Advertise on podcast: The Better Sex Podcast ~ Unfiltered Conversations

Book a Relationship Roadmap Session with Deborah Kat In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with adult industry creator, former television news producer, and host of The Spicy Spectrum, PepperKat, about what men really say about sex, desire, fantasy, and relationships when they feel safe enough to tell the truth. Through years of private conversations with men, PepperKat has had a unique window into the desires, fears, secrets, and questions many men don't feel comfortable sharing anywhere else. We talk about shame, fantasy, porn, bisexuality, kink, performance pressure, sexual compatibility, and why men's sexuality is often far more complex than we assume. We also explore what it means to listen without judgment, replace assumptions with curiosity, and create conversations where people can be more honest about what they want. This episode is an invitation to get more curious about desire, less attached to what sexuality is "supposed" to look like, and more willing to have the honest conversations that make deeper intimacy possible. Connect with Pepper Kat  Pepper's Perspective: https://www.pepperkat.com/heartfelt-perspectives Instagram: @peppertheblackkat YouTube: @spicyspectrumpodcast  Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a Relationship Roadmap Session with Deborah Relationship Roadmap Session

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with relationship coach and author Shana James, creator of Honest Dating and author of Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deeper Connection and Keeping Relationships Alive. Together we explore how honesty can change the way we date, create chemistry, and build relationships where we can be fully ourselves.   Throughout the conversation, Shana shares what she discovered when she started dating again after divorce and why her experience felt so different from the exhausting, disappointing process so many people describe. We talk about the pressure to perform on dates, the belief that chemistry either magically exists or it doesn't, and what becomes possible when we approach another person with curiosity instead of trying to prove that we're desirable or worthy of being chosen.   Shana offers powerful insights from her Honest Dating work, including the shift from proving to choosing, from fantasy to reality, and from anxious attraction to conscious attraction. She explains how "mature honesty" helps us speak more clearly about what we want without blaming or making the other person wrong, and how being willing to communicate can actually create more intimacy, chemistry, and pleasure rather than taking the mystery away.   This episode is an invitation to stop abandoning yourself in the search for love and discover what can happen when dating becomes less about being chosen and more about honestly creating connection. Connect with Shana James Website  https://shanajamescoaching.com/ Podcast: Practicing Love: Have the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40 Challenged by love? Take a Quiz:  What Keeps You From Having the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40? What Blocks You From Finding Love? Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with sex educator, intimacy coach, podcaster, and sexual assault survivor Annette Benedetti about something we don't talk about nearly enough: what pleasure and sexuality can look like after sexual trauma. Together, we explore the stories we're told about how survivors are "supposed" to feel about sex, and what becomes possible when we stop putting people's sexuality into those boxes. Throughout the conversation, Annette shares pieces of her own story, including what it was like to still deeply want sex and pleasure after assault, and how she began to understand the ways trauma was still showing up in her body years later. We talk about numbness, pain, dissociation, shame, trust, kink, consent, different kinds of orgasm, and why curiosity about what your body actually wants can change so much. Annette shares how she uses pleasure to rebuild trust with the body so that you can reconnect with sensation, desire, and your own sexual self on your terms. This episode is a rich, honest conversation about healing, pleasure, and letting go of the idea that what happened to you gets to decide what your sexuality looks like now. Connect with Annette  Website  talksexwithannette.com  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/annettebenedetti/ Free Gift  365 Days of Orgasms Journey https://talksexwithannette.com/365-days-of-orgasms/ Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with mental health coach, psychologist, and psychoanalyst Dr. Michael Pariser about assertiveness, intimacy, and why asking for what you want can feel so vulnerable. During our conversation, Michael shares how his own experience with "nice guy syndrome" led him into the work of helping people get more honest about what they feel, what they like, and what they want. Along the way, we talk about the difference between being nice and being kind, why pleasing can turn into resentment, and what happens when we expect our partners to know what we want without ever actually saying it. Michael also breaks down what assertiveness is and what it is not. It is not aggression, and it is not passivity. It is the practice of standing in your own desire while also making room for the other person's truth. We explore how that shows up in everyday life, in long-term relationships, and especially in the bedroom, where the stakes can feel higher and the vulnerability can feel even more intense. By the end, we come back to one essential truth: better sex is not about mind reading. It is about honesty, intimacy, communication, and learning how to ask for what you want with more courage and care. Connect with Dr Micheal Website https://drpariser.com/ Assertiveness