What we can all do to create better conversations.If this episode resonates with you, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Sometimes the simplest conversation can make the biggest difference. You can listen to the Friends in Low Places podcast here.