Course on Udemy https://www.udemy.com/course/the-assertiveness-formula/ Book: No More Mr. Nice Guy: The Hero's Journey, A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming an Integrated Male:   https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/no-more-mr-nice-guy-dr-michael-pariser/1137496205 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drmichaelpariser Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with PleasureLit founder, bestselling author of The PleasureLit Way, host of PleasureLit with Patricia, and award-winning pleasure educator PleasureLit Patricia. Together we explore what happens when women stop performing, people-pleasing, and managing everyone else's needs and begin reconnecting with the pleasure that lives in their body. Patricia shares how leaving a DV marriage led her to reclaim her body, voice, boundaries, and pleasure. Along the way, we talk about body safety, nervous system regulation, breath, movement, sound, and the transition from being stuck in the mind to being able to actually receive sensation and pleasure. We also explore why so many women self-abandon, how the "good girl" learns to function instead of feel, and what changes when receiving becomes part of the pleasure loop. Patricia shares her perspective on full-body yes, full-body no, and the important middle ground of "let's try it," along with the ways kink, BDSM, and pleasure toys can support exploration, communication, and embodied choice. This episode is an invitation to come back home to your body, stop treating pleasure like something you have to earn, and remember that better sex is not about performance. It is about safety, communication, receiving, and practice. Connect with Patricia Book: https://www.amazon.com/Pleasurelit-Way-transformational-sensuality-mindfulness/dp/1764120876/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pleasurelit.patricia/ Free Workshop to reconnect with your body Join Substack:  https://pleasurelitwithpatricia.substack.com Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with George Goulburn, a professional companion for women, about what he has learned from moving out of the boardroom and into the bedroom. George brings a thoughtful and grounded perspective on intimacy, attention, consent, safety, and what many women are longing for, so that you can better understand how slowing down, listening, and receiving a no with grace can create more trust, connection, and pleasure. George shares how years of dating, relating, and listening to women eventually led him into this work, and why so many of his clients are not necessarily looking for sex first. Often, they are craving affection, presence, confidence, touch, and the rare experience of being fully seen. We talk about why women over 50 can feel invisible in dating and desire, why attention is an erotic skill that can be practiced, and why foreplay begins long before bodies touch. Along the way, we explore consent, people-pleasing, boundaries, and the importance of being able to trust someone's no as much as their yes. George offers a clear and generous perspective on what men often miss, including the need to slow down, stay curious, ask better questions, and understand that pleasure is not a performance. This episode is an invitation to treat sex as something natural, beautiful, relational, and worth learning how to do well. Better sex isn't a trick. It's a practice.

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with somatic intimacy coach and trauma resolution practitioner Lorina Manzanita. We talk about the hidden cost of always attuning to someone else, and how learning to receive nourishment can open the door to more pleasurable, connected sex and relationships. Lorina shares how her work grew out of her own experience of growing up highly attuned to everyone else's emotions, needs, and boundaries while losing track of her own. Throughout the conversation, we talk about overgiving, self abandonment, nervous system regulation, erotic nourishment, and how expanding what we think of as sex can help us create more satisfying and connected intimacy. In this conversation, Lorina shares practical ways to begin receiving more pleasure and nourishment, including somatic resourcing, paying attention to what feels pleasurable, and noticing the places where your body starts to shut down or contract when things feel too good. We also talk about desire gaps in relationships, the fear of saying yes when it might lead to more than you want, and how both partners can practice creating more safety, spaciousness, and honest connection. This episode is an invitation to widen your sense of what nourishes you, build more capacity for pleasure, and learn how to stay connected to yourself while opening to another person. Website: https://integratingeros.com Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lorinamanzanita/ A free mini course https://integratingeros.com/nourished-mini-course/nourished-welcome Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with longtime BDSM educator, mentor, and professional dominant Master Hines. We explore what power exchange can teach us about desire, trust, presence, and the kind of connection that makes sex and relationships feel more alive.   Master Hines shares how he first found his way into BDSM through a desire to become a better lover, and how mentorship, community, and decades of experience shaped his approach to dominance. Throughout the conversation, we talk about the changes in the BDSM community over time, the difference between topping and dominance, what makes a powerful scene, and why good BDSM is not about the toy, the technique, or the performance, but the quality of connection between the people involved.   In this conversation, Master Hines shares his perspective on loving dominance, rough body play, primal play, authority exchange, and the deep responsibility that comes with holding power in an intimate space. We also explore how BDSM can create catharsis, healing, and a kind of spiritual presence when people feel safe enough to be fully in their bodies and fully with each other. This episode is an invitation to look beyond the surface of kink and understand BDSM as a practice of love, attention, trust, and deeply embodied connection Connect with Hines Website: https://lovingdominance.com/ Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with sex counselor, educator, and author Julie Merriman. We explore what happens to desire when you have spent years taking care of everyone else while your own body, pleasure, and sense of aliveness slowly fade into the background. Julie shares how her work grew out of decades of supporting women through burnout, along with her own experience of hitting that wall in midlife and finding her way back to feeling again. Throughout the conversation, we talk about the shame so many people carry around sex, how a dysregulated nervous system shuts down desire, and why so many women end up in performance instead of actually experiencing pleasure. In this conversation, Julie shares simple ways to begin reconnecting with your body, including awareness practices and what she calls pleasure mapping as a way to rediscover sensation without pressure. We also talk about fake orgasms, honesty in relationships, and how intimacy deepens when you start telling the truth about what you actually feel and want. This episode is an invitation back into your body, where desire, connection, and pleasure can come back online in a way that feels honest and alive. Connect with Julie Website: https://www.juliemerrimanphd.com Instagram https://www.instagram.com/dr.juliemerriman/  A free Gift The desire Fire Reset https://rebrand.ly/yuhuhuq Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with Men's Coach and Co-Founder of The Undaunted Man, Geoff Laughton. We explore what's really happening for men right now when it comes to desire, identity, and connection, and why so many relationships can look fine on the outside while feeling disconnected underneath. Along the way, we spoke about how Geoff's own journey through burnout, long-term partnership, and decades of working with individuals and couples shaped his perspective. Throughout the conversation, we explore how relationships move through different phases over time, how parenting and life stress impact intimacy, and why many couples find themselves disconnected after years of putting everything else first. We also get into what he calls the "masculine dilemma," including how men navigate changing expectations, disconnection from purpose, and confusion about what it means to be a healthy man today. Geoff shares what he sees in his work with men around loneliness, people-pleasing, and lack of direction, and we talk about what actually helps—community, self-awareness, and reconnecting with both strength and emotional depth. If you've found your relationship shifting over time, or you've questioned desire, connection, or how to show up as a partner today, this conversation offers a clear way to understand what's happening and how to move forward. Connect with Geoff  Website: www.theundauntedman.com Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theundauntedman/ A free e-book called Solving The Masculine Dilemma www.theundauntedman.com/path Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with intimacy and relationship coach Marga Bardinski. Together, we explore how relationships evolve over time, how identity shifts through major life transitions like marriage and parenthood, and what it really means to create intimacy on your own terms. Throughout the conversation, Marga shares her journey into motherhood and how it challenged her assumptions about identity, partnership, and autonomy. Along the way, Deborah reflects on her own experience of preparing for marriage after decades in partnership, unpacking the unexpected beliefs and conditioning that surfaced. Together, they examine how roles like "wife," "partner," and "mother" carry inherited meaning and how those meanings can be questioned, reshaped, or released. In this conversation, Marga speaks to the importance of slowing down, listening to the body, and developing the courage to express desire clearly. She also highlights the role of conscious choice, whether in relationships, parenting, or personal identity, and the power of creating frameworks that support connection, curiosity, and growth. Marga offers us a grounded approach using embodiment, communication, and the ongoing practice that is required to build intimacy that is honest and alive throughout a long-term relationship so that you can stay connected to yourself while building deeper, more authentic relationships. Connect with Marga  Website: https://www.turnonnl.com/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/turnon_the_netherlands/ Newsletter: https://turnonnl.activehosted.com/f/93 Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with trauma-informed somatic educator, practitioner, and speaker Darshana Avila. We explore why receiving pleasure can feel so hard—and what begins to shift when you learn how to come back into your body and your truth. Along the way, we spoke about how her early experiences in marriage, spirituality, and sexuality led her to question the disconnect so many of us feel. Through her journey into tantra, trauma work, and somatic practice, we explore how identity, conditioning, and lived experience shape our capacity to receive, not just give, in intimacy. We also get into how people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and a lack of felt safety in the body make it difficult to stay present with pleasure. Darshana shares what it actually takes to build that internal sense of safety, and we talk about how receiving is a skill you can learn—not something reserved for a lucky few. If you've ever found yourself over-giving, disconnecting during intimacy, or unsure how to let yourself fully receive, this conversation offers a grounded and practical way back—to your body, your pleasure, and your power. Connect with Darshana Website: https://darshanaavila.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@darshana-avila  Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935  
Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox 
https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with men's work leader and founder of the Integral Man Institute Mark Platten. Mark shares how his decades of work guiding men through rites of passage—and his lived experience walking alongside his wife through menopause—led him to focus on the often-overlooked transition midlife couples face when bodies, identities, and sexual dynamics begin to shift. Throughout the conversation, Mark and I explore how menopause and andropause reshape intimacy in long-term relationships, why so many couples feel blindsided by these changes, and how unspoken expectations about sex can quietly erode connection. Along the way, we talk about the archetypal transitions men move through in midlife, the emotional impact of hormonal changes for both partners, and why so many couples find themselves struggling to navigate this phase without guidance. Mark shares insights from his work with men about upgrading the "tools" we bring into relationship as we age—moving from youthful patterns of fixing, performing, or proving ourselves into deeper connection, communication, and vulnerability. We also discuss how honest conversations about desire, aging bodies, and shifting needs can open the door to a richer and more intimate phase of relationship after menopause. This conversation offers a grounded and compassionate look at a stage of life that many couples experience but rarely talk about—and how facing it together can deepen intimacy rather than end it. Connect with Mark Website:  https://integral-man-institute Gift: 5 Conversations All Midlife Couples Need to have -https://integral-man-institute.mykajabi.com/Conversations-for-Midlife-Couples  Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935  
Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox 
https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

Dr. Emma Smith about how trauma, shame, and cultural conditioning can distort intimacy — and what it actually takes to reclaim pleasure, desire, and connection in an embodied, sustainable way. Throughout the conversation, Dr. Emma shares her journey from trauma therapy into sex therapy, and explains why healing doesn't end when symptoms disappear. Along the way, we explore how the nervous system prioritizes survival over pleasure, why many people lose touch with desire after trauma or chronic stress, and how cultural messages about "good" and "bad" sexuality create deep layers of shame that can disconnect us from our bodies and our relationships. Dr. Emma also offers powerful insights into what healing really looks like in practice: learning to recognize bodily signals of yes and no, cultivating curiosity instead of judgment, and rebuilding intimacy through small, accessible moments of pleasure. She explains how compassion toward ourselves opens the door to reclaiming desire, and how couples can shift from criticism and defensiveness into deeper connection by reconnecting with their own internal turn-on first. At its core, this conversation is a reminder that no matter where you're starting from, possibility exists — and reclaiming pleasure is not about fixing what's broken, but about returning to your humanity, your curiosity, and your capacity to experience aliveness. Better sex is a practice — and you can begin again anytime. Connect with Dr. Emma Smith Website:  https://soliloquie.co/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/emmasmithphd  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JerseyEJ  Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935  
Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox 
https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with Open Nesters co-hosts, speaker and consciousness facilitator Tessa and entrepreneur and DJ Amir. Together, they explore what it means to stay open — to each other, to pleasure, and to possibility — through decades of partnership, parenting, and evolving sexual expression. They share the story of their 37-year relationship, including how they kept their connection alive while raising three children, how their "open nest" mindset emerged, and how their journey into non-monogamy unfolded over time. Along the way, they reflect on the role of playfulness, intentional date time, communication, and honest conversations about desire, as well as the challenges and growth that come with redefining relationship agreements. Throughout the conversation, they offer a grounded perspective on long-term intimacy: that sexuality is fluid across the lifespan, that knowing your own pleasure is essential, and that thriving relationships require ongoing intention, curiosity, and a willingness to stay engaged even when things feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. This episode is an invitation to see long-term love not as something that fades, but as a living practice that can deepen, expand, and remain vibrant well into later chapters of life. Connect with The Open-Nesters Website: https://theopennesters.com Podcast: https://theopennesters.com/episodes/ Email: [email protected] Connect with Deborah Skool Community: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290/about Substack: https://substack.com/@deborahkat YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback [email protected]  Book a breakthrough session with Deborah 
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935  
Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox 
https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